Acts of Desperation (13 page)

“Can I help you get undressed?”

“No. I can do it,” I said. I let g
o of my underwear, and it fell to the floor. He took his clothes off down to his underwear and watched me as I took my shirt off. I rubbed my hip and stared at the bruise that was starting to develop. That was the spot that seemed to hurt the most.

“Don’t look at it,” he said and opened the
shower door. He stepped in then held his hand out for me to join him. He shut the door and I stood, letting the water slowly wash over my skin. I tilted my head back, and the second the water made contact with my scalp, it felt like a thousand tiny hammers were pounding away. Any other day, I loved that shower head. I winced and Jax took over. He washed my hair and was gentle everywhere he needed to be. When we were finished, he shut the water off and grabbed a towel off the door.

“I’ll go grab you some clothes,” he said.

“No, I can do it,” I said and wrapped myself up and walked into my room. As we both got dressed, the mystery woman’s picture from the book flashed in my mind.

“Who is she Jax?” I asked.

“Who?”

“The girl in the picture. The one you snatched out of my hand,” I said.

His face fell. “We can talk about it later…after you’ve had some food. We need to go to the police station too and give your statement.”

“No. Who is she?”

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “My girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” I said and stood up.

“Sember, she’s dead
—and has been for a long time,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“You actually remind me a lot of her.” He laughed nervously. “I’m sorry. We can talk about this later. I’m sure you’ve had enough today.”

“I’ll decide when I’ve had enough. I have too many questions in my life right now, and I need answers so you better start talking. Now.”

“Ok,” he said. “Sit down and I’ll explain.”

“No. I’ll stand thank you.”

“Just sit down, please. You need to rest.”

“Fine,” I said. My hip did hurt, so I sat down and crossed my arms. “Talk.”

He glanced up to the ceiling and ran his hand through his hair, searching for an explanation. Finally he took a deep breath and said, “She died in a car accident that was my fault.”

“Ok…
” I said. “What happened?”

He sighed. “
She was my girlfriend in college and one night we got high in her dorm room. We got hungry and hopped in the car—I drove. When we were on the road, a cab crossed the yellow line and hit us head on. She didn’t have on her seat belt, and she flew through the windshield,” he said.

“Oh my God,” I said. 

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “They said she died instantly. It would have been the cab drivers fault, but since I was under the influence, I was charged with involuntary manslaughter.”

I sat with my mouth open in shock then asked, “This is what you’ve been holding back from me?”

“Yes, but there’s a little more to it,” he said.

“The texts?” I asked.

“The texts, the phone calls, sometimes slashed tires…being followed,” he said.

“
Ok, but I don’t see how all of it fits together,” I said.

“
Her brother has never been able to make peace with what happened. Bernie worked out a plea deal and pulled some strings so I only did a minimum amount of time in prison—four months. He thinks I got off too easy, so he’s devoted his life to making me suffer,” he said.

“He’s been harassing you since then?”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“For how long?”

“I was twenty when the accident happened. So fifteen years now.”

“That’s a long time.”

“It is, but he’s never been normal. He’s had a long history of mental problems. She said he had a chemical imbalance with
obsessive tendencies
,” he said.

“Who?”

“Grace. She told me shortly after we started dating. She wanted to warn me a little because she said he was a little different—exceptionally smart—but different. After I got out of prison and finished law school, he started to show up wherever I was: restaurants, events, occasionally outside of courtrooms—always calling. There have been peaks and valleys in his behavior over the years, but he always resurfaces. He was the real reason I decided to come here.”

“The fresh start you mentioned?” I said.

“Yes, I’ve had enough and I’m tired of always looking over my shoulder. Bernie went to New York to file a restraining order and to try to put an end to this once and for all.”

“Why didn’t you ever file charges against him?”

