A Taste of Utopia (19 page)

“I’m well, honey. You worry too much. Last week was the year mark of my remission. Dr. Taylor is pleased with my last checkup and lab results. No need to worry.”

Mom had a double mastectomy and radiation therapy after the detection of a tumor in her right breast.

“Well, we’re going to go home and prepare lunch,” Mom says, standing up. “It should be ready in an hour.”

“Don’t overthink this, honey. If it is true love, as I suspect it is, you two were meant to be together. It’s fate. The universe conspired in your favor and united you. And nothing or no one but yourselves can separate one from the other.” Granny pats my face. Her hands tremble slightly, reminding me her body is weakening with age, and I won’t have her forever. Her face, wise and crumpled, is filled with emotion. She means every word of what she just said.

“Thank you, Granny.” I look up. “Thank you, Mom. I’m a lucky girl to have the two most amazing women on earth by my side.” I stand up and help Granny.

“Honey, please be patient with your Dad. He’s not happy. And we have to grant him the right to feel that way. You’re his baby girl.”

“I know, Ma.”

They leave me to my thoughts. I watch Seth and Jake. They hit it off well. Seth is pretending to be a sea turtle. With Jake on his back, he dives into waves and surfaces.

I wish Caleb and Luna were here to meet Seth as well.

Seth turns into a sea monster, roaring and pouncing. Subsequently, he transforms into a shark. Finally, he claims to be a jellyfish. “No strength left in my body, little man. We need to get out of the water.”

“Can we watch
Dragon Tales?
” Jake asks.

“After lunch? I’m famished.”

“I’m famished, too,” Jake repeats in the same tone as Seth. Jake lifts his hand to fit into Seth’s. A slew of emotions runs across Seth’s face as he stares at their linked hands. When he raises his head, his expression is unreadable.

We stuff the towels in the beach bag mom left behind and head home. Strolling up the dry grass skirting the beach, Seth and I hold Jake’s hands and we swing him back and forth.

“Weeee. Again, again!” Jake says, giggling and squeaking.

AFTER A QUICK
shower to rinse off the ocean, we head to the back patio of the house where we usually have our meals. It offers an astounding view.

My heart thumps when I identify Dad’s omnipotent frame. He glares our way. His gaze is fixed on Seth. Oh, this will be a disaster. I can feel it.

“Hi, Dad.” I let go of Jake’s hand and inch closer to him. “How are you?” My mouth feels as if I just gargled with sand.

Dad locks his arms around my shoulders and kisses my forehead. “Hey, darling.” His body is stiff against mine.

I take a side step to stand next to Seth. “I want you to meet Seth. Seth, this is my dad, Ben Cahan.”

Seth offers his hand and his lips curve into a warm smile. “It’s great to finally get to meet you, sir. Lottie has told me great things about you.”

“Pity I can’t say the same about you. In fact, I never heard your name until the news of this absurd wedding,” he says without omitting the displeasure in his voice. His hand remains unmoving along his body.

“Well, I do believe I owe you an explanation,” Seth offers, dropping his hand. The muscles across Seth’s shoulders appear ready to snap. To his credit, he maintains a level head, and his eyes remain on Dad’s.

Admiration for my husband floods my chest, bubbling with warm fuzzy feelings.

Dad comes from a lineage of great men. He is intimidating. He is arrogant. He is egotistical. He knows his place in this world. Along with the pedigree he inherited, Dad has a sense of entitlement, and a superiority complex.

“Damn right, you do. And I intend to collect.” Dad’s voice is glacial and all sharp angles like an iceberg sticking out of the ocean. His stare is as bone chilling as an arctic wind.

“Uh, Dad, can we talk about this some other time? Let’s not upset Mom during lunch.” There’s a long pause in which he continues staring down Seth. Seth doesn’t flinch. I’m in awe of him.

“You’re right, darling,” he finally agrees and smiles, his face possessing the levity of someone who doesn’t have a care in the world. It always puzzled me how Dad can flip an internal switch on his emotions.

We circle the table. I forgo my usual seat next to Dad in favor of sitting between Seth and Jake.

Mom and Granny serve a crab salad and cold chicken sandwiches for lunch. We exchange pleasantries as we eat.

Grandpa leads the conversation with his easygoing personality and funny jokes. What I love the most about him is how he amuses himself. He often laughs at his own jokes. His exuberant and jovial demeanor is contagious. Within the hour, Seth eyes him with a glint of admiration that warms my heart.

The usual disdain Dad offers Jake, today he extends to Seth. I resent Dad for his indifference to Jake. He shuns his one and only grandchild. All because he never accepted or forgave Caleb for marrying Luna.

I love the man to death, but Dad is bigoted and intolerant. He thinks we’re superior to other humans. To him, bloodline, tradition, and the color of the skin, are absolutes. Subsequently, not even money can equal lineage.

Take Chloe for instance. Her father has amounted a massive fortune. They have gazillions more money than we do. However, because her dad is self-made, my dad doesn’t deem him worthy of respect.

“What’s your profession, son?” Grandpa asks Seth, snatching me out of my reverie.

“Sales,” Seth responds after taking a sip of Chardonnay.

“What kind of sales?”

“Men’s clothing. Mainly intimate apparel.”

“What, exactly, is your position?” Granny inquires.

“Marketing. But I do administrative work when needed,” Seth responds.

His answer is evasive. He omitted the name of the company, and the fact that he is one of the owners. Seth has this mystery about him. Although he always presents himself as genuine, there is always a shadow surrounding him. No, it’s like a cloak of mystery covering secrets. The bummer is: I can’t put my finger on the cause.

“Hey, little man, you done?” Seth asks Jake.

