A Promise for Tomorrow (7 page)

“Friend, you’ve always had it. You should have known that.”

Carolina felt her emotions twist into a knot. She knew she was intruding on a very personal moment, but for the life of her, she couldn’t move from her place outside the door.

“I fear I’ve done nothing to recommend myself to the good Lord,” Leland said, making an attempt at lightening the mood.

“Few of us have,” Joseph answered with a grin that took years from his face.

“But my deeds have taken me so far from the truth of the matter. I know I’ve strayed from the path, and I’m not sure that God would ever take me back, but that is my desire.”

“It’s God’s desire, as well, my friend,” Joseph assured him.

Carolina found herself deeply touched by her father’s words of mercy. She longed to know the same peace and assurance as that which Leland sought.

“We don’t always know what God’s plan might be,” Joseph explained, “but we can be confident that He knows what we need and how to bring it about in our lives.”

“Just as He must have known how much I needed to receive your forgiveness,” Leland replied weakly.

“Exactly,” Joseph agreed. “God’s thinking is not as ours. We see the moment—the detail of what is before us. But God sees it all. He sees the picture in total completeness. Yet He still allows us to choose our own path, and we can never stray so far that God would not take us back should we desire it.”

“I’ve made plenty of bad choices,” Leland said with a raspy attempt at a laugh.

“You’ve made good ones, too. Edith was one of those.”

“Yes.” Leland nodded. “Edith was, by far and away, the best choice I ever made. She would be sorely disappointed in me, however, if she’d ever known how low I had gone.”

“Maybe disappointed, but she would never have stopped loving you, and neither has God. We must remember that He works everything out for His own purpose. Even our poor choices become the means to bring Him glory.”

“I’m afraid the railroad was never my dream,” Leland said after several moments of silence. “I knew your enthusiasm, as I did James’. I even knew Carolina’s heart on the matter, but I could not bring myself to believe in the possibilities of such a venture. Then the bank closed, and in truth, it had already been in such peril for years that it was a wonder the deed didn’t happen sooner.” He paused, his breathing shallow. “I took your money and your faith, knowing that I would never see the project through. I figured I could make one excuse or another and soon it would all straighten itself out.”

“Our own thinking often gets us in trouble that way,” Joseph answered without condemnation. “But it is a thing of the past. We broke ground on the P&GF nearly a week ago. So you see, everything has worked itself out.”

“I don’t deserve this kindness, Joseph.”

“Ah, Leland, we are friends. Friends overlook mistakes. Consider it no more an issue between us.”

Carolina felt her chest tighten. A lump formed in her throat that forced her to move away from the door, lest she break into audible sobs. Her father had such a forgiving nature, and the wisdom that came from him gave her reason to hope for her own future. It was a turning point. One that had come most unexpectedly.

She had no sooner reached the bottom step than she heard her father bidding Leland good-bye. Struggling to regain composure of her shaken emotions, Carolina tried to greet Joseph with a smile.

6
Strongholds

Joseph came down the steps with a questioning look. “Are you unwell, Carolina?”

Carolina shook her head, and even though she was tightly gripping the banister at the bottom of the stairway, she tried her best to appear unaffected by the scene she’d just witnessed. “No, I’m perfectly well, Papa,” she offered, her voice sounding ridiculously childlike.

“Why is it, then, that I find your words and expression do not match?” He came to take hold of her arm, and as they walked back to the drawing room, he gently asked, “Why don’t you tell me what’s really wrong?”

Carolina felt her face flush. “It’s just that . . . well, you see . . .” She fell silent and tried to imagine how she could explain. “I overheard you talking to Leland just now.”

Joseph raised a curious brow. “And that has caused this despair?”

“In part,” Carolina admitted. She took a seat by the fire and waited for her father to do the same. After he’d sat down beside her, Carolina forced herself to continue. “I’m afraid I don’t understand how you can be so forgiving with him. After all, he’s deceived our family and caused great pain. He promised one thing, then failed to deliver on that, only to turn around and do something completely different. And all while people were counting on him.”

“That much is true,” Joseph agreed. “But I suppose he had his reasons.”

