A Thousand Water Bombs (3 page)

‘Sorry, Bee, but it sounds to me like your Dad’s right,’ said Fifty. ‘I mean, they are nineteen —’

‘Twenty.’

‘That’s ancient,’ said Fifty. ‘I’m not going to live with my mum when I’m twenty.’

‘I’d rather not live with mine now,’ said Copper Pie.

‘I’m pretty sure she feels the same about you,’ said Bee. She sounded a bit more like herself – insulting – so I thought I’d say what I thought.

‘Maybe the twins should move out?’

She sighed and put her hands on her hips.

‘Of course they should move out, Keener. Everyone knows that . . . well, except Mum. But everyone knows dads aren’t meant to run away from their kids either. It’s kids that are
meant to run away, not parents.’

I’d said the wrong thing, clearly.

only eight days left

As we hadn’t had a chance for a proper talk I made a list of everything we had to do for the stall. Some things were quite urgent – like ordering the water bombs. I
needed a Tribe decision.

I met Fifty on the corner, as usual, to walk to school. Mum takes Flo in the car but I never have a lift even if it’s raining. Walking’s better.

‘Guess what?’ said Fifty.

Guesswhats are always to do with Probably Rose. I didn’t really want to guess but he gets stressy if you don’t pretend to be as excited as he is about his baby sister.

‘Probably Rose can do a roly-poly?’

‘No. Be serious.’

‘OK. Well, we know she can say “yoghurt”, so my guess is she’s learnt another word.’ If every word Probably Rose said was going to have its own story, conversations
with Fifty were going to get
very
dull.

‘Exactly right, my clever friend. Do you want to know what it is?’

‘Of course,’ I said.
Of course not,
I thought.

‘Star.’ Fifty looked at me with a beaming smile.

‘Great,’ I said.

‘She looked up at the light and just said it.’ I didn’t bother pointing out that a star is not the same as a light bulb. Copper Pie and Jonno were by the school gate, but no
Bee.

‘
Is
Bee’s dad at yours?’ Fifty asked Copper Pie.

He nodded. ‘I didn’t see him last night but the trainers were there again this morning.’

‘You must know who’s staying with you. Didn’t you eat dinner with him? Didn’t your mum say you had a guest?’ said Jonno, a bit puzzled.

Copper Pie didn’t answer so I helped out. ‘He eats tea with the nursery kids.’

And so did Fifty. ‘And his mum isn’t that chatty. She tends to work on a need-to-know basis.’

‘Not all parents are quite like yours, Jonno,’ I said. I don’t think he realised dinner with place settings and proper food only went on at his.

‘Copper Pie, are you sure they’re Bee’s dad’s trainers?’ I asked. Footwear didn’t seem to be the most reliable way of identifying someone.

‘Good point, Keener,’ Fifty said. ‘Did you look for a name, Copper Pie?’

I laughed and so did Jonno, but Copper Pie didn’t join in.

‘The shoes weren’t named. I looked underneath and inside.’

‘Grown-ups don’t have labels. Divvy!’ said Fifty. ‘Unless . . . does your mum label you, Copper Pie?’

Fifty grabbed C.P.’s arms and turned them over looking for a label. He tried to look down the back of his T-shirt but he wasn’t tall enough to see so I did.

‘There it is,’ I shouted. I pretended to read the label. ‘A ginger nut with fast legs and a permanently empty stomach. Feed several pork pies daily, wash once a month and dry
flat.’

Copper Pie pushed me away and ran round to the Tribe patch, also known as the scrubby, damp, dark bit between the netball courts and the tree. We followed, laughing because Fifty’d
pretended to spot C.P.’s barcode.

As Bee wasn’t there it seemed a good time to get on with the list. (We didn’t need her anyway because she was swap stall.) I got it out but . . .

‘I rang Bee last night,’ said Fifty. ‘She said her mum says her dad can’t come back ever.’

‘Why not?’ said Jonno.

‘I’m not sure,’ said Fifty. ‘Bee wasn’t making much sense.’

‘Is she coming to school?’ asked Copper Pie.

Fifty nodded. But she didn’t come. So at lunch I finally got to go through the list.

It all seemed straightforward until Copper Pie said, ‘How are we gonna fill the balloons?’

I looked at Fifty and said, ‘How
are
we going to fill the balloons?’

