Stanley’s eyes grew wide. “That is good news.”
“Jesse’s graduating with a degree in architecture. He’s been to the nursery site and has made some changes to the blueprints.”
“Is that so?” Stanley said, looking at Jesse. “Looks like we’re lucky that you showed up.”
“I don’t know about that,” Jesse said, flashing a modest smile. “It’s a good piece of property that you’ve picked out. And the greenhouse is impressive.”
Stanley gave Sarah’s hand a squeeze. “It’s been our dream for a long time now.”
“That’s right,” she said. “Come on, let’s go outside for some fresh air.”
Sarah helped Stanley out of the recliner, and then he led the way. His gray hair seemed thinner, revealing more of his scalp than she had seen even when he was in the middle of one of his chemo treatment cycles. His white T-shirt and khaki pants hung loosely on his already too thin frame. Although it had been four days since her last visit, she called every day and he had insisted that he was fine.
I should have known better
, she thought. He never complained, even when he should. He refused to be a
burden
. She hated that he referred to himself as a
burden
. He was her father and the only person she had had in her life ever since her mom had left them when she was fourteen.
He looked as though he’d lost ten pounds since her last visit. She couldn’t believe that he had been working on the fence just a week ago. “How are you feeling, Dad?”
“Good. Can’t complain.”
That’s because you
refuse
to complain
. “When’s your next appointment?”
“Next Wednesday, I think.”
They continued through the tiny kitchen. A small oak table where Sarah and her father had played more games of Go Fish than she could count took up much of the floor space. The light blue walls matched the blue and white tile and cream colored antique-looking appliances. For years Sarah had tried to get him to renovate and redecorate, but he didn’t see the point in it. After Sarah’s mom had left him, he had never remarried or even dated much. He seemed to settle into a bachelor’s life and showed little interest in leaving it.
Sarah often worried about him living alone. Probably one of the reasons she spent so much of her time here. That, and the fact that this would always be home to her. Everything about this house reminded Sarah of the best years of her life. Although she had spent most of her teenage years without a mother, when she had left them, their home was filled with a peace that they hadn’t felt in years. And as far as fathers went, Stanley was more than her father; he was her best friend. The one person who was always there for her no matter what.
“Do you mind if I come with you to the doctor’s?”
“I’m sure you have more important things to do than hang out with an old man in a stuffy doctor’s office, sweetheart.” They were at the back door now, and Stanley held it open for them.
Sarah made a mental note to call Dr. Bradtmiller and find out what time she should be there on Wednesday.
The back door opened up onto a darkly stained wooden deck that flowed into a wooden walkway which ran into his yard, disappearing into the darkness.
Stanley reached over and flipped a light switch. Lights throughout the backyard illuminated the scene, revealing the extravagant landscaping that had taken years to perfect. The walkway snaked through the maze of bushes and shrubs, and beneath the walkway was a large pond. Tiny lights beneath the water’s surface lit up colorful rocks and plants and large goldfish swimming in clusters.
Sarah and Jesse followed Stanley down the walkway to the center of his masterpiece and pinnacle of the garden, a large white gazebo. The tiki torches with flickering fake fire beneath glass fixtures lit their way—a touch Sarah had added.
The gazebo held some of Sarah’s favorite memories. She and her father would spend hours drinking tea during the hot lazy summers. School, religion and politics were some of the topics discussed here. They spoke freely about anything. It was their special place. Sarah remembered one conversation in particular. It had been a year since their mother had left them, and Sarah had no idea why. At fourteen, something that heavy was too much for a child to comprehend, though she had spent hours speculating on it.
Daddy?
He looked over at her with his usual smile.
Yes, sweetheart
.
She thought about her question for a moment.
Why did Mommy leave?
The smile on his face faded, like the light from a candle as it burns out.
Was it because of me?
He put his arm around her.
No, sweetheart. It wasn’t anything you did or anything I did either. Mommy just wasn’t happy.
That was the first and last time they had talked about her mother. Sarah knew, though, that her father was just being kind. Her mother had left because Sarah wasn’t good enough for her; never was, and never would be.
