A Natural Act (Contradictions) (30 page)

I feel him shift his weight onto one arm so he can position himself against me. Tazer brushes over my clit and I suspect it’s fully intentional. He knows what that does to me.

He circles back round twice before he
nudges his way inside of me.

He catches me by surprise by surging inside of me in one swift push.

I cry out because there is a twinge of pain from the sudden intrusion and he usually takes his time.

“
Make it up to you,” his lips move against my neck as he moves against me.

There’s no discomfort now, my body remembers his touch and has adjusted to
accommodate. It’s still a tight fit but god does it feel good.

His thrusts are deep and quick and I have to lift
my hand above me to push against the headboard so I can meet his rhythm.

My back arches of its own
accord so that Tazer catches the exact right place and has my screaming in ecstasy.

I’ve barely come down from a climax when Craig lifts my body into his arms, guiding my legs around his waist. His mouth is on mine as I kiss him greedily, gasping for air when my naked back comes into contact
with the cold wall.

It doesn’t matter though because he’s thrusting again, lifting me up with every thrust, pinning me to the wall with his fingers grasping my shoulders.

My own fingers are clasping his back, probably slicing him to pieces but it’s beyond my control. It feels too good. Too raw.

His body brushes over my clit each time he goes deep and the base of his trimmed treasure
trail tickles the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“
Harder?” His deep voice bursts through the mist of my pleasure.

There’s only one answer my poor oxygen starved brain can give.

“Please,” I beg needing to feel more of him in any way I can get it.

He groans in satisfaction as his thrusts grow both faster and harder. He’s barely broken a sweat but it beads on my chest, dripping down my breasts and mixing with the salt on his skin.

The slight bite of the deep thrusts mingles with the overwhelming pleasure and I bury my head in my shoulder because it’s too much.

I try to kiss the tendon in his shoulder but it becomes an unintentional bite as my orgasm takes over, my pussy clenching against his cock as it continues to surge
like waves in a storm.

I know he comes because I feel it spilling out of me but he doesn’t stop – he just keeps going.

By the time we finally rest, we’ve used every surface in the room and tried positions I didn’t know were possible with gravity involved but clearly he has a better grasp of physics than I do.

I’m exhausted, light-headed, and well and truly sated in the arms of Doctor Endurance and I moan in sleepy contentment, snuggling closer to him.

“You okay, lady?” He grins, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I manage to mumble a vague confirmation and a partial nod but that’s as good as it’s getting
until my body continues.

Is there such a thing as a vagina transplant? I might need one.

“You’re amazing, Bella,” he sighs with contentment.

“
So are you,” I mumble. “That’s why I love you.”

My eyes are closed and my brain switched off as the words leave my lips. Perhaps if I’d been more awake, I would have kept
them sealed.

When I wake up, I expect to find Craig’s arms around me, especially after last night. It felt like the perfect day. Craig accepted some truths about himself, won his title fight, and retired from fighting.

Then
he gave me all of him, bringing me to far too many climaxes to count but who needs to count when their toes are curling and nerve endings are on fire.

“
Craig?” I call out sleepily.

There’s no response so I figure he must be in the shower. I clamber out of bed and grab the shirt I removed from his torso last night to cover myself. I shamelessly lift the fabric to my nose to get my daily dose of clove-scented masculinity before I button it up.

“Craig?” I frown, seeing that he’s sat by the window in the kitchen staring aimlessly at the sky.

“
Bella,” he seems surprised to see me which makes no sense.

“
Haven’t you slept?” I study his face cautiously.

He shakes his head.

“How come?” I ask.

He shrugs.

“Do you want me to make you a coffee?” I offer.

He shakes head.

I try not to get irritated because he’s never been top of the leader boards for emotional sharing.

He needs time so I give it to him, even though I’m fairly sure he’s having a melt down over the three words I accidentally said to him in my semi-sleepy state.

I make myself a cup of tea and one for him just in case he changes his mind.

After ten minutes of sitting in silence, staring at my tea and waiting for him to speak, I’ve had enough.

“Out with it, Craig,” I plead, cupping my tea in both hands.

He doesn’t answer for so long that I think he’s not heard me but eventually he looks away from the window and at the
tea in front of him like he didn’t realise it was there.

“
This isn’t working,” he tells me bluntly. He doesn’t even bother looking me in the eye.

