A Soul Mate's Promise (25 page)

Dr. Brooks nods. “Yes, or, you Gracie, for instance. You might do something or choose to do something that changes the outcome, good or bad. I can see how upset you are, and probably fatigued from lack of sleep. Dehydration and malnutrition will cause hallucinations as well. You will make yourself seriously sick, Gracie. I know it’s hard, but you have
got
to relax. Let me check your blood pressure.”

Dr. Brooks gets up and snatches the cuff off his desk and wraps it around my arm. He pumps up the valve and waits to see the results.

“It’s a little on the high side, but, you are very upset–as upset as someone who is bereft and grieving. Here’s what I recommend. I’m going to give you a prescription for a sleep aid and something for your nerves.”

“No, I protest. “I have some, but Sal doesn’t like me to take them. I used them to control my panic attacks.”

“Gracie, I’m afraid I am going to have to disagree on this. The way you’re going, you will end up in the hospital if you can’t calm down, and that will be worse. These prescriptions I’m giving to you are mild, but I want you to start them immediately. If anything, you need restful sleep. How are you eating?”

Before I can answer Celine opens her mouth. “She’s not. I know her–my friend has a good appetite normally, and I can tell you she’s not eaten properly for days.”

“Well, the Valium should calm your stomach and lower the adrenaline so your appetite can come back. Get some liquid protein in your system till it does, or else you’ll end up very sick.” He looks at me a long moment. “Sal could be back in a week or so, right? If he returns to find you in a bad way because he had to leave, he will never forgive himself. He’s got enough guilt issues, Gracie. If you can’t take care of yourself for you, then do it for him, okay?”

I nod and for the first time all day, feel an easy smile. “Thank you, Doctor,” I say, exhaling loudly. ”I’ll try.”

As we get up to go, Celine grabs the papers with the prescriptions. She looks at Dr. Brooks. “I’m gonna make sure these get filled while we have an early supper.”

“Gracie, I’d like to see you in about ten days, but if you feel you need me before then, please don’t hesitate to call. I’m here for you.”

We get the prescriptions filled, then drive to our local sports bar on the beach. We go in, get seated and Celine orders herself a salad and me a bacon cheeseburger and sweet potato fries.

When the burger arrives it looks and smells delicious. I pick it up and take a small bite. I chew but I find it’s still hard to swallow, so I wait a minute before trying again.

“You’re going to eat at least half of that. The doctor is right. How do you think Sal would feel if he found out you ended up in the hospital? He killed a man to protect you and then you go and take yourself out? Think about that.”

“I’m not gonna take myself out Celine, and he wouldn’t know it if I did,” I state, the reality hitting home. “He’s off the grid. And he chose to go off the grid. If he wasn’t going to go on the mission, he’d be home by now. He said it could be months, Celine. For months, I won’t know if he’s alive or dead. Maybe I’ll never know.”

“Okay, baby, I can see you’re hurt and scared. And before you met Sal, you couldn’t stand on your own very well. But you’re stronger than that. If anything happens to you, it will kill him, Gracie. You know it. I know it.”

“He shouldn’t have left. Maybe that was the choice right there, Celine. He shouldn’t have gone!” I yell, slamming my hand on the table.

“I get it, I really do, baby, I know you’re scared. Truth be told, I’m scared with ya. But let’s pray for the better–think positive! Being the guest of honor at this old pity party isn’t doing anything for you, Gracie.”

I sigh and drink my iced tea, then take another bite of the burger.

“So, what are you thinking about for your wedding colors? You two are so stunning together, it won’t really matter, but I’d love to help. I was thinking…”

Celine chatters on, trying to cheer me up with talk of wedding plans and color schemes. On occasion, I offer her a smile or take another bite of food.

The waitress comes by and asks if I want a box. “No thank you,” I tell her.

But Celine cuts in. “Yes, she does. Wrap it up she’ll take it to go.

I was never so relived to get home from an outing, I was tired and drained, I felt a headache coming on too.

CHAPTER 25

“Come on baby,” Celine demands when we get home. “Take these.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “Maybe they’ll make me sleep for a month.”

“Ooh, sarcasm,” she replies with a grin. “That’s a good sign!”

I swallow the pills and open my mouth, making a joke to prove I took them.

“Good girl,” Celine chuckles. “By the way, how’s Antonio?”

“I haven’t seen him.” I shrug. “I just…aahh…. I think it’s going to be very emotional. He hasn’t called or come over to me, either. I think we feel the same way.”

“Well, someone’s got to break the ice. I think it should be you.”

“Yeah, I will,” I agree. “Just not right now. I think I need it all to settle. Doc is right–it does feel like I’m grieving.”

“Well, you remember our plan? Where’s that psychic’s phone number? Tell her your dilemma–she told you to call her. Maybe she can give you something positive to cling to.”

“I have it in the desk drawer in the study.” I yawned. “I put it there for safekeeping. Her name is Amina.”

“Those pills are kicking in Gracie. Go to bed baby, get some rest. I’m spending the night, so I’ll be here if you need anything and I’ll take care of Toby. Tomorrow we can call Amina.”

