A Necessary Sin (20 page)

S
in kisses
my mouth as we walk until the backs of my legs meet the bed. He goes to his knees and presses his face to my abdomen. “I don’t know how to do this—how to let you go.”

I stroke his hair. “You act like it’s forever. I’ll be back in two weeks—fourteen days—think of it that way.”

He puts his hands beneath my dress and slides them up the back of my thighs. He finds my panties and drags them down my legs. I step out of them and shoes at the same time, kicking both to the side. I pull my dress over my head and toss it to the floor. My bra comes off last and I’m left standing bare and vulnerable before this man—with my heart in my hands, offering it to him.

He presses his lips to my belly and places a kiss there before moving downward. He moves his nose back and forth, dragging it over my smooth groin. “You always smell delicious.”

He places his palm against my stomach and urges me to the bed. I sit back and he pushes my feet up and apart so my heels are flat on the mattress. He loops his arms around my thighs from behind and spreads me wide. He’s done this enough that I know what’s coming, but it doesn’t stop me from jerking when his mouth touches me. It’s still like the first time. “Ohh … Sin.”

I trail my fingers through his hair while his tongue glides up and down my center in a torturously slow rhythm. My body rocks with the motion of his mouth until his tongue switches to a faster, circular movement. The waves of pleasure in my pelvis slow momentarily but return with a vengeance when he adds his fingers, gliding them in and out of me. “Aah …” Everything in my groin buzzes with pleasure. A moment later, the sweet torture begins—the pulsation of contractions, mixing with the warm euphoria spreading throughout my entire body all the way to the tips of my curled toes. Bliss.

Complete and utter ecstasy—that’s what Sin gives me every time we’re together.

He stands and strips while I watch the show from the best seat in the house. When he’s as bare as I am, he crawls over my body until we’re face to face. He traces my bottom lip with his fingertips. He gazes at my eyes, studying them, as though he’s memorizing every fleck of blue and gold.

His body nestles between my legs and he enters me gently. He’s moving slowly, never taking his eyes from mine. I touch his face, cradling his scruffy cheek in my palm. He leans into it and places his hand on top of mine, pressing it harder against his skin. He squeezes his eyes shut, as though he’s savoring my touch. They’re still closed tightly when he tenses and groans, thrusting himself deep inside me. I feel the light quivers of his body inside mine before he goes completely lax over me.

He lies motionless between my legs while remaining inside. I trace my fingernails up and down his back, bringing goosebumps to the surface. I love doing that to him.

“Into me … you see.” He opens his eyes to look at me again and I’m overcome with an emotion I’ve never known. My heart feels as though it might burst from happiness, and I don’t want to contain it any longer. “I love you, Sinclair.”

I go motionless when I feel the cold barrel of a handgun pressed firmly beneath my chin, my head extended upward, painfully so. “What are you doing?”

“After the first betrayal, there is no other.”

I have no idea what he means. “What are you talking about? I haven’t betrayed you.”

“Who. The. Fuck. Are. You?” he yells.

Oh, shit! What does he know?

“Hands behind your head. Now!” I slowly do as he orders.

“Breck, whatever you’ve uncovered, it doesn’t matter. You know the real me.” He shoves the barrel into my jawline so hard, it’s digging into my skin.

“I thought I did.” He bites his lower lip and shakes his head. “Tell me, Bleu. If you play the role well enough, does it become real?” His voice cracks on the last word. He’s hurting but I don’t forget who is holding the gun to my head. This is Sinclair Breckenridge. He’ll kill me if he believes I’ve compromised him or the brotherhood. I have zero doubt about that.

Say what you have to say to sell it. “Ask me again who I am.”

He does as I tell him. “Who are you?”

“I’m your Bonny Bleu, the one in love with you.”

“Says the woman with a gun to her head,” he sneers. “You’ll say any-fucking-thing to keep me from blowing your brains out right now.”

“Fuck! Why can’t I do this?” He squeezes his eyes shut and I move my hand to his, the one holding the gun. I slowly push it away from my face.

“Because you’re not a monster.”

He rises and sits back, resting the gun against his thigh. He uses his free hand to fist his hair. “You’re a fucking FBI agent.”

