A Promise for Tomorrow (10 page)

“And I love you, James.” She pushed away just enough to see his face. “I’ve been so wrong, and I’m very sorry for the trouble I’ve caused and the pain I’ve needlessly inflicted on you. I felt so torn up inside. I knew what God wanted me to do, but it was so hard to let go of my anger and pride.”

He put his finger to her lips. “It’s done now. Peace has been made. I know married life has been anything but easy for us, but from this point forward you have my assurance that I will do anything in my power to make it better.”

Carolina nodded. “And I will do anything in my power, as well.” She took hold of his hand and placed it on her rounded abdomen. “We will look forward to our future.”

James’ eyes glowed in wonder as he added, “And the promise of what is to come.”

———

Later that night, Leland Baldwin passed away. He had made his peace with man and his Maker and longed for nothing more than to see an end to his pain and suffering. When Mrs. Graves found him in the morning, she told Carolina that it seemed almost as if the man were smiling. Carolina liked to believe it was so and took great comfort in the fact that she had heeded God’s prodding and sought Leland out the day before. She shuddered to think what might have happened had she left things as they were.

Leland’s body was taken by train back to Washington City, where on a cloudy afternoon he was buried beside his beloved wife. James and Carolina stood side by side, surprised by the rather impressive turnout to Leland’s funeral. Carolina was glad they had preserved his name and reputation. She would have hated to know that her malice would have sent the man to his grave without anyone to mourn his passing.

The service concluded, and Carolina gripped her husband’s hand. “Are you all right?”

James drew her close and put his arm around her. “I’m fine. I shall miss them both,” he whispered with one final glance back to his parents’ gravestone.

“As will I,” Carolina agreed. And she felt happy to know that deep down inside, she really meant it.

9
Adoption

Carolina looked over the latest reports regarding the Potomac and Great Falls Railroad. The aching in her back made it easy to give up on the columns of figures, and the activity of the child she carried within her made it equally easy to put her thoughts elsewhere. Rubbing the small of her back, Carolina shifted first one way and then another, trying futilely to relieve the pressure.

The baby was due in a matter of weeks. The crispness of the late-October mornings had relieved the heat and humidity, but much of Carolina’s misery would only find relief when she delivered the baby.

A baby! It still amazed her to think that she carried a new life within her body. Her hand gently passed over her bulky stomach, and she laughed when the baby kicked playfully at her hand.

“Soon, little one,” she said affectionately. “Soon.”

Carolina straightened in her chair and was just about to return her attention to the ledgers when the sound of breaking glass and Victoria’s adamant declaration of “I didn’t mean to” filled the air. This was followed by James’ stern voice demanding to know what was going on and why Victoria had been so careless.

Carolina immediately got to her feet and moved in awkward strides to the library door. This was the third argument she’d heard between James and Victoria in less than an hour. It seemed that no matter how hard she prayed, there was no peace between the two. This caused Carolina no end of grief. She had brought an innocent child into a marriage where a virtual stranger had become her father. Now nearly a year to the day that she and James had married, matters between Victoria and James were worse than ever. The once shy but gentle-spirited six-year-old had turned into a rather unbearable tyrant.

James and Carolina had spoken on many an occasion as to how they might deal with Victoria’s actions and attitude, but nothing seemed to work. Victoria alienated herself from everyone, including Carolina. Whenever Carolina tried to speak to her daughter, it was almost as if Victoria was afraid to get too close to her. She would suspiciously eye Carolina’s growing midsection, then very nearly cower when her mother would reach out to embrace her. Carolina wondered and had even discussed the possibility that Victoria was simply jealous of the baby, or maybe even worried about what the arrival of a baby might mean to her position in the household. But no matter how Carolina tried to approach the subject, Victoria grew more and more distant.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” Victoria screamed.

This rallied Carolina’s thoughts back to the present, and quietly she opened the library door and made her way to the front parlor. It wouldn’t be easy to deal with yet another episode. Especially feeling as she did. Her back hurt, the pressure of the baby was ever upon her, and quite frankly she was exhausted from dealing with the constant battles between Victoria and James.

