Although I know how blessed I am to have love in my heart, I’m left with a lump in my stomach as I now have to do the second hardest thing I’ll ever have to do in my life, which is to walk away from you. My feelings for you are and will forever remain strong. Even though they are good intentioned, I fear that they are a detriment to you and the life you have now. You’re on a journey and as much as I want to be a part of it, I’m afraid that I would only bring you more pain than good. I care about you too much to do that to you. So I’m bowing out. You’ve grown into an incredible woman and I’ll never forget you and our brief time together.
Your Friend Always,
Jesse
Sarah’s hand clenched the letter as tears welled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. The boy who had done everything he could to make her laugh, whom she shared a kiss with beneath the willow tree, and whom she found ten years after she had seen him drive away in the back of a police car, was now gone forever. She brought the note to her chest, her heart feeling the pain that settled there, then rolled over onto her side and sobbed.
Jesse
Jesse had just finished reorganizing the dog toy shelf when he heard the brass bell ring. He looked up to see who it was. This had become a habit the past week since leaving Sarah sleeping in her apartment. Although he knew that staying away was the best thing for the both of them, he secretly hoped that she’d stop by. He missed her and no matter how busy he kept himself he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
But it wasn’t Sarah this time. Instead it was someone else he knew. And the look on her face spelled trouble.
Her straight dark hair held a streak of blue down the side. One of the many transformations her hair had received as a result of owning and operating her own salon. Her tight black pants opened at the bottom, revealing her five inch heels. And her low-cut white blouse accented another one of her gifts, one she admitted to receiving on her twenty-first birthday. The daughter of a millionaire had to look her best.
Her shoes clicked with a quick pace as she made her way over to Jesse. “
Jesse Malone
,” Kate shouted. “We need to talk.”
Jesse had a feeling that this wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit. Holding up a finger, he scanned the aisles for customers. Satisfied that the coast was clear, he walked back over to Kate. He ran a hand through his hair and prepared himself the best he could for the wrath to come. “It’s good to see you too, Kate.”
Her eyes narrowed, impatience shooting from them like daggers aimed at Jesse’s heart. “Yeah, it would be good to see you. Except you won’t return my calls.”
He looked down, biting back a smile. He’d been meaning to call her back. Really he had. But with school, work, and the business with Sarah, it just hadn’t been convenient. “I know. I know. All fourteen of your voicemails were a good reminder, not to mention the fifty or so text messages.”
“Very funny, Jesse. Is this how you operate? You smile and look at me with those pretty blue eyes, but once you’ve drawn a girl up to your dog-smelling loft, you never call her back.”
Okay, that last comment hurt. He held up his hands in defense. “I don’t operate in any way. I told you from the beginning that I—”
“
I’m not interested in a relationship right now
,” she finished for him. She paused, as if waiting to see if he had anything else to add. Which of course he didn’t. He felt it a good idea to remain quiet for a bit longer. Or at least until the smoke stopped billowing from her ears.
She drew in a deep breath, crossed her arms, and shifted her weight to the other foot. “I get it. You’re busy and damaged and—”
“Damaged,” Jesse cut in. “Who said anything about being damaged?”
Kate met his eyes in a glare. “You can’t be serious, Jesse.”
“I’m not damaged.”
“We’ve been
seeing
each other—” ‘seeing’ was punctuated by finger quotes—“for about six months now.”
“Is that supposed to prove something?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t finished.”
He took a step back and put his hands into his back pockets. “Sorry, continue.”
“We’ve been seeing each other for six months now, and in that time you’ve never said more than two sentences about yourself. Not your past, not your present, and not once have you told me anything about the way you’re feeling.”
Jesse looked down. He knew where she was heading. Down a road he had known all too well with the other women he had dated, ending with her leaving heartbroken, never to call or text him again.
“Normally I’d take that as a sign that you’re not into me. It’d be the first time ever. But at least I knew where you stood.”
Jesse shook his head. “It’s not that.”
