A Walk Through Fire (31 page)

Ash laid his cheek on Drew’s, then kissed his lips. “I’ll do anything for you, baby.” After kissing him again, Ash left, the curtain swinging behind him.

Nurses and doctors came by to see how he was, and they sent him for an MRI. Drew knew he was getting special treatment because he was a doctor himself, but for the first time he didn’t care. As soon as he was told by the attending physician that he didn’t have a concussion and they’d stitched up his head wound, he brushed aside their suggestion that he stay the night for observation and made his way to the waiting room. It was there he found Rachel, Ash, Mike, and Nana, all waiting with white, strained faces.

“Nana.”

“Oh, Drew, my darling baby.” She broke down in tears, and he rushed to her side to gather her in his arms and hold her close. “I thought we’d lost you.”

Her familiar scent and loving arms caused him to break down for a moment. He pulled away and, still hiccupping somewhat, got himself together. “I’m fine. Where’s Jordan? What floor is Keith on?”

“They’re operating on him now,” said Ash. “Jordan is in the waiting room on the seventh floor.”

“Let’s go.” Drew stood, and they all followed. He still held on to his grandmother. “Nana, you should go home.”

“I’ll not leave that boy. I called his mother to tell her what happened, and she told me that only Jesus could save her son; then she hung up.” Fresh tears poured from her eyes. “He’ll not die without me there to fight for his last breath.”

She was the most amazing woman in the world. “I love you, Nana. And Keith will fight. I know he will.” He hugged her and pressed the elevator button.

Within minutes, they were on the seventh floor and found the waiting area. Jordan sat as if in a daze, surrounded by half a dozen police officers as well as Keith’s partner, Jerry. Jordan barely acknowledged them, but Nana went and sat next to him and took him in her arms.

“Jordy’s parents are away on vacation,” Mike whispered in Drew’s ear. “They’re somewhere in Switzerland, and he’s had a hell of a time getting in touch with them.”

Drew simply nodded. How could this be happening? Jordan and Keith were planning on getting married next year. They’d bought a home together. The two of them had figured out the secrets of love and a happy life.

A sob wrenched out of him, and Ash put his arm around him, pulling him close.

“Sit down with me. You’re in shock yourself.” He allowed Ash to lead him to a chair where he slumped down, resting his head against Ash’s broad shoulder. “Rest a little, baby. It isn’t going to do anyone any good if you collapse on the floor.”

His head still pounded, but as the hours passed, he managed to close his eyes. Each time he opened his eyes, the nightmare of the evening reared its ugly head again. Jordan hadn’t moved once that he could tell. He sat in the chair drinking innumerable cups of coffee and stared at the door as if willing the surgeon to come through.

The hours ticked away.

Drew woke with a start. He checked his watch and saw it was morning. They’d been waiting for seven hours. He stole a glance and saw Jordan’s frozen, stoic face trained upon the door. His hands still clutched a paper coffee cup. Slipping out from under Ash’s arm, Drew made his way to the seat next to his best friend.

“Jordy.” He put his hand on his friend’s arm. Jordan flinched, his hand shaking so much drops of cooled coffee slopped over the side.

“I know, D. But I can’t take anyone touching me right now.” His agonized whisper died as the door opened and the surgeon walked in. Great pools of sweat darkened his green scrubs from under his armpits to his chest. Drew took one look at his face and knew the news wasn’t good. He glanced back at Ash and reached for him, finding he needed to feel the strength of his arms around him for what he knew would be crushing news.

Jordan stood. “He didn’t make it, did he, David?”

Dr. David Cantor shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Jordan. We did everything we could, but the bullet tore through his artery…”

Jordan put his hand up and then fell to the floor on his knees. “Don’t. Don’t tell me the details. I can’t bear to think of the pain he went through at the end, and how I wasn’t there to help him or hold his hand.” He threw the paper cup across the room and cried out in his pain. “Why, God? Why Keith?” He moaned, clutching himself around the waist, rocking back and forth. “It should have been me. He was too good to die. Please, no, it can’t be true. I want to die too. Take me with him.”

Helpless to do anything but feel his heart breaking at the sight of his friend falling to pieces, Drew clung to Ash. “Dear God, how can this be happening?” He looked to his lover and saw the tears falling from his eyes. “Oh, Ash, what now? Keith was such a good person.”

“I know, baby. He was the best.”

