A Song for Us (3 page)

But I had no idea where our relationship stood anymore. The thought of her being able to dismiss me so easily was too much, and I pushed the idea away and focused on the cigarette that glowed hot in my hand. The photographer began to yell questions at us, asking if we were together.

“Long time no see.” She sighed loudly as she stared off at the street.

I nodded, squinting in the bright sunlight. It was overbearingly warm out and my stomach began to turn from the alcohol. “How’ve you been?” I asked, still unable to look at her. It was no secret I had a thing for her, and if everyone else could see it, I knew she could, too.

“Can’t complain.”

“Can’t or won’t?” I finally chanced a glance at her and smiled when her eyes met mine. Sarah was forced to grow up fast the way I had, and it was one of the reasons we had become so close while on the road together. We were exposed to the ugly side of life when we should have been hanging out with friends and playing games.

Witnessing my brother’s death when he was hit by a car had destroyed me. We stood in the front yard of our home as on any
other day. I threw around a football with Robert, who was only nine at the time, but he wanted to be just like me when he got older. As I threw the ball, there was a screeching of tires and the entire world slowed to a stop as I spun around to see a light blue Buick careening toward us. I panicked, unable to inhale as my eyes darted back to my brother, who was still smiling, oblivious to what was about to happen. It was the most horrific day of my life. Everyone knew, but no one ever brought it up. Sarah did the complete opposite. She forced me to face it so I could start to move past it.

“Both I suppose.”

“Get closer together!” the photog yelled at us.

“Get a real fucking job,” I snapped back. His camera began to click faster as he continued to try to get a rise out of me.

“Don’t let him get to you,” Sarah said under her breath.

The door opened behind us and we both turned around to see Derek, his eyes darting back and forth between us before landing on Sarah. He ran his hand roughly through his dark, shoulder-length hair.

“Cass is here. She’s asking for you.”

“It was good talking to you, E.” Her lips tugged up into a small grin as she stepped inside. I let the door close completely before I took another long drag from my cigarette and flicked it toward the photographer. He swore loudly as I opened the door to the church and slid inside, smiling from ear to ear.

My eyes flicked to the other door at the far end of the chapel that concealed the girls before I headed into the private room that held the band. I stopped as I stepped inside and Derek stood before me.

“What’s up, man?” I asked casually as I made my way to the snack table and nonchalantly poured myself a Jack and Coke.

“Nothing really. Was just telling the guys about a concert we had a few weeks back outside of Vegas. It was wild, man. The chicks were insane.” He was no longer talking to just me, and I gulped down my beverage, crumpling the plastic cup in my hand as he rambled on about some groupie who was willing to do anything to sneak off with him. Tucker placed his hand on my shoulder and I nodded at him, letting him know I was not going to fuck up this day for him. He patted my back before taking the bottle and pouring himself a drink.

“She made her choice. You can’t do anything to help her if she doesn’t want to be helped,” he said quietly as the twins laughed loudly at something Derek had said.
She made her choice.
Those words stung like a motherfucker. I ran the back of my hand over my lips as I let that reality sink in.

It was time for me to make a choice and stop sitting around waiting for someone who didn’t want me. It was just a fucking crush. I wasn’t even sure if Sarah had ever felt the same way about me. We would flirt, sure, but it never went any further than that.

As if she were listening into my thoughts, the door popped open and Sarah stuck her head inside. “It’s time.” She grinned, her eyes meeting mine briefly before she looked down to the floor.

Tucker followed her out of the door, and after a few more words, so did Derek. I glanced at Terry, unable to hide the anger in my eyes, before stepping out of the room and following the others to Cass’s
room. All three of us would be walking her down the aisle in the absence of her father.

Cass looked incredible in a simple white gown that went all the way to the floor. She had insisted on this weird strappy shit that went across her back. I teased her for days about getting tangled in it, but she’d made the right choice. Her hair was pulled up in lose curls, and the only jewelry she wore was her engagement ring and that damn heart locket from Tuck that she never removed. I couldn’t help but smile with pride as she beamed back at me, her makeup making her look as if she’d stepped off a runway. I knew she had learned to wear it that way from Sarah. We had butted heads when Cass first came to be a part of our dysfunctional little family, but I had grown to love her.

“She cleans up nice, doesn’t she?” A voice broke through the silence and my eyes fell on Dorris. She was much thinner since the last time I had seen her, and she had aged at least ten years. Her lips curled up in a smile and I crossed the room in two large strides to hug her.

“It’s been too long.” I gave her an extra squeeze before she pulled back to look me over. “Does Tuck know you’re here?”

“Not yet.” Her smile grew. “I told him I wasn’t able to fly.”

“He’s going to be excited. You were the one thing he said would be missing.”

“That and a good meal. You boys are so thin.” Her eyes danced over the twins, who came over to give her a hug. Terry lifted her from the ground and she squealed, smacking him on the shoulder so he would put her down. “Hasn’t Cass been feeding you?”

“They eat like horses. I can hardly keep up,” Cass joked, running her hand down the front of her silky dress.

“I’ll have to send you some of my recipes. Tucker always loved my lasagna.”

“I’d appreciate that. Thank you,” Cass said.

SARAH

D
AMAGED AND FILTH
had become like family during our tour, and it was amazing to be back with them all. It was like coming home. My eyes drifted over Derek, who sat next to me on the pew. I wondered how it was possible for Cass and Tuck to maintain that “first love” mentality when only a few weeks after the tour ended Derek had already begun to grow distant again. Living on the road is stressful, and going from one gig to the next wears you down. I hoped this trip would help us relax. At the least, I knew that this time he was being faithful.

