A Real Disaster (13 page)

“Turner I-”

Turner stopped and I nearly crashed into
him.

“Let me guess. You think we’re great as
friends but nothing else, right? You don’t feel for me what I feel for you,
right?”

Too shocked to say anything, I only
nodded.

“I’m sorry,’ I murmured.

“Don’t be. It’s not something I haven’t
heard before… Especially after girls meet Nash.”

Turner didn’t sound angry, nor did he
sound resentful. Turner just sounded…
Sad.
I wanted to
grab his hand and tell him that it wasn’t Nash…
That this had
nothing to do with him.
Nash wasn’t involved in my decision at all. I
knew, though, that even if I
did
tell him that, Turner wouldn’t believe me.

“
It’s
fine, Lily.
I get it.”

“Do you?” I asked. “Do you get it
Turner?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I understand. I’m
just not boyfriend material. There’s no spark, right? There’s nothing there… Or
at least you don’t feel it.”

I didn’t want to ask if he felt it. I
knew what the answer would be.

“I’m sorry.”

“Let’s get back to the dorm.”

Turner made a sharp left and I couldn’t
do anything else but follow him.

*
         
*
         
*

I let myself into the dorm using my key
and immediately dropped my bag onto the floor. Sabrina, who was surprisingly in
the dorm studying, looked up when I walked in. She closed the thick text book,
marking her page with a highlighter, and turned to me.

“Rough night?” she asked and I nodded,
too exhausted to answer.

I shimmied out of my clothes and
exchanged it for a baggy t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants.

“I’m assuming the date didn’t go well?”

“You would be assuming correctly,” I
told her.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “It
started out fine,”

“But then it just fell to pieces. He’s
not for me.”

I
laid
out to
Sabrina the whole date if you want to call it that. I started with the night
before. Then from the time we left the dorm room earlier and bumped into Nash,
right up until I walked into the room. She nodded and murmured as I spoke but I
wasn’t sure if she was truly listening to me. She probably didn’t understand my
fear of being held down by someone. She probably would enjoy it the way she
talked.

“Sorry for bogging you down with this
crap. I just needed to talk to someone. I really thought that everything was
going well. Turner… Well he seemed like a great guy, a hell of a lot better
than Nash. But after last night and today… I don’t even want to hang out with
him, honestly.”

“I totally get it,” Sabrina told me.
“And Turner is a nice guy. But if I’m going to be honest with you, Lily, he’s
kind of dull.”

Dull? Now all of a sudden Turner was
dull?

“I wasn’t going to say anything before
because you seemed really into him.”

Really?
She obviously
didn’t understand what I was talking about.

“Whatever.”

I plopped down onto my bed and pulled a
blanket over me.

Curling on to my one side, I turned off
my lamp and stared, bleary-eyed at the wall. My body was tired and my eyes
drooped but my mind would not stop thinking about the day, or about Turner and
Nash.

Although I wasn’t going to admit it,
Sabrina hit it right on the nose. I liked Nash, as much as I didn’t want to.
Probably more than I should and I knew it. But there was something about him;
something about the way he talked to me, that drove me to him. Up until our
fight, he was the person I talked to if I needed anything, even more than
Sabrina.

Nash had the air of confidence and
security that I wanted coupled with the sense of adventure I craved. Compared
to Nash, Turner was bland.

And he reminded me of my dark past.

But it didn’t matter.

I didn’t like Turner and Nash didn’t
like me. He made that perfectly clear the other day and was obviously pissed
when he saw Turner and
I
together. I was right back to
where I started; alone. What was I going to do about it?

With that thought in my mind, I finally
closed my eyes and willed my body to sleep.

*
         
*
         
*

A few weeks later at around three
o’clock in the morning, I heard a pebble hit the thin window of my dorm room.
Before I opened my eyes, I heard the second and then the third pebbles. Soon
the pebbles weren’t coming one by one but instead in packs, sounding like hail.
If it kept going I knew that it would wake Sabrina up and then all hell would
break loose.

Stumbling up from my bed, I shuffled to
the window and looked down.

Though the shadows were thick, I could
make out Nash’s profile in the soft light of the flashlight he was holding. He
looked serious as he motioned me downstairs.

Jesus.

I hadn’t seen or talked to him for a
while, but at three in morning he’s bothering me?

The pebbles didn’t stop. I finally
grabbed my robe and as I left the dorm room I couldn’t help but wonder how Nash
managed to stay under my window without getting caught. Security patrolled the
dorms at night and yet they didn’t catch him.

Frowning, I pulled the robe closer to my
body and went down the stairs and outside. My feet were cold even in the
slippers that covered them and the crisp air slithered under my robe, sending
shivers through my body.

“Hey there,” Nash whispered as I got
closer to him. “Did I wake you?”

His cocky grin proved that he knew he
woke me.

“What do you want?” I asked. “I have to
get back to bed. I have a test tomorrow.”

Nash frowned and dug his hands in his
pockets.

“I wanted to talk,” he mumbled and I
rolled my eyes.

“Why? Why do you want to talk? I don’t
think we have much, if anything, to talk about... You made yourself very clear
last time we talked.”