Carolina shook her head. “There is never a good reason to deceive. He lied to us. He knew how important the railroad project was to us, yet he took the money and went his own way.”

“Desperation makes a man do things he might otherwise never consider. Leland is no different. He was never a good businessman. He tried his hand at farming and found that to his dislike. He attempted banking and made an even worse mess there. Leland is simply not cut out for those types of responsibilities.”

“But that’s no reason to lie and cheat your friends. You’ve been nothing but the best of friends to the Baldwin family, and still he stabs you in the back.”

“Harboring hatred and malice toward the man will do little good. Bitterness only affords Satan a stronghold.” He paused and studied her intently. “Are you harboring such bitterness toward Leland?”

Carolina looked away, ashamed to face her father. “I . . . it’s just that . . .” She sighed and shook her head. “He nearly ruined you. He nearly caused the Adams name to be condemned.”

“But it didn’t happen that way, Carolina. You are holding something against the man that never happened.”

“But it could have!” declared Carolina, turning to face her father. “His deception caused a great deal of harm.”

“It delayed the P&GF’s construction, but, Carolina, I believe all things happen in God’s good timing. Perhaps this delay prevented an even bigger disaster. I certainly don’t condone Leland’s actions, but neither can I stand as the man’s judge. And”—he reached out to gently cup her chin—“neither can you.”

“But he probably wouldn’t be even the slightest bit remorseful if he weren’t dying. He and James argued the point of paying back the investors. He was certain that some excuse could have been made. I’m just not convinced that he’s truly sincere in his repentance.”

“Carolina Adams—” Joseph smiled and corrected himself. “Carolina Baldwin, do you really suppose yourself to have the right to judge Leland’s actions?”

She put her hand up to cover his. “I don’t suppose that, not really. But it is hard to accept that he can act as he did and suddenly be absolved of the entire matter.”

“Yet you believed that should be the case for his son,” Joseph reminded. “James was just as guilty of deceit, yet you pled his case on many an occasion.”

“That was different.”

“Was it? Was it really?” questioned her father. “James came into our home to tutor you and court your sister. He even allowed himself to become engaged to her. Yet all the while, by his own admission, he didn’t love her—he loved you. He nearly carried that deceit to the altar, where he would have made pledges before God and man to love and care for your sister all of her life. He took my hospitality, yet lied to me on a daily basis. Should I then fail to forgive him, as you seem to imply I should fail to forgive his father?”

Carolina got to her feet and stood with arms outspread. “That is totally different. James did not seek to deceive. It merely happened. It was very nearly out of his control. Remember, Virginia is the one who proposed to him. He told me that much.”

“He could have refused her, Carolina. You are making excuses for his lies, but you would refuse to offer a single exception for Leland’s actions.”

“I’m telling you, it’s different, Papa.”

“A lie is a lie, Carolina. Both men practiced poor judgment. Both men suffered and nearly lost the things most dear to them over such lies. Now that the truth is exposed and Leland is contrite, would you have me refuse to forgive him? Would you ask God to forever condemn his soul?”

Carolina shook her head. “Of course not.”

“Then what do you want from him?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

“You’ve already allowed yourself to take offense for me in this matter because it was my money, my trust, that Leland threatened. Certainly, your name was on the charter, but as my daughter and James’ wife, little harm would have befallen you. So the wrong was done me, and you took up the cause as one of your own. Now I’m telling you that you needn’t have done such a thing, and in fact, I cannot abide that you have done such a thing.”

Tears rose in Carolina’s eyes. “But I love you, and I hated to see you hurt.”

“But I wasn’t overly harmed. My feelings were hurt that as my friend Leland felt he could not come to me with his problems. But my reputation speaks for itself, and this small, insignificant event would not have destroyed years of trustworthy behavior. No, the shame would have fallen upon Leland, all the same.” Joseph stood and opened his arms to embrace his daughter. “You must forgive him, child. There is nothing to be gained by harboring ill will toward a dying man. I must leave now, but I beseech you, talk to Leland. Talk to him and admit your anger. Tell him everything and then forgive him. The man is not long for this earth. Do not let him die with this standing between you. It will forever haunt you otherwise.”