“You are going to clean up this mess, young lady,” James said sternly as Carolina came into the room.

Carolina found the standoff to be ridiculously mismatched, and she would have laughed at the sight of Victoria, chest puffed out, standing on tiptoe to meet her father’s reprimand, had the situation not been so serious. But then her gaze fell to the object Victoria had broken. The delicately crafted porcelain figure of a woman playing a harp lay in pieces on the floor.

The figurine had been a long-ago gift from her mother, and seeing it broken affected Carolina in a way she had not anticipated. Tears began to stream down her face, and an involuntary sob escaped her.

This had a great sobering effect on both James and Victoria. James hurried to her side just as Carolina put her hands to her face. She hadn’t meant to break down like this. After all, it was only a material object. But the more she tried to reason with herself, the more she cried.

“Come sit down,” James whispered, taking hold of her very gently.

He led her to the nearest chair and helped her sit. She wanted to thank him—wanted to laugh off her reaction—but her emotions were so overwhelmed by the circumstances that Carolina could do nothing but cry.

“That figurine meant a great deal to your mother,” James told Victoria.

“No, no,” Carolina tried to speak. “It’s all right, James. She didn’t mean to do it.”

Victoria gave James a look of smug satisfaction. Her mother would take her side, the expression suggested, and Carolina suddenly felt very guilty.

Victoria nearly danced her way over to Carolina. “I told him I didn’t mean to break it,” she said, patting Carolina’s arm.

Carolina caught her husband’s expression and knew that she had deeply wounded him. She had to find a way to make it clear that she stood with James on the matter. If they were less than united, Victoria would simply go on playing them against each other.

“Go get the broom,” James ordered Victoria.

“You can’t boss me around,” Victoria suddenly declared. She took hold of her mother’s arm as if to prove to James that she was speaking for both of them. “You aren’t my real father, and you can’t tell me what to do.”

Carolina stiffened at the words. When had Victoria become so hostile and ugly in her actions? As Carolina caught the look on James’ face, she knew he was close to losing his temper in full. This made Carolina only cry all the more.

“Go get the broom,” James ordered again. His teeth clenched together as if to keep him from saying anything else.

Victoria tightened her grip on Carolina and stared back defiantly. “I don’t have to. I want to stay with Mama.”

James reached out and took hold of Victoria, but the child wrapped her arms around Carolina and pleaded for help. “Mama, don’t let him take me away.”

Carolina could hardly think clearly. She wanted very much to assure Victoria that James’ love for her was just as real as her own. She wanted to insist that Victoria stop this nonsense and do what she was instructed to do. And she wanted most of all for the hostility in her family to be dismissed and forgotten. But that wasn’t going to happen, and Carolina knew that this pivotal moment required her to make a choice. Either she could make her stand once and for all with James, or she could usurp his authority and belittle him in Victoria’s eyes and side with her child.

Suddenly it seemed very clear to Carolina that Victoria had forced this issue on more than one occasion. And while in the past Carolina had managed to assuage the anger of both parties, this time was clearly different. This time definite battle lines had been drawn.

“Mama, I want to stay with you,” Victoria pleaded.

Wiping her tears and struggling to regain at least partial control of her emotions, Carolina looked once again to James and then to her daughter. “Do as your father says. I’m ashamed that you would disrespect him as you have just now.”

Victoria could not have looked more surprised had Carolina slapped her. “But, Mama!”

Carolina disentangled herself from the child and got to her feet as James pulled Victoria away. “Go get the broom,” he told the child for the third time.

Begrudgingly, and with a look that registered Victoria’s feelings of having been betrayed, she finally left the room. James came to Carolina just as she started to move for the door.

“Thank you for supporting me in this. I know it wasn’t easy, and I can tell by the look on your face that it caused you great pain.”

Carolina felt exhaustion wash over her. “The fact that you two cannot seem to get along causes me great pain. I feel as though to love either of you means I have to forsake the other, and it just doesn’t need to be that way.”