“
Excuse me?” I beg further explanation.

“
You and me,” he grunts. “Isn’t working.”

“
How so?” I manage, a horrible lump rising in my throat.

“
Know your special, lady. Said we could try. Tried and failed. End of.”

“
That’s not the end,” I tell him with a whisper of breath. “You can’t end us just like that. I don’t understand.”

“
Just the way it is. I tried,” he shrugs and I want to squeeze some sense into him but I don’t.

“
Craig… why are you doing this?”

“
Look. Don’t get upset about this,” he sighs and I can see a hint of regret in his eyes but I think it’s regret for hurting my feelings not regret for what he’s doing. I can tell he’s resolute on that. “You have a new life here. The flat is yours for as long as you need it. You have a job and you have your freedom. You’re happy and that happiness doesn’t depend on me.”

“
I need you, Craig,” I blubber, unashamed of my tears because they seem so unimportant in the grand scale of things. “I love you.”

“
You don’t love me, Bella,” he snaps and for the first time he seems angry – furious. “You just think you do.”

“
No,” I shout at him. “I love you! Why can’t you accept that?”

“
Because you don’t,” he yells back. It’s the first time he’s raised his voice at me in a long time and I recoil because that’s not my doctor speaking. “It’s over, Bella. I’m leaving. I’m here if you need me and we’ll still keep you safe from your ex but I can be nothing more than a friend to you. Told you that from the beginning.”

I shake my head because this can’t be happening. This is a nightmare.

“Going now,” he mumbles, pulling his hoody from the back of the chair and dragging it over his head. “Know you’ll need some distance. Call me when you’re ready to talk to me.”

There’s no point begging or pleading. He has the same concentrated facial expression he wore during his fight. He’s planned his moves and he’s not budging.

I sit and watch the world around me go by, completely detached from my surroundings. I think he might say something to me before he leaves the flat with a bag of his clothes but I can’t hear it.

It feels like I’m in my numb zone but there’s no blocking this pain out. This hurts more than anything Nigel ever put me
through because I stopped caring about him.

I finally admit my love for him and he repays me by accusing me
of being a liar and ending our relationship.

I don’t understand. I know he loves me, there is zero doubt in my mind that he loves me. Why can he not accept my love in return?

I’m not sure how long I sit on that same chair with two cold cups of tea before me. If the film on top of my tea is anything to go by, it’s been a few hours.

My cheeks are red, stained by my tears, and sore from wiping them dry.

I’m not really sure what to do with myself, I feel lost; aimless and adrift in a sea of negativity.

He left me.

I hear a knock at the door and my heart leaps at the possibility that he’s changed his mind.

Of course he hasn’t.

When I open the door, a blur of purple colour throws itself at me as Carla encompasses me in a tight hug.

“
I’m so sorry, Isabella,” she apologises.

I shake my head because she has nothing to apologise for. It’s Craig – all of it is Craig. He’s obviously text her and told her he’s done with me.
That was nice of him
, I mentally roll my eyes.

“
I don’t know why he’s done this,” I sniffle against her shoulder.

“
Me neither, doll,” she sighs. “Come on, let’s go sit down.”

I follow on autopilot and let her guide me to the sofa. Before I know it
, there’s another, warmer, cup of tea in my hand and Carla is by my side. My head rests on her shoulder and she lets me cry.

Not a simple cry; t
his is ugly crying at its worst. I’m full on bawling and she stays there and strokes my hair until there’s nothing left to come out.

My eyes are so sore I might as well have rubbed raw onions directly on my retina.

“What do I do now?” I ask her because I have no idea.

“
You don’t need me to answer that question, Isabella,” she soothes.

“
I really do,” I chuckle bitterly.

She frowns and squeezes my shoulder.
“You get on with your life. Yes, it’s going to suck,” she admits. “But you have a fantastic job, a new start in life, the best looking friend in the world.”

I manage a small smile at her shameless boasting but it’s not an approximate to a full smile.

“Carter’s my friend,” she sighs. “But he’s a fucking idiot.”

I’m not going to argue because I’m too angry with him.

“Can I be brutally honest?” Carla asks.

“
Aren’t you always?” I raise an eyebrow.

“
True,” she grins. “When I put you and Craig together, I just wanted you to you know…” She does a slightly vulgar gesture which involves hip thrusting and looks slightly amusing. “Craig has never been the guy you’d want your friend to be in a relationship. I never saw that coming… and…”

I nod to let her know it’s okay for her to say whatever she needs to say.