Fifty looked at Jonno. ‘How —?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Jonno.

Copper Pie made a smug face. Fair enough. It’s not often he spots something we’ve all missed.

If you’ve never filled a water bomb, you’ve obviously been living in Darkest Peru like that marmalade bear, but I’ll tell you anyway. It’s not that easy. You have to
stretch the top of the mini-balloon over the tap and make it full enough to be round but not so full that you can’t tie the knot. Filling a thousand water bombs was not going to be a small
job.

‘We can’t do it on the day,’ said Fifty. ‘No tap. Not enough time.’

‘Well we’ll have to do it at home . . . I suppose,’ I said.

More problems were occurring to me. A thousand full-to-bursting water bombs would be heavy and take up a lot of room.

‘Could we do it at school?’ said Fifty.

‘We could . . . but where? The water fountain’s no good and I don’t fancy doing it in the loo.’ I made a face designed to mimic the idea of spending an hour in the
not-that-clean bogs.

‘We could use the art room – that’s got a tap. Let’s ask Mr Morris,’ said Jonno.

Mr Morris likes us because Jonno showed him the stag beetle that lives under the trees where we hang out.

‘Off you go then, Jonno,’ said Fifty.

‘OK.’

Jonno went, leaving us to discuss targets. Top of the list were: Callum (number one enemy of Tribe), Jamie (Callum’s shadow), Miss Walsh and Flo (she got my vote).

‘Somebody absolutely
has
to bomb the Head,’ said Fifty.

Well, it won’t be me,
I thought. I’d get caught (or miss completely more like). As usual, Copper Pie thought differently. ‘Sounds like a job for me. I could use my
catapult to lob the bomb. More speed, better aim
and
I could be further away – less chance of getting caught.’

I could see there was going to be trouble at the fair.

‘Do you think we should go over to Bee’s after school?’ said Fifty.

‘I can’t,’ I said. I could, but I didn’t want to. I’m no good at the soppy stuff. I mean, what do I know about dads leaving home?

‘Me neither,’ said Copper Pie.

‘Looks like it’s only me then,’ said Fifty.

‘Let us know what’s going on,’ said Copper Pie.

I wasn’t that bothered. It’s not like her mum and dad were splitting up. It seemed simple to me. Patrick and the other twin (I can’t remember his name. I’ve only seen him
about twice, and even then he might have been the other one as they both look the same) should move out and it would be fine again. Better, in fact, because of all the things Bee said about washing
and money and telly.

At home I got on with buying the water bombs. I found a better site, selling a hundred for 99p. Billy bargain! All I needed was credit card details so I got Dad. He finishes
early on Friday.

‘What’s this about then?’

He never knows what’s going on. One of us could leave home and he wouldn’t notice for a week. He’s always away somewhere doing something that nobody knows about (or wants to).
I don’t mind because when he is here he hangs round with me, which Mum never does. Our family is sort of divided. Mum and Amy (my big sister) and Flo (my little sister) go and watch girly
films and Dad and I watch action movies. They go shopping and we go off for the day, surfing (or skimboarding if there’s no swell). It’s great because there’s a long car journey
– we listen to music, eat snacks we buy from the garage, and chat – and then we get changed into our wetsuits, and we stay in the sea till we’re blue and can’t grip the
leash. Then it’s time for hot grub at the café on the beach and a hot chocolate. I fall asleep on the way home
every
time.

Dad’s asked me loads of times if I want to take someone but I like being with him on my own, although I might invite Jonno one day. Fifty’s too puny and Copper Pie can’t swim
very well and Bee’s a girl . . .

‘Dad, what’s going on is that we’re having a stall at the fair.’

‘Great. You haven’t done that before, have you?’

‘You’re only allowed one in Year 6.’

‘That explains it,’ said Dad with a wink. ‘And what’s yours?’

‘Water bombs.’

‘Guaranteed to sell out,’ he said. ‘Top idea.’

‘And a “Bring and Buy”.’

‘Like the W. I.?’

I explained Bee’s swap stall.

‘All sounds good to me. Except it’s not really “Bring and Buy” if you don’t buy. It’s more like “Give and Take”.’

‘Whatever. But I need
you
to do some buying.’

Dad tapped in all his card details and asked for next-day delivery, which isn’t actually next day.