Ash held him as he sobbed. In the background, he heard the quiet crying of Rachel and his grandmother. Pulling out of Ash’s arms, he beckoned to Mike, and the two of them knelt and put their arms around their childhood friend. Jordan buried his face in Drew’s chest and howled his pain, his tears soaking through Drew’s shirt.

“Let me die, Drew. I’m no good without him. He’s the only one who’ll ever love me.” Jordan laid his head in Drew’s lap. “I can’t live knowing he’s alone and cold.” His piteous weeping broke Drew’s already cracked and beaten heart. “I need to hold him to keep him warm. Who’s going to keep him warm now?”

“Shhh, Jordy. Don’t talk like that. Keith wouldn’t want you to feel like that.” Mike brushed away his own tears, and Rachel came to sit beside Jordan, giving him comfort.

Drew kissed Jordan’s forehead. “We’ll be there for you, all of us will, Jordy.”

“It’s not fair. Not Keith, not my life, my love. Please, God.” He grabbed on to Drew’s shirt. “It’s a dream, right? I’m in a bad dream, and you’re all in it.” Wild-eyed, he glanced around the waiting room. “Tell me it’s a dream and wake me up now.”

“Shhh, Jordy, we’re all here for you.” Drew didn’t know what else to do but repeat those same ineffective words.

“It has to be a dream. He can’t be dead. He can’t be. We’re getting married. We were going to adopt a baby.” Jordan grabbed hold of his shoulders and stared into Drew’s eyes beseechingly. “Please, please, tell me it’s not true.”

Drew could only hold him and shake his head, his own tears blinding his vision. “I’m so sorry, Jordy. I loved him; we all did.”

Jordan’s shoulders slumped. “I’m being punished because I’m a bad person. I was cruel and heartless to you and Ash. I’m sorry, Drew. I’m so sorry I said those things about Ash. I know how much you love him.”

Drew stiffened, hoping Ash hadn’t heard, but Ash was staring out of the window, lost in a world of his own. “I haven’t told him.”

Jordan sat up and took him by the shoulders. His eyes were wide and almost feverish in the brightness. “Tell him, tell him tonight. You see how life is? How one minute you’re alive and the next you’re gone.” His breath caught on a sob. “I didn’t tell Keith today that I loved him. I always told him every morning, but not today. Now he’ll never know.”

“Oh, he knew, Jordy, and he loved you so much. He told me so tonight.” Drew soothed his friend, holding him close.

“He did?” Jordan’s hopeful face broke Drew’s heart all over again.

“He did, and he knew how much you loved him. Your love will last forever.”

“How am I going to live without his touch, without holding him at night?” Jordan broke down all over again. “I miss him so much already.”

At the tap on his shoulder, Drew turned to see the deeply grieving face of Keith’s partner, Jerry Allen.

“Let me take over for a while. My wife says I have broad shoulders to cry on.”

Jerry sank down next to Jordan and murmured in his ear, putting his arm around him. The rest of the police force, who’d been standing around waiting, all converged upon Jordan now, showing that famous blue wall of support. The police commissioner came in, as well as the mayor. Drew had heard the police department was one big family that came through in a family’s time of need, and this outpouring of support left no doubt Jordan would be taken care of.

Drew stood, his knees aching from the hard floor, and found himself crushed in Ash’s embrace. He let himself be wrapped up in the man’s overwhelming strength, soaking in the waves of heat coming off Ash’s body. “Baby, I told Mike to take your grandmother home. I called Mrs. Delaney and had her prepare a light meal and then told her to make sure she went to bed.”

“You’re wonderful.” The events of the night were catching up with him, and Drew found himself sagging into Ash’s arms, nuzzling his strong, corded neck. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one.” Ash’s hot breath tickled his ear. “And I want to take you home to my bed.”

Was it wrong of him to want Ash while his best friend’s fiancé had died? He needed to affirm the sanctity of life. To let Ash know that though they’d faced death tonight and suffered its most awful consequences, he loved him more than anything.

“I have so much to tell you.” Drew cradled Ash’s jaw in his hand and kissed his soft warm lips. “So much and it can’t wait. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Let’s go home, baby. But first let’s make sure Jordan is okay.” Ash took his hand, and they waited for the crowd of uniforms and suits to step aside. Jordan seemed quieter now, more resigned but no less broken. Gone was the self-confident, slightly arrogant man, and in his place was a gray, worn-out shell of a man.