“I was. Past tense. I quit.” I need that gun out of his hand. “I’m not sure I can talk about all of this while you’re still holding that. It’s more than a little distracting, considering you were holding it to my head threatening to kill me only a minute ago.” I gesture toward the nightstand. “Do you think you could maybe put it over there while we talk about this?”

“No sudden moves, Bleu. I mean it. You know what I’m capable of.” He hesitates for a moment and then places it on the nightstand. “Who are you working for?”

“No one.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. I’m here for me.” It’s finally out there. “I came to avenge a murder. Your father shot and killed my mother.”

“Abram was right again. You are Amanda Lawrence’s daughter.”

“The world thinks I died that night. That isn’t the case, as you can see.”

“My father didn’t kill your mother. He loved her.”

“You’re wrong. I was there. I saw him. And when he was finished, he held a pillow over my face until I stopped fighting. He thought I was dead.”

“If you’ll stop and think about it, you’ll realize you’re confused.”

He’s relaxed so I make a move for the gun. I’m surprised when he doesn’t try to stop me. “Both hands on top of your head. Slowly move to your back on the other side of the bed.”

He smiles while doing as I ordered.

I reach under the mattress and retrieve the handcuffs I’d hidden for a time such as this. I toss them onto his chest. “Handcuff yourself to the headboard.”

He shakes his head while doing as I’ve told him. “I as good as placed that gun in your hand myself.”

I know. Sinclair Breckenridge would never be so careless.

“Why haven’t you killed my father since that’s what you came to do? You’ve had countless opportunities, yet you haven’t.”

I don’t answer as I go through the clothes on the floor. I find what belongs to me and I begin dressing.

“Because you fell in love with me,” he says.

I’m in my panties and bra with my dress in my hands. “I did. And it ruined everything.” I pull my dress over my head and step into my shoes, careful to not take the gun off Sin.

“I fell in love with you too.”

“Says the man handcuffed to a bed.”

“You aren’t going to kill me, so I have no reason to lie.”

I go over to sit on the edge of the bed, the gun pointing at Sin. “You’re right. I’m not going to kill you, but I am going to leave you handcuffed here so I can get a head start before the brotherhood comes after me.”

“I have things to say to you.”

I‘m not sure I should listen to this. Even with his hands bound over his head, Sin holds the power to hurt me in so many ways. “I don’t have time. The brotherhood will be after me. I need to get out of here.”

“Please, don’t go yet. No one is on his or her way. Give me a few minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”

It isn’t safe to do so, but I’m dying to know the things he wants to tell me. “Be quick.”

“I love you like a fucking lunatic. It’s going to kill me to watch you walk out the door but I understand why you must do it. It isn’t safe for you to stay. I want you to go until I have time to figure out how to handle this with the brotherhood. I’m going to make it okay with them and after I do, I’ll come for you.”

He has no idea who he’s dealing with. I can’t be found if I don’t want to be. “You don’t know me. I’m a trained chameleon. I’ll change my colors when I walk out that door.”

“Because you’re an agent?”

Yes. “You’ll never see me again. I’ll disappear without a trace.”

“Is that a challenge?” he asks.

“Sure. We can call it that if you like.”

I grab my purse from the chair and retrieve the keys to the handcuffs, leaving them on the dresser. “I’ll text Jamie to come over and release you when my plane pulls away from the jet bridge.” I pull the bed sheet up so he won’t be naked and exposed.

“Thanks.” He laughs.

I shouldn’t but I sit next to him on the bed and lean down for one last kiss. I’m not stupid so I’m holding the gun to his chest, pointing right at his heart. “I’m going to kiss you but one hinky move and you’ll literally be the heartless bastard everyone believes you really are.”

I lower my mouth to his and press a featherlight kiss against his lips. “I love you, Sinclair Breckenridge. It’s going to hurt like hell to never see you again.”

I give him a final kiss and walk toward the door. I open it and look over my shoulder at the man I love one last time before I walk away from him forever. I touch my lips and hold out my hand to him. “We both know I can stay or I can survive, but not both.”

I knew this day was coming from the start. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it feeling like this. We’re very much like a flame in the wind. We danced and burned brightly but one large gust and we’re extinguished.

