Accepted (9 page)

"Really?" I was pleased by that.

I followed Colin into his empty room. "Where’s Brett?"

"He’s spending the weekend at Megan’s again." He gave me a meaningful look.

Colin’s roommate Brett met his girlfriend Megan during his overnight orientation the summer before freshman year, and they’d been dating ever since. She was two years older than Brett, Colin, and I and had an off-campus apartment — a fact that made Brett the envy of every guy on our floor. He and Colin had roomed together last year, too. Colin always joked that he was the perfect roommate; he was never there.

"I wonder how much studying they’ll actually get done." I made a face at Colin.

He chuckled. "Unfortunately for Brett, probably more than you’d think. Megan waited until her senior year to take her last Math, and she’s doing horribly in it. She needs to ace the midterm exam or she’ll get an F for her midterm grade.

"That sucks."

He shrugged. "She should be fine — if they focus and study. Brett’s great with Math."

I frowned. "She’s lucky. I wish I had a boyfriend who was good in Spanish."

Colin laughed. "Sorry, Ash. I took French."

He put my book bag down on his bed and looked at me. "So, bed or desk?"

I looked up at him. "Huh?"

"Do you want the bed or the desk?" He asked slowly, gesturing at each as he spoke. Then, he pointed across the room. "Brett’s desk is out of commission, so it’s one or the other."

I looked over at Brett’s desk. It was completely covered with clothes.

"Does he have a problem with closets?"

"No, he has a problem with hampers."

"Oh, that’s disgusting. How do you live with that?" I cringed as I gestured toward Brett’s side of the room. Colin was very neat. Nothing was out of place on his side of the room.

He just laughed. "I know; I know." He shrugged. "He doesn’t do laundry. He waits for Megan to get fed up and do it for him, or he just takes it home and asks his mom to do it over breaks. His goal is to get through four years of college never doing a load of laundry."

I made another face. "That’s just gross."

Colin laughed again and looked down at me expectantly. He was waiting for an answer to the bed or desk question, and I didn’t know how to answer it.

I didn’t want to kick him out of his own desk. His books and notebooks were already arranged on it, but I seriously doubted that I would be able to concentrate on my studying if I was on Colin’s bed.

I thought it over for a minute.

"Bed."

I’d take my chances.

****

As it turned out, it wasn’t Colin’s bed that had distracted me; it was Colin sitting across the room from me.

I was sitting on Colin’s bed — Spanish book in my lap, studying — when Colin, sitting at his desk, interrupted me.

"Ash?"

I looked up to see he’d turned in his chair towards me.

"Are you ready for the Organic Chem midterm yet?"

I shook my head. "No, not yet. I planned on studying this weekend. Are you?"

He lifted the book he’d been reading from and showed me that it was our Organic Chemistry textbook. He shrugged and raised his eyebrows, "Want to work together?"

I nodded, closed my Spanish book, and reached for my book bag. "Sure." I replied.

Colin rose from the desk, grabbing his textbook, a notebook, and a pen. Then, he flopped down on to the bed and shimmied his way over to where I was sitting Indian-style until he was right next to me, our shoulders and knees touching.

There was no way I was going to learn anything like this.

He rested his book in his lap and looked at me expectantly. "What chapter are you on?"

I picked up my notebook, pulled out the stack of notecards I’d made of the four chapters covered in our midterm exam, and, a little embarrassed, looked up at Colin.

"I still make index cards," I said sheepishly.

Colin looked at the cards in my hand, then reached over to his desk and opened the top drawer. He pulled out a stack of index cards and showed them to me. They were blank.

He tossed them onto his desk and grinned. "I still do them, too. I just didn’t get a chance to yet."

I always forget that he’s just as geeky as me.

No longer embarrassed, I grinned back. "I made them for all four chapters, so we can share."

He leaned away from the desk and settled back on the bed next to me.

"Thanks."

We decided to work together, going over the work chapter by chapter. As we did, I became increasingly aware of Colin sitting next to me, practically pushing up against me.

