A Secret to Die For (Secret McQueen) (26 page)

One tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, and I wiped it away, giving him a hopeful smile.

The anger and sadness gave way to relief and pure joy, something I hadn’t expected to see here tonight. He hugged me so tight, my lungs burned. I thought he might never let me go, and I didn’t want him to. He kissed me softly, but long enough to convey more than his words ever could. My cheeks flushed, and I dug my fingers into his back, wishing I could stay enveloped in his safe atmosphere forever.

“No more jumping into the fray on your own, okay?” he said, finally releasing me.

“I think my fray-jumping days are behind me now.”

“Well, don’t get all boring on me.” He kept one arm around my shoulder and guided me towards his family. We exchanged hugs and kisses, and from what I could gather Grace was happy I was still alive. It was hard to tell what she was saying she was crying so hard.

More friends gathered around us. Mercedes and Owen, Tyler and Detective O’Brian, a few of the vampires who had come through the fight with us. Holden had told me Clementine was already gone, off to fill her new role on the West Coast Tribunal. Holden appeared at last, followed by the towheaded form of my father. Holden hung back, and I introduced Sutherland to the others.

If Grace was put off by having a vampire for an in-law, she didn’t let it show. She shook Sutherland’s hand and hugged him warmly. My father seemed uneasy with all the affection, but he went along with it remarkably well before slinking back to stand next to Holden.

A petite redheaded figure moved through the crowd, her vibrant hair standing out from all the black and gray. I broke away from Desmond and ran towards her.

Siobhan stepped out from behind a group of much taller men, and I don’t even know if she saw me before I wrapped her up in a tight hug. Shane emerged behind her, looking as unkempt as always with his two-day beard growth and mussed black hair.

“I didn’t know what happened to you guys.” I eased up on Siobhan and hugged Shane with similar fervor. The last thing I’d heard about their whereabouts was Nolan telling me he’d spoken to them briefly. After we left Keaty’s, I’d never gotten an opportunity to look for them.

Shane seemed bewildered to see me, and only then did it occur to me that some people might not know I was alive.

“We heard…” His voice drifted off, and he and Siobhan exchanged uneasy expressions. I didn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty details of how I’d come to escape death, since it was much too long a story to get into now.

“You should know I’m harder to kill than most people realize. But tell my how
you
guys got through it.” I was hoping a change in topic might keep them from asking too many questions.
Why aren’t you dead
was kind of a tough one.

Siobhan took the lead when it appeared Shane was too lost for words to explain. “We tried to get across the Brooklyn Bridge, but the congestion was too much. We ended up in Williamsburg trying to keep the spread down. I wanted to get to the fae gate and bring something through to deal with them, but we got stuck. It wasn’t as bad out there as it was here, though. The damage is minimal. We were lucky, since none of the necromancers were hiding outside the city.”

The story sounded all the more exotic thanks to her Irish accent.

Siobhan took Shane’s hand and squeezed, bringing him back from his stupor. “We’re glad the rumors weren’t true.” The pair of them hugged me, and I wanted draw it out, glad to know my friends had pulled through.

Most of them, anyway.

“Where’s Nolan?” I looked behind them, half-expecting to see him follow.

Shane gave Siobhan a look, and she nodded. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “He’s gone.”

For a minute I thought
gone
meant really, really gone. Dead gone. Shane must have seen my panic because he immediately shook his head and backpedaled. “I mean he left the city. He told me he was sick of everyone he cared about dying, and he couldn’t stay here anymore. He said he was going to Pittsburgh to take a job with his uncle.”

I felt guilty knowing my death had contributed to Nolan leaving, but I knew it had more to do with Keaty and Brigit than just me. Nolan had lost as much as any of us, maybe more. And I wouldn’t begrudge him a chance to find happiness somewhere else.

I
would
find a way to let him know I was alive though. Even if I had to go to Pittsburgh myself.

I led Shane and Siobhan back to the rest of our group, grateful to see so many people I loved together in one place. I’d spent so much time while the city was crumbling thinking about those I’d lost, I had forgotten to count my blessings. Now here they were with me.

Conversations drew to a stop, and as if on cue a light rain began to fall. It seemed only fitting that the weather should be grim at a time like this. There was little joy to bring, even though the man we were here to remember had been well loved in his time.

No matter how crazy he’d made us all.

