Adversity (14 page)

“
Are you okay?” Connor’s whisper barely reached my
ears.

“
Fine,” I replied, embarrassed as I realised I’d been shaking
my head. Never again. Never. Again. No way was I going out with
normal kids again. Nathan was right. I should stay away unless I
could put on a mask and hide my feelings. Not fitting in or being
scared of my heritage had never bothered me before, but now… now
everything was different.

I gave
Connor a sideways glance and saw he was again immersed in the film.
Sighing quietly, I sat back in my seat and waited for the film to
end so I could get home. Then again, home wasn’t exactly the nicest
place to be, and I could do with annoying my new stalker, Jeremy,
by keeping him busy a little longer. So, when Ger invited me to get
something to eat, I quickly said “yes.”

The
fast-food place was crowded, but we all squeezed around one small
table. With someone’s knees pressed into my legs, my temperature
rose rapidly. Again, sweat dripped down my back, and I wondered if
I might be coming down with something. My hormones were completely
out of whack and making me crazy. I’d been ready to scream at my
grandfather numerous times. What was wrong with me?

“
I have to go,” I said abruptly.

“
Go? Why?” Ger asked. “We can all head back together in, like,
half an hour, tops. Where are you going?”

“
I’m… I need to go. I’ll see you in school. Thanks for inviting
me.”

Hurrying from the restaurant, I bumped into numerous strangers
as I ran toward the bus stop. Being alone freaked me out even more
than being around so many others. I couldn’t see Jeremy anywhere,
and I wondered if he knew
I
knew he was hanging around. I hoped he wouldn’t
come near me. I didn’t fancy being alone with him.

Before I
could panic, I sensed someone else behind me. Connor.

“
Connor, I…”

Turning
around, my sentence cut off as I realised he was way behind me.
Way, way behind me. He wouldn’t hear me if I spoke, yet I’d known
he was out there, which was the strangest thing ever. How had I
known? Was it a happy coincidence or something else? Had I smelled
him? I didn’t think so. He wasn’t my mate, and I wasn’t a werewolf,
though I might be, one day. Still, I hadn’t dreamt about him, so we
weren’t exactly meant to be together, even if I was supposed to
change some day.

He caught
up with me before I could figure out what to make of the
situation.

“
I needed to leave,” he said.

“
Okay.”

“
Sorry if you wanted to be alone.”

For a
second he looked like an awkward kid, unsure of himself. Then the
impression was gone, and the cool exterior returned. I tried in
vain to remember if I had seen him much at school. Why hadn’t I
noticed him? I’d been so preoccupied with everything else that I
probably hadn’t noticed a whole lot of things.

“
It’s fine,” I said, wondering if he was waiting on an
answer.

“
Good. Should be a bus in the next five or ten minutes if you
want to hurry.”

We walked
together without speaking much, but the silence wasn’t
uncomfortable. In fact, I felt calmer than I had in a while. I
didn’t worry about making conversation or trying to act normal. The
silence helped me maintain some sort of control. It was… soothing
to be around Connor.

The bus
arrived, and Connor laid his hand gently on the base of my back as
if to push me ahead. I stiffened at his touch, and he dropped his
arm immediately.

“
Sorry, I…”

He shook
his head. “I get it.”

Did he?
I
didn’t even “get it.” He was a perfectly nice boy.
Okay-looking, quiet, and normal. Nothing that sparked off any red
alerts. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I like him or at least
try to be normal?

We sat at
the back of the bus, both of us occupying a double seat of our own.
I wasn’t sure how to react to Connor. As much as he calmed me, his
silence could unsettle me, too, because I didn’t know exactly what
he wanted. If he wanted to talk… or more.

I twisted
my hair around my finger, agitated by the light in the bus. I felt
exposed—as if I couldn’t hide anymore. Funny how much it bothered
me, considering how annoyed I was at home for being
invisible.

“
This is my stop,” I said as the bus turned the corner close to
my home.

Connor
stood.

“
It’s okay,” I said hurriedly. “I don’t need to be walked
home.”

“
This is my stop, too.”

“
Oh.”

We got
off the bus in silence. I felt my face blush deeply, in the dark.
Of course it was his stop. He had to live close enough to me. I’d
made a complete fool of myself how many times now? I couldn’t wait
to go home and forget about the whole evening.

“
I’m this way,” I told him, pointing ahead. He walked alongside
me. “I… where do you live?”

“
The other way.”

“
Like I said, I don’t need…”

“
I know. And I’d rather not think about you walking home in the
dark on a creepy old road.” He took a deep breath. “So, can I walk
you home, Amelia?”

“
I… okay.” I shrugged slightly, trying to act as though his
asking me wasn’t important, instead of incredibly appealing. That
apologetic manner was so similar to Andriy, and I felt goose bumps
rise on my arms as he tipped against me accidentally. Feeling that
I had a choice was unusual for me. Any member of my family would
have told me how it was, and that would be it. No discussion. No
asking nicely. I wondered what he would have done if I had said
no.

He didn’t
speak again until we got to my house. “You should hang around with
everyone again,” he said as we stood at my gate, both of us
fidgeting.

“
Yeah, maybe.” I risked looking at his eyes again, which were
probably his best feature. He wasn’t ugly, but his eyes were the
only thing that really stood out to me. He looked… scared. “Amelia!
You okay?” Nathan called from the doorway.

“
Yes!” I snapped. “Go away!”

Connor
rubbed his face, blushing. “’Night, Amelia.”

Embarrassed myself, I stormed into my house, barging past my
suddenly protective older brother.

“
Thanks a bunch,” I practically snarled.

“
What’s that about?”

“
Oh, come on! Did you really think I couldn’t handle saying
goodnight to him?”