“Every time I come over, you look at me in a way that no man has ever looked at me. You touch me in a way that no man has ever touched me.” She placed a hand on his chest. “I know there’s something here. I just want you to let me in.”
And that would lead to love, the one mistake he couldn’t afford to make. He stared at her hand resting on his chest and thought about Sarah, his proof that love came with a consequence. Not that Kate did anything wrong. After all, she was drop dead gorgeous, fun to be with, and any man would be lucky to have her. But not him.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Jess.” Her voice lowered to a near whisper. “It’s me you’re talking to. You can tell me anything.”
He looked at her. Stared into her chocolate brown eyes. And he knew what he must do. “This just isn’t working.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re beautiful and smart and you could have any guy you wanted. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to have anything to do with a guy like me.”
“Isn’t that my decision to make?”
Jesse was silent. And then, finally, Kate said, “You’re right, you know.”
“I am?”
She nodded. “I am too good for you.”
“What?” This was a first.
“But this isn’t a contest of who’s better than the other.” She placed a hand on his arm. “I like you and your faults. It’s what makes you who you are, and I…I like you. A lot.”
Jesse had no idea what to do. This wasn’t how the script was supposed to go. “So what exactly are you saying?”
Kate smiled. “I’m sorry.”
“You are?”
She nodded. “I care about you. And if takes you a week, a month, a year, or ten to figure out what you want, then I’ll wait.”
“You will?”
She reached up and pushed a few strands of his hair off his forehead. “You’re worth it.”
“I am?”
The bell rang, signaling another customer. Jesse didn’t even look; Kate had done something that no other woman he had been with had done and he was still struggling to process that information.
“Jesse!”
He turned toward the front of the store to see Aunt Sherry barreling his way, nearly knocking over the new display he had just set up.
“What’s going on?”
Aunt Sherry charged her way between them, forcing Kate to take a few steps back. Jesse had been used to his aunt’s eccentric behavior, but she had never been rude. Something was wrong. He hadn’t seen her this upset since the day Uncle August was admitted to the hospital.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, struggling to breathe.
He placed his hands on her arms, preparing himself to catch her if she fainted. “Take your time. Catch your breath.”
She heaved for air. Jesse looked at Kate, still unsure if his aunt knew she was standing there. Kate shrugged her shoulders, looking just as confused as he felt.
“It’s a disaster,” Aunt Sherry wheezed.
“What’s a disaster?”
Her eyes grew large as she gave Jesse the news that he had expected but not been prepared for. “Robbie’s been arrested!”
Robbie
“Malone!”
“Right here.” Robbie got up from his urine-stained cot and walked over to the barred entrance of his cell.
“You have a visitor.” The guard’s militant voice rang loud. Robbie wondered if that was something they taught all prison guards when they got the job. “Turn around and slide your hands through the opening.”
Robbie did as the guard directed and gave a nod to his fellow inmate roommates, who looked a bit jealous. “See you guys later.” The guard gave his hands a firm pull, then slapped a pair of cold steel bracelets around his wrists. Putting handcuffs on as painfully as possible must have been another trick they learned.
The door slid open and the guard waited for him to walk through. “I need you to stop at the line. Do not go any further.” The guard slammed the door shut and locked it. Then he marched Robbie into a room filled with cafeteria-style tables.
“Stop here.” The guard turned Robbie around and then unlocked his cuffs. He gave him a firm turn one more time and cuffed his hands in front. Robbie stared at the cuffs and realized for the first time that for the next ten years he’d never experience life outside of prison without a set of these strapped to his wrists.
Robbie rolled his shoulders, giving them a stretch. “Much better.”
The stoic guard seemed unaffected by Robbie’s prison wit. “Have a seat.” He pointed to the empty table next to Robbie.
“When am I going to see—” Robbie didn’t finish his sentence. There was no need. The guard was already halfway out of the room. Not much of a talker. Lesson three of training a hard-nosed prison guard: do not associate with the inmates.
