A Rancher's Desire (11 page)

“Euww.”

“—It’s almost like he can’t believe I’m still there. He has this fear that one day I’m going to turn into his mother, that nothing—no matter how wonderful—he does will make me happy with him. She
did
that to him. She made him
doubt
how amazing he is. That baffles me because when I first met him, dude made me reconsider my no fucking on the first date rule.”

Elan choked then gagged. “Jesus A.J. Do you
want
me to kill myself?”

She smirked. “I’ve gotten past the phase of imagining your painful death. Now, if you’d have asked me that ten years ago...”

Her twin’s eyes narrowed. “You’re an asshole.”

“I know.”

He put his elbows on the restaurant table, something he would’ve never dared to do had Evelyn been present. “The question is what’re you going to do about
Julian?”

She sat back. “Until I’m sure he can stop doubting himself
and
me, I can’t do anything. I have to get him to disassociate his insecurity about my feelings before I can open that door with Mama or she’ll take him right back to the headspace of thinking about his own mother.” 

Her brother sat back in his own chair, blowing out a breath. “Well, little sister, looks like you have quite the debacle on your hands.”

“Yup.”

“So what do we do while we wait for things to pan out between you two?”

She looked at Elan, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I know for a fact Lalani’s home today and doing nothing.”

He grinned back. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That we kidnap her and drag her out to the countryside again?”

Laughing, he stood and tossed down a twenty to pay for lunch. “You never did get over the itchy underwear did you?”

Aiyanna stood too, determined that today she would get her revenge. “Nope. And after this, Lani and I will be perfectly even.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so worried. It’s pretty obvious she loves you.”

Julian stopped pacing his brother’s family room floor inside of the brand new condo purchased courtesy of his winnings from the first frontier circuit. His nonchalant attitude was grating on Julian’s nerves. But what more could he expect from a man who was too busy immersed in the world of Xbox 360 ™ to be concerned about his younger brother’s love problems?

“
That’s
not the problem. I don’t doubt that she loves me. She just won’t
tell
me.”

Havan sighed as dramatically as possible and finally put down the wireless controller in his hand. He patted the cushion next to him. “Come and sit and listen to the wisdom of your older brother.”

Julian rolled his eyes but took the seat anyway.

“Now,
Hermano,
I’m going to clue you in on something that you may not be aware of.”

Julian waved a hand.

“Aiyanna is
not
Alyss.” His brother sat back like he’d just revealed the day the world would end.

Frowning, Julian said, “I
know
that.”

Havan shook his head. “I know you understand that in here.” He pointed to his head. “But it hasn’t processed in
here.”
He pointed to his chest. “You keep thinking that Aiyanna is going to suddenly wake up one day and see you as nothing.”

“That’s not true.”

“
Yes,
it is. I may not be too inclined on finding a woman to tie me down for the rest of my life but I definitely know love when I see it and the way that woman treats you is more than enough to prove it. I get it. Alyss never verbalized the words and she damn sure didn’t show it but you have to separate that experience from this one.” Havan looked him dead in the eye. “Tell me something. Have you told her you love
her?”

That made Julian pause. “No, but—”

Havan picked up his controller. “I rest my case.” Then he went back to his game.

Julian hopped up. “That’s it!”

Havan didn’t deter from his task of killing zombies. “What?”

“I’ll tell her I love her! Maybe she just needs to hear the words
first
! Then she will say it back and all will be solved!”

“Julian that’s not what I—”

“Maybe you
are
wise, Havan.” Julian chuckled after saying it. “Sorry. Even
I
didn’t believe that statement.” He grabbed his keys and headed for the door, determined to make Aiyanna come to terms with what they were both feeling.

Chapter Ten

Aiyanna wasn’t halfway in the door of Julian’s place before he was there, in her space, grabbing her waist and fully pulling her in.

“Hi,” he breathed, grinning like he’d just won the lotto.

Her smile was slow in coming but it did get there. “Hi. What’re you so happy about cowboy?” She sat down her bag and unzipped her hoodie.

Julian didn’t stop grinning but he did look at her hair curiously. “Why is there wheat stuck in your hair?”

Aiyanna blinked innocently. “I have
no
idea.”

“I have a feeling this has something to do with Lalani.”

She began to whistle and head for the kitchen. He followed. “Never mind that.” Going to the fridge, she pulled out things to start dinner then washed her hands. “Tell me why you’re in such a good mood.”