“I think it was guilt for a while. Plus, I could never prove he was responsible for the property damage. And even though he’d be where I was, he never really did anything but lurk. He does call me a murderer a lot though, that’s the most popular message I receive.” He sighed. “I eventually started collecting evidence against him, and I think we’ve finally gathered up enough. The problem we’re having now is finding him.”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s kind of scary.”

“It’s really nothing to worry about. He’s never gotten physical, and Bernie will find him. He always gets his man,” he said. He left his post by my dresser and joined me on the bed. “It’s ironic, you know. I came here to put the past behind me, then I bumped into you at that bar.”

“Well, not to get technical, but I think I bumped into you,” I said.

“You did.” He laughed. “And where would I be if you hadn’t? I couldn’t stop looking at you that night. You were so beautiful.”

“Why didn’t you ever come over and talk to me then?”

“You were too good to be true—I just couldn’t believe my eyes. Then I got to work the following Monday and there you were, staring me in the face,” he said.

“Hmm,” I said.

“I couldn’t escape you, not that I want to. You’re my second chance.” He grabbed my hand. “Sember, I—”

“What the heck happened downstairs?” Jax and I looked up to Liz standing at my door. “And what is he doing here?”

“It’s alright Liz, he’s fine.” I shook my head to reassure her. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a wedding?”

“There was a little incident with the best man and the bride. It was a disaster.
” I noticed some stains on her cream blazer and I imagined she had a story to tell. “But, that’s a story for another day. What happened to my kitchen door?” she asked. “He didn’t do that, did he?”

I opened my mouth to tell her everything, but thankfully Jax took over and spared me the agony.

“What! Are you ok? I
knew
there was something wrong with him. I freaking
knew it
! I’m going to kill him. You want me to call Michael now?”

“No.” I chuckled a little. It amazed me sometimes that so much energy could be packed into such a tiny frame. I didn’t doubt if given the opportunity she would accompany her brother to rearrange John’s face, but Jax had already taken care of that. John should have considered himself lucky to be sitting in prison. “I’m just sore and shaken up a bit, but I’m fine. He’s in jail, and I’m happy with that,” I said.

“She still needs to make her statement to the police,” Jax said. “We should actually head downtown. I promised my buddy I’d get you there tonight.” He looked at me and gave my hand a light squeeze.

“Actually, now that Liz is here, I think I’d rather she take me,” I said.

“Oh, ok. I’ll just…I’ll call you later then,” he said.

“No,
I think I need some time to myself. I can’t hear myself think.” After hearing his explanation, I wasn’t concerned anymore nor was I bothered by anything he said. But, that combined with everything that had happened, I felt suffocated and needed space.

“Sure
,” he said and got up. He kissed me on the cheek then whispered in my ear. I looked up at him, speechless, and watched as he walked out my door.

“I’ll see him out. Be back in a sec then we can go,” Liz said. When she returned, we went down to the police station and gave my statement.
Kevin greeted us and personally took my statement. It was a pretty painless experience, and a couple hours later, we were pulling back into the driveway.

“So what do you want to do now?” Liz asked.

“I think I need to go over to Jax’s.”

“Really?” She smirked. “I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about everything you told me.”

“Well, I know how I feel about it, and I need to talk to him. He said something to me as he was leaving, and I have a question that can’t wait.”

“Are you sure you have to go now, after everything that’s happened today?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.” She
exhaled. “Well, just so you know when I was walking him out, I informed him that if he messed with you, I’d rearrange his testicles, and I meant it.” She looked at me with raised eyebrows.

I laughed. “Thanks, I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but it’s always good to know you’ve got my back.”

“Always.” She gave me a hug. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I said
. I left and got in my car, headed to Jax’s.