“Yep. Can we watch
Dragon Tales
now?” Jake asks.

“If it’s okay with your grandma.”

“Yeah, sure. He’s been dying to watch the show,” Ana says, turning to Jake. “Just one episode, hun.”

“Okay, Grandma.”

“Let’s go then, buddy.” Seth stands and stretches his hand out to Jake.

I can’t understand why, but Seth looks at Jake in a very peculiar way. Does he have children, and Jake reminds him of them? Perhaps he wants children, and Jake triggers the thoughts. But it’s useless to speculate, I guess.

Before they leave, I say, “I’ll help Mom clean up and then I’ll join you.”

“Okay,” Seth says, leaning in and pecking a kiss on my head. Then he leaves holding Jake’s hand as if they were lifelong friends.

Mom’s eyes sparkle with delight as she watches them leave. Dad’s eyes could poke a hole in Seth’s back.

“Your husband appears to be a decent man, Lottie,” Grandpa says.

“Don’t be absurd. We just met the man,” Dad grumbles.

“A decent character is easy to detect. Especially nowadays, when it’s so scarce.” Grandpa turns to me and asks, “Everything ready for law school?”

Grateful for the change in subject, I proceed to give a rundown of my academic life.

Seth

LIFE IS A MEAN
bitch, and the world is not nearly as big as I had thought.

I study Jake’s profile as he slides the DVD inside the player. “Do you like
Dragon Tales?
” he asks.

“Don’t know, little man. Never watched.”

“My dad loves it. Mom says it’s because he’s two. But he’s not two. He’s older than me, and I’m four.” He puts up four fingers.

“What’s your mama’s name?” I hold my breath. Some masochistic side of me wants to hear it from him.

“Luna. It means moon.”

I swallow hard and rub my clammy hands over my shorts. Thousands of black spots cross my eyes. I sink into the couch.

Jake slides next to me. With his feet hanging off the oversized sofa, he leans on me and finds a comfortable position to watch the show.

I want to wrap my arms around his shoulder and hug him to my side. Hell, what I really want is to cry. In my wildest dreams, I never thought this would happen.

Luna was part of my past. She died to me the same day I died to her. Yet, here I am, sitting right beside her flesh and blood.

I study him. His mane of blond hair and eyes are like mine, which in turn are like Luna’s father’s. The genetic pool keeps physical traits well and alive. Jake reminds me of a younger version of myself. But what overwhelms me the most is his name. Luna named him after me. The notion that I meant that much to her is humbling, daunting, frightening even. An onslaught of thoughts rush through my mind, making me dizzy.

The past is finally catching up with me. I have a feeling I won’t be able to outrun it any longer.

I fix my gaze on the screen as my mind goes back to before I died.

Luna was everything I had. She was more than just my cousin. She was my moon, my sun, my best friend but most importantly, she was my savior. Because of her, I didn’t end up in a body bag or get my ass locked up in jail.

Luna came into my life after Uncle Simon died.

Because of Luna, I learned what love was. She was the perfect definition of unconditional love. We became inseparable. It was her and me against the world. A small world composed of a drug addict for a mother, an abusive fucker for a father, and an empty belly at the end of the day.

Memories I tried to gouge out of my mind stomp through my head like an untamed herd of bulls hurtling down a ravine.

My stomach coils and lunch threatens to come up. Images I thought I had purged resurface. They stab, burrow, and twist, causing a lifetime of pain to flare up.

Luna has been my hero ever since the day she killed my dad.

Disordered and muddled snapshots of the last time I saw Dad run through my head.

I hear the hiss of Dad’s panted breath behind my ear. My nostrils fill with the stench of cheap liquor, rancid sweat, and stale cigarettes. I feel the pain of when Dad’s fingers sank on my hips, bruising my skin and charring my soul. I remember the hard ramming of his pelvis on my back, rattling me down to my bones. Echoes reverberate in my head from the blows of his fist on my ear. I still hear the crackling sound of my ribs when my chest caved under the steel toes of his beige boots. I feel the bite of his belt on my skin. I smell the putrid stench of urine as he pissed on me.

Then, the merciful veil of unconsciousness shrouds me.

Two days later, I woke up in a hospital. A psychologist told me of Dad’s fate. Luna had killed him with a baseball bat. She cracked his head open. Dad would never rape me again.

“ARE YOU OKAY?”
Lottie asks, peering at me from the opened door.

I repeatedly blink, snapping out of the haunting memories. I raise my eyes to meet hers. A frown creases her forehead.

“Huh?” I shake my head slightly.

“Are you okay?” She sits next to me.

“I’m all right. Tired. Too much sun.” I stretch my arms over my head and link my fingers behind my neck.

“Looks like someone didn’t watch the show after all.” She nods to Jake, who is now sprawled on the couch, his head resting on my thigh.

I look to the TV screen. It’s blue. I wonder how long I’ve sat here, lost in the past. My hand finds Jake’s mane of blond hair. My fingers sift through the fine strands. It’s soothing.

“Hey, if this is too much, and you want to bail out, I won’t hold it against you,” Lottie says, wringing her hands.

I glance at the door. The last thing I need is someone prying into our conversation.

“What makes you think that?” I study her face. Her lower lip trembles.

“The look on your face,” she says in a small voice and fixes her eyes on her hands.

“Hey,” I say, lifting her chin. “Hey, look at me.” She peers at me. Fear and insecurity cloud her face.

“Well, I’m not going to lie. This whole thing has been overwhelming. Meeting your folks, especially your dad, has made for quite a day. But I’m not going anywhere, okay? Not unless you want me to.” I tuck her hair behind her ear. It’s all true, but there’s so much more to this day. If she knew, her greatest concern would be getting a divorce.