Most of the other tables were empty. A large man with a ponytail sat across from an old man who Jesse suspected was the inmate’s father. Another man, bald with tattoos covering his arms and neck, was sitting at a table by himself. Like Robbie, he appeared to be waiting for someone.
Robbie looked down at the table and thought about the last thing he remembered before waking up in this place. Old Man Neeter shooting a stun gun into Robbie’s chest. The bitter taste of batteries still lingered on his tongue. Stupid. What made him think that he could trust Ernie? After all these years and he was still the same spineless snake who never got his hands dirty and never took the fall when shit hit the fan. And boy did it hit this time. Robbie would be lucky to make it to trial once Jesse and Aunt Sherry found out. They’d most likely kill him before he ever spoke to a judge. Not that he could blame them. This wasn’t his first time ending up in a place like this.
He took a look around at the lime green brick walls and gray floor. The thought of Felicia visiting him brought a shooting pain to his stomach. The thought of meeting his unborn child for the first time in a place like this brought tears to his eyes.
Stop it. Not here and not now,
he told himself.
“Robbie.” Her voice brought him back to here and now. He watched as she made her way to his table. She definitely didn’t fit this place. Too beautiful, too graceful. The other inmates must have agreed. Robbie watched as their heads turned as if she were the only woman left on the planet. He hated himself for letting her see him like this, and in a place like this. For letting anyone see him like this.
Robbie stood as she approached and waited for her to have a seat.
“Malone! Sit down.” The command blasted through the intercom system. Robbie looked over at the two-way mirror, then gave it a wink and a two-handed wave.
He turned back to Sarah. “Thank you for coming.”
“I’m not sure what choice I had,” Sarah said, looking around the room.
Robbie watched as she scanned their surroundings, waiting for the
what the hell are you doing in here
speech, but she said nothing.
“I bet you’ve never been here before?”
“Can’t say as I have.”
“I’m sorry I had to call you here.”
“Why are you here?”
Robbie looked up but shame caused him to avoid eye contact. “I got busted doing a little B & E.”
“B & E? What’s that? Some sort of a drug?”
“No,” he said, pulling his head back in disgust. “I may be a lot of things, but a drug dealer I’m not.” He threw his cuffed hands up. “I do have some standards.” He relaxed and thought of the best way to describe his situation to a criminal virgin. “B & E stands for breaking and entering.”
“Breaking and entering! Are you out of your mind? Why would you do something like that?”
“I have my reasons.”
She leaned forward and calmly said, “I hope it was worth it.”
Starting to doubt his decision to call her here, Robbie decided to change the subject. “What I did isn’t important anymore. I mean, it is, but that’s not why I asked you here.”
“So why did you? And how did you get my phone number?” Sarah asked. Impatience clawed its way into her voice now.
“I looked up your number in the phone book?”
“And?”
“And what?” Robbie held up his hands.
“And why did you call me? It’s not like I know you all that well. And I certainly don’t know the first thing about getting you out of this place. So why did you call me?”
Robbie looked down at the cuffs imprisoning his hands. “I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. And each time Jesse has made it a point to bail me out of trouble. I just want you to make sure he doesn’t do that this time.”
“Me? Why me?”
“Because you’re the only person he’d listen to.”
Sarah sat back in the chair and crossed her arms. “That’s not true.”
Robbie let out a sigh and looked Sarah in the eyes. “Jesse’s stubborn. And when he’s set on something, nothing can change his mind. But you seem to have an effect on him, like a magical spell or something.”
“Are you trying to tell me that I rode the bus all the way down here so that you could ask me to ask
your
brother not to help you?”
Robbie shook his head. “Aunt Sherry and Jesse don’t have much money. The store is all they’ve got and it barely pays the bills as it is. I know Jesse and he’ll try to borrow against it if he can. Or worse, sell it in order to bail me out. I want you to make sure he doesn’t do that.”