“It was far too soon for you to get involved in a relationship so soon after the other ended. You had your independence stolen from you by that scumbag. You deserve to get that back first.”

“
I know it happened quickly,” I admit. “But if it’s right, it’s right. It’s not like I went looking for him.”

“
I know,” Bella sighs. “The whole situation sucks.”

I agree wholeheartedly.
“I just wish I knew what I did wrong.”

“
Nothing,” Carla is quick to answer. “You did absolutely nothing wrong.”

“
Then why?” I demand somewhat exasperatedly.

“
I don’t know, doll,” she apologises. “Wish I did. You probably know him better than I do at this point. My best guess is that he’s spending too much time in his own head and he’s got himself all confused. Men are a bit dim like that.”

“
I don’t understand how I can be this angry and disappointed with him and love him so much at the same time,” I sigh.

“
Carter boys will do that to you,” she grins. “They’re a good looking bunch but, Karl aside, they’re a nightmare for women.”

“
Agreed,” I lament.

“
Right,” she announces. “Get your butt up and in that shower.”

“
Why?” I frown. I’d decided to drown my sorrows in my pyjamas and a tub of ice cream, not clean water.

“
We’re going shopping,” she tells me. “I know you’re saving your wages, and that’s smart, but there must be some to spare and you need to top up your wardrobe. Make it match the new woman you’ve become. Strong and independent.”

“
You’re not taking no for an answer are you?” I gauge her fierce determination.

She winks and pushes me towards the bathroom. I resolve to accept my fate because this is Carla. She’s Craig’s friend but she’s also mine. She’s here, with me, and she’s trying to fix a little piece of my broken heart.

I’m not prepared to lose that.

I find it hard to part with my wages now that they’re all mine. My rent for the flat is miniscule because I simply have to pay the electricity. Megan’s niece didn’t want more than that aside from keeping her spider plant alive.

It leaves me with a good portion left over and I save it up because at some point I’m going to need to find my own place, somewhere I can put my own stamp on. With the housing market being what it is, I’d be better off buying a property. For that, I need a cash deposit.

“
Stop saying no to everything,” Carla flicks the end of my hair playfully after I shake my head at another price tag. “Give me a budget.”

I sigh because I’m having borderline inappropriate thoughts about my appealing duvet and the plush sofa.
“One hundred.”

“
A hundred?” She laughs. “Not good enough, Isabella. We need a full new look for you. A look that suits you.”

I groan and she laughs harder.
“Four hundred, final offer.”

“
Done!” She exclaims gleefully. “Now go try all this on.”

I’m handed an armful of clothes. We’re not shopping in the designer boutiques I frequented with Nigel. This is high street fashion. You fetch your own clothes and if you pick the wrong size, there’s no assistant to fetch you another one.

I always hated that. I’m a grown woman, I can fetch my own clothes.

Despite the inner misery which plagues me, Carla makes the day truly fun. I actually thoroughly enjoy choosing my own clothes. She’s right, far too much of what I wear is borrowed or bought in a rush because I needed clothes for work.

It’s been so long since I had my own sense of style that I don’t remember what I like. I don’t think I like the same things anymore anyway.

I’m a new woman, even without Craig I’m stronger than ever before. I won’t make the same mistakes twice. I won’t let a man hurt me ever again – physically or emotionally.

“Damn, girl!” Carla calls out as I emerge from the changing rooms in a block colour dress in blue and black. It has a sixties feel with a modern twist and is easily matched with statement jewellery to present a modern woman who means business.

I love it.

I’m blown away by how many shoes, clothes, and accessories I can buy for four hundred pounds. I’ve known Nigel spend that on a single dress which I only wore once.

It makes me regret that I ever accepted such extravagance. It’s so wasteful.

By the time we carry my many shopping bags back to the flat, I feel better.

Obviously, it still feels like my heart is bleeding but I’m able to focus on my work – and for that I’m very grateful. I can spend my evenings working on case files or with Carla and I can spend my daytimes at work.

I can focus on my career and forget about my heart even if I can’t forget about the man who owns it. The man who broke it.

With my new clothes, I can take the next step towards my independence. I’ll be who I want to be on the outside until I can be who I want to be on the inside.