“
Amelia… I was worried. I didn’t know who he was,
and…”

“
Nathan! You can smell a werewolf from a mile away now! You
know he’s a normal kid. And don’t act as though you didn’t have
Jeremy following me around.”

He had
the grace to look embarrassed, and I strode up the stairs, shaking
with annoyance and frustration. I didn’t know what I wanted, but it
wasn’t my family chasing away any new friends I might
make.

“
I’m trying to keep you safe,” he called after me.

“
Safe from what? From having friends? A life? Fun, maybe? I
don’t need your help. I’m not one of you, so let’s leave it at
that, okay?”

In my
room, I lay in bed and mulled over the entire day. I felt as though
everything had changed. I badly wanted to speak to Perdita, to look
for something, advice… anything. But how could I face her? I needed
my family to get together, to sort through all of the things that
had gone wrong. Yet they couldn’t all be in the same room for
longer than five minutes without all of the pain in their hearts
seeping through and multiplying. I wanted normality and real
friends that had nothing to do with curses or werewolves, but I was
an awkward mess around ordinary teenagers as I constantly worried
I’d spit out words I wasn’t supposed to say. Most of all, I wanted
to know more about my dreams. I needed to see where they would take
me and where they would end. I needed to know why I wanted to sleep
so I could be with Andriy for a few more minutes.

That
thought jerked me upward. I genuinely wanted to spend time with a
dream man. A man with a wife and responsibilities. He was a
teenager, but probably the most forbidden kind of man for me. Or
rather, for Kali. I wished Kali would get out of my head so I could
be sure of what I was feeling again.

I needed
guidance and reassurance and somebody to steer me on the right
path.

My eyes
fell on the spirit board again. One more time, I promised myself,
busily lighting candles to prepare. I said the usual and called out
for Mémère, hoping for the best.

The
windows shuddered, and I had to make a conscious effort to keep
from wrapping my arms around my body. My voice shook a little as I
called out for my grandmother again, laying my fingertips on the
cup.

It moved,
only slightly, but still, it was movement.

I called
out again, as dread filled the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know
why. I tried to pull my fingers away, but they stuck fast, as if
something was holding on to me. I struggled to get away, but the
cup moved, and my body stilled immediately.

I can give you guidance.

“
Is that you, Mémère? I’m so glad you’re here. I need you. I
need help. What do I do? How do I fix everything?”

Take my place.

“
What? What do you mean? Take care of everyone? I’m a bit young
for that.”

So was I when it all began. Take my place, and everything
will fall in line again.

“
Okay… I’ll try. I mean, I…”

Sleep. I’ll be with you. You’ll see everything soon. The time
is approaching, heart of mine.

The cup
fell over. I crawled backward, disturbed by the event. The
atmosphere and presence hadn’t felt like Mémère. The scent was
familiar somehow, but it was nothing like my grandmother’s. I fell
asleep with little effort that night, but my dreams were a
nightmarish mess of violence, and darkness, and shadows creeping
over me and pulling me under.

Amelia

I
couldn’t concentrate at school knowing that Nathan was voluntarily
facing up to that werewolf. He had actually agreed to meet Ryan,
the red werewolf that had first terrified me in the woods. What was
he thinking? I already knew the answer to that. Like Kali, he
didn’t care about the consequences. He was all about happiness in
the now. Forget about tomorrow. He was practicing stupidity at its
best, as far as I was concerned.

“
You okay? You’re quiet today,” Ger said.

“
Yeah, I know. Just thinking about Perdita.” No way was I
getting into what exactly I was thinking about, but she stared at
me expectantly. “I was thinking of going to see her at the
hospital.”

“
Cool. I’ll come with.”

“
That’s okay. I mean, it’ll be boring.”

She
flashed a grin and ignored my pretty obvious attempt to fob her
off. “We’ll go after school.”

That told
me. “I’ll try to get in touch with her. See if she’s up for
it.”

“
Great.”

I assumed
Ger would forget about it, but after school, she and Julie waited
for me outside.

“
You did tell her, right?” Ger asked.

I had, or
at least, I’d told Nathan to ask her if she wanted me to visit. She
told him yes, but part of me was still terrified. I hadn’t told
anyone about the way I reacted when her dad was hurt. I hadn’t
spoken to her, and I was still a little mad that she had persuaded
Nathan to do something pointless and dangerous.

But I
missed her.

Julie
yapped in my ear the entire way, but I couldn’t listen to whatever
she was waffling about. What if Perdita read in my eyes what I was
thinking? What if she sensed all of the things that were
wrong?

“
She’s over there,” Ger said, pointing at a bench up
ahead.

“
Yeah, I know.” I had known exactly where she would be without
even knowing how. “Maybe you two should wait here. I have to talk
to her about some stuff.”

“
That’s cool. Take your time.”

I wished
I were as laid back as they seemed to be. Nothing bothered Julie.
Not even obvious apathy. As for Ger, she didn’t take no for an
answer, but I kind of liked her for it.

My feet
might have been stuck in quicksand for my lack of speed to find
Perdita. The look on her face when she saw me served to overwhelm
me all the more. She looked happy and relieved. She wasn’t angry;
she was genuinely pleased to see me, which made my visit so much
more difficult. A sudden lump made my throat ache, and I didn’t
have a chance to hold back the tears burning my eyes. I had
abandoned her when she needed me, and she didn’t hold it against
me. She wasn’t like me, who wanted revenge for every perceived
slight. What had I been thinking? She was my friend, but I hadn’t
been acting as her friend for a second.

I reached
her, and she gathered me in her arms, comforting me. The tears were
cathartic, but the guilt felt like real needles piercing my
heart.