His eyes, as intense as always, focused on her as he made his way around the kitchen island. He gripped her hands in his and pulled her into his chest as he stared down into her upturned face. “Because, I love you.”

Julian’s expression turned pensive, expectant, and her stomach dropped. For a brief moment after he’d said the words she’d
felt
them hit her square in the heart. But his face, that expression let her know he wasn’t saying it because he was opening up, because he was finally trusting her. No, he was saying it simply because he wanted to hear the words spoken back. He was saying it because somehow, despite everything they’d been to each other, no matter how much she showed him in every other way; he
still
didn’t believe she really, truly, honestly loved him without her
verbalizing
it.

She could withhold the validation that he so desperately needed or she could tell him what she felt. Not saying the words back would hurt him and she couldn’t bring herself to do it, even if she didn’t believe he’d fully trust it, Aiyanna still needed to say it.

Julian had told her that Alyss had never
once
told him she loved him. What he failed to realize was his mother could’ve screamed it from the rooftops but she never
showed
him. Every man that came along was always more important than him and Havan. Aiyanna needed him to recognize that the
action
was far more important than just spewing the words. But still, if it was what he needed, then she’d do it.

Julian’s smile slipped then disappeared when she didn’t respond. He squeezed her hands and tried to smile again but failed. “Aiyanna, I
love
you.” He looked so worried that she couldn’t help but to want to ease that, reassure him.

Smiling a little, she reached up and cupped his face before she retorted, “And I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.” It was the truth, it wouldn’t fully penetrate with him yet but it
was
the truth.

That light in his eyes was back; the one he got whenever he looked at her, the one that made her heart stop. He looked so relieved that it made her happy and sad all at the same time. How could a woman, a
mother,
look at this face and
not
fall in love?

The grin returned and from that look alone she could tell all was right in Julian’s world. Because of that, all was right in hers too. Then that signature grin turned into a chuckle—a
mischievous
chuckle; one that had Aiyanna backing away from him.

“Julian…I’m supposed to be making dinner.”

Smiling wolfishly, he stalked her around the kitchen island. “Oh
Hermosa,
I’m looking at what I want to eat right now.”

“
No,
Julian. If I don’t cook now, we’re gonna be stuck eating frozen waffles in bed later…
again.”

He sighed dramatically. “Okay, I will make a deal with you.”

She waited.

Waving a hand as if he were ruler of all, the cowboy stated, “I will give you a head start.” He leaned across the counter and his voice dropped lower. “But know something
Hermosa,
when I catch you, I’ll make sure you can’t run for the rest of the night.”

Her heart thumped. Aiyanna’s gaze swung from his smirking face over to the set of stairs that led out of the kitchen. When she turned back around, Julian was standing in front of her. She didn’t get a chance to yell the “Oh shit!” that had bubbled up in the back of her throat before he snatched her to his chest.

“Too slow, baby.” Then his mouth was on hers and just as he predicted, Aiyanna
didn’t
want to run.

She loved him. That was all he could focus on. Aiyanna had finally said it and Julian knew deep down that she
meant
it. Those three little words may not have mattered to anyone else but they did to her and she didn’t use them lightly, that he knew. He’d been scared as shit that she wouldn’t say it back but she had and nothing could’ve made him happier at the moment.

As usual, she didn’t reject his kiss; just pushed her tongue into his mouth eagerly accepting the escape he was trying to give. Julian’s hands slid from her face to her back, to her ass, gripping and squeezing as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned around and placed her on the counter top.

Aiyanna’s hands ran through his hair then gripped his shoulders before she raked her nails down his back and the caress made his cock harder.

He ground his hips into hers, kissed his way from her lips to her jaw and nipped her throat. Aiyanna moaned, her thighs clenching around his hips tighter.

He pulled back and she whimpered. “Shh,” Julian soothed before beginning to undress them both. When every last stitch of clothing was gone and she lay bare before him, he knew this time was different. This wasn’t slow or sweet. The head of his cock rubbed between the wet folds of her pussy and they both hissed. Julian hooked one arm under her right leg, leaving the other to wrap around his waist again as he thrust into her. Aiyanna’s back arched and her hands gripped his face, bringing it down to kiss him again, their mouths moving against each other as frantically as their hips.