And by kissing
that girl…

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you
about Lily… I came here to apologize. I shouldn’t have said any of that shit. I
was…. Well, freaked out, majorly.”

“You think?” I hissed. “I think you did
more than freak out.”

Nash nodded.

“I didn’t mean any of it. I should have
never said what I said. I… I just fucking miss you okay?”

Miss me? He missed me?

“Y-You miss me?” I stuttered.

He nodded.

“Yeah, I miss you. I miss you a lot
actually. I miss hanging out with you and seeing you. I hate not knowing what the
fuck is going on with you.”

“Why do you care? Last time I checked,
you thought I was clingy and needy.”

“I didn’t mean that shit. You make me
laugh and think about things that I used to never think about. You don’t fall
at my feet like all of these girls; you challenge me and push against me every
chance you get.”

I found myself smiling anyway.

What
the hell? How can he have this effect on me?

I should have turned him away. I should
have told him that I never wanted to speak to him again but the words just
wouldn’t come.

“Well, what if I don’t care about any of
that? What if I don’t give a flying fuck about how you feel or what you think?”

“Well-”

“You hurt me Nash. You discarded me like
I was trash and didn’t give me a second glance. You-”

I clamped my mouth shut, biting my
tongue. I was about to tell Nash something that I didn’t even realize until
that moment. I was about to tell Nash that he broke my heart. He broke my
heart.

I hung out with him only a few times and
he already broke my heart? I couldn’t help it.

“You what?”

“Nothing,” I muttered.
“Never mind.”

“No, Lily, tell me,” Nash pushed.

He brushed my arm, leaving a row of
tingles. Suddenly, in the dark, I heard the rustling of leaves and heavy
footsteps. By the time I turned, the security guard was standing in front of
us, tapping his foot on the ground.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“
I
 
just
had to speak to her and it
couldn’t wait.
I
couldn’t wait.”

“Well no student is allowed to be out
this late on school grounds,
it’s
school policy. We
don’t want anything to happen to anyone.”

“I’ll get back inside…” I mumbled.

Nash grabbed my arm before I could move.

“Lily-”

“I need time, Nash,” I said. “I know
that you don’t want to hear it but just give me some time.”

“Lily…”

Nash dropped his hand, shuffling back to
give me ample room to move.

“Shit.
Fine.”

“Thank you.”

Without another glance at Nash, I
schlepped through the leaves back into the building. My hands were numb but not
as numb as my heart.

Slipping through the door, I was
relieved to see that Sabrina was still fast asleep. Climbing back into my own
bed, I pulled the covers up, tucking them under my chin, and closed my eyes. A
part of me wanted to look out the window and see if Nash was still there,
waiting for me. I wanted to know whether he meant what he said and if he really
regretted everything that happened. I should have asked him about the girl. I’m
sure there was more than one.

But another part of me, a stronger part
of me, didn’t care. I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me with a bad attitude
and kissing other girls. If he wanted to be with me he would have to show me.

Though I doubt that will happen.

Despite what he said, I didn’t believe
that Nash was the type of guy to come back crawling, begging for forgiveness.
He thought he was too good for something like that. That was the last thought I
had before I found myself in the deep black orb of sleep.

Chapter
Thirteen

“Morning
sunshine!”
I turned my head and groaned as I saw Nash leaning up against the wall of my
dorm building.

He wasn’t going to give up.

After the night before, I figured Nash
would get the hint. He would sink away, leave me alone and go do whatever he
needed to do. I should have known that I was absolutely, one hundred percent,
going to be wrong. I should have realized that Nash doesn’t give up on
anything
.

“How did you sleep last night?”

“Like shit, actually.”

He had a cheesy grin all over his face.

“So… Are you ready for your test?”

In truth, I wasn’t even thinking about
the test. All I could think of was Nash’s visit and his admission. But the big
questions were…Was he being serious? Did he really mean those things or was it
just something he said to get into my pants?

 
“Do you want some coffee before the
test?
Maybe a little breakfast?”

“No thank you, I’ll be fine.”

“Without some breakfast or at least some
coffee, you’re not going to be taking the test very well…”

I didn’t want to tell him that no matter
what I wouldn’t be taking the test very well. Not with everything else on my
mind and in my life.

“Come on, let me buy you coffee.”

“No,” I said again. “I don’t want you to
buy me coffee. I don’t need you to buy me anything.”

“I don’t care about what you need. I
want to do this for you.”

“Why?” I snapped.

“Because I like
you.”

“You’ll say that and go kiss another
girl. That’s who you are.”

“So you don’t like me.”

“Nash…”

I didn’t get the chance to finish the
sentence because, at that moment, Nash grabbed me around the waist and pulled
me against his hard, taut body. His other hand grasped my neck as he crashed
his lips onto mine. I was frozen, too shocked to react.

Dropping my bag onto the floor, I found
myself wrapping my arms around Nash’s neck and tilting my head ever so
slightly, deepening the kiss. A spark ignited in the base of my stomach,
flourishing down to my toes and then back up. Despite the time that passed and
the fight that happened, I wanted Nash as much now as I did before.

What is wrong with me?

I had to stop.

A bad boy isn’t what I needed.