Acquainted With the Night (25 page)

CJ turned to her in surprise, a slight smile on her face. “I do,” she answered. “She’ll be fifteen this year. It’s sad to me that I’ve never met her. You and Roger must have had quite a conversation,” she added.

“We did, actually,” Alex said. “He sends his love. He seems very fond of you.”

CJ smiled again, sadly this time. “He’s been wonderful to me, especially after my father…”

She seemed to choke up, and Alex put her arm around her shoulders.

“It’s okay,” CJ said, after a moment. “I’m just…it’s an emotional day, I guess.”

“Yes,” Alex agreed, giving her a squeeze before reluctantly dropping her arm away.

“And how’s Vivien?” CJ seemed to need to change the subject.

Alex laughed. “When I tell you, you won’t believe it.”

She saw CJ lift her eyebrows. She slid her sunglasses down and her green eyes held some curiosity. “Try me.”

“She’s involved.”

“That’s not surprising. Viv falls in lust on a regular basis.”

“Not just lust this time, she says. She insists it’s the real deal. She actually took me to lunch to talk to me about how to deal with being in love.”

“You are kidding me.” Her eyes widened.

“Not a bit. They’ve been living together since last fall.”

Alex was rewarded by CJ’s blatant astonishment. “She’s
living
with her? My goodness, Viv rarely even lets a woman spend the night! You cannot be serious!”

“I am. I’ve met her. She is the picture of stable maturity, despite being a few years younger than Viv, and Vivien acts like a lovesick kid around her.”

CJ shook her head, still thunderstruck. “Poor Viv,” she said, to Alex’s surprise. “She must be terrified out of her mind.”

“She is,” Alex agreed, after a moment’s thought. “But she’s really happy, too. Love will do that to you, make you ecstatic and afraid at the same time. It’s like giving someone else a loaded gun pointed right at your heart and hoping they’ll never pull the trigger.”

CJ’s face twisted in pain.

“Sweetheart, I didn’t mean…” Alex began.

CJ reached for her hand and gripped it hard while looking away again. They sat in the sunshine, CJ’s grip squeezing Alex’s fingers until Alex couldn’t feel them anymore. Finally, CJ said quietly, “I went online every morning and read
The Denver Post
. I read every inch of the local news section. I didn’t even know what I was looking for after awhile. ‘Fatal Condominium Fire.’ ‘Police Officer Found Dead.’ ‘Runner in Fatal Hit-and-Run Accident.’ I kept doing Internet searches for your name, making sure I hadn’t missed anything.” Her voice rose with anguish and anger. “I read the
fucking
obituaries
, Alex, terrified every morning that I would find your name there. I died a little every day. It was killing me.

“And then…then last week I read the story on the front page, about the shooting, about…Oh, God, Laurel. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t believe it. After all this time…”

Alex put her other hand over CJ’s and gently released her numb fingers from CJ’s grip. “Listen to me, sweetheart,” Alex said. “I don’t know what the shrinks are going to say, but I was there in Tony’s office with her long enough to know that she is mentally ill, in a serious way. Tony had no idea, apparently, no one did.”

CJ used one hand to claw her sunglasses from her face, and Alex saw the tears threatening. “Why?” she choked out. “How did this all happen?”

“Honey, I can’t tell you why. Laurel apparently worked on her brother’s book, and somehow thought she was entitled to the money or the credit, probably both. She told me his suicide was really a homicide. She said she killed him. Tony’s got the Georgia Bureau of Investigation working with local law enforcement to reopen the case.”

CJ’s eyes, still teary, opened wider. “Jackson? She shot him? Alex, no.”

“That’s what she said. We got the ballistics tests back on the two guys she hired to run me off the road, the two who were in the car in the park that day. She shot both of them with Tony’s gun. Between the evidence and her confession, she’s never getting out of custody, whether they find her criminally insane or not.”

CJ wiped the moisture away from her cheeks. “You had to shoot her, the paper said,” she whispered.

Alex swallowed and then said softly, “She didn’t give me a choice, sweetheart.”

“I know. I know that. I’m glad she didn’t die, I suppose.”

“Are you?” Alex said, shaking her head. “I guess I am, too. Nicole feels differently, as you might imagine. God knows Laurel will never be the same.”

CJ looked at her questioningly. “The paper just said she was seriously injured, but she would recover.”

