A Time to Move On (4 page)

When Mack saw the four guys, he did
a double take.

Mack looked at the motorcycles and
then at his bandmates. He had no idea they had motorcycles or that they even knew
how to ride.

Luke put his sunglasses back on and
pointed to the road. Mack looked around to the other guys and nodded.

They wanted to ride.

Fair enough.

Mack put his sunglasses back on and
crept forward. He cut back onto the road and watched as the rest of Fallen
Tuesday followed him. Mack stared forward at the open road and swallowed hard. He
couldn't go on like this forever. The pain of losing Kelly was weighing his
life down, and he could see the strain it was putting on his band. It was time
to make everything he did count from now on.

(4)

Laura stared at herself in the
mirror and turned her head side to side to check her hair. She looked good. She
brushed her teeth and left the bathroom.

She gathered the papers from her
table and stacked them neatly. Today was a big deal.

Laura was meeting with a couple of
the top realtors in town in the hopes that she would be asked to help with the
development of a new commercial lot that would provide millions in revenues for
the company she worked for. This was her chance to
step
up
, as
her boss had been pushing her to do. Last night, she worked hard organizing
everything and then spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. If this
meeting went to plan, and Laura got the recognition she deserved from it, it
would give her a permanent position with the company. She would work closely
with her boss, Jerry, and the developers and construction crews. She would
establish her own name, and in turn, make a lot of money.

It would give her stability.

Laura feared stability.

There was something about being
stable that made everything too real. She wasn't prepared to move forward yet. However,
she knew she couldn’t go rewind time. It may have taken a half dozen therapists
to convince her, but trying to relive that time would only make her sink
deeper. Right now, Laura could breathe. And that was good enough for her. She
didn’t have to let go and she didn’t have to reach too far forward. Her feet
were on the ground and, to her, there was nothing wrong with that.

The smell of coffee caught her
attention and she looked to a full coffeepot and realized she brushed her teeth
before drinking coffee. She couldn’t have a cup now because the bitter
toothpaste taste would ruin the refreshing morning drink. Laura dumped the
coffee and went back to the table. She put the neat stack of papers and folders
into a bag and bit her lip.

This was a big deal for the
company. It was rumored to be the biggest deal of the year. And considering the
way the economy had been sputtering for the last few years, this was the
company's lifeline.

Laura grabbed her bag and left the
small apartment. She yanked at the door three times to get it to fully close.
She turned her key in the lock and walked out to the landing that stunk of
dust. She could easily afford a house. She could live so much better than she was,
but somewhere else, someone was already living that better life. They had moved
on and put the past behind them. She was on this new journey all alone.

Once in her car, Laura looked to
the passenger seat to double check that she had her bag with her. Everything in
there could give her the life that everyone around her was desperate for Laura
to have. Who wouldn’t want a stable job, a big paycheck, independence, and the
ability to create something with passion? Although her friends and family meant
well, it wasn't for Laura.

Not today.

“Not a good day,” Laura whispered.

At a red light, she looked to her
right and saw a corner coffee shop. The taste of the mint toothpaste was mostly
gone and it was replaced by the need for coffee. The coffee wasn’t an
addiction, of course, but rather a distraction.

Laura hurried to put on her blinker
and turned. She cut off two cars who didn’t spare her any guilt as they beeped
their horns and waved their hands at her. But Laura was dead set on the
coffeehouse. She parked and rushed inside. The line was long. She looked at her
phone. If she waited, she’d be late for the big meeting. It would be completely
irresponsible to stand in line and let the meeting start without her.

After a few minutes, Laura looked
behind her. There were three other people in line. She couldn’t get out of line
now. So she stayed. The excuses flowed through her mind and she made it seem
okay that she waited in line.

At the counter, Laura ordered two
coffees to-go. She rushed back to her car. She put the coffees in the cup
holders of her car and drove away. No matter what, she had to go to the
meeting. It wouldn't be fair for her mistakes to hurt the company.

