Acts of Desperation (2 page)

I stayed on my knees until I caught my breath, but I didn’t want to linger any longer than necessary and risk John coming back. I needed to call my rock, and the one person I could count on no matter what. We’d known each other since we were fifteen, and she’d know the right things to say. I dialed her number, and thankfully she picked up after the first ring.

“Liz,” I said.

“Who else would it be dawling?” She laughed.

“Can I come over?”
I asked.

“Of course you can,” she said. “What’s wrong?
You sound upset.”

“I just caught John having sex with some blubbery slut in my living room.”

“What!” She gasped. “Ok. Wait. What happened now?” she asked then I told her everything that had happened. Without hesitating, she told me to grab my things and move in with her. She’d inherited an old house from her aunt years ago in the Hyde Park area just east of the city and had plenty of room. “I can go back later and get more of your stuff if you can’t fit it all in your car. Ugh, what a prick,” she mumbled under her breath. “You get out of there as quick as you can, and we’ll talk more when you get here,” she said.

“Ok,” I said, and I thanked God that she offered to let me move in with her.
My parents are great people, but there are two things you need to know about them. One, they loved girl’s names that began with S’s—my sister being named after our grandmother and me being named after my mother’s favorite month. And two, they are the most loving and generous people you’ll ever meet. That being said, I really didn’t want to have to move back in with them at my age. I crammed all my things into my car, and an hour later, I shut the door to John’s condo and broke my key off in the lock.

I drove along as “Good Life” by O
NE
R
EPUBLIC
played on the radio. I grunted under my breath. “Good life my ass.” The February sky was gray and filled with thick rolling clouds. The weathermen warned of an impending winter storm, but they never seem to get it right anyway. All of us locals called it “white death”. You’d think it was the apocalypse the way people rushed to the stores and emptied the shelves. “Just perfect
,”
I said as tears leaked from my eyes. “Doom and gloom are all around me.”

Twenty minutes later, I pulled into Liz’s driveway. She ran out and greeted me with a hug. “Let’s get this stuff inside then I’ll pour us drink. Sound good?" she asked.

“Yeah, I think getting drunk is my only option right now,” I said.

We dropped my things on the kitchen floor then Liz filled two very large glasses with red wine. We sat on the couch, and I wrapped myself in my favorite red velvet throw. The wind howled outside as I relived each painful detail, and Liz’s mouth hung open in shock.

“I want to go punch that little weasel. You want me to call Michael? He’s got friends that can rearrange his face if you want. Just say the word.” Liz came from a big Irish Catholic family. She’s petite, blonde, and has the bluest eyes you’ll ever see. She has five siblings, and her oldest big brother Michael is her protector. I considered Liz’s brothers and sisters my second family, and I knew Michael would gladly rearrange John’s face if I asked him. But, the last thing I needed was for him to get thrown in jail over someone who wasn’t worth my time.

“It’s a sweet offer, but no thank you.” I chuckled. “I
just can’t believe he threw everything away on some cheap lay though—and believe me, she looked cheap,” I said, blowing my nose.

“I don’t doubt that,” she said.

“He didn’t even apologize. He was more annoyed that I caught him.”

“Typical. Men can be such douchebags. They do something wrong then twist it around like it was your fault.
Remember Jason? He did that all the time. Been there. Done that.”

“Me too…sadly,
” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t believe I thought he was the one. What a waste.”

“Well, I never thought he was the one for you,” she said, taking a sip of her wine.

“You didn’t?” I smirked. “You never say anything.”

“I was waiting to see what you saw in him. I figured there had to be
something
special about him if you liked him so much, but it never happened. Every time I was around him, he rubbed me the wrong way.”

“Really? Like what?”
It was all news to me. I never suspected she didn’t like him.

“There was something
off
about him. It was weird the way he’d get crazy jealous if any other guy glanced your way or even dared talk to you.”

“You thought that was weird?
” I asked. “I always thought it was kind of sweet and endearing. Like it was his way of claiming me,” I said.

“No, it was weird. You remember the fight he got into when that poor guy offered to buy you a drink when we all went out a while ago.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “But he didn’t always act like that. That was one time, and he was drunk that night. ”

“Um, once?”
she asked with her head cocked to the side.

“Ok, maybe it was more than once,” I said.

“All I’m saying is that it wasn’t normal. He couldn’t stand for another guy to even talk to you, but he would never hold your hand. It never made sense to me.”

“He always said holding hands was lame though
,” I said. “But, that was
annoying.”

“Face it. You were settling for him, and I say good riddance. You’re young,
smart, and beautiful—I’d kill for your eye lashes. And your Mr. Wonderful is still out there somewhere.” She grabbed a blanket and wrapped herself up. “Hopefully he’s hanging out with mine because
damn
am I sick of waiting.” She chuckled.

I snickered while blotting my tears.
I knew she’d find a way to make me laugh. And, in that moment, I realized she was right, I had settled for John. I used to think, so what if he didn’t hold my hand. He treated me well behind closed doors. He kissed me and hugged me and always told me I was pretty. But, in retrospect, I guess those things will only get you so far, and oftentimes, I felt alone. I’d been overlooking the things that were inherently wrong for quite some time. There had to be a reason why I never felt comfortable sharing my problems with him—I should have felt comfortable doing that, but I didn’t.

A flood of phone calls and texts
came in from John throughout the night. Liz eventually grabbed my phone and turned it off in an effort to save my sanity. There wasn’t anything he could say; it was over.