“Of course not. Listen to me, Carolina. You’re weary from carrying our child and your heart is heavy-laden with the concerns of this household. Give me a chance to work through my problems with Victoria. We’ll make things right; you’ll see.”

Carolina tried to smile. “I know you’ll do your best.”

“I will,” he said, kissing her forehead. His hand came to rest on her abdomen. “Soon,” he whispered. “Soon our child will be here and things will be much better.”

“I pray it is so,” she replied, noting that Victoria had returned and was watching them with a sad expression. “I’m going to go rest,” she told James, nodding in Victoria’s direction. “I’ll leave this matter to you two.”

James had given Victoria ample time to clean up the broken figurine and retreat to her room before he attempted to go after her and speak his mind. He felt new strength in the fact that Carolina had stood beside him in dealing with Victoria. He thought of Ben Latrobe’s words and how children were given to playing games with their parents. He could see how Victoria had worked at them both, and now he longed to reach out and find a way to meet the child on her own level. Somehow he had to show her that he loved her as much as Carolina did.

“Victoria?” He came into the nursery to find the child staring in silence out her bedroom window. “Victoria,” he spoke her name again, this time a little more sternly.

She turned, acknowledging him with a glance, then returned her attention to the world outside her window.

“We need to talk,” James said, taking a seat at the miniature table Victoria used for her studies and playtime.

She turned, eyed him suspiciously, then finally spoke. “You are going to send me away, aren’t you?” Her voice was quite refined for a six-year-old.

“What?” James was so stunned he couldn’t believe his ears. “Send you away? Where in the world did you get that idea?”

She shrugged. “Are you?”

“Never!” declared James adamantly. “Is that what has you worried? Do you feel the need to test my love for you?”

Victoria’s lower lip quivered, and James thought for sure she might start crying at any moment. He patted the chair beside him. “Come sit here and tell me why you feel this way.”

Victoria pushed back her dark hair and got up from her window seat. She took the chair James offered her and folded her hands in a fashion that James knew best as her church pew pose.

“Victoria, I know you think I’m too hard on you, but the truth is, it’s because I love you and care about the person you become that I discipline you.” He looked at her, softening his expression in order to make her less afraid. “Sometimes mothers and fathers have to be stern with their children. It’s important to set rules and have limitations; otherwise, everybody would simply do whatever they felt like doing.”

“I like to do what I feel like doing,” Victoria admitted in childlike honesty.

“So do I,” James said with a smile. “But it isn’t always prudent.”

“What’s that?”

“Sensible. Doing whatever we want, when we want, isn’t always the sensible or the right thing to do. Sometimes we have to do things in order to be helpful to others, or we might have to obey certain rules in order to be safe—like when I’m working with the railroad. Understand?” Victoria nodded, but James could tell she was still not completely convinced.

“Victoria, you must understand something,” he began, reaching out to take hold of her hand. “I am your father now. Just like God is our heavenly Father, and—”

“God is Jesus’ Father,” Victoria interrupted quite seriously.

“Yes, He is. But we become His adopted children when we accept Jesus as our Savior. He accepts us as His own and He loves us more than we can ever know. It’s like that with you and me. You are my adopted daughter, and I accept you as my own and I love you more than you can ever know.”

“But you have a new baby in Mama’s tummy. Now you don’t need me.” Her voice wavered as she fought to control her emotions.

“Is that what you think?” James asked, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Do you truly believe that, Victoria?”

“I’m naughty, and you don’t want me to upset Mama or the baby.”

“Sometimes your behavior has been naughty, and I don’t want to see Mama upset. But that doesn’t mean I would ever send you away. We are a family, Victoria. We stay together because we love each other. We don’t just give up on each other when times get hard. I would never send you away just because we have problems.”

“You won’t?”

Her face looked up at him so hopeful in expression that James couldn’t help drawing her into his arms. “Victoria, you are my little girl now. And when the new baby comes he or she will need you to be the big sister. I’m counting on you to be helpful, but I’m also counting on you to be my little girl and to take walks with me and to talk to me and to do all the fun things we do together now.”