Carolina felt her father’s arms tighten around her. She cherished his embrace and put her cheek against the coarse broadcloth coat. “I will talk to him, if it will please you.”

Joseph pulled away and set Carolina from him. “Do not do this for me. Do it because it is right to do. Do it so that Satan will not be allowed a stronghold in your life.”

Carolina nodded, tears blurring her vision. “All right, but it won’t be easy.”

Joseph smiled. “No, I don’t imagine it will be. But you forgave James, and I’m sure you can find it in your heart to forgive your father-in-law.”

“It’s because of him that James and I are estranged.”

Joseph’s expression grew very thoughtful and he rubbed his chin. “Is it really? Seems to me that Leland probably had very little to do with it. After all, he wasn’t even around most of the time, and now he’s upstairs bedfast.”

Carolina knew her father was right. The fights that had erupted between her and James were usually over something she said or did in regard to Leland. It wasn’t God’s fault, or even Leland’s, that her marriage was now painfully strained. It was her own fault. Her actions and bitter pride had caused this. Hadn’t James begged her to forget the past? Hadn’t he tried more than once to smooth matters over and comfort Carolina in her fears for her father?

“You’re causing me to see things that I’m not sure I want to see,” she admitted, feeling rather sheepish about the entire matter.

Joseph laughed. “I can’t tell you the number of times your mother has said the same exact thing to me. Or for that matter, the number of times she’s caused me to see things that I didn’t want to see, either.”

“I suppose I have a great deal to sort through,” Carolina said, her path suddenly quite clear. “Thank you, Papa. I know that I couldn’t have begun to see these things had you not come here today.”

“If not me, God would have sent another.”

Carolina shook her head. “No, God knew that I would listen to you where I’ve failed to listen to others.” Then she smiled and reached out to take hold of his hand. “I’m glad it was you.”

Joseph squeezed her hand. “I’m glad it was, too. Now, come walk me to the door. I must be off.”

“I wish you could stay.”

“I know,” Joseph replied, pulling her close as they walked to the door. “If time permits, I’ll stop back on my way home and give you all the details of your mother’s condition.”

“Oh, please do, and do give Mother my love.” She gave her father her happiest smile, then added, “Hopefully I’ll have all of this behind me by the time you return.”

Joseph hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek before taking up his top hat. “I know the kind of determination you have, Carolina. If you want to put this issue behind you, you will.”

Carolina smiled. “Any more words of wisdom? Maybe something for James and me?”

Joseph turned at the door. “Don’t go to bed angry. Resolve your differences even if you have to stay up all night long in order to do so. Otherwise, you might awaken to find that there is no opportunity to set matters straight.”

“Just like what has happened to me today.”

“Exactly,” her father said with a nod. “Talk to James and bare your heart before him. Seek his love to help heal your wounds.”

“I will,” Carolina said, knowing that somehow she would do just that. “Good-bye, Papa, and thank you.”

Carolina watched him go down the walkway and through the wrought-iron gates. The coachman, who had apparently been requested to await Joseph’s return, assisted her father into the carriage. How she longed to go with him and leave the worries of reconciliation behind her. But she knew that would never work. Even as the carriage moved off down the street, Carolina knew that her place was here and her work awaited her in the upstairs guest room.

She was about to close the door when she spied Mrs. Graves making her way up the street. Victoria skipped alongside her, and Carolina smiled at the tender scene. Mrs. Graves seemed to babble nonstop to the child while Victoria would occasionally nod or laugh, continuing to match the older woman’s brisk steps with her own energetic skipping.

The joy Carolina felt at seeing them reminded her that only through forgiveness and ridding themselves of strongholds of misunderstanding and fear had the three females knitted together to become a family. When James had appeared on the scene, it was again through the strengthening power of love that they had all opened their arms to accept him as a member of the family.

“God, please forgive me for my unkindness to Leland. Forgive me for not heeding the wisdom of my husband, and forgive me for allowing my tongue to put up barriers between us. Please bring James home to me safely so that I might make peace with him.” Watching Mrs. Graves and Victoria turn before reaching the main entryway to the St. John house, Carolina realized they would come in through the back door, as was Mrs. Graves’ habit.