“They had to amputate her right arm above the elbow,” Alex said gently. “I’m sorry.”

CJ looked at her in horror, and Alex had a moment of dismay. Had CJ still, somehow, cared about Laurel? The next instant, CJ murmured, “Oh, darlin’, I’m so sorry for you. It must have been so awful. You must have been terrified.”

“You know how it is,” Alex said, trying to recover her composure. “You’re a lot more shaky after it’s over. In the moment, all I could think about was how to get to my backup weapon and keep her from blowing Tony’s head off.”

CJ cried out suddenly, “I just don’t understand why! I haven’t seen her for twelve years, and then she murders all these people, and she tries to
kill
you, Alex. Twice.”

“Obsession doesn’t really make sense to anybody but the person who’s suffering from it, I suppose,” Alex said. “I’m guessing the trigger was her decision to murder her brother. Once she had the money she needed to find you, everything just snowballed, I imagine.” She stroked the back of CJ’s hand. “But it’s over now, honey. As terrible as it was, it’s over now.”

They sat in silence a long time. The sun began to ease down toward the top of the mountains, and the shadows lengthened across the grass, creeping toward their feet.

Finally Alex said, very quietly, “You have to tell me how you’re feeling. Sweetheart, please.”

“I don’t think I can,” CJ answered.

“Try. You have to try. I can take your anger, CJ. I can deal with how much pain you had, I swear I can. What I can’t take is your silence.”

CJ looked down at the shadows. “Maybe silence is all I have left,” she answered softly.

Alex felt her heart aching. “Please,” she said, desperately. She took a breath to try to calm down, and then continued, “No. You have me. I’m your friend, your lover, your partner. I’m your wife, CJ, and you’re mine. Whatever we’ve been through, we still have each other. I’ve been angry at you and hurt and sad. Being alone was awful. And it was terrible for you, too. You’ve felt all those things, anger at me and guilt for what happened. We have to find our way back to each other, my love. Please help me.”

CJ sat silently, rubbing her thumb across the old burn scar on her left palm.

“Oh, baby, please.” Alex was trying not to break apart inside.

“How can you be so sure?” CJ whispered. “How do you know we even can find our way back? I ran away from you, when you needed me.”

“You didn’t just run away from me,” Alex was trying to gather her wildly strewn emotions together, “you were trying to protect me.”

CJ met her eyes for a moment, and Alex could see the pain she was carrying, deep within her, marking her like the scars on her hands. “I should have told you. I can’t imagine how much I hurt you, Alex.”

“You did what you thought was best, honey, I know that. Whatever we wish we’d decided differently, it’s over now.”

CJ shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that, I know it. You can’t just say you understand and pretend it didn’t happen. Every time you look at me, you’ll remember that I left. You’ll remember that David died because of me. Charlie is without a father because of me. You’re going to wonder the rest of your life whether I’ll leave you again if something else happens. I can’t live with that, Alex. I can’t see that moment of doubt in your eyes every time you see me. I can’t.”

She dropped her head into her hands in despair. Alex regretted that they’d chosen to come here, a place where she couldn’t comfort CJ the way she wanted to, the way she’d always had, with her hands and her body.

Alex got off the bench, heedless of anyone who might see, and knelt in front of CJ. She gently pulled CJ’s hands away from her face, then lifted her chin up until CJ had to meet her eyes.

“I promise you,” Alex said, her voice throbbing with intensity, “I promise I will not let this destroy us. I promise we’ll work on trying to leave the past behind us. I promise to let you look into me and see that I am not afraid. All you have to do is promise me you’ll never leave me again. I don’t care what happens, or what anyone says. Just stay with me, and it will be okay.”

CJ searched her face. Was she looking for the doubts she feared to find? Alex didn’t know. She knew only that she would risk anything, dare anything, give anything, to get CJ back again.

“CJ,” she murmured, “you have everything I am, and everything I ever will be. If I’m afraid, I’ll give you that, too, and you will make it go away. Just come back to me.”

So softly she could barely hear it, she heard CJ whisper, “I’ll try.”

Without another sound, Alex stood up and took her hand.

* * *

There were no words between them on the way back. CJ unlocked her hotel room door, and as it shut behind them she stood on one side of the tiny foyer, looking across at Alex for a moment. Alex finally asked the question she’d been swallowing all day.