‘If you order before twelve noon you get the parcel the next day but after that it becomes the day after the next day.’

‘Shouldn’t it be called day-after-tomorrow delivery then?’ I asked.

‘I can’t be bothered to answer that,’ said Dad.

He always says that when I make a picky point. He says I’m pedantic. I thought that meant I had feet with toes, which I do, but it doesn’t. It means I like things to be correct.

We all went out for supper, and Amy’s spotty boyfriend came too. I didn’t say anything to him. He talked to Dad about rugby, which I hate. I told Mum about Bee’s dad. She
looked really shocked and said I should have told her before, so she could ring and see how things were. I was starting to get the idea that perhaps it was more serious than I thought.

a week to go

Saturday mornings are good. Dad does the breakfast. It takes ages and we all get different food at different times delivered to different places. We stay in pyjamas until he
suddenly realises we’re going to be late and then there’s a mad rush to get ready for swimming (me) and ballet (Flo). Amy and Mum have a lie-in.

On the way to the pool I texted Copper Pie to see if he wanted to meet up later in the park.

The reply said:
COME OVERHEER.

I hadn’t been to his for a while. He’d rather come to mine and I’d rather
not
go to his. His mum shouts at him. And doesn’t talk to me, unless I’m in the
way.

Copper Pie was kicking a ball against his garage door. It was so loud I could hear it before I turned into his street. I joined in.

‘I’ve got to look after Charlie. Mum’s going to the supermarket,’ he said.
I
wouldn’t leave Charlie with him. He’s hardly babysitter material.

‘In here, you two!’ Copper Pie’s mum shouted from the kitchen. We went straight in. Some people have to be obeyed.

‘Charlie’s having his nap. I need you to stay
in
the house while I do the shopping and when I come back you can have a bag of crisps each. If he wakes up, go and get him and
be nice
until I get back. If Dad gets back before I do you can go to the park. Understood?’

I nodded.

‘Yes, Mum.’

She was gone. See, she doesn’t bother with ‘Hello, how are you?’ It’s all instructions.

‘Where’s your dad then?’

‘Gone out with Bee’s dad.’

‘So you’ve seen Bee’s dad then?’

‘Nope. I didn’t see any dads last night, or trainers, but this morning Mum said Dad had gone off early to watch a game over in Tyndall with a
mate
– so it must be
Bee’s dad.’ Copper Pie paused and made a moody face. ‘He usually watches me play.’

‘What shall we do?’ I said. We used to say that all the time. No one ever had a good idea. Jonno changed all that. Or maybe Tribe did.

‘We could get the guns out. Aim from my window and —’

‘Yet me out!’ It was Charlie’s voice, coming through the baby monitor. He’s three, not really a baby. He can talk quite well, except he can’t say Ls, Rs or THs.
They’re either Ys, Ws or Vs.

‘Yet me out!’

‘We’d better go,’ I said.

‘No way. Leave him.’

‘Yet me out, Mum!’

‘We can’t leave him, he’ll —’

‘He’ll what?’ said Copper Pie.

‘He’ll be upset.’

‘All right, Softy. You can get him if you like.’

‘Mum! Yet me out!’

I didn’t really want to, but I didn’t want C.P.’s mum to come home and find him screaming either.

‘Back in a minute,’ I said. The hall of their house is spotless. No shoes, no brollies, not even anything on the bottom step waiting to be taken upstairs. It’s because they run
a nursery and there are rules about being tidy and clean. We’re not allowed in any of the rooms on the ground floor, except the kitchen. Even at the weekend when there aren’t any little
kids there, we still can’t go in. Everything, apart from cooking and eating, goes on upstairs in their house. The staircase goes round a corner to get to the first floor and
that’s
when it all changes. I stepped over dirty washing, two books, the sucky bit from the hoover, a fluffy scarf, a toothbrush, a yoyo, a shin pad and a bowl with the remains of an
apple in it (or possibly banana), and that was only what was on the first lot of stairs. The second set was just as bad.

At the top I turned first right into Charlie’s bedroom. He was lying under his duvet cuddling a square of grey blanket. As soon as I stepped on his carpet he put it under his pillow and
got up. Charlie
never
gets out of bed unless someone comes to get him, because his mum says he mustn’t. It’s not normal to be so obedient. He’s the opposite of his
brother!