“I’m going to fix this, Bonny. We will be together. I only need a little time to make it happen.”

I shake my head. “You told me you wanted to know the rest of our story. Well, this is how it ends.”

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I
am
sick of being on this plane. The four-and-a-half-hour flight from Nashville to Los Angeles was fine. The layover was tolerable, thanks to the airport bar. But the last leg of our flight to Australia is becoming more and more unbearable with each passing minute.

I try to calculate how much longer it is until we land in Sydney. My exhaustion makes it difficult for me to do the simple equation in my head, but it looks like it’s still almost two hours until I will feel solid ground beneath my feet again. I sigh and tell myself to be patient. I’ve made it this far. I can take another two hours. I mean, I don’t really have a choice at this point, right?

I look at my best friend sleeping in the seat next to me and I’m irritated. Addison has slept most of the flight, leaving me to entertain myself. She offered to share her Valium, but I declined, certain I wouldn’t need it. Wrong.

I climb over Addison and take a walk up and down the aisle to stretch my legs, which helps me feel better. Upon returning to my seat, I decide reading will help pass the time, so I grab my e-reader and pick up where I stopped on the
slutmance
I’d started earlier. Only at chapter six and of course, the woman is in love with the hot new guy but is in denial. How typical.

Chapter twelve is winding down when the pilot announces that we’ll be landing in Sydney in ten minutes. Addison doesn’t stir, so I put my naughty tale away and nudge her, knowing it will take the next ten minutes to get her out of her drug-induced slumber.

“Wake up, Addison. We’re almost in Sydney.”

She barely stirs so I nudge her again. “Addison. Get up. We’re in Sydney. You need to get buckled for the landing.”

She lifts her head and stares at me with unfocused eyes. She straightens in her seat and takes a moment to get her bearings. “Wow, that went faster than I expected.”

“I guess so since you were in a freakin’ coma. It was the longest thirteen hours of my life. I didn’t sleep a wink the whole flight because I was too busy wondering if we were going to end up being shark food.” That came out a little pissier than I’d intended.

“Well, there’s no reason to be miserable when you don’t have to be. You should’ve taken a happy pill and then maybe you wouldn’t be so cranky right now.” She won’t have to offer twice on the flight home three months from now. Lesson learned.

Buckled into my seat, I squeeze my eyes as the plane’s wheels screech against pavement. Our fellow passengers erupt into cheer and clapping when we’re safely on the ground. I’m not the only one glad to be getting off this plane.

We collect our three months’ worth of luggage and take a seat in the terminal to wait for our last flight. With an hour layover, I decide to visit the airport bar. “I’m gonna grab a much-needed and well-deserved toddy.”

Addison’s phone rings and I recognize her brother’s ringtone. Before she answers, she gives me a warning. “Be back in thirty minutes or I’m sending security for you.” I don’t reply in words but make sure she sees the hand gesture I have for her.

The airport bar isn’t far from our terminal and I plop down on a stool. “What can I get you?” I might not be able to tell by my surroundings, but I know I’m in Australia when I hear his accent.

“I’d like something from a local brewery. I tend to favor lighter flavors.”

He serves me a pale ale from a Sydney brewery. It’s stout, but good.

I sit at the bar enjoying my ale. The bartender doesn’t try to talk about where I’m from or where I’m heading. He appears to be in his fifties, so I can only assume he’s heard more shit than he’d like over the years and thus isn’t interested in mine. Works fine for me.

When I finish, I go back to where Addison is guarding our huge pile of luggage. “Was Ben calling to check on us?”

“Yeah. He was making sure our flight was running on time. I told him to expect us to arrive around three. He said he’s bringing a friend to help with our luggage.”

I see how many bags we have and I swear we look like a traveling band of gypsies. Most of it is Addison’s, but I have my fair share—there’s no way to pack lightly for a three-month stay. “That’s not a bad idea.”

“He’s my brother. He knows how high maintenance I am.” I sit and prop my feet on the suitcase in front of me. “He didn’t say it, but he’s really excited to meet you.”

He’s really excited to meet me.
This is a huge red flag. I hope she isn’t thinking of playing matchmaker.