When Laura pulled up to the
building, she sat for a few seconds. She knew if she wanted to she could make
up an excuse and smooth this right over. Traffic. Family issues. The rolodex of
excuses. It would keep Jerry calm, and once he saw her presentation, it
wouldn’t matter. She would be sipping an expensive martini with Jerry by the
end of the day.

Laura grabbed her bag and left the
coffees. She walked into the office and up to the desk. Bernadette was the
office secretary. She was a kind old woman with pictures of her grandchildren
all over the desk and walls, including half colored pictures and scribbled
notes and drawings.

“Give this to Jerry,” Laura said.
“Please.”

“You’re late for the meeting,”
Bernadette said. “I’ll call…”

“No. Just give this to him.”

Laura put the bag down and ran from
the office. She got into her car and drove out of the parking lot before she
could second guess her decision. The worst case scenario was that she would be
fired. The best case scenario would be getting yelled at and taken off the
project.

Whatever it was, Laura didn't
really care.

Her sights were already set elsewhere.
To a nice, quiet neighborhood. The kind with stop signs on every corner and
crosswalks for kids to walk to school. Giant trees lined the sidewalks and
people were always outside. Walking their dogs. Running or walking for
exercise. Pushing strollers.

It was beautiful and perfect. The
perfect place to raise a family in. It had been within reach for Laura. And
although it wasn't meant to work out, she still felt angry that the opportunity
was taken from her.

By the time Laura pulled into her sister’s
driveway, she was shaking. When she parked, she took a deep breath and grabbed
the coffees. She walked to the front door and balanced the coffee cups on each
other, holding them with one hand, and then rang the doorbell.

The door opened and Steph looked
annoyed and surprised.

“Hey,” Laura said.                         

“You’re lucky the baby sleeps
through everything,” Steph said. “What are you doing here?”

“Is that a hello?”

“Hello, Laura.”

“I brought you a coffee.”

“I see that.” Steph opened the
door. “Come in.”

Laura followed Steph to the kitchen
where Steph hurried to clean up the table from the morning newspaper and toys
and bottles.

“I made coffee,” Steph said.

“This is better,” Laura said.

They both sat and Laura looked at
her sister. Steph was three years older and she had treated Laura like her own
child ever since their mother passed away when they were very young. Steph was
giving her the concerned motherly look.

“What?” Laura asked.

“You’re dressed for something
important,” Steph said. “Yet you’re here with me. I don’t like that. Did you
get fired again?"

“I might.”

Steph sighed and sipped the coffee.
“Well, at least this coffee is good. Better than the crap I make.” Steph sipped
more. “What are you trying to get out of all this?”

“Out of what?”

“Laura, you build yourself up, get
within reach of something good, and then wreck it on purpose,” Steph said.
“Then you come here to talk. I don’t get it.”

Laura looked around the kitchen.
Everything about it screamed
mom
and
family
.

“I had a career too,” Steph said.
“But I gave it up when Jeff and I started having a family. I’d love to be back in
your position.”

“Be careful with that,” Laura said.
“You don’t know my position.”

“Tell me then. Last I knew you were
working at a prominent real estate company. You were making good money and
enjoying your life. Now you’re here with me and I’m worried you’re going to
tell me something bad.”

“Yeah, well, missing that meeting
was bad,” Laura said. “But I dropped off everything my boss needed for the
presentation, so I can’t be in too much trouble. Even if I am, I don't care.
It's not what I want."

“Not what you want? A career. A stable
life. A job when a lot of people don’t have jobs right now.”

“Don’t go all
Mom
on me,”
Laura said.

Steph sucked in a breath. “How many
times have you done this? How many times are you going to keep doing it?”

“I don’t know,” Laura said. “I
don’t know what the right answer is.”

“Sometimes in life there are no
right answers. There are just… steps, Laura. Okay?”

Laura drank her coffee and looked
out the window in the kitchen. It was a perfect sight of the backyard. A wooden
swing set. A shed. A frisbee in the grass. A soccer ball randomly placed. A
plastic lawnmower. This was the image of a happy family.

“Are you listening to me?”

Laura snapped her head and shook
it. “Sorry. I’m dazed in and out right now.”

