A Second Chance (62 page)

‘Don’t do anything. It’s not up to
you—Eddie’s my responsibility.’

‘But… but he hasn’t got a father,’ David
said, looking uncomfortable.

‘That’s right, Dave. Eddie doesn’t have a
father. That’s just how things are. It’s not your job to try and be
one to him.’

David appeared more willing to be convinced
than Amy had expected. It was clear that his attempts to act as a
father to Eddie were prompted by duty, not by any wish for the role
that should have been Malcolm’s.

*

Next morning, Amy waited till David and Beth
had come back from milking before she went to get Eddie up and
dressed, leaving Beth to dish up their breakfast. She took him by
the hand and led him into the kitchen, where David and Beth were
now seated at the table.

‘Eddie’s got something to say.’ Amy gave his
hand an encouraging squeeze before letting it drop from her
grasp.

Eddie went to stand in front of Daisy, who
was on Beth’s lap. ‘Sorry, Daisy,’ he said solemnly.

Daisy clearly bore no grudge. She gave a
giggle, and reached out her arms towards Eddie. He took one little
hand in his own, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Daisy
responded with a milky bubble, then startled the adults by quite
distinctly saying ‘adda’.

‘That sounded like “Eddie”,’ said Beth. ‘I
think she’s saying your name.’

Eddie appeared unsurprised by Daisy’s feat,
or by the fact that she had said his name before “Mama” or “Papa”.
‘I’ve been teaching her how to say it.’ He remembered his task of
the moment. ‘I’m sorry I hit Daisy, Aunt Beth.’

Beth folded her free arm around him and drew
him close. ‘I know you didn’t mean to. And you won’t do it again,
will you?’ Eddie shook his head vigorously. ‘That’s a good boy.’
She kissed him on the top of the head.

Eddie hesitated a moment, then marched
across to where David sat. ‘I’m sorry, Uncle Dave. I promise I
won’t ever hit Daisy again.’ He thrust his hand out, and David
carefully took it in his own much larger one to shake it.

David let go of his hand. Eddie continued to
stand there, both of them looking awkward. ‘Well, that’s all sorted
out, then,’ David said. Another awkward silence followed, once
again broken by David. ‘Do you want to come down to the factory
with me this morning?’

Eddie’s face lit up. This was a rare treat;
Amy considered him too young to be entirely safe at the factory,
which she knew would be crowded with carts coming and going, heavy
milk cans being unloaded, and men too engrossed in the task at hand
and in talking to each other to take much notice of one small,
lively boy. She had only allowed him to go with David once or twice
before, and had worried the whole time they were gone. But this
morning it seemed well worth the risk.

Eddie took his seat. He and David attacked
their breakfasts with vigour, showing every sign of having put the
awkwardness behind them. Amy met Beth’s gaze and returned her
smile. Peace reigned, and as long as David contented himself with
being an overgrown big brother to Eddie, there seemed a fair chance
that it would continue to do so.

*

Things quickly returned to normal on the
farm. The morning after his outburst, Eddie picked Daisy a bunch of
flowers that, as they were no use to chew on, she quickly pulled to
bits and scattered over the floor. He then took to carrying her
about, something that made Daisy crow in delight. She was a sturdy
child, and Eddie did not look entirely steady under the burden, but
he managed not to drop her. In any case, as Beth pointed out to
Amy, it was not far for either of them to fall.

It was the end of January before Milly wrote
again. She was full of apologies for her tardiness in replying, but
when Amy had read the whole of her note she could not find it in
herself to be at all irritated with Milly. There was a bleakness
about the letter that seemed to Amy to go beyond the weariness that
might be expected of a woman in the last half of her pregnancy.

I haven’t got hardly anything done
lately,
Milly wrote.
I should be sewing and things for the
baby, but I can’t seem to settle to anything. I think this baby
must be quite a size, the way it hurts every time I sit down or get
up or just move. I had a dizzy spell the other day, then I was up
half the night being sick. Sid’s been that worried, he wanted to
get the doctor to me. But I wouldn’t let him—I didn’t want some
strange bloke poking around at me. I feel bad enough without
that.