He was warmer than I was, and my right side, the side he’d aligned himself against, had warmed in response. In contrast, my left side felt cold and empty, lonely almost.

By the time we were halfway through reviewing the second chapter, I was fully engrossed by the disparity between the two sides of my body and had completely and utterly lost focus on Organic Chemistry. All of my focus was on the parts of my body that pressed against Colin. I only hoped Colin wouldn’t notice.

"You alright, Ash?"

And, of course, he did.

"Huh?" was my brilliant answer.

"Are you okay? You’re kind of out of it."

I needed an excuse. I didn’t think, "Oh, I was just daydreaming about having your body pressed against mine," would cut it.

"Oh, um, I’m sorry." I shook my head, trying to dispel the fog. "I was just trying to figure out where I was going to sleep tonight. Becca went home, and I didn’t think to borrow her key."

Awesome save, Ashley.

"Rookie mistake," he joked and nudged his shoulder into mine, pushing his body harder against my side. "I forget that this is your first semester here. It’s strange. I feel like I’ve known you so much longer than just a couple of months."

Then, he turned his face to mine—it was just a couple of inches away—and smiled warmly. I looked into his eyes, and the heat that had been just in my right side spread through the rest of my body.

Colin’s expression suddenly changed, and he looked away.

"You could, you know, sleep in here." He shrugged.

He looked so nervous that I actually smiled.

"I’d sleep in Brett’s bed, of course." He looked up at me and continued, more confident now. "I won’t try anything funny."

I don’t know how it slipped out, but all of a sudden, I heard myself reply in a husky, flirtatious voice, "It’s not the funny stuff that I’m worried about." Then, I felt the corners of my mouth tip up.

I had no idea where it came from. As soon as the words came out, I knew I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, and now that they were out there, I couldn’t take them back.

Suddenly, the entire atmosphere of the room changed. The air was thicker somehow, and I was even
more
aware of Colin next to me, as if that were possible.

Our eyes locked, and he leaned toward me, closing the inches of space between us.

I knew he was going to kiss me. I also knew I wasn’t going to stop him.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, knowing this may be a bad idea and that it may change things—and not in a good way—but also knowing that right then, at that second, and in that moment, I couldn’t stop it.

And as I waited for Colin’s lips to touch mine, I realized that there wasn’t anything either of us could do to stop it. There wasn’t anything
anyone
could do to stop it.

Then someone shrieked my name. And it wasn’t Colin.

"Ashley!"

I stood corrected. It seemed that Amber shouting my name in the hallway could stop the moment pretty quickly.

I opened my eyes to look directly into Colin’s striking light blue ones just inches from mine, and I’m pretty sure that the defeated look I saw in them mirrored my own.

"Ashley!" She yelled my name again.

"What?" I yelled back as I jumped up and turned toward Colin’s door.

"Where are you?" Still yelling.

I sighed and threw open Colin’s door. "I’m right here." I stepped into the hall.

She turned and looked at me.

"What are you doing in there?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Why are
you
shouting my name throughout the entire dorm?"

She gave me a suspicious look, and I could just see the wheels turning.

"We’re studying, Amber." Which we were up until a few minutes ago. "What do you think we’re doing?"

Colin must have followed me into the hallway, because Amber looked over my shoulder and asked, "Where’s Brett?"

"He’s staying at Megan’s."

And, once again, I could see the wheels turning, and I instinctively knew what she was about to do.

Oh, please don’t Amber.

"Hey, can Ashley sleep in your room? You have an extra bed."

And she did.

I could feel Colin right behind me; I could hear him breathing. I silently prayed that he’d come up with a good excuse to say no. Surely, he realized the mistake we’d almost made. We needed a little time apart, and sharing a room wasn’t conducive to that. I waited for him to say no, he was sorry, but he did mind.

Instead, he said, "Sure." And I felt him tug on my ponytail before walking back into his room.

I stood there—shocked, angry, scared—I don’t know, it was one of those feelings, until Amber grabbed my arm.

"Come on, Ashley. You can meet Danny while you get your pajamas and stuff." And she pulled me toward our room.