Liz and I
stayed up well into the night talking until I’d thoroughly beaten the dead horse. Somewhere after one o’clock, Liz and I crawled into our beds, sufficiently bombed. My eyes were swollen from crying, and thankfully my body finally gave in, and I passed out. It had been an awful day, but at least it was over.

The next morning, I wok
e up with a throbbing headache. I knew I had to call my family though to let them know about my change of venue. So, I grabbed some Advil from Liz’s medicine cabinet and headed to, what was now my room, to call Sarah. I sat on the edge of the pale lavender silk Pottery Barn quilt adorning my queen sized bed and seized my phone off the antique white nightstand. I went into my contacts and tapped Sarah’s name and looked around the perfect-shade-of-beige walls as the line rang.

When Sarah answered,
I went through the abridged version of everything that had happened; it was too painful to go through all the gory details again.

“Well, I’d like to say I’m shocked but nothing seems to surprise me these days.” Sarah chuckled uneasily. “I’m really sorry. Liz is a good friend. I know she’ll take care of you the way you take care of me.”

“Yeah she took care of me last night, and I’m rocking a pretty solid headache right now,” I said.

“That’s what a good friend does. She made you laugh when you were crying
though, didn’t she?”

“She did.”

“Of course she did. That girl’s hilarious,” she said.

“She really is.
” I laughed. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know where I was.” I sighed and drank a big gulp of water. “So, any news on a ruling yet?” I asked.

You remember the river of problems I menti
oned Sarah was up against? Well, Anders had filed contempt charges against her when she took the kids on vacation shortly after she filed for divorce. She’d been gone a couple days over the two weeks she’d been entitled to in her temporary custody order, and Anders tried to insist on paying them a visit on her vacation because of it. Sarah didn’t allow it under the advice of her counsel. The trial had taken place earlier in the week, and Sarah had been traumatized by the experience. I’d assumed Chuck, her lawyer, would have told her what to expect from the trial, but he hadn’t. I could only describe her as being shell-shocked afterward

“Seriously?” she said. “We can talk about me later. I’m sure you need to talk this out a little. I know you.”

“No really.” I groaned and rubbed my temples. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s over and in the past. I need to talk about something else. Liz and I were up late, and I had strange dreams all night. This will be a welcomed distraction,” I said.

“Ok,” she said, conceding with a
sigh. “No, no ruling yet, but I’m sick worrying over it. I told you the judge really didn’t seem to like me much so I’m sure she’s going to rule against me.”

“T
hey’re not normally warm and fuzzy people, but you never know. Being gone a couple of days longer shouldn’t be that big of a deal especially knowing how much Anders called and harassed you when you were gone.”

“
Yeah, it probably would have been nice if Chuck had brought that up. I’m just so mad! Pissed.” She whispered that last word so the kids wouldn’t hear her using harsh language, and for Sarah, “pissed” was harsh. “He told me I shouldn’t let Anders visit. I can’t believe he advised that knowing it could have come to this”

“Well
honestly, I didn’t think Anders would stoop this low, but it’s just another thing I’ll tack on the list of things I never saw coming.”

She laughed uneasily. “M
e too. You said it could be another two weeks though, right?”

“
Yeah, just keep checking the website for a ruling, and I will too. The last time I looked was Thursday after we talked. I thought it would be too soon still, but I wanted to check because I know how anxious you are to hear.”

“I could puke over how anxious I am. I’m just going to keep the faith that I’m following the rules and doing what’s right for the
kids. This is all so confusing.”

“
It can be, but I’ll help however I can,” I said.

“I know,” she said then I hung on the line while she talked to Will
, in the background. “Hey, you keep your chin up, ok?
All
of this totally sucks. Take the weekend to be sad then move on.”

“I’m moving on. Liz’ll probably make us go out so I don’t wallow in self-pity.” My voice cracked
, and I cleared my throat to fight back the fresh round of tears rising to the surface. I glanced out the window just past my nightstand and saw the “winter storm” the weatherman had predicted had resulted in a dusting of snow. Typical.

“Follow her lead. You guys always did have fun together.” She took a long breath and let it out slowly. “Look, I hate to cut this short, but I need to get the kids dressed for Will’s soccer game. And,
I have to look at Anders’s chubby cheeks and pretend that life is grand.”

I laughed. Sarah had mentioned
Anders had put on some weight in the months since they’d been apart, and it gave me some satisfaction. He always prided himself on his sharp, expensive wardrobe, and I could picture those tailored shirts getting tight around his growing midsection. Since he moved out, I imagined he paid one too many visits to the drive-thru since Sarah always cooked gourmet meals for him at home.

“G
ive me a call later if you still feel like you need to talk,” she said.

“Thanks. I’ll be fine. I smell coffee so it’s not going to be too bad,” I sa
id. “Would you mind telling Mom and Dad where I am and that I’m alright?”

“Sure, I’ll tell them,
” she said.

I
got up and splashed some water on my face in the bathroom off the hall. Liz had her own private bathroom off her bedroom so this space was all mine. Everything was white with brushed silver accents. She’d replaced the old weathered tub shortly after she moved in with a grand walk-in shower. It was pretty fantastic and the oversized showerhead was something created out of a dream. I longed for a hot shower to wash away my memories but instead I threw my hair into a ponytail and followed my nose downstairs.

I walked
down the long hallway and down the steep staircase. I pivoted on the rug at the base of the stairs and walked onto the old refinished wooden floors through the family room and into the kitchen. The sleek white cabinets and gray granite countertops gave the room a very peaceful French Country feel. I hoped walking in that it would somehow seep into my pores.