“Jordy.” Drew held out his arms, and Jordan clung to him for dear life.

“I know I’ve been a bastard, and I’m sorry. I’m going to try and be a better person since that was what Keith wanted.” Jordan’s voice trembled. “I can’t believe he’s gone, Drew. I’m never going to see him again. How am I going to go on?”

Before Drew could open his mouth, Ash spoke. “You’re going to think about him every day, Jordan, and draw your strength from his goodness and his memories. And it will hurt like fucking hell for a long, long time.” Ash took Jordan into his arms, and Drew stood, shocked at how easily Jordan hung on Ash’s words. “But we’ll all be there for you, day and night, whenever you call, to help you through it, because Keith was the love of your life and my heart is breaking from your pain.”

Jordan grabbed on to Ash, pulling at his shirt. “I was wrong, Ash. I had no right, no right at all to try and keep you from Drew. I was arrogant, selfish, and cruel. What you have is as precious as what Keith and I have—had.”

The stricken look on Jordan’s face as he corrected himself almost killed Drew. It hit him then, like a fist to the stomach, that Keith was really gone forever, and Jordan was alone.

“Jordy, I love you.” Drew threw his arms around his best friend. “No matter what we’ve said to each other, you’ll always be my brother.”

“Go home, Drew. Go home with Ash and tell him how much you love him. Hug each other hard and kiss each other soft and slow. Make love until you scream out loud. Never take the love you have for granted.” Jordan gulped, the tears rolling down his face. “I loved him, you know that, right? He saw through all my bullshit and arrogance, and I loved him so fucking much.” He shuddered and fought for control. “Go home now, you two. I need to be by myself for a while and say my good-byes to Keith alone.”

Drew kissed him and walked into Ash’s arms. With one last glance over his shoulder at his best friend, standing by himself in the middle of the empty waiting room, he left, Ash holding him tight, giving him strength.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

It was quite possibly the worst night of his life. Ash couldn’t understand how a day that had started out so beautifully and with so much happiness had ended in such horrendous tragedy.

Drew sat, strangely quiet during the cab ride to Ash’s house. Ash had called Marly and asked her to stop by Drew’s house and feed the cat. There was no chance on earth he’d let Drew go back to that apartment tonight. The memory of Keith, so vibrant and alive at the party, would be too devastating to face in the light of day.

When they reached Ash’s apartment building, he helped Drew out of the cab and led him into the building. Keeping his arm around Drew, Ash nodded hello to the concierge.

“Good morning, Mr. Davis.”

“Good morning, Lawrence. I’m not home for anyone today, unless it is Mr. Klein’s family.” Drew sighed into his shoulder, the warmth of his breath gusting into Ash’s neck.

“Very good, Mr. Davis.” The concierge nodded. “Terrible thing about that police officer who was killed last night.”

Drew stiffened but said nothing, though Ash could sense his trembling. He had to be in shock, both from the effects of the blow to his head and the loss of his friend.

“He was a friend of mine and Dr. Klein’s. A wonderful man.” Ash tightened his arm around his lover, and Drew’s trembling increased. “Thank you, Lawrence.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Neither of them said a word during the elevator ride up, nor did they speak in the hallway as Ash unlocked his door. Ash went right to the bar, poured some vodka, then came back to the kitchen and added ice. Drew stood by the door, exactly where Ash left him. His eyes remained closed, his body slumped against the wall.

“Here, baby, take a sip of this and come with me.” Drew took the glass, and Ash covered his hand, helping him hold it steady to take a sip. “Easy, killer,” Ash joked as Drew gulped the drink, then coughed.

“That’s straight vodka.” Drew sputtered and wheezed.

“That’s what I drink.” Ash grinned for the first time. “I thought you could use it to help you relax.”

A weary smile broke over Drew’s face. “The only thing I need is you.”

Any guilt he might have felt over bringing Drew home with him faded as Ash took his hand and led him into the bedroom. Although it was early morning, the room was hushed, the sounds of the traffic on Park Avenue muted.

Unhurried yet purposeful, Ash stripped Drew of his shirt, pants and boxers until he stood before him naked and gleaming, his beautiful cock jerking and swelling. Ash slipped off his own pants and boxers and, with fumbling fingers, unbuttoned his shirt. He pulled Drew down to the bed with him, but instead of kissing him, Ash gathered Drew against his chest. Nothing helped him breathe easier than holding this man in his arms.