A Necessary Sin (18 page)

“It’s the thought of sticking something intae the muscle. It’ll pass after ye do it.” She places a supportive hand on my shoulder. “When he wakes, he’ll be proud of the way ye’ve cared for him.”

I get it. This is my service to him. By doing this, I’m showing him how grateful I am for what he’s done for me. His act was one of love and so is this.

“Breck. It’s Bleu. I’m going to give you a shot of pain medicine in your hip.” I have no idea if he can hear me. I highly doubt it but it doesn’t seem right to jab him without telling him what’s coming.

I pop the needle into his skin, down into his muscle, but he doesn’t flinch, still sedated from the morphine Jamie gave him earlier. Good. “Sleep well, my Breck.”

I
ache
from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes as I shift in the bed. I open my eyes—or eye, since it seems my left one is swollen shut—and lift my head, causing my brain to throb. I recognize it as rebound pain from the narcotic. That shit does it to me every time.

I look at my surroundings and discover I was brought home and placed in my own bed. Good. It’s the only place I want to be right now.

It’s likely late evening based on the amount of sunlight in the room. That means I’ve slept a long time but it’s not surprising. I’m sure Jamie shot me up with plenty of narcotics.

Bleu is sleeping next to me, curled into the fetal position. I can’t resist touching her so I reach out and stroke the back of my hand down her face. “I love you, Bleu MacAllister. I’ll always do what it takes to keep you safe, no matter the extreme.”

She stirs in her sleep so I stroke her face again. I’m aware of how selfish I’m being for waking her but I can’t help myself. “Bonny.”

She stretches and turns on her side to face me, eyes wide open. She reaches out to touch my face and the sensation is peculiar. It feels fat and numb, from the swelling I suppose. “Breck. You’re awake.”

“Only just now.” She scoots closer, careful to not come too near. As much as I love her touch, I don’t think I can stand it. Everything hurts. “Opeing my eyes to see you lying next to me … there isn’t a more beautiful sight to look upon when waking.” I wouldn’t mind it being this way every morning of our lives.

“You left here last night on your way to a meeting with The Fellowship council. How in the hell did it escalate to this?”

I recount the events of last night for Bleu. “So clearly, it didn’t go the way anyone expected.”

“Obviously,” she says.

“Abram is very displeased.” That’s an understatement. He’s mad as hell.

“Why? He got to see you get the shit beaten out of you. He probably popped fresh popcorn while he watched the show.” Wow. She’s bitter.

“He likely did enjoy it since I burst his bubble by informing him I’d never marry his daughter, Westlyn.”

Bleu makes a confused face—wrinkled brow, narrowed eyes. “But she’s your cousin.”

“Not by blood. Remember Abram was adopted. The brotherhood would accept it, probably happily. Our union would strengthen the brotherhood. That’s win-win for everyone, except me.”

“He wants you as a son-in-law so he can whisper in your ear.”

She gets this completely. “Exactly.”

“He would be a total nightmare as a father-in-law.”

“Without doubt,” I agree.

“I think he finally understood it’s not going to happen.”

“Good.” Her hand finds mine. “Are you in much pain?”

Aye. I feel like I’ve been run over by a train but I’ll never admit it. I don’t want her to carry any guilt about my decision. “It’s not too bad.”

“Liar.”

“I’ve been called worse.” I laugh, and then grimace because it hurts like a son of a bitch. “Mmm …,” I groan.

“Okay, Mr. ‘It’s Not Too Bad.’ Tell me how I can make this better.”

“As much as I dread getting up, I need the toilet and I fear I’ll require your assistance.” She comes around to my side of the bed. “I’m going to be slow.”

“No worries. I have all the time in the world. I’m a kept woman so I have nowhere to be.”

“I’m not sure how well kept you’ll be while I’m in this kind of shape.”

“We’re partners, Breck.” She leans down to kiss the top of my head. “You take care of me and now, I’m going to care for you.”

She squats down and attaches my blade I wear at home as I sit on the edge of the bed. I then use her for support while walking. “I’ve got it from here.”

“I don’t trust your legs.”

I don’t really want her in here with me when I piss for the first time. I’m expecting blood—maybe lots of it considering the abuse my kidneys and bladder took. I’m afraid she’ll freak out. “Come on, Bonny Bleu. You won’t even take a piss without closing the door.”

“I shut the door because I’m a lady and I prefer you didn’t know I have bodily functions. You, on the other hand, use the toilet in front of me all the time. You’re not shy so there’s no need to start now.”