“Don’t you dare even think about encouraging him.” I’m not interested in dating anyone right now. She knows this better than anyone. This whole Australia gig is about getting away from all that shit, not finding another pile of it.

“He hasn’t dated many Aussies while he’s lived here. I’m just saying you shouldn’t be surprised if he tries to start something with you.”

Oh, hell no. We’re not even there yet and she’s already trying to hook us up. “It’s not happening, Addison.”

“You’ll be living in the same apartment with him for the next three months. Who knows what could happen?”

Okay. Now, I’m getting pissed because it feels like I’m being ambushed. “I might not know what will happen, but I know what won’t, so forget it.”

“Fine, fine, I won’t mention it again. Ben wants to take us out tonight, but I know you haven’t slept much. I told him you might not feel like it.”

“Maybe I’ll feel up to it if I can catch a power nap on the flight to Wagga Wagga.”

T
his time
it’s Addison nudging me when our flight is preparing to land. “Laurelyn. Wake up. We’re finally here.”

I sit up and fluff my long brown hair. I look terrible when it’s flat and I’m sure it’s lying against my head after my nap.

I couldn’t have slept more than forty minutes, but I welcome the overall refreshed feeling it brings—except for my mouth. The combination of mouth breathing, beer drinking, and lack of oral hygiene during our travels has skunked things up. I don’t want to meet Addison’s brother for the first time and have him question which end is my face. “I need some gum. Do you have any on you?”

Addison reaches into her purse and holds out the lime-green pack in my direction. “Doublemint work for you?”

I take two pieces because I’m fairly certain it’s going to take two shots of Doublemint to do the job. “Thanks.”

We walk out of the jet bridge with our carry-ons and I see two great-looking guys standing in the terminal watching the disembarking passengers. I know Ben as soon as I see him. I could pick him out of a crowd anywhere, even if I’d never seen his picture. There’s no way to miss him; he’s the perfect male version of Addison. His blond hair is darker than hers (her monthly date with the hairdresser helps those playful highlights). Their olive skin presents a striking contrast with their light hair. He is stunning, just like his sister, but in a masculine way. It’s too bad I’m not interested in dating because he is hot.

He puts his arms around his sister’s middle and squeezes as he lifts her from the floor and spins several times. “I can’t believe my little sister has come all this way to see me.” He lowers her feet to the floor and looks at me. “And you must be Laurelyn.”

“Indeed I am.”

Addison and I have been best friends since we met our freshman year at Vanderbilt, but my path has always failed to cross Ben’s for one reason or another. Now that we’re meeting after four years, I’m not sure if I should extend my hand for a shake or lift my arms for a hug, so I wait for his cue.

He goes for the hug. “It’s good to meet you, Laurelyn. I’ve been hearing about you for years, so I feel like I already know you.”

“I hope my best friend hasn’t ruined your opinion of me.”

“Never.” His crooked grin shows off one of his deep dimples. It’s not a friendly
nice to meet you
smile. He’s flirting with me already, so I’m wondering what my good pal might have told him.

Addison clears her throat. “Are you going to introduce us to your friend?”

The vibe I’m getting from Ben makes me uncomfortable, so I’m happy to shift my focus from him to his buddy. Zac is tall with an athletic build. His dark hair is buzzed close to his scalp except for the spiked tuft on top, and long, sooty lashes frame his almost-black eyes. He’s wearing a fitted black T-shirt and I spy the tribal art tat wrapping around his bicep. His whole exterior screams trouble and that means one thing: my bad-boy-loving pal is going to be all over him.

He offers his hand to Addison first. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

Oh, swoon. I’m not into guys like him, but I could listen to his smooth Aussie accent all day.

I think I hear a sigh from Addison, and I know she’s thinking the same thing. “It’s great to meet you. Love your accent.”

He offers his hand to me, but not his attention—that still belongs to Addison. “I hope your trip has been a pleasant one.”

The trip here wasn’t a damn bit pleasant, but it’s rude to complain to someone I’ve just met. Addison replies, so I’m neither forced to lie nor complain because she is eager to keep Mr. Dark and Handsome’s attention. “We had a super trip.”

“Do you ladies feel up for hitting a club tonight?”

I feel like hitting something, but it’s called a bed.