I leaned against Desmond, and he held me like I might slip away at any time. Members of the pack were in amongst the public, and I noticed the way they all took a moment to acknowledge Desmond and bow their heads to him in turn. I had died, and though they didn’t know it, I was also no longer a wolf. I had no claim to be the pack’s queen anymore.

Desmond was now the King of the East.

When we got married, I’d be Queen all over again. So much for getting away from my royal obligations.

I didn’t hear anything the priest said about Lucas. I watched the crowd and recalled the last time I’d been here. I had been the last person to see Lucas alive, and nothing anyone else said could take that memory away. I wished Genie could be here with me, since she seemed like the only person who might understand what it was like in that final moment, but she’d gone back to Louisiana as soon as it was safe to leave the city.

Though most funerals now were being held with empty caskets, in this case it wasn’t because Lucas’s body was in cold storage. They hadn’t found him yet, and they might not ever. He was lost in the rubble, but now I was finally getting my chance to say goodbye. A chance I’d thought I would never have.

Burying my cheek against Desmond’s blazer, I stared at Lucas’s empty casket. He’d asked for so much from me during our time together. Some of it I’d been able to give him, some had been too much. In the end though, the inflexible, bullheaded man who I thought would never be able to see beyond his own needs had been the one who made the ultimate sacrifice for someone else.

He’d given his life to save my sister.

If people wanted to talk about heroes, Lucas Rain was mine.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Six months later

The news station on the small wall-mounted television was muted, but the scrolling updates across the bottom said,
New York Mayor Promises hundreds of new jobs in rebuilding efforts, and Pro-werewolf legislators propose bill for equal rights.

A few people milled around, speaking on their cell phones and checking the LED panel on the wall which announced whose number was due up next. The small crowd of my loved ones gathered on the wooden benches made the already hot space even warmer. Dominick sat on a plastic chair, holding hands with a handsome redheaded young man seated next to him.

Over the crackling speakers a Muzak version of the song “Chains” by Fleetwood Mac played at a low volume, turning all the other conversations in the room to an indecipherable buzz.

I was standing at the old wood counter, dancing nervously from foot to foot. This was my third time up to the desk, and the clerk was starting to get annoyed with me, but in actuality I was busy staring at the office across the hall, visible through a panel of windows. When Desmond opened the glass door and jogged across the hall holding only a newspaper, his tired expression matched those of the strangers around us who had been waiting hours. I suspected the lineup across the hall hadn’t been a party either. When he saw me, his expression lightened, but instead of coming to see me he gave me a nod before sitting down next to his brother.

“Did you need some reading material in case you got bored?” Dominick asked sarcastically, grabbing the paper. “What’s in the news?”

Ignoring the jab from Dom, Desmond said, “More of the same. Who should govern us? Can we govern ourselves? Can the vampires be trusted? Sounds like France is taking a progressive approach. They just legalized marriage between the living and the undead.” He glanced over to me and winked. My heart caught in my throat.

“The Republicans must
love
that,” Cas, Dominick’s boyfriend, said with a chuckle, squeezing Dom’s hand.

“Well, it’s a step in the right direction.”

“And what do our friends on the Tribunal think?” Dom asked.

Desmond shrugged. “Holden seems to be the most forward thinking of the lot. And he does well in front of the press.”

“Probably because he’s so pretty,” Cas suggested.

“Maybe. Either way, he’s gaining a lot of positivity towards the vampire cause. Which is more than I can say for your intrepid pack king.”

“Oh, come on. You weren’t
that
bad in the last interview.”

“No one told me media junkets were going to be part of the job.”

“At the time, no one knew,” Dom reminded him.

“Lucas would have been so much better at this.”

“He’s not here, though, and you are. There’s no sense in dwelling on it. Last time I checked the dead weren’t coming back.”

The desk clerk informed me there was nothing she could do to move me up in the queue, so I took the hint and rejoined our group. “Well,
some
of the dead come back. Just not the ones who are good at politics.”

Grandmere was
not
amused. “Secret,” she grumbled, clucking her tongue. “It’s bad enough the boys are talking politics at a time like this. Don’t you start making jokes.”

She didn’t need to remind me how lucky I was. I knew perfectly well what a gift I had been given. Funny how I’d needed to die to learn to respect my life.