Even though it’s only six o’clock in the evening, I climb into bed and reach for Sal’s pillow. I curl myself around it as though it is him. I breathe in deep, the scent of him is almost faded, but enough to fill my soul.

I’m so glad for Celine and her friendship. And Antonio’s love, too.
Soon I feel as though I’m floating–my body relaxes and I can’t keep my swollen eyelids open any longer.

*       *       *

I’m in water–the ocean. It’s dark. It’s freezing and rough. I can’t move–I’m so tired. The waves roll me under–the salty liquid in my mouth, up my nose–it’s burning. I hear bells–I can’t breathe…..

Startled and gasping for air, I wake and sit straight up in my bed. Semi confused, it takes a moment to get focused. I’m home. My room. My bed.  Sal’s been gone for 4 days.

Catching my breath, I hear my cell phone “bells” as a text comes in. I eye the time: 11:45 pm. I reach for my cell and tap the screen. “Maggie! I sigh with a smile.

11:38pm.
R U Up?…
then
,

11:42pm.
Hello??

I tap her name on the phone and the call goes through.

“Gracie!” she answers. “I haven’t heard from you but you are on my mind–something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

“Oh God, Mags.. yes something is really wrong.” And I proceed to tell her all about Sal’s assignment and my fears.

              “When is he coming home?”

“If he comes home at all, it could be a month or more. I don’t know.”

“I thought he was retired?”

“He is or that’s what he told me.  He couldn’t tell me much except it was important that he help his team. But what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed?”

“Gracie, you poor thing! I know you–you’re a mess aren’t you? I knew it! I knew something was wrong–I kept getting bad feelings about you!”

“I totally understand that, Mags. I have been feeling like something terrible has been coming for months and now I know what it is–Sal’s not coming back, I know it. I finally meet my soul mate and start to get truly happy, and again history repeats, like in my dreams.”
  

“Okay Gracie calm down, take a deep breath. I don’t know Sal, but I guess I’m picking up on your anguish.”

“Maggie, if something happens to him, I will be shattered, knowing he could have prevented it.”

“How’s his father taking all this?” she asks.

“Poor Pop, I think he is as devastated as I am. I haven’t heard from him since Sal left. He was not happy either, I can tell ya that.”

“Gracie, listen–you hang in there. I’m still very worried, mostly about you. Don’t get me wrong, I pray Sal comes home safe and sound, but, watch
yourself
–don’t get sick, I just feel I need to tell you to be careful.”

“I’ll try Maggie, but really don’t worry. Despite how bad I feel, how terrified I am, I probably can’t cry myself to death, right?”

“No, but you can make yourself awfully sick in the meantime. Toby needs you and so does Sal’s father. I love you, too. I couldn’t bear it if you let this take you down.” I hear her sniff and then blow her nose.

“Don’t be scared, Gracie. I believe you have met your destiny, and I believe it will be different. He’ll come home, I know it. You need to take care of yourself so you’re there when he does!”

“Thanks Mags, you always know how to cheer me up, –even if it’s just for a minute.”

“Go back to sleep, Gracie. We’ll talk soon–it’s all gonna work out.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “Goodnight Mags–love ya!”

“Love ya, too! Sweet dreams.”

But I don’t have sweet dreams or any other kind because I can’t go back to sleep, and I don’t want another pill. I’d rather be miserable than too numb to think about Sal.

On the balcony, the air is crisp and the sky is clear. I hear a little squeak and look toward Antonio’s house. I step to the railing so he can see me if he looks this way – and he does. I wave and he waves back, then puts his hand over his heart and blows me a kiss.

I put my hands over my mouth and whisper, “Pop.”

I retreat back to bed but tears are all I have. Finally, I get up and take the Zanax and let the calm roll over me in waves. Anything is better than the constant flood of tears.

*       *       *

Toby pulls me out of slumber, with a bark. I bolt upright and my room is freezing. I hear him bark again.

Looking around I notice I left the balcony door open, which accounts for the cold air. Toby is out on the balcony barking. Grabbing my fluffy robe I go to check it out.

“Toby,” I bellow, “whatcha looking at, boy?”

He pads over to me, then trots back to the railing and jumps up with his front paws, keeping his hind legs planted. He yawns and lets out a whine.

I shuffle over and see Pop making his way over to my back screen door. Toby dashes inside, through the bedroom, and down the stairs with excitement.
Poor dog’s missed his buddy–and I have, too.

I follow Toby downstairs to greet Pop. On the way, I eye Celine, talking on her cell phone with a mug of coffee in her hand. I breeze by her to open the door for Pop.

Toby just about jumps halfway onto his lap. Antonio returns the love with scratches and pats. It makes me smile. Toby runs off into the yard and Pop rolls in.

“You want some coffee, Pop? I ask.

“No, caro, I’m-a-fine.

“You want some breakfast?”

“No, caro, come-a- here, sit with me.”

I let Toby back in, then follow Pop back into the house. I glance over at Celine who’s still on her cell, but watching us wide eyed.

“Everything okay, Pop? I ask hoping this will not turn me into a weeping wreck.