I’d seen Danny before in the pictures decorating our room. I’d even spoken to him a few times when he called early or Amber got back to our room late. Still, I was shocked when I walked into my room to find a big, dark-haired guy sitting on Amber’s bed without his shirt on. As soon as I looked at him, I looked away. It just didn’t feel right to look at my roommate’s half-naked boyfriend in bed.

I mumbled "hi" in his general direction. Even though it was Amber who sought me out and dragged me in here, I still had the impression that I was interrupting them. I snuck a look up at Amber, and she was standing in the doorway, holding the door open — I guess for my exit — staring at Danny.

I walked to my dresser and grabbed a pair of yoga pants, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and a pair of socks, then went to my desk to get some more books. As I did, I dropped a few things on my bed, including a couple of books — just a precaution. If Amber decided to diversify her entertaining space, I didn’t want her thinking my bed was up for grabs.

I grabbed my basket of toiletries and turned to the door. Amber looked up at me, remembering I was in the room. She moved aside, letting me by, and walked into the hall with me.

"Thank you so much." She sounded genuinely appreciative, so I warmed to her a little. "You’re the best roommate ever!"

I gave her a conciliatory look, watched her go back in the room, and headed for the bathroom to change.

****

I didn’t know if I should knock on Colin’s door or just walk in. It felt stupid to knock — no one really knocks here — but after what happened earlier, I felt uncomfortable just walking in.

What if Colin thought we’d be picking up where we left off?

I had no idea how I’d handle that. I mean, there were parts of me that would definitely have liked to pick up exactly where we left off when Amber started screaming for me, but the rational part of me — the same rational part that shouldn’t have let us get into that situation in the first place — knew that we couldn’t.

So I knocked.

"Come in."

I opened the door slowly. I’m not sure what I was expecting; it’s not like Colin was going to be lying in bed, naked, waiting for me, but I hadn’t expected him to be studying away at his desk.

I kind of expected that he’d be nervously awaiting my return. He didn’t even look up when I walked into the room.

I put my bag down on the floor next to his bed and sat down.

"What are you studying?" I straightened up and leaned over a bit, trying to catch a glance at the open book he was staring at.

"I’m still on Organic Chem." And he held up the notecards I’d made.

"Oh."

I felt curiously deflated. He’d just kept going, without me, like I wasn’t even gone. It’s not like I was going to let him kiss me now, but he could, at least, acknowledge that something had happened. I mean, really, he hasn’t even looked at me! I sighed — loudly.

Colin looked up from his book and my notecards. "You alright?" he asked and raised his eyebrows.

I sighed again. "Yeah. I’m fine," I said curtly and pulled my Spanish book back out of my book bag.

I could feel Colin looking at me, but I just opened my book and pretended to read.

"What’s wrong, Ash?" he asked, and I swear I could hear amusement in his voice.

Eyes narrowed, I looked up at him, and, sure enough, there
was
amusement on his face.

"What?" I demanded.

He chuckled. "Nothing, you’re just in a different mood than you were earlier." He raised his eyebrows again.

I glared at him; seriously, if looks could kill, he’d be done.

"I just got kicked out of my room for the night the weekend before midterms. I have a ton of studying to do, and now I have to sleep in here with
that
." I gestured toward Brett’s desk. "Plus, you stole my note cards."

Okay, so the last one was a little childish, but honestly, he barely even looked at me when I walked in.

"Would you like the note cards back, Ashley?" I could tell he was trying not to laugh or even look amused.

"No," I replied curtly. "I’m going to study Spanish."

He didn’t try to stop from laughing now. He chuckled and looked at me with a big, warm grin on his face. I glared at his beaming face once more before turning to my Spanish book.

This was going to be a long night.

****

As it turned out, it really wasn’t a long night. In fact, the evening flew by.

By the time I was done with Spanish, savoring the fact that I’d kicked some imperfect tense butt, I was exhausted.

I slammed my book shut and smiled to myself, proud of the amount I’d gotten done when Colin’s voice broke into my thoughts.

"Done for the night?"

I looked over at him, smile still in place, and nodded yes.