It’s funny I should be so bad with it this
time. I kept as well as anything with Eddie even though I was
worried about Mal and all, and this time when there’s nothing to
worry about I’ve been that crook I wish I

The last three words had been crossed out,
and the sentence left unfinished. The letter gave the appearance of
having been folded away for a time, then taken up again and
continued.

It’s such a long time since I saw Eddie. I
bet he’s grown. I hope you haven’t had to buy him a load of
clothes—I’ll try and send you some money when I get the chance, but
I can’t just now. Fancy him turning out keen on reading and all. He
must be pretty clever. Doesn’t get that from me, eh?

Sorry for all this moaning. I haven’t been
sleeping much lately, that gets me down. I’ll be all right when
this business is over. Then I’ll be able to get Eddie back. I feel
like I won’t be right again till I’ve got him. I’ll manage it
somehow.

Amy wrote back promptly, and with an
assurance that there was no need for Milly to send money. Eddie was
part of the family, she wrote, and Amy was more than happy to
provide whatever might be needed. In fact, as she told Milly, with
cousins of various ages scattered through the valley there had been
little need to buy clothes for Eddie; he had simply become part of
the round that passed clothes from one house to the next as they
were grown out of.

Milly’s remark that she would “manage it
somehow” to get Eddie back puzzled Amy, but she put it down to the
helpless feeling that went with Milly’s obviously delicate health.
She was clearly pining for Eddie, which was no doubt making her
feel even worse. Amy was guiltily aware of her own earlier
suspicions that Milly might not want him back. She was also aware
of how painful she herself was going to find parting with Eddie
when the time came.

There was no further word from Milly by late
February, and this time Eddie left Amy in no doubt that he had
noticed how rare his mother’s letters had become. David was opening
an envelope at the kitchen table one day, when Eddie came and stood
at his elbow.

‘Is that from Milly?’ Eddie asked.

‘Nope, it’s just a bill from the store,’
David told him.

Eddie said nothing, but he gave the table
leg a kick as he walked back to his chair.

Amy slipped another biscuit onto his plate.
‘Mama will write again before long, Eddie. She’s probably just
tired lately, with the hot weather.’ He shrugged, but made no other
response.

Beth arrived from the bedroom with Daisy in
her arms. She and David set off to get the cows in for milking,
taking Daisy with them. It was a time of day that Amy often devoted
to Eddie’s lessons, but today she decided that a change of routine
was in order.

‘It really is hot today, isn’t it, Eddie?
Would you like to go for a swim?’

‘Yes!’ Eddie said, his face brightening at
once.

Amy gathered up towel and rug, and more
biscuits for the appetite she was sure Eddie would have after the
outing, and the two of them set out for the creek. She chose a spot
close to the house, rather than the more secluded stretch of water
David and Beth favoured when they went off for a swim together. Amy
had been careful never to suggest that Eddie go with them.

The creek was shallow at this time of year,
but Eddie only needed a pool deep enough for him to crouch down and
splash away wildly. When he tired of that, he clambered around on
the rocks of the creek bed, searching for interesting creatures
that might have taken refuge in the mud between the stones. He
claimed he could see an eel in one of the pools, but Amy declined
his offer to try and catch it for her. She sat on the creek bank in
the shade of an overhanging tree and watched Eddie darting from one
spot to another as something caught his attention, occasionally
plunging back into the water for a moment or two to cool off
again.

When Amy judged he had been out in the sun
for as long as was wise, she called him to her. He scrambled up the
bank and let her enfold him in the towel.

‘Look how long your legs are,’ Amy remarked
as she dried him off. Eddie was no longer the chubby toddler who
had arrived at the farm eight months before. He seemed to have shot
up several inches since the beginning of summer. Lily had recently
sent over a bundle of clothes her younger son had outgrown; Will
was four years older than Eddie, but Amy had only had to take up a
small amount on the hems to make his trousers fit. ‘You’re going to
be tall like your father was.’ She wrapped the towel around him and
sat him on her lap.