And now that I had it back, I wasn’t about to squander it. “Did you get it?” I asked Desmond, lifting his newspaper to see what was underneath.

Desmond smiled and pulled an envelope out of his blazer pocket, handing it across the table to me. I peeked inside, and my heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face if I tried.

“You really don’t mind doing it this way?” I gestured to the city hall lobby, which wasn’t completely rebuilt yet, with a plastic sheet covering one damaged wall and a few windows still boarded up.

He took my hand and kissed my fingers. “Not at all.”

“Mom is pissed you’re not doing it in a church,” Dom whispered.

Grace Alvarez, who had been busy fussing with Penny’s hair, didn’t miss the remark. She slapped Dominick lightly in the back of the head.

“
Mom
doesn’t care what her boys do as long as they’re happy.” She directed this statement mostly to Cas, who flushed. For a long time Dom had been afraid to admit the truth to his family, so I was pleased to see Grace was making an effort to show him she didn’t care if he was gay or not.

Honestly I’d been more worried about her reaction to our quickie wedding. I’d jokingly suggested we should run off to Vegas to avoid the wrath, but Desmond had vetoed that idea immediately. And he was right, it wouldn’t have been the same doing this anywhere else. This was our home and these people were our family. Anything else would have felt like cheating.

“I’d get married in a parking lot at this point.” Desmond never took his eyes off me.

I looked out the window, faintly embarrassed by the directness of his gaze. It felt like we’d taken the long way getting here. Des had wanted to get married right away, but I had insisted we wait. Things in New York were a mess, and even though I never second-guessed my decision to marry him, a wedding wasn’t my first priority. The repair efforts had to come first, and there was a lot of fallout to deal with after we’d saved the city. The buildings weren’t the only thing that needed rebuilding.

It had taken me a few months to really feel like myself again, to believe I was alive and that I could enjoy the sun-filled days. Last time it had happened it was taken from me so quickly I half-expected Aubrey to show up and snatch it away again.

It had been six months since I’d craved blood or hidden from the sun, and I was finally ready to move forward with my life.

Coming back from the dead was not the easiest affair, as it turned out. Even after Lucas’s funeral it had taken me weeks to regain any real strength. After I left Calliope’s for good, it was impossible to settle into a routine. New York had changed, and just as I’d predicted, the world had changed along with it.

The news was beside itself reporting on what had happened, and the government decided it was an ideal time to bring its black-ops group to the forefront. Now Tyler and Emilio were nationally recognized experts on the supernatural, and I had been thrust into the spotlight right alongside them as the only female member of their team.

Since I wasn’t a paranormal creature myself anymore, I didn’t mind the scrutiny. But they learned pretty quickly I wasn’t the best face to put forward to the media after I called a CNN reporter an asshole on live television.

To be fair, he had called werewolves
freaks of nature
.

Now, six months down the road, this new version of my life was starting to feel like
real
life, however bizarre it might be. Hell’s Kitchen was slowly returning to normal, but I found I no longer felt at home in my old apartment. That was where I’d lived when I hid from the sun and tried to be alone. Desmond’s building had made it through the bedlam unscathed, and since I no longer feared his big windows, it was the most logical place for me to go. We were engaged after all, and we’d lived together previously. It made sense. So I’d moved the few items I cared about in there, along with a very enthusiastic Rio, who was getting fatter by the month on all the Fancy Feast she could eat.

I glanced down the bench to the people who had taken the time to be with us today. Shane had his chin perched on Siobhan’s shoulder and was rubbing her belly. They had apparently had more fun than they’d let on during their battle in Brooklyn, because she was now six months pregnant. They both glowed from happiness, and I couldn’t help but smile. Good things
had
come from the wreckage. Not to mention that kid would put my former ass-kicking skills to shame.

Mercedes and Owen sat next to them, casting barely concealed glances at the pair. A small gold engagement ring adorned Cedes’s finger, something Owen had given her the day after we laid Lucas to rest. Our ordeal that night had left most of us desperate to embrace life, and seeing everyone move forward had helped me put some of the darkness behind me.

After Lucas’s funeral we’d had to face some pretty jarring legal realities. Desmond might have been king, but all of Lucas’s property and wealth had been willed to me. I’d donated most of the money in his private holdings to various projects to help restore the city, but I made sure to keep the upstate mansion so the pack always had a place to go. Dominick and Cas had moved in there as the permanent caretakers, whenever Dom wasn’t busy acting as Desmond’s guard.