I stood on his doorstep suddenly feeling more nervous than I thought I would. I rang the bell and waited. Then, I waited some more. Just when I thought he wasn’t home, I heard his
footsteps approaching the door. And the closer he got, the faster my heart beat. When he finally opened it, he stood in front of me wearing nothing but thin, loose fitting gray, drawstring pants that hung low on his hips and left little to the imagination. I’d apparently ripped him from the shower. His hair was dripping wet, and although he had a towel around his neck, he’d had no time to dry the tiny droplets of water glistening off his toned shoulders and nor to wipe the water slowly sliding down his neck and disappearing in his chest.

“Sember. I thought…,” he said, grabbing the towel and
scrunching it into the back of his hair. “Come in.”

I stepped inside the foyer and followed him to the couch. I sat down, hugging my purse
in my lap, and turned to face him. “Why did you say it?” I said, forcing myself to look past every perfect feature of his shirtless body and up to his eyes.

“Because I meant it.”

“I’m not sure you do. You can’t—” I said.

“I can,” he said
. “I know exactly how I feel about you.”

“How? How can you be sure you’re not misdirecting feelings for her toward me? I look a lot like her,” I said, nervously fiddling with my purse strap.

“Sember, I won’t lie and say it wasn’t your face that initially attracted me to you because it was. You’re beautiful, and yes, you resemble her, but aside from that, there’s nothing about the two of you that’s alike. She was a long time ago, and you’re here now. I meant what I said. I love you.”

I sat silently, absorbing it then stood and walked toward the front door.

“Sember, don’t leave,” he said. “Please.”

“I’m not.” I put my purse down on the table at the end of the hallway. “I’m going to bed.”

His relief showed in his smile. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I took him by the hand up the stairs to his bedroom. The moonlight streaming in through the blinds sliced through the thick steam still lingering from his shower. I sat on the edge of the bed, engulfed by the perfumed air, and ran my hands over his flawless physique. He removed my shirt and bra then I scooted back and lifted my hips so he could remove the last shred of fabric keeping our bodies apart. Exposed, he crawled up my body, blanketing me with his warmth, kissing and licking his way up until he reached the firm round of my nipple. He took it in his mouth, rolling the delicate tip between his teeth, and at once my entire body was being tickled from within. I gasped and closed my eyes. The sensation radiated out into my fingers and toes before slowly creeping back and finding its center between my legs, begging for him. I drew him closer and caressed his wet hair, trying to absorb him.

He stood
up and undid the string to his pants and they fell effortlessly to the floor. He inched his way back up next to me, and I rested my head on his bicep as his warm shaft pressed against my side. His large hands engulfed and massaged my breasts. I reached down and began stroking him. He was instantly hard and ready, and I wanted him inside me to chase away the memory lingering in my brain of what might have been. I scooted myself underneath him, offering an invitation. He nuzzled in the nape of my neck, and I ran my fingers along the smooth, firm lines of his back.

He lifted his head and moved my hair from my face. “Hey pretty,” he whispered.

“Hey,” I said, looking up at him. His anxious heart pounded against my chest.

“You ok?”

“Em hmm.”

“I do love you. J
ust you,” he said.

“I love you, too.” I smiled.

“Good,” he said and kissed me.

We made love well into the night. When we were finished, I lay, resting my head on the hairless space next to his shoulder that clearly had been made just for me, and absently scratch my nails through his chest hair.

“Why do you still keep a picture of her in that book?” I asked, breaking the silence.

He thought for a moment then chuckled. “I used to tease her about it all the time. She’d read it over and over and over. I don’t know why she liked it so much
, but she always said it was her favorite.”

“Did you ever read it?” I asked.

“No.”

“Never?” I asked.

“Never. It reminds me of her and it didn’t feel right to get rid of it. I don’t even know what it’s about.”

I laughed and shook my head. “It’s about a girl
who’s battling depression while struggling to become a writer. It’s kind of sad but hopeful in the end. I haven’t read it since high school, but I remember liking it.”

“Huh, I guess that makes sense. She always said she wanted to be a writer,” he said.

“You never asked
her
why
she
always read it?” I lightly slapped his chest.

