Aching to Exhale (11 page)

Her jealousy turned to anger. She hated the circumstances that brought her to the Lagsturns, and now she was going to leave because no matter what Raul said to her, she knew she couldn't stay. She couldn't give him what Rain and Tori had, and it was obvious he was happy for them. She clenched her hand into a fist. God, he'd fooled everyone, especially her.

Even now, she wondered if he yearned for a normal life. A wife, a child, a house set away from everyone where he could relax and be himself away from the club.

"Crystal." Raul held out his hand and motioned for her to come across the room.

She wanted to turn around and walk out the door. Instead, she went to him as she avoided looking directly at Tori and Rain. They must hate her.

"This is Lilly." Raul slid his fingers into the back pocket of her shorts and pulled her tight against his side.

Cuddled in a white sleeper with a bunny stitched over her heart, her pink cheeks working at the thumb stuck in her mouth, Lilly was adorably sweet. Crystal blinked rapidly after connecting with the almost black eyes, taken aback at how much the baby had her daddy's eyes and the blonde wispy hair promised to be as glorious as Tori's long locks when she was older. No more than two months old, Lilly laid content in her momma's arms the way all children should have the security of a loving parent.

"S-she's beautiful," Crystal whispered, afraid to speak any louder and scare the child.

Tori laid her hand on Crystal's arm. "You can relax. She's used to others paying her attention. She's surprisingly easy going."

Crystal nodded, unsure of what to say. She hadn't expected Tori to allow her in Pitnam, no less in her home and around her family. Guilt mingled with anger over Raul's lies and she bit down on her lip. Blinded by the sudden tears filling her vision, she covered her mouth and backed away, bumping into Raul.

"Ex-excuse me." She pushed off him and whirled around, hurrying to the door.

She heard Raul call her name, but she kept going, through the front door and outside into the cool air. She stumbled on the step and leaned against the railing, gasping for breath and balance. Unable to cry, choked with desperation, she fought the scream scratching her throat to escape.

Nothing about being here was right. Raul wasn't supposed to be a federal agent. He was her biker. She could hide out with him, and not worry about anyone finding her or asking too many questions. Live and let live, a biker's motto. A place where her past stayed behind her and only this minute counted.

Seeing him with Lilly…

She pressed the heel of her palms into her eyes. No.

Babies were what normal people were lucky enough to have, not her. She clamped her teeth together and sank to the step, squealing in frustration, wanting to act out at the unfairness of her position. Why couldn't she have what everyone else had?

"Crystal," Rain said, behind her.

She jerked her gaze over her shoulder. "What?"

"You doing okay?" Rain leaned against the side of the house and crossed his arm, not coming near her.

"What do you think?" She looked away. "I thought things were messed up before…between you and me. This—she flailed her hand in the air—relationship with you and Raul, I can't even wrap my head around everything I've seen and heard tonight. Your wife is being nice to me, when she should deck me for the trouble I caused. I shouldn't be here, and you have a baby. God. A baby? And, Raul tells me—"

"I get that." Rain pushed off the wall of the house and sat down on the step behind her. "I'm the only Bantorus member who knows about Raul. He told me you know. I see two things happening with that knowledge."

"What?" she asked. "That Raul screwed with me, but that it's okay because I screwed you which blew any chance of me being happy with Raul?"

"You and I don't have a great track record. You fucked up when you played me. Then you hooked with Cramwell, and that's something I find too hard to forget despite Raul's reasons for doing what he did. If things had turned out differently, and it wasn't for your man in there saving my woman's life, I wouldn't be sitting out here talking to you with my woman and my baby safe inside the house. Things could've turned out worse, and your man would also not be in there talking to my woman and my baby as if they're the closest thing to perfect to him, because of the life he lives." Rain put his hand on Crystal's shoulder when she moved to stand up.

"I'm not done." He lowered his voice. "What he told you gives you the power in the relationship. You could get him killed if you run off on temper and don't think about what you say."

"I would never do anything to hurt him." She glared. "You don't know what's going on with us, because I don't know myself what this means to our relationship. I just found out moments before walking into your house."