“Don’t fight me on this.”

She sighs and leaves, shutting the door behind her.

I finish using the toilet and I’m glad she wasn’t with me. It was a lot of blood—enough I should probably tell Jamie. I’m not sure that’s normal even for what I went through. “All done.”

She helps me back to bed and removes my prosthesis. “Can I get you something to eat?”

I was hit in the gut too many times to have much of an appetite. “Maybe something to drink. A Johnnie Walker.”

“You’ve mixed enough whisky with narcotics. I’ll get you tea instead.”

I smile at her retreating figure. She’s going to be a total pain in my ass while I recover. And I love it.

I
t’s been
a week since endurance. I’m much better, thanks to Bleu’s excellent nursing, so it’s time for her initiation into The Fellowship. The ceremony is taking place at my parents’ country estate outside of Edinburgh. My mum has gone all out, making it a formal affair. It’s the complete opposite of the usual meeting in the conference room with a few witnesses, followed by lots of whisky at Duncan’s.

Mum’s plans for Bleu’s inception aren’t routine but they’re fitting. Neither Bleu nor our relationship are typical. Her acceptance into our circle is the first of its kind; therefore, her commencement should be as well.

I stand outside the bathroom door and check my watch. “Bonny, are you almost ready? If we leave right now, we’ll still be five minutes late.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Right. She said that ten minutes ago when we should have been leaving.

Fifteen minutes later she comes out of the bathroom smoothing the front of her clothing. “I’m not sure about the dress. What do you think?”

It’s sexy—black, fitted, and short. A combination that can never go wrong on my bonny lass. Her hair is pinned away from her face on each side and cascades down her back. Suddenly every minute she spent getting ready, including those that will cause us to be late, becomes worth it. She’s breathtaking.

“I’ve never seen you look more lovely.” No one will look at her and wonder why I was willing to go through hell and back.

“Good. Then I’m ready to go.”

“Not yet.” I take out the box I’ve been hiding in my jacket pocket. “I have something for you to wear.”

I flip the top so she may see the Celtic knot pendant I had made for her. “Oh, Breck. It’s beautiful.” She takes a longer look and I wait for her to make the connection. “Is that what I think it is?” I smile and she knows the answer. “It matches your tattoo.”

“I could’ve chosen something more feminine—or romantic—but you seemed to really like my Celtic shield. And I liked the idea of us wearing matching ones, even though mine is ink and yours is platinum.”

“I love it.” She turns and pulls her hair from her neck. “Will you?”

“Aye.”

I close the clasp.

She frees her hair and goes to the mirror to take a look. She touches the pendant hanging in the dip of her throat. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

M
um steals
Bleu from my side within minutes of our arrival. This is about so much more than a Fellowship ceremony for my mother. She’s delighted to introduce Bleu as my lass. She too has become quite taken with her. And that makes me happy.

We enjoy drinks and hors d’oeuvres before my father calls everyone out into the garden area. A large tent protects tables covered in white cloths and adorned with lit candles and huge floral arrangements. It looks more like a wedding reception than an initiate ceremony.

“We gather here tonight to receive Bleu into The Fellowship as one of our own. Come forward, Sinclair and Bleu.” We join my father on the portable wooden dance floor next to a tall table in the center. It’s garnished to match the larger tables throughout with one exception—a dagger.

I purposely didn’t tell Bleu about this part. “Liam Sinclair Breckenridge, do you accept responsibility for Bleu MacAllister?”

“I do.”

“Take the dagger.” I lift it as my father instructs. Without any warning, I grasp Bleu’s hand and drag the blade across the center of her palm. She gasps, either in pain or surprise. I’m not sure which. I pierce my own and lace our fingers together so we’re palm to palm. Blood runs the length of our forearms, collecting at our elbows.

“Will you have her as your novice and guide her in the ways of the brotherhood?”

“Aye.” I squeeze her hand, my eyes locked on hers. “I will have her.”

“Repeat after me, Bleu.”

My father states The Fellowship decree. It’s something I’ve heard a million times in my life but it’s been adjusted to fit these new circumstances.

I only listen to Bleu’s voice repeating after my father. “I will be loyal and never betray any of the secrets of The Fellowship. I will never violate the family of another member. I will allow my sisters to guide me in my role. My blood is Sinclair’s blood, as his is now mine. From this day forward, we are one family known as The Fellowship. This I solemnly swear.”