“Look, Laura, I love you,” Steph
said. “You’ve always been like this. From the time you were a kid. I had things
organized and planned. For whatever reason, you never got yourself into too
much trouble and you always lucked out. But right now you have to realize
you’re not get any younger. You’re not going to get younger. What happened…”

“Stop it,” Laura said. She put a
hand up. “I came to have a cup of coffee with my sister.”

“You came to hide. Your tail is between
your legs right now.”

“Maybe it is.”

“Why?” Steph's face was red and
stressed. Her eyes big and glossy.

Please don’t cry… if you cry,
I’ll cry. I don’t want to cry in front of you.

“I feel bad for letting people
down, okay? If I went to that meeting, it would put my foot too far into the
company. Things would be expected of me. The career would come before my life.”

“Oh, Laura,” Steph sighed. “You
think someone is just going to walk up to you and be
it
.”

“It could happen.”

Laura sounded crazy, but she knew
that Steph would somewhat understand. Laura loved her sister and was happy that
she could count on her in times like this. She looked around the house even
though it pained her.

“How long has Hannah been
sleeping?” Laura asked.

“Not long,” Steph said. “She’s
starting to teethe, I think. Rough night last night. Jeff and I traded shifts.
She even woke up Michael twice. That poor kid can’t even get a good night’s
sleep.”

Laura smiled. She wanted to ask if
she could go see Hannah before she left, but instead, she held it in and
finished her coffee. Steph took the empty to-go cups and threw them out. She turned
around and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Look at me, Laura,” she said. “I’m
in sweats and a robe. You’re dressed up. You’re doing things, Laura.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah, I know. But you have this chance.
Don't waste it."

Laura stood up. She had words on
the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t say them. Her throat was already
tight and she feared she was going to start crying if she said anything.

A little whine echoed through a
baby monitor in the living room and Laura looked. She blinked a few times,
trying to figure out if the whine was in her mind.

“She’s up again,” Steph said.

Hannah let out a longer whine.
Steph sighed and pushed from the sink.

“May I?” Laura asked. “I’ve got
nowhere else to be right now.”

“I can’t deny the help,” Steph
said. “Even if I think you should be in that meeting, killing it.”

“I will kill it in a meeting… as
Aunt Laura.”

Steph puckered her lips and shook
her head. She smiled a second later and nodded. “Go be Aunt Laura.” Steph
paused and then pointed at Laura. “Just know I am not happy about all this. I
appreciate the coffee and the company. But, damnit, you should be at work.”

“I’m fine,” Laura said. “And I will
be fine. Thanks for just being here. Like this.”

Laura rushed through the kitchen
and up to the steps. The stairway was lined with pictures of Steph, Jeff,
Michael, and Hannah. A beautiful family living an equally beautiful life. Laura
ignored the pictures and headed for the nursery.

She followed the cries and found baby
Hannah reaching for the narrow bars of her crib.

“Oh, baby, I’m here,” Laura
whispered. “Right here. Please don’t cry.”

Hannah let out another long whine.
Looking at the baby took Laura’s breath away. She felt her bottom lip start to
quiver and her throat grew tight again. As she reached for Hannah, her hands
began to shake.

I’m panicking.

Laura closed her eyes and shook her
head. She couldn’t do this.

Hannah cried again and Laura took
hold of her. She opened her eyes and lifted the baby up into her arms. Hannah
reached up and touched Laura’s face.

“I’m here,” Laura whispered. She
pulled Hannah close and began to rock her left to right. “I’m right here.”

Laura felt tears fill her eyes. It
was so silly to be like this right now. She had seen Hannah and held Hannah
dozens of times, but today just felt different. It wasn’t just her niece, or
her sister's daughter.

It was more. So much more.

Laura turned and saw Steph standing
in the doorway. Steph had a hand to her mouth and her eyes were glossy again.

Damn…

Laura felt a tear trickle down her
cheek.

Holding Hannah right then made her
think of what she didn’t have. What she had lost. It made her think of all the
time since she had spent running from the future, hoping to change the past.

“I’m so sorry,” Laura whispered.

“No,” Steph said. “I’m sorry.”

“I miss her… Steph… I miss my
daughter.”