“Mio caro,” he starts. “I know your-a scared and sad, it’s breaking my heart. Sal told me before he left how much it hurts him to leave you. I told him not to leave then–I told him that if you were right and he got himself killed it would destroy you. ‘Stay here,’ I told him. But he would not change-a-his decision.

“Gracie…” he quietly goes on. “The Sal I thought I knew, the one I thought-a-was avoiding his mother in her last days was a selfish boy who was incapable of loving anyone except himself. I now know how wrong I was. My son turned out to be a man; a strong-a-man with honor. A man me and-a-his momma can be proud of.” Pop wipes at his moist eyes, then continues.

“I never seen him love anyone the way he loves you Gracie. Watching him with you opened my heart. My eyes see him differently than before. He was dark and distant until you. I told-a-my son that I will trust his word, when he says he will come home. He needs you to believe it to. He told me the mission should be a secure one, no danger. Caro, he loves you, he won’t put himself in danger now like he did before. He won’t take-a-that risk.”

“I know, Pop.  But my mind won’t stop thinking of things that could go wrong–’its driving me crazy!”

“I know what you have-a dreamt, and all the promises… Caro, he’s going to come-a-home this time. Have-a some faith.”

“I want to Pop. I will try.” I can see how my pain adds to his and I take a good breath and smile. I’m so sick of crying. So sick of the nauseating fear.

He looks at me and winks like the old days. “Now, give this old man a hug.” He stretches his arms out wide.

I gave him a hug and he pats my back just like any dad would do. “It’s going to be all right Caro, its-a-gonna be all right.”

I help Pop out the door, keeping an eye on him as he makes his way back to his deck and disappears into the house. Then I head to the sofa. The pills make me groggy like I was out drinking all night. Celine follows and sits next to me, handing me a coffee.

“Thanks,” I say without looking in her direction. I just sit still waiting for my head to explode. That must be what happens when you lose your mind…

“You okay?” Celine asks, tugging on my robe.

“Yeah, I guess. Talked to Maggie last night. She gets ‘feelings’ too. She had one about me. She thinks Sal will be okay. She’s more worried about me.” I take a sip of coffee and stare out the lanai doors. I shake my head in confusion.

”Well, I’m worried about you, too. We’ve got to get you back on your feet, baby.”

We sit quiet for a while not talking, just drinking our coffee. Finally I look over at Celine. “I really need to talk to Amina.”

*       *       *

After I shower, dress and pull my bed together, I go into the study and rummage around the desk drawer to find the card with Amina’s number on it.

“I found it! I yell to Celine.

“Oh good,” she hollers back. “Call her!”

We sit down in the parlor, making our selves comfy on the couch. I pick up my cell phone and hit the numbers Amina had scribbled on the back of the card, remembering she told me to call her anytime if I had more questions. Well, holy hell did I ever! As it rings I put the phone on speaker so Celine can hear her, too.

“Hello?” A young female voice answers.

“Hello. Umm, I’m calling for Amina,” I say. “I had a reading a while back and she told me I could call her if I had any questions.”

“Oh? Who is this please?”

“My name is Gracie. I met Amina in St. Augustine at the psychic fair back in October. She read me and my boyfriend–well, now he’s my fiancé.”

“Oh, hi, Gracie! I remember you. This is Yvette, Amina’s granddaughter.”

“Yes! I remember you, too! I don’t think I will ever forget that Halloween as long as I live. How are you?”

“I am fine, but grandma passed on about a month or so ago. She died peacefully, in her sleep.

Celine and I look at each other in horror. “Oh my god, Yvette! I am so sorry!” I wail.

“Thank you. But it’s all right,” she replied. “She was old and had some health complications.”

“Yvette, I will never forget her. Even though I met her once, she touched me so deeply and told me things that blew me away! I had a dream one night and she was there. I saw her so vividly!”

“Yeah, she was something. She touched a lot of people’s hearts. Hey, tell me something?” Yvette paused for a second. “How did you get my private number?”

“This is
your
number?” I repeat. “Amina gave it to me. She wrote it on the back of her card and told me to call her if I needed anything. I just assumed it was
her
number.”

“Gracie, when did you have the dream that you saw her?”

“About a month or so… maybe... Oh, I remember. It was the night of the benefit–December seventh.”

“Gracie, Grandma died on the fourth. She must have come to you–and I just bet she gave you my number on purpose. Grandma had a very special and powerful gift and she didn’t share that with many people. I’m positive she knew what she was doing. So, tell me, why did you call? Is there something wrong? I am picking up some mixed emotions from you–sadness for one–can I help?”

Celine’s blue eyes grow wider as I shoot her a glance.

“Well, maybe you can,” I answer. “I
am
sad but I’m also frightened. Amina mentioned to Sal and me that we should never separate now that we’d found each other. Just recently Sal had to leave me for a while, I’m not sure for how long and I can’t contact him. He’s military, so he’s on a job, I’m nervous for his safety. Giving her the quick version of my visions. “I guess I wanted to ask your grandmother if she could help, maybe see something that would help me to believe this time will be different.”