Eddie nestled against her, warm and soft. He
had what seemed an insatiable appetite for hearing about his
father; Amy only wished she might have had a larger fund of
uplifting tales for him. ‘Was my dad really tall?’

‘Yes, even taller than Uncle Dave. I suppose
Uncle Dave might have caught him up, though—he was only fourteen
when your father went away, he’s grown a lot since.’

Eddie shook his head. ‘No,’ he announced.
‘My dad was the tallest out of everyone.’

Amy smiled at his certainty. ‘Maybe he was,
then. And maybe you’ll be even taller than him one day. So I’d
better do
this
while I’m still bigger than you.’ She tickled
him through the towel. Eddie squirmed and giggled till he hiccuped,
and Amy held him close until he had calmed down enough to eat a
biscuit without being in danger of choking.

‘I remember bringing your father and Uncle
Dave down here for a swim when they were little.’

Eddie looked up, bright-eyed. ‘I bet he was
a really good swimmer.’

Amy laughed softly. She had no wish to crush
Eddie’s determination to see his father as a master of all manly
virtues. ‘He might have been when he was older. I don’t really
know.’

‘Did Milly used to come and swim here, too?’
Eddie asked, startling her.

‘No, the first time Mama ever came here was
when she brought you.’

He looked at her solemnly, almost as if he
knew what she was wondering: would that first visit turn out to be
Milly’s only one?

‘We’d better go and see about dinner,’ Amy
said, seeking a distraction from the uncomfortable thought. ‘Let’s
get you dressed.’ She unwound the towel from Eddie and helped him
into his clothes, then the two of them set off back to the house,
hand in hand.

*

Amy took Eddie swimming most days after
that, taking advantage of the warm weather that continued into
March. He had ceased asking whether the mail contained anything
from his mother, though Amy scanned every envelope that came,
hoping to see Milly’s handwriting.

She was relieved when another letter finally
arrived, though the envelope was so clumsily addressed that she
wondered if it had been written in near-darkness. She slipped it
into the pocket of her apron while she and Beth put away the week’s
supplies, and waited till David had taken Eddie outside to help
tend the horses before she went into her room and opened the
letter.

It took only a glimpse of its contents to
tell her that things were not right with Milly. A single sheet of
notepaper was covered in an untidy scrawl, barely recognisable as
Milly’s handwriting. There were ink blots in several places, and in
others what looked like the marks of tears. The letter itself was
little more than a jumble of incoherent phrases that could only be
made out with an effort. Amy recognised Eddie’s name scattered
through the letter, and she managed to decipher “wish I could see
him” and “just about forgotten me by now”. The last line of the
letter, which had been written a little more clearly, was “I’ve
messed everything up. I’m sorry.”

Amy sat on the edge of her bed and, as
calmly as she could, thought over what she should do. Milly was
clearly in great distress, and quite possibly ill. There was only
one way in which Amy could help her, though it would not be without
complications.

She took her writing supplies out to the
kitchen, sat at the table and wrote a brief letter to Milly.

I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well,
she began.
Would you like me to bring Eddie to see you? I’m sure
that would brighten you up. Don’t worry about having us to stay, I
know you won’t feel up to that. We’d just come for a day or two,
and we could stay in a boarding house. I expect we could get a
coach from Tauranga to Waihi, if that’s the nearest town to you,
and perhaps Mr Carter could pick us up from there, or if it’s not
too far we’ll walk. Just say the word, and I’ll see about booking a
passage right away.

She had David make a special trip into town
the very next day to send off her letter, then settled herself to
wait for a reply. Even as wretched and unwell as Milly seemed to
be, Amy expected a prompt and eager response to the idea of seeing
Eddie again.

But no answer came. Amy waited two weeks,
then wrote again, repeating her offer and stressing how willing she
was to bring Eddie to see his mother. She felt an urgency that she
was unable to explain fully, even to herself, and at the same time
she felt a sick helplessness. She had no proper address for Milly,
just the name of the general store where mail was held for her. If
it had been a matter of going on her own, Amy might have set out
without hearing from Milly, and trusted to asking directions along
the way. But she could not drag Eddie on such a journey, with no
certainty of what might be at the end of it.