Addison is well rested from her snooze on the plane, so that means I’ll be the party pooper if I decline, which I’ve never been labeled as, and I don’t intend to start now. “I’m like an Energizer bunny, ready to go.”

I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right?

I sit in the dark corner and scan the room like a starved predator searching for prey. I haven’t chosen her yet, but the woman who will share my bed for the next few months is in this room right now.

I watch a lovely blond approach my table. “What can I bring you?” Hmm. A waitress—not at all my usual taste.

I have a type. Attractive. Mature. Refined. This barmaid meets the attractive requirement well enough, but she’s void of refinement or maturity as displayed by her choice of apparel—a white, barely there tank top and frazzled cutoff denim shorts. She doesn’t do it for me. Plus, my last two companions were blond. I want a different flavor this time, but no redheads. I want a brunette. A beautiful one.

I remind myself I’m not in Sydney where I have an endless variety of sophisticated women from which to choose. My choices are more limited in the small town of Wagga Wagga, but that doesn’t mean I have to settle for the first attractive woman I see.

“I’ll have a Shiraz.”

I’m prepared for a more prolonged relationship this time—three whole months instead of the usual three or four weeks. I’m looking forward to keeping this one around a little longer, and that’s all the more reason to be certain I make a wise choice.

I begin my search of the club with the first table toward the front of the room. A brunette beauty sits with a group of women. I watch her for a while, but decide she’s too friendly with the woman sitting next to her. Lesbians aren’t in my repertoire.

I spend the next hour scanning the club and come up empty-handed. I’m discouraged. No one stands out as
the one
and this club is by far my best bet for meeting single women in this town. Maybe I should consider coming back another time when it’s not open mic night. Tonight, the place is crawling with boozed college students.

Tonight’s search has been a failure, but at least the karaoke was entertaining.

I’m finishing off the last of my wine before I leave when an announcer from the club takes the stage and asks for the next singer to step forward. A small group of people across the room nominates one of its own. My view of the poor bastard is blocked by the crowd of intoxicated kids standing between us, but I’m certain this is going to be another delightful train wreck.

The club erupts into cheer and chants. “Do. It. Do. It. Do. It.” A young woman walks onto the stage and stands with her back to the crowd as she takes a guitar from its stand. She lifts its strap over her head and then tosses her long brown hair over one shoulder. When she’s finished settling the guitar into place, she circles around and sits on the stool in the middle of the stage.

She’s beautiful. And somehow overlooked during my search.

She’s wearing a short ivory dress and a denim jacket with brown cowgirl boots. She bares her thighs as she lifts her feet to rest on the bottom rail, but she’s careful to push her dress between her legs so she doesn’t provide a peep show to the crowd.

She strums the borrowed guitar a few times and then leans into the microphone. “Is everyone having a good time tonight?”

She’s American. I think. Her accent sounds different—not like what I’ve heard in the past.

The crowd erupts into a drunken cheer and I hear a man’s voice yell over the crowd, “It’s better now, sweet thing!”

She smiles and adjusts the mic. “I’m not from around here. It’s my first night in Australia.”

“Leave with me and I’ll make you feel right at home!” a man shouts from the back of the room.

She ignores the fat, ugly bastard yelling at her. “I don’t know what kind of music Australians like, but this has been one of my favorites for as long as I can remember.” She strums a few more chords. “This is ‘Crash Into Me’ by the Dave Matthews Band.”

She sings it slower than the original, putting her own twist on it. Her voice is raspy and sexy, her eyes closed. She oozes eroticism. She tilts her head and opens her eyes when she begins to sing the chorus. I swear it feels like she’s looking right in my direction, singing to me.

The stage lights shine in her face and common sense tells me she can’t see me sitting in the dark corner at the back of the club, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping.

She finishes the chorus and shuts her eyes again. Her long legs bounce against the rail of the stool to keep rhythm and I fall victim to her siren’s song. She has bewitched me. And I want her. She’s the one.

She opens her eyes and looks in my direction again as she sings about hiking up a skirt a little more.
Man, she can show me her world if she so desires.

The waitress returns to my table, but I don’t glance in her direction when she speaks. I can’t take my eyes from the beautiful brunette on stage for even a second. “Can I bring you another Shiraz?”