It’s done. Bleu is mine and one of us. I can finally display my affection for her without concern. The next step will be telling everyone I’ve claimed her. But what I really want right now is to possess her.

Everyone will want to use this time to get acquainted with Bleu, but they’ll have to wait. Her declaration is a huge turn-on so I need to get inside her—five minutes ago.

I take her hand and tug. “Come.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Mum had the guest house redecorated after she went home goods shopping with you. It’s quite lovely. You need a tour since you inspired it.”

“My, my. You’re very passionate about home decor tonight.” She giggles.

“I’m passionate about something but it doesn’t have a thing to do with new linens.”

“Is the initiate ceremony always that … hot?”

I completely agree; it was sexy as hell. “Never. It’s always two men with a few witnesses in the conference room. The older member accepts responsibility for guiding the new one.”

Mum comes out of nowhere and blocks our way. “Where do ye think yer taking her?”

“Umm …”

“Aye, that’s what I thought ye would say, but ye can turn yerself back around. Dinner is being served and the guest of honor cannae go missing for a shag in the guest house.” Cock-blocked by my own mum.

We regretfully return to our table and take our place next to my parents for our catered dinner. We’re two courses in when I put my hand on Bleu’s thigh beneath the table. I slowly glide it in an upward motion. “I’m not craving leg of lamb. I want these legs with a side of something very special.”

“You are so bad.” She giggles and pushes my hand away. “You’ll get everything you want—later.”

I notice her pushing food around her plate but not eating. “Have you found more Scottish food you don’t care for?”

“No. It’s not that.” She scrunches her nose. “It’s the medication to treat the ovarian stuff. I’m still having side effects—GI symptoms.”

“Maybe you should see a physician here.”

“My doctor told me this might happen so it comes as no surprise.” She shrugs if off. “I’ll consider making an appointment if things don’t improve.”

When dinner is finished, a band launches into its first set and everyone moves to the makeshift dance floor in the center of Mum’s well-kept garden. Of course, I get first dance with the guest of honor. “Is this how every new member is welcomed?”

“Only you.”

She’s smiling. “I feel very special.”

“You should—because you are.” I kiss her forehead. I want to tell her I love her but, again, this isn’t the right time. It shouldn’t happen in front of the entire brotherhood.

“There are a lot of people here. Are they all Fellowship?” she asks.

“Mostly. If they aren’t in the brotherhood, they’re comrades. They were invited because it’s necessary they know you.”

“I’ll never remember all these people.”

“You will in time.” I say it as though she’ll be around forever but we both know that isn’t the case. That’ll be a whole new problem to deal with when the time comes. I don’t wish to think about it right now. I’m too happy.

The song ends and I’m forced to give up my lass so she may dance and mingle among her new family, leaving my dance card open. Westlyn gets up from her chair and walks in my direction so I grab the closest lass I can find.

“Is this your way of asking me to dance?” Lorna says.

“This is my way of telling you we are.”

“Then I guess we’re dancing.” We sway to the music as my eyes search the crowd for Bleu. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being uneasy when she’s out of my sight. “You’ve surprised me—and every other member of the brotherhood.”

“How so?”

“You took a huge leap for Bleu,” Lorna says.

“Aye.”

“It’s nice to know you aren’t all heartless.”

Is she referring to Leith? “Bleu told me about your feelings for Leith.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m talking about you being in love with him.”

This time she doesn’t deny it. “He doesn’t know I exist except to put me on the work schedule.”

He used to know she existed because he got into her knickers often. We all did. But I had no idea I wasn’t the only one no longer banging her. “You don’t shag anymore?”

She looks at the floor, shaking her head. “Not since he walked in on me and you almost two years ago. Things became really weird between us after that.”

I knew Leith saw us but he never mentioned it. And I never gave it another thought since all three of us were having fun with her.

“We have a working relationship. That’s it—unless he’s been on the whisky. He loosens up around me a little then.”

How strange. “Should I talk to him?”

“No. He’s clearly disgusted by me, so I don’t want him to know how I feel.”

“But he may feel the same.”

“He doesn’t. Trust me. He knows he could have me anytime he wants but chooses not to.”

Bleu has made me a little more romantic, so I feel like passing along some advice to Lorna. “I’m going to tell you something about men in general. We’re selfish, possessive bastards when it comes to our women. We don’t want other men having them. If you want Leith, don’t sleep around.”