“This place is really neat.” Jesse’s enthusiasm brought her attention back to the gazebo.
“Watch your step,” Sarah said, pointing to two small steps that led up to the gazebo’s entrance.
Once inside, Stanley and Sarah took a seat at a bench off to the side while Jesse stood and looked around.
“Do you like it?” Sarah asked.
“Like it? I can’t believe it,” he said. “You’ve turned your entire backyard into a garden. This has to be one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in this city. I can’t believe we’re still in Chicago.”
“Sarah and I spent a lot of years putting this place together.”
Dozens of tiny LED lights lined the inside perimeter of the gazebo’s ceiling, creating just enough light for them to see each other clearly. Normally Sarah would be taking in the sight of the landscaping, especially at night when the illumination from the lights reflected off the pond and lit up the plants, casting shadows that added to the mystic look of the garden, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of Jesse. All of a sudden he was the old Jesse again: scrawny with long messy hair and beautiful blue eyes too large for his head. The fearless twelve-year-old boy who offered her shelter from the storm at home.
Her father’s hand on hers jarred her back to reality. “So, Dad, as I was saying. I’m coming to your next doctor’s appointment, okay?” She gave him her I-won’t-take-no-for-an-answer look.
“Doesn’t sound like you’re giving me much of a choice,” Stanley replied. He turned his gaze back to Jesse. “So tell me about your pet store.”
Jesse leaned back against the railing of the gazebo. “It’s small. We mainly sell supplies and a few animals.”
“Sounds nice.”
“My Uncle August’s dream was to open his own business. My Aunt Sherry loves animals, so it wasn’t difficult to sell her on the idea.” Jesse paused and ran a hand through his hair. “Ever since my uncle passed away, it’s just been me and my brother, Robbie, running the place. Aunt Sherry doesn’t involve herself with the
details
of the business.”
“That’s where I ran into him,” Sarah chimed in.
“Is that so?”
“Remember my lilies and the suggestion you made about earthworms? I went to the pet store to purchase a few and I was nearly attacked by a giant spider. So when Jesse says that they sell common pets, they’re not
all
common.”
Stanley’s eyes widened. “You sell spiders?”
“Yes. Actually, they’re one of our biggest sellers. People seem to love tarantulas,” Jesse replied.
Stanley laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Sarah asked.
“I wish I could have been there when the spider
attacked
you. You’ve never liked spiders.”
Jesse joined him in laughter. “The worst part was that she ended up knocking a bag of dog food off of a shelf and onto my head.”
Stanley’s laughter grew more intense—then turned into a cough.
“Are you okay?” Sarah placed a hand on his back.
“Yes,” he said, still choking. “I think I’m coming down with a cold.”
An uncomfortable pit formed at the bottom of Sarah’s stomach. Every time he coughed, sneezed, or said he was tired, the situation hit her all over again. She already didn’t like how her father looked and she definitely didn’t like the sound of his cough. And she had a feeling that he wasn’t being totally honest about his health. She wanted to force him to tell her everything, but she knew that with Jesse here, she would only embarrass him—and anyway, he wouldn’t tell her. After all, he didn’t want to be a
burden
. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Everything’s fine. I already told you, I’m coming down with a cold.” Impatience rang in his voice. When his cough ceased, he looked into Sarah’s eyes and a soft smile formed on his face.
“This place really is beautiful,” Jesse said, taking another look around.
Stanley stood up and walked over to him. “It’s a passion of mine. One I wished I would have done more with.”
“How’s that?” Jesse asked. “Looks like you’ve done a lot with it already.”
“I spent most of my life in an office. I often found myself staring through my office window wanting to be outside more than I wanted to be behind a desk.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I just never had the courage to do something about it.”
“I see. What would you have done differently?”
“What we’re doing now,” he answered, looking back at Sarah.
Sarah could see the vision of their nursery forming in her father’s eyes as he spoke to Jesse. In the last two years with Kevin, she had never seen her dad connect with him the way he seemed to with Jesse. If she didn’t know better, she would have guessed that they’d known each other for years. Of course, she couldn’t imagine anyone not liking Jesse. His personable demeanor and easy-on-the-eyes looks drew people like bees to honey.