“I was twenty. What twenty year old guy talks about books?” He chuckled then lay quietly. “I’m sure she would have been a great writer though.”
His voice had grown solemn.

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” 

“No, it’s ok. It feels good to talk about her.” He reached down and covered us in layers of his soft bedding. “Did…” He breathed deeply. “Did he ever hit you?” he asked.

“John?” I shook my head. “No, nothing ever like that. He was a little possessive, but, looking back, I was blind to a lot of things.” I closed my eyes and listened to the lullaby drumming in his chest. I sighed as he began gently stroking my hair. “Hmmm…that’s nice,” I purred.

“Tired?” he whispered, but then I fell asleep.

I woke up to the smell of maple bacon and coffee. I peeled my stiff body out of bed and
borrowed his tooth brush to brush my teeth. I knotted my hair into a messy bun, my scalp giving me a harsh reminder of yesterday’s attack. Then, I went into his closet and grabbed one of his oversized t-shirts. My nose led me down into the kitchen.

“That smells good,” I said.

He smiled at me then grabbed a mug and filled it with coffee. He put it down in front of me and gave me a quick kiss. “Morning, I like your outfit,” he said with a grin. “The food should be finished in a few minutes. Hungry?”

My stomach responded with a loud growl. “Very,” I said, sliding onto one of the stools opposite the island.

He laughed. “Sounds like it.” He turned back to the bacon crackling in the skillet. “So I was thinking, why don’t we get away for a bit?”

“What
?” I said, sipping my coffee.

“
Let’s go somewhere…a little getaway. Just you and me. What do you think?”

“Sounds appealing, but
I have a couple case conferences lined up this week,” I said.

“You can get someone to cover those. Go in tomorrow and clear your week, I’ll set up the rest.”
I watched him in his loose athletic shorts and, I guessed, a vintage t-shirt based off the fraying collar while he flipped the bacon with a fork. Grease splatter all over the counter and up into the stainless steel fume hood above the range. He was too cute and seeing this little glimpse into his domestic side made me smile.

After we ate his simple yet satisfying breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast, he asked, “So what do you have to do today?”

“I should go home and help Liz with the door. And, as much as I’d like to avoid it, I need to tell my parents what happened. You?” I asked.

He picked up our plates and took them to the sink. “I have a little work to take care of,” he said.

“On the weekend? Don’t you ever take a break?” I asked.

“Why do you think I’m the best, baby?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, then I should get going. I’m not sure if there’s going to be much room for me here with you…and your big head.” I grinned and padded back up to the bedroom.

“Uh eh, you can’t just say something like that and think you can run away.” He shut the water off to the sink.

“Sure I can…because I am. It’s not like there’s anybody stopping me.” I laughed and picked up my pace, smiling at him over my shoulder.

He chased after me, and I giggled all the way to the top of the stairs until
he caught me and spun me around.

“Wanna take a shower before you go?” he asked through kisses.

“I probably should, I’m pretty dirty,” I said, smiling against his velvet lips.

After a nice long, hot shower, I gathered up my things and headed home. When I got to the back door, I saw Liz had cardboard in place, covering the broken pane.

“Hello,” I called.

“Up here! Just got out of the shower.”

I went up to Liz’s room and waited on her overstuffed, goose down bed.

“I take it your evening went well,” Liz said, stepping out of the bathroom
in her fluffy pink robe and with her head wrapped in a towel. “You gonna spill it or what?”

“He loves me.” I smiled wide.

“Of course he does dawling, what’s not to love? I told you you’d find him. I’m really happy for you Sem,” she said.

“Thanks.”

“How’s your body?” she asked, toweling off her hair. “Sore?”

“Yeah, but not too bad. I think the bruising on my hip looks worse than it feels.”

“That’s good. And your mind?” she asked.

“I’m not going to harp on it. It happened. My mom and dad raised me to be tough, and I can look at the facts. He’s in jail so I’m safe. I don’t need to go into counseling or anything,” I said.