"Fair enough." Rain inhaled and looked out into the darkness. "You and me…it wasn't healthy, you know that. What Sanchez feels for you is a good thing. You fuck him over by telling anyone about who he is, and not only do you end his life, I'll end your life."

"But—"

"That's a promise, sweetheart." Rain turned his steely eyes to her. "We're good. I have Raul's back. Remember that. Now, I'm going to go inside and take my girls upstairs. I'll escort you inside. Your man needs you."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't trust me."

Rain's expression never changed. "Not at all."

She had no desire to argue the point. Trust was something she rarely gave, and the last time she did, she shouldn't have. Now she was in love with a federal agent, she needed to leave, and her life was shit. She stood and followed Rain inside.

Tori and Lilly were already gone from the living room, and Raul stood looking out the window in the kitchen in the open area of the main floor. She watched Rain take the stairs two at a time. Emotionally exhausted, she stayed standing at the side of the room.

Raul turned and motioned her into the kitchen. "Come here."

She walked around the counter and stood in front of him. He studied her without touching any part of her body. The spot between her shoulders ached, not so much from the long motorcycle ride but from all the information she'd heard and the proof of Rain and Raul's friendship. Even when she was in Palm Springs, she was never truly alone because she had her memories of Raul. Those memories now stripped from her head as lies.

"Been thinking." Raul sighed heavily, swallowed, and continued in a lower voice. "Rain will help me get you out safely. It's not good enough for me that you hide out here. I need you away where no one can find you."

Her legs trembled, and she grabbed onto the counter. "Where?"

"I'll call my contact in the morning. He'll get things set up to escort you out of Pitnam and put you in a safe house until I make sure every target is off you." Raul stepped toward her and cupped her face. "I promise you, when I'm finished, I'll figure a way we can be together. I need time to settle everything and secure my position with the club."

He had no idea. She was an expert on surviving, and she'd never rely on anyone, not even the federal government. She laughed in disbelief, shaking her head. Hysteria threatened to make her go insane. His rejection, so similar to the last time she dealt with being tossed to the side, she feared losing herself. She'd never survive going through hell twice.

Raul tightened his hold and pressed his forehead against hers. "Let's bed down. You're exhausted. We can talk more tomorrow, all right?"

She inhaled a shuddering breath to stop the panic. Her body continued to vibrate, and she couldn't fight off the chill. She'd lost her freedom, she'd lost Raul, and if she allowed herself to accept the changes, she'd lose what little control she held on to.

Raul's decisions for her unknowingly pushed him out of her life. The Mexican Mafia wanted her dead or worse, wanted to sell her overseas until she wished for death. If anything went wrong, Rain would kill her, and Raul expected her to rest comfortably in the same house as Tori and Lilly, where they reminded her of everything she'd never have in her life?

She wasn't the one losing her mind. She was probably the only sane one of them left.

Chapter Thirteen

In the dark, cradled underneath Raul, Crystal clung to his shoulders, her legs locked around his hips. Raul thrust his cock deep inside of her, holding himself back. Her emotional distance worried him.

"Crystal." He put his lips to the side of her neck. "Let me help you relax."

Despite his cock buried in her pussy, her sex tight around him and obviously aroused, she stiffened underneath him at his request. He kissed the tender skin below her ear. "Don't shut yourself off. Not now."

She trembled, and her hair brushed his shoulders at her nod. Damn, she was something. He unloaded a shit ton of reality on her, rocked her world, and she still tried to please him. He moved his hips, sliding back and forth inside her of her. "Not letting you go again."

He'd slept with many women, but not one of them had he ever felt like he'd arrived home when he was inside of her. He belonged in her, held in her arms, her breath on his body, her nails embedded in his skin, her legs locked around him.

Everything was right in the world when he was home.

"Please." She moaned, arching against him.

He leaned his weight onto his left arm, and reached between their bodies with his other hand. He fingered her sex, stroking lightly. She moved with him, rocking the bed. His heart raced and the back of his thighs spasmed. He wanted to go on like this forever, but he knew one of them was going to careen over the edge, and he was damn well going to make sure she went first.