He looked bored as his foot jumped against the hardwood floor. He didn’t believe in marriage and wouldn’t even entertain the idea of making a bigger commitment. But I felt that he was all talk, that maybe he’d come around. We’d had some rough
patches, but we always found our way back to each other—in a lot of ways, he’d become my rock, and it was getting harder and harder to imagine my life without him these days.

I placed my hand on his knee to still his movements. He flicked my arm and I jumped.

“Stop that! You know I hate when you do that.”

I mumbled under my breath as I looked up at Tucker, who was standing in the front of the room, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He looked more excited than nervous, and it made me smile knowing Cass had found someone who truly loved her.

A lot had changed since we had gone on tour with Damaged. Our band was playing more gigs and that meant a lot of long hours on the road. It was nearly impossible to get a decent night’s sleep, and on top of that, the partying intensified.

I envied Cass and Tucker for being able to walk through hell and back together and still smile when their eyes met. I glanced over at Derek and he winked at me, causing my heart to skip a beat. He was good at frustrating me one minute and melting my heart the next.

E stepped out of the door in the back of the room, and his eyes met mine briefly before he made his way to Tucker and whispered something quietly to him. Tucker grinned and said something back to him.

“I still don’t like that asshole,” Derek’s angry voice broke through my thoughts.

“He’s a good guy”—I cleared my throat—“and you know
he’s been through a lot. What is your problem with him, anyway? He never did anything to you.”

Derek’s eyes met mine now. “Did he ever do anything to
you
?”

I hated that someone I had once considered one of my closest friends and my boyfriend didn’t get along. Derek had always been jealous of the friendship I had developed with E when Derek and I had first split up. Two weeks after the tour ended, Derek and I had gotten into a huge fight because E had texted me in the middle of the night after having another melt-down, and since then Derek had forced me to cut off communication with E entirely. But that was just how E and I worked. He listened to me and let me talk him off a ledge when no one else could get through to him. Then I would ramble for hours about my own problems, and he would just listen until his breathing would even out and I knew he was back to sleep. It didn’t mean we were sleeping together, it just meant we got each other, something that Derek had never been able to understand. Or maybe he just couldn’t help but feel threatened by E, by the thought of our connecting in some way. Either way, Derek just couldn’t seem to deal with it, not even now, after weeks of silence between E and me.

“No. He’s just a friend.”

“I see the way he looks at you. That guy’s been eye-fucking you since we joined the tour. I still don’t buy the ‘just friends’ garbage.”

I sighed as I struggled to not let my frustration get the best of me. I had given up a great friendship for Derek, but he still wouldn’t let it go. I knew his own infidelity in the past caused him to be concerned, but it was wasted emotion. I had never cheated on Derek, even in our darkest moments.

“It’s never been like that with E.”

“I trust you, Sarah. It’s him that I don’t trust.” Derek ran his hand over his shoulder-length, black hair as he relaxed in his seat.

“Then you have nothing to worry about because I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promised me.”

I could only nod. I knew it would be impossible to maintain a friendship with E when he and my boyfriend hated each other. The door in the back of the room opened again and Dorris walked out, limping slightly. Tucker’s face lit up and he ran to meet her at the end of the aisle. My eyes found Eric’s and he was staring at me, his face hard. The intensity of his gaze made it impossible to look away. I was surprised to feel a fluttering in my stomach. Was he making me nervous?

He wasn’t the angry asshole most thought he was. He had a deeper side to him that few got to see. Donna came out of the little room and made her way to E, saying something quietly to him. She wrapped her arms around his and led him back to the back of the church.

“I always thought he was tapping that.” Derek laughed.

I rolled my eyes. The thought of E and Donna was laughable. He had told me a hundred times that he wouldn’t risk their friendship—or her sometimes precarious position as the band’s manager—for a one-night stand. If Derek only knew him the way I did, he’d know E just didn’t chase hot women for the sake of getting laid. And he wouldn’t ever hit on me, either.

Dorris, Damaged’s former manager, took a seat on the other side of the church pews, and Tucker made his way back to the front to stand by the preacher. Soon after, Donna was sitting by Dorris’s side, and the wedding was ready to begin. Music began to swell, signaling the bride’s entrance. For a rocker couple’s wedding, I was surprised that they’d gone with the traditional “Wedding March.”

Cass looked stunning in her simple silk dress, with crisscross backing. As usual, she didn’t need to cover herself in jewelry and makeup. She was naturally beautiful. She kept it simple with a small necklace and a little bit of makeup to play up her features. The rest of the band walked by her side as she slowly made her way to Tucker, like magnets drawn to each other. The “Wedding March” continued to play quietly in the background, and Tucker’s eyes grew wide and his lips quirked in a loving smile.

The love they had for each other radiated off them. I wondered if anyone ever looked at Derek and me and felt that way.

The ceremony was simple but perfect. Tucker and Cass didn’t write their own vows beforehand, but spoke honestly
from their hearts about their love for each other. I cried as they spoke, and Derek gave my hand a little squeeze. I smiled over at him. His face softened and his eyes filled with warmth. The hardness that usually defined his expression seemed to slip away, just for a moment, revealing that the old Derek who had stolen my heart all that time ago was still in there, even after all we had been through. Trying to maintain a committed relationship while living the rock-and-roll lifestyle is nearly impossible, but we had survived thus far.

“I can’t wait until we are up there,” I whispered, trying to gauge whether seeing Tucker and Cass making such a moving commitment to each other was having an impact on Derek’s rocker bravado.