“Well…you sound like you so I won’t question it, but if you need to beat a dead horse, you know where to find me,” she said.

I laughed. “I’m fine. Really.”

“So, I guess since you’re here, it’s safe to assume you lovebirds are coming up for air?”

“Yeah, and I need to check in with the family and update them on everything. Maybe I can ask my dad if he has something sturdier
for the door until we can get it fixed for real.”

“That’d be great actually—I forgot your dad can fix anything. I called and no one can come out till later in the week to look at it. You know
it’ll be a special order too so who knows how long it’ll actually be until it’s fixed.”

“I’ll see what my dad can do. I’ll go throw on some fresh clothes and head out,” I said.

****

When I pulled up to my parents’
two-story maroon bricked house, I saw my sister’s car in the driveway. I walked in the front door and followed the voices in the dinette. My dad and Sarah were sitting at the round oak table where we ate all our family meals growing up. They were stern-faced while my mom sat in the family room with Sam and Will playing with an antique Fisher Price hospital from my childhood.

“What’s up?” I asked. 

“Hey honey,” my dad said. “You hungry?” One of the many things I love about my dad is his never ending desire to feed you until you burst—I presume it’s a German thing because my grandma did it too. “I’ve got some of Grandma’s dumpling soup on the stove.”

“I thought I smelled something. I always have room for that. What’s going on?” I asked
, taking my coat off and tossing it on the back of one of their Windsor chairs. “There were some serious faces when I walked in,” I said.

“Fill a bowl and come back in,” Sarah said.

After ladling soup into a bowl in the kitchen, I walked back into the dinette and placed it on the counter to cool. Another loveable fact about my dad is he’ll never serve anyone food unless it is nuclear hot. If steam isn’t rolling up your nose while you eat it, it’s not hot enough. Many years of experience, and burned tongues, told me to let it be for a few minutes. “Ok, sooo…,” I said, leaning against the long row of handmade cabinets my dad had built twenty years prior.

“Anders let himself in last night. I woke up around midnight with him standing over the bed,” Sarah said in a hushed tone.

“I’m sorry. What?” I asked then I picked my chin up off the floor.

“Apparently, he was drunk and forgot he didn’t live there anymore. He used his garage door opener and came right in. I sat straight up in bed and flipped on the light just as he was getting
undressed. I told him he needed to go, but he said it was still his house and he wasn’t leaving. He was so loud that he woke up Will. I finally got him to agree to sleep on the couch. When he woke up this morning, it was like everything was back normal and he just left. Crazy, huh?”

“Yeah, slightly,” I said. “You know you can press charges against him. There should be a restraining order in place barring him from coming into your home. He can’t come and go as he pleases
, and he should know that being the omniscient attorney that he is,” I said.

“That’s what Dad and I were talking about. I was going to call Jax in the morning and to see what I should do. I can’t have that happen again. What if he’d crawled into bed with me?”
She rubbed the goose bumps that had formed on her arms. “Looks like he’s lost a little weight though. Either his
support group
is working or he’s skipping meals and just drinking his dinners lately,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Without warning, Sam ran in. “Aunt Sember!” he said, slamming himself against my hip.

Reflexively, I pushed him away and winced. “Oh! Ouch, buddy,” I said, rubbing my hip. He looked up at me with sad eyes and sulked. “Oh it’s ok, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” I roughed up his hair and pulled him in. “I just have a booboo and you bumped right into it. It’s my fault really. I should have been looking.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking down at the ground, moping.

“Oh you knock that off right now and give me a hug already. I haven’t had enough chances to love on you lately.” He finally wrapped his skinny little arms around me and squeezed. “Ok, now if I squeeze you extra hard can you give grandma my hug?” I asked.

He enthusiastically nodded his head. I gave him
a bear hug then he ran off.

“So what happened to you?” Sarah asked.