“Tell me,” Alex began, “why you didn’t tell me about the threats? Didn’t you trust me? We could have faced whatever it was together.”

“I was afraid for you,” CJ whispered. “That’s all I have to tell you. I’ve regretted it every minute since, but the longer it went on, the more afraid I became. Alex, I’m so sorry. So very sorry. I missed you so much…”

Just the gaze from the hot green of CJ’s eyes, and Alex felt the long-dead fires of her desire rise up and begin to consume her flesh, the flames flashing through her, down her arms and legs, wrapping around her body, so hot that she wondered if CJ could feel the heat rising from her.

If she couldn’t touch CJ, she knew she would be quickly consumed, burning to ashes in front of her. Only CJ could soothe the burning, satisfying the flames and pouring the cool relief over her.

Alex started to push off the wall, to go to CJ, but to her surprise CJ came across to her first and gripped her by the shoulders. CJ found her mouth, not a tender kiss of reunion, but a bruising demand against her lips.

Alex brought her arms up and pulled CJ closer as CJ continued to kiss her hard, then harder. When Alex had to pull away a moment, gasping for air, CJ moved to the side of her neck. Alex felt CJ’s teeth against her skin and couldn’t repress another small gasp, this one a sound of pure wanting.

The noise from Alex’s throat seemed to ignite CJ further, and she moved to the tender muscle between Alex’s neck and shoulder and bit down lightly. Alex lifted herself into CJ’s arms more firmly, her body ebbing toward the contact, any point of contact with her lover.

She’s never been quite like this, Alex thought, her head dizzy with overwhelming desire surging through her. But Alex wanted nothing more in this instant than to be taken, to give herself over completely.

She managed to get her hands in CJ’s hair, pulling her head back to meet Alex’s mouth once more. Alex was frantic to taste her lips again and CJ used her height and weight advantage to hold Alex firmly in place as she continued to press hard against her.

Alex groaned and groped for CJ’s hands. She managed to find her wrists and dragged CJ’s fingers to her breasts, pushing them against her. To Alex’s frustration, CJ slipped away. CJ brought her hands up again, this time beneath Alex’s T-shirt.

Alex broke the kiss again to throw her head back with pleasure as CJ caressed her through her bra. Alex made a noise she didn’t recognize as coming from her own throat when CJ managed to unhook the bra and push it up and out of her way.

Now the heat in her body focused in her nipples as CJ touched her. How long had it been, how many lifetimes, how many dreams since CJ had touched her last?

She was so swollen the touches were almost painful. CJ took her hands away and pulled the T-shirt roughly over Alex’s head, taking the unfastened bra with it. She actually lifted Alex a few inches up against the wall, so that she could bend and get her mouth on Alex’s breasts, and Alex thought she might come apart with CJ’s lips caressing her. Desire, gratitude, love swirled through her as CJ used her tongue to arouse her even more.

CJ’s hands were on Alex’s hips, holding her up. Then CJ stopped supporting her, let Alex slide helplessly down to legs that were close to refusing to hold her up. CJ, breathing almost as hard as Alex, unzipped Alex’s jeans and pulled them down as far as she could reach. Then she straightened.

“Look at me,” CJ demanded quietly.

Alex managed to lock her eyes on CJ’s gaze as CJ slid her hand into Alex’s body. Alex cried out, her grip on CJ’s shoulders bruisingly tight.

She moved with CJ’s movement inside her, the rhythm that was both universal and theirs alone, as familiar to her body as breathing. CJ began to caress Alex’s center with her thumb and Alex felt herself falling.

Her eyes closed against the flood of the release beginning to rise up through her body, but CJ said, “No, look at me, Alex.”

Somehow she forced her eyes open and CJ whispered urgently, “I love you.”

Alex cried out and let her orgasm cascade through her, her head landing hard back against the wall with her climax.

Moments later she felt herself beginning to slip, but the next second she felt CJ’s arm around her, heard her saying, “I’ve got you, darlin’.”

CJ eased her down to the floor, Alex in a sodden heap. Alex couldn’t stand, couldn’t move, but CJ wrapped her up and held on, making soothing sounds that weren’t quite words.

* * *

In a couple of minutes, Alex managed to stand, though she was still a little shaky. She kicked the rest of her clothes away. CJ stood with her, unfolding her long legs, and they went together into the room.