Aaron (14 page)

Aaron stood up abruptly and left the room. He was afraid of what he might say if he opened his mouth. He was afraid of what he might feel, what he might relive if he allowed his mind to go there.

Making sure his mother hadn’t followed, he stopped briefly at his parents’ medicine cabinet to grab one of his anxiety pills. After a moment of thought, he changed his mind and took one of the tranquilizers instead before going into his bedroom. His mother would not let him keep the medication in his room for fear he would kill himself with it. Downing the pill with the soda, he set the can on his desk and then threw himself onto his bed. Aaron lay on his stomach, his face buried in his pillow as he tried not to think about Juliette. Even now, he couldn’t remember the good times with her without hearing her scream.

What he couldn’t admit, not even to his mother or to any of the dozen shrinks, was that when he thought about Juliette, when he heard her screaming in his head, it also brought back everything they had done to

Aaron

 

him as well. It made him feel selfish to focus on his own trauma when he had survived and she hadn’t. He should be cherishing his second chance at life and not squandering it, locked away and not really living.

These were the last thoughts he had before finally, mercifully, the tranquilizer put him to sleep.

 

Chapter Seven

 

S
PENCER felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Dr. Mayer. After pulling the messenger bag off his shoulder, he dropped it on the floor and signed to Karen, his new interpreter, that she could go. He could talk to his instructor without her. She nodded and left with a wave. His face flushed a little as he turned around to face Dr. Mayer. It was only the first week. He had no idea what he could have done already. Images of sitting in the principal’s office with his father year after year flashed in his head.

“I wanted to talk to you about your project partner,” Dr. Mayer said slowly, enunciating his words very clearly, which Spencer appreciated. Sometimes people talked too fast for him to catch, or worse, talked with their mouths full of food so that he had no idea what they said. “His name is Aaron Downing, and he was sitting next to you during the lecture.”

Of course he was. Fucking Karma.

He’d recognized the guy as soon as he sat down. How could he not? It wasn’t just the scars he remembered, but the haunted, dead look in the… in Aaron’s eyes. Besides, a panic attack in the middle of the quad wasn’t something he would forget any time soon. At least Spencer would be able to find a way to apologize for scaring the fuck out of him before term started. He didn’t know if Dr. Mayer had any more idea what had happened to the guy than he did, so he didn’t ask, but his instructor answered the question anyway.

“Without violating his privacy, I can tell you that Aaron…. Well, he needs a little compassion. I matched you together because, from talking to his parents, I think it may be easier for him to work with a partner without actually speaking—like through text, chat, or e-mail. My brother is deaf, so I had a feeling you might feel more comfortable working that way as well. Terry can talk, but he feels more comfortable with written communication. Is it the same for you?” Dr. Mayer looked a little selfconscious about his revelation but kept meeting Spencer’s eyes.

“Yes.,” Spencer said, choosing not to elaborate.

“He is also very shy, so if you could introduce yourself to him, that might make things go a little more smoothly.”
Yes, I’m sure that will go very well. Hi, my name is Spencer, sorry for scaring the holy fucking shit out of you in the quad the other day. Can I get your cell phone number so we can text like normal antisocial human beings, since we are both too fucked up to have a conversation?

“Okay. I. Will. Talk. To. Him..” Spencer adjusted his bag with nervous energy pulsing through him. He wanted to just get to his next class and not think about it anymore. He didn’t want to know if the kid remembered him. Of course, Dr. Mayer could not have known about the incident in the quad, but it seemed like an awful lot of responsibility to put on his shoulders in the first week of class. He raised his hand in a half wave to let Dr. Mayer know he was leaving and then escaped the room with a speed that bordered on flight.

His hands continued to shake until he reached the small study area at the end of the hall. Fishing into his pocket, Spencer pulled out a couple of dollar bills and forced them into the vending machine to get a soda, because he’d learned long ago that sugar made everything better. Pancake syrup, ice cream, cookies, soda—it seemed his mood had always been influenced heavily by his blood sugar. He opened the bottle and found salvation in its perfectly carbonated depths.
Thank you, Jesus, and hallelujah.

According to the time on his phone, he had about half an hour before his next class, so Spencer dropped into one of the chairs and tossed his bag onto the table in front of him. He wondered where Aaron Downing was right then. Maybe they’d have another class together and he could talk to him before their next class. He took out a piece of paper and wrote down all his electronic information—chat, cell phone, e-mail. Adding a note at the bottom to make his intentions clear, he slid the paper into the front of his programming book and put it back in his bag.