Keaty, too, had left everything to me in his will, though this had surprised me a great deal less than it had with Lucas. Even now, months after we buried him, I still hadn’t been able to go to the old brownstone, let alone prepare it for sale. I hadn’t finished mourning him, and until I did there was no way I could let those last pieces of him go. Some things would take more time than others.

Clementine was making a glorious nuisance of herself on the West Coast, but was otherwise thriving. Sutherland had taken over my old apartment because his own building had been declared unsafe. He was faring decently, though I hadn’t seen much of him since Lucas’s funeral. I think I made him nervous now that I was back from the dead.

Desmond glanced at his watch, and we both stared at the LED screen.

It flipped over to 43, our number.

My heart thumped, and I bounced out of my seat, checking my dress to make sure I hadn’t gotten too badly wrinkled while we were sitting.

“How do I look?” I’d taken a dress from Brigit’s closet for the occasion. Wearing it now made me feel like she was there with me, even in such a small way. I smoothed my hands over the white lace, breathing in the sweet, cotton-candy smell of her that lingered on the fabric. It was short, more of a cocktail dress really, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

He stooped down and kissed me. “You’re more beautiful today than you were yesterday, which is unfair, because you were already the most beautiful woman alive.”

Grandmere
and Grace fussed over me all the same, making sure my curls were all in place and my makeup hadn’t smudged in the heat.

Dom was the only pack member present, since we were waiting to have an official ceremony out at the mansion for the wolves. I wished Genie could have come, but it interfered with her exam schedule at university. She had promised to come for the pack ceremony, though, which my uncle Callum would be attending as well.

Though I hadn’t yet agreed to let Desmond turn me back into a wolf, the pack was being very accepting. I’d earned their trust by telling them the truth at Lucas’s, and they’d seen the sacrifices I was willing to make. In time I would likely let Des bite me, but for now I was happy just to be human.

I’d invited Nolan, who I’d been sharing weekly calls with since he’d headed to Pittsburgh, but he hadn’t been able to make it on such short notice. He seemed to be doing well, and of everyone had been the least surprised to find out I hadn’t died.

“Yer like a cat, Secret,” he’d said. “’nd your nine lives sure’s hell ain’t up yet.”

I hoped he was right.

Having a daytime wedding had meant a few guests were forced to decline out of necessity. Before making the final plan for the day I’d offered to have a night wedding so Holden and Sutherland could attend, but I’d known even then Holden would say no. We were still close, still speaking, but it was going to take time before things were ever back to how they once were, if we could get there at all. He’d killed me, and that wasn’t something he would be able to get over any time soon.

Having my father there to give me away would have been nice, but since the events with the Hands of Death, and Sutherland’s uneasiness around me in general, I wasn’t surprised when he bowed out. It was probably for the best, but it still hurt a little that he hadn’t wanted to come.

Shaking off the sad thoughts, I looped my arm around Desmond’s waist, and we walked towards the double doors leading into the civil union office. People in the lobby glanced up at our large party, but for the most part no one cared. It didn’t matter, though. I wanted to remember every single detail of the day, right down to the surly lady at the front desk named Bonnie, who I gave my best smile to as we walked by.

I wouldn’t take a damned thing for granted anymore.

Inside a bored-looking justice of the peace called us forward, and Desmond handed him the marriage license. Dominick and Mercedes waited nearby to be our witnesses when the time came.

Desmond glanced down and tilted my face up with his finger and thumb. He kissed me so sweetly I wanted to melt into his arms.

“You’re not supposed to kiss me
before
we say the vows,” I scolded.

“Did you want me to wait?”

I glanced at him, then at the people around us. We’d lost so much, sacrificed everything, all in the name of staying alive. It seemed we’d waded through a sea of sadness and turmoil, and now we were getting our reward. I’d literally died to get here.

I fought against the tears that threatened to fall, my heart full to bursting with joy. After everything I’d been through, this was it. This was what I’d fought so hard for. My city was standing; my loved ones were safe and happy. I’d done it.

I could finally stop worrying and start living
my
life.

So did I want to wait? Hell no.

I rose on my tiptoes and kissed him back. “I don’t want to wait one more second.”