“That does sound good,” Jesse said.
“What about you?” Stanley asked. “Have you always wanted to own and run a pet store?”
Jesse smiled as he looked back out into the garden. “Not exactly. I mean, I can’t complain. There are a lot of things about it that I do enjoy, but…”
“But what?” Stanley prompted.
“I don’t know. I, too, find myself staring outside the window. When I see the large skyscrapers and buildings, like the Hancock and the Drake, I can’t help but think about how incredible it must feel to have been a part of building something so magnificent, so monumental.” Jesse paused. “Sounds crazy, I’m sure.”
“No. It sounds more like passion.” Stanley patted Jesse’s chest. “Hold on to that passion. Chase it. And someday you’ll be building something great with it.”
The corners of Jesse lips curved into his typical crooked smile, and in that moment Sarah felt something flutter inside her heart she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Stanley turned to Sarah. “Well, I guess you two are probably anxious to get to your next stop by now.”
“Yeah, we should probably get going.” As much as Sarah hated to leave her father, she thought it would be better for him to get some rest. “You ready?” she asked Jesse.
“Sure,” he replied. “It was a pleasure meeting you,” he said, offering his hand to Stanley.
They shook. Stanley said, “It was a pleasure finally meeting you.” Then he walked over to Sarah and gave her another hug. “I love you, sweetheart.”
Sarah held on tight. This man had only a finite amount of hugs left. “I love you.”
Jesse
Jesse offered to let Sarah drive, but she declined. The streets seemed quiet for a Chicago night. Lights from nearby buildings illuminated Sarah’s face to a soft glow. She twirled a few strands of hair as she stared out the passenger window. Jesse had a feeling that her sudden loss for words had something to do with her father.
Before firing up the truck, Jesse asked, “So where are we going?”
She looked at him and flashed the tiniest of smiles. “Can you just drive me home? I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood to go out right now.”
“Everything okay?” Jesse asked.
“I’m fine,” she replied, still staring out the window.
Jesse thought about her father and how close they seemed to be. It reminded him of his mother. Sure, he felt loved every time his aunt gave him a hug, but it still wasn’t the same. Hugs were funny that way. With a friend, they felt as warm as a hello, but with his mother, he could feel love pouring from her arms and into him. He’d been ten years without that feeling.
“You guys seem very close.”
“Hmm?”
“You and your father seem very close.”
“Yeah, we’re pretty much all we have. Ever since my mother left.”
Jesse knew about her brother and he knew about her father, but until now Sarah hadn’t mentioned her mother. “Did they get a divorce?”
“Sort of. She left us when I was fourteen.”
“Did they not get along?”
Sarah didn’t say anything at first. Her fingers weaved the same lock of hair between her fingers, like someone crocheting a blanket out of yarn. “Things were different after my brother passed away. Things just…fell apart.”
Jesse remembered how hard it was when he lost his mother, and losing his uncle hadn’t been any easier. “It must have been tough, especially at fourteen.”
Sarah’s eyes fell into her lap. “It was my father’s birthday. I came downstairs to help my mother prepare his favorite breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and biscuits and gravy. It’s something we had done for him ever since I was a little girl.” She paused and looked at Jesse. “I found my father, crying at the kitchen table, holding a letter that she had left him.”
Jesse waited. When Sarah said nothing more, he said, “I’m sorry.”
A forced smile crossed her lips. “Funny,” she said. “That’s exactly what her letter said.”
Jesse couldn’t imagine what that must have been like. To wake and find your mother gone and a letter that just said,
I’m sorry
. “That’s it?”
“That’s it,” she said, releasing her hair. “I think she blamed me.”
“For what?”
“For Henry’s death.”
Just when he thought the story couldn’t get any worse. How could her mother blame Sarah for something as awful as Henry’s death? This entire time he had seen her talk so positively about the plant nursery; never did he see the weight she had been carrying inside of her heart. How could she hide something so devastating so well?