Spencer had four classes that term: Freshman Programming Design, psychology, Calculus I, and Freshman Composition. Programming and Calculus would be his favorites, by far. He’d always been an analytical person to whom math and science came easily. The English class, unfortunately, was a requirement, and he prayed to whatever God would listen that he wouldn’t have to ever read his work aloud. He’d picked psychology to fill one of the humanities electives that he dreaded. He’d much rather fill the time with science electives, but the school wanted them to have a well-rounded education—whatever the fuck that meant. Physics would have been more his style, but at least he had a built-in psychology tutor if he needed it. Maybe it would give him and his dad something to talk about.

The class starting in… twenty minutes… was Calculus. He’d already talked to the instructor, and together they decided he could forego an interpreter. Sitting in the front of the class, he should be able to get the gist of the lecture, and Dr. Lanman said she did a majority of the lecture on the whiteboard. The tension left his shoulders as he thought about a whole ninety minute math class without people staring at him like they did in the programming class. Even that kid Aaron had stared. When he did, Spencer got a good look at the scars on his face and neck. God, he couldn’t even imagine what had happened to cause that kind of physical and psychological damage.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he checked the display and saw a text from his father.

 

DAD: What’s up, doc?

Spencer laughed. It had been a joke of theirs for as long as he could remember. One day when he’d been watching cartoons, he heard the phrase and asked his dad if it referred to him. He was a doctor, after all. After that, every time his father wanted to see how he was, that’s the phrase he used. His father had asked it after his first day at school when the hearing kids made fun of him. He’d asked it after the principal called him for Spencer’s behavioral problems. He’d asked it to get Spencer to finally tell him he was gay.

SPENCER: Not much. Got through my first class of the day without getting in trouble. Sitting here waiting for my second.

DAD: Up for Mexican for dinner?
SPENCER: La Caretta?

DAD: Yep. Get through the day without punching anyone, and we’ll go out to dinner.

 

SPENCER: I think I can do that. No one has said anything to me at all except my programming teacher.

 

DAD: Was there a problem?

 

SPENCER: No. Remember me telling you about that kid from the quad, the one that freaked out?

 

DAD: Yes.

SPENCER: He ended up in my programming class, and Dr. Mayer made us project partners. The kid’s name is Aaron, and Dr. Mayer asked me to introduce myself because he’s really shy. He said that Aaron needed compassion.

SPENCER: I saw him up close today. He’s got horrible scars on his face. I feel so bad for him.

DAD: Just take things slow, Spence. He will come around. But, if he shows any violent tendencies, tell me immediately and we’ll talk to your instructor. Okay?

SPENCER: Dr. Mayer said that Aaron would want to work over the computer, mostly, like I would. That is why he paired us up.

DAD: That was very considerate of him.
SPENCER: That is what I thought too. Class now. See you at four. DAD: See you then.

Spencer clicked off the phone and put it back in his pocket. It never occurred to him Aaron might have violent tendencies. He just assumed by what had happened in the quad that the kid had been hurt badly by someone. No, he couldn’t believe that Aaron had been the aggressor in whatever happened to him. First, the kid was only like five and a half feet tall and didn’t weigh anything. He would have to be insane to start a fight with anyone. Someone had hurt him, and badly.

After picking up his bag, he headed off to his Calculus class as his mind raced about his new partner.

The next morning, Spencer got to school early so he could wait for Aaron in the class and talk to him before it started filling up. He didn’t want his interpreter there, because his new partner seemed kind of skittish of people. The room was empty when he entered and climbed up to the very last row of seats. Taking the seat Dr. Mayer had designated for him, he took his programming book out of his bag and set it on the desk next to the keyboard. The piece of paper with his contact information stuck out of the top, but he left it there while he waited.

The nervous energy made his limbs vibrate, and he tapped his fingers against the desk in some tuneless rhythm. He’d never heard music, but he could feel it vibrating under his feet when Dad played it at the house. The habit was born more of anxiety than music, anyway. With a sigh, he turned on the computer. He could play solitaire until class started.

A shadow fell over his face a few minutes later, and he looked up to see Aaron passing him to sit in the same seat next to Spencer. He had dark circles under dull blue eyes, and his complexion was almost a light gray. The way he’d run out of class the day before made Spencer think maybe the partner thing was a source of stress for Aaron, so he decided to just bite the bullet and do it.