"That's it,
mi vida
. Give it to me." He continued rubbing her. "I've got you."

Crystal pushed herself off the bed to match each stroke. He gave her more, harder and faster. A streak of pleasure traveled down his spine, landing between his legs and at the same time Crystal moaned in climax. Intense pleasure shot through him and he plunged deeper, holding himself still, enjoying the way her body spasmed around his cock as he shot his load.

Hot and totally spent, he rolled to the side, taking her with him. He kissed her upturned lips. Every single time after they had sex, she'd mold herself against him and tonight wasn't any different after the night they had.

She held on to him, and her hand lazily caressed him, giving him the confidence that they'd work through their issues once he dealt with Garcia. Though he never said anything, his favorite part of the day was after they'd had sex and she lay in his arms with all her defenses down.

He required no words to describe what they shared. He rode on feelings, taking from her and giving her back everything he had. With all the lies between them out in the open, he had one thing he could give her fully, himself.

After a few minutes, he pulled himself away, removed the condom, and headed to the bathroom. When he returned to the bed, Crystal lay on her side, fast asleep. He stood at the edge of the mattress, glad to see he'd succeeded in getting her to relax enough she stopped thinking and rested.

He'd waited for the questions to come all evening. Once they retired to the spare bedroom in Rain's house, she never asked him one thing about his past, his plans, or how deep he was in with the Mexican Mafia. He slid under the covers and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arm around her waist. It was almost as if she ignored what he'd told her or trusted him completely.

Tomorrow, he'd talk with her again, and if she still held herself back from him, he'd get her to open up until she understood he was doing the best thing for her by getting her away from everyone. Solitary confinement wouldn't last forever. Just until he could bring down Garcia and secure his future with the Lagsturns without being found out for a Fed.

He wanted to trust her, but years of work and the payback if something went wrong, meant he couldn't trust anyone with her. At this point, all he could do was continue protecting her and deal with the ramifications of his decisions afterward.

Raul closed his eyes. Not for the first time, he wondered if it'd been worth the career choice to work inside the biker world. He spooned Crystal, curving his legs behind hers. He'd converted to accepting the lawless lifestyle, the freedom, the family that he'd earned by joining the Lagsturns.

In many ways, he found acceptance and a natural hierarchy, where in the bureau, politics directed positioning and no matter what, there was always a right and wrong. Running the MC, he'd learned most areas were gray and justice usually prevailed in time.

He didn't always agree on the members' choices, but they had his back. He even respected them, even if he didn't trust them completely. He sprawled his fingers on Crystal's stomach, relaxing. He could separate the Lagsturns from those he was going after. It was all about choices and watching out for his club.

A soft knock from the other side of the room roused him. He lifted his head, reaching for his pistol under the pillow, and looked toward the door in the dark. Sliding away from Crystal, he pulled on a pair of jeans, shoved the gun in the back of his waistband, and opened the door.

Rain lifted his chin, motioning him out into the hall. He quietly closed the door and followed Rain down the stairs and to the living room without speaking. Raul needed this time away from Crystal to talk to Rain, man to man. He hated involving the Bantorus MC, but he needed his woman removed from the Lagsturns.

"We need to talk." Rain sat down on the couch.

"Yeah." Raul took the chair in front of the fireplace. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you. Tried to handle it myself, but then I brought Crystal back into the Lagsturns before I could get her clear of the Mafia. The one secure place I could think to bring her is here, hoping you'd keep her safe."

"This is what happens." Rain stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles on the coffee table. The relaxed position in no way distracted Raul from the tension in the room. "I'll get Crystal out of here tomorrow. Either you can find someone to take her out of here, or I will. Then you're gone. I have your back, brother, but I will not have you in my home, around my girls, bringing trouble into Pitnam after tonight. My members respect me. I'll go to the table and explain your visit away as Crystal needing to make peace with Tori. But I will not lie to them, and I don't want a shitstorm coming into Pitnam"