A Mother's Trust (43 page)

Fabio moved towards the doorway. ‘I’ll fetch you some bedding from the house, and some food. Can you remember how to milk the goat, Phoebe? I taught you when you were a little girl, but that seems a long time ago now.’

‘Yes, I think so. I’ll try anyway.’ She set Teddy down and he made a beeline for the goat. Phoebe started forward with an anxious cry but her grandfather caught her by the sleeve.

‘Let him go. She won’t hurt him.’

Reluctantly, Phoebe watched her baby brother as he heaved himself up by hanging on to the animal’s tail. The goat munched a mouthful of hay, ignoring Teddy as he clung to her, stroking her pelt and gabbling excitedly.

‘A goatherd in the making,’ Fabio said, laughing. ‘You mustn’t worry about him, cara. That boy is a true Giamatti.’

She could not look him in the eye. The lies she had told regarding Teddy’s birth had been meant to save the family from disgrace, but she was finding it increasingly hard to live with the deceit. ‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘He’s not afraid of anything, which is what scared me when we lived so close to the water.’

Fabio patted her on the shoulder. ‘You worry too much. He’s a boy and he needs to learn how to survive.’

‘He’s a baby, and I have to protect him.’

Fabio dropped a kiss on her forehead. ‘And what about Gino? It seems to me that you pay more attention to the child than to your husband. That’s not the way, cara.’

Her hand flew to her mouth. She had forgotten all about Gino. He would return to the island after landing his catch and taking it for market in Stresa, and he would find her gone. ‘He won’t know where we are. Cosima will say awful things about me.’

Fabio patted her hand. ‘I’m sure he’ll have a fair idea where to find you.’

‘That woman will blame me for everything.’

‘Gino knows you well enough. I’m sure he won’t believe her lies.’

‘She’s cunning, Nonno. She twists everything.’

‘I’ll go to the jetty as soon as I’ve seen you settled in, and I’ll try to catch him before he sets sail for home.’

Phoebe threw her arms around his neck. ‘I’m sorry to bring my troubles to your door, but I’m truly grateful.’

‘Hush now, child. What else would I do for my dead son’s daughter?’ He kissed her on the cheek and extricated himself gently from her grasp. ‘I won’t be long.’

She watched him as he bent almost double to avoid hitting his head on the low doorway. She could still feel the tickle of his whiskers on her cheek even after he had gone. She could do nothing other than try to make a comfortable place to sit and wait for Gino.

He arrived an hour later, wet and cold, and it was the first time that Phoebe had seen him really angry. He burst into the shed, gazing around in disgust. The
goat
backed away from him, obviously sensing that here was danger.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Gino demanded, looking up at Phoebe as she hesitated at the top of the ladder not knowing what to say.

Her own temper was frayed. She had spent time endeavouring to make a semblance of a home, sweeping the hay into the corner of the floor and covering it with the blankets provided by her grandfather. He had also brought a basket containing bread, cheese and a bottle of wine, which he left saying that Gino would need something stronger than milk when he realised that this was where they were to spend the night. After a few failed attempts Phoebe had managed to milk the goat, but now her nerves were stretched to breaking point. Everything that had happened that day had conspired to make her anxious and jumpy, and with the added effort of keeping Teddy away from the edge of the platform she was on the verge of hysteria. She glared down at her husband, seeing an angry stranger staring back at her. ‘Your hateful aunt is the person who has caused this,’ she said icily. ‘I’ve taken as much as I can stand from that woman, and I’d rather live in this shed forever than go back to the island.’

Gino threw off his wet jacket and negotiated the steep ladder with the speed of a steeplejack. He took Phoebe by the shoulders, his cold fingers pressing into her soft flesh. ‘What have you brought us to?’ His eyes were dark with rage and water dripped down his face from his sodden hair. He shook it back from his forehead with an angry toss of his head. ‘I’ve worked all
the
hours God sends trying to provide for you and the boy, and this is how you repay me?’

She pulled away from him, shocked by his tone as much as his words. ‘He’s got a name. He’s supposed to be our son and you promised you’d treat him like your own.’

Gino let his hands fall to his side. ‘You’re trying to put the blame for this on me. I’ve done everything that you wanted of me. I’ve lived a lie for your sake and all I asked was that you got along with my aunt. I know she’s a difficult woman, but surely you could have kept a civil tongue in your head for a while longer?’

‘You make it sound as though I forced you to marry me.’ She backed away from him, bending down to pick up Teddy who was clinging to her skirts. She cuddled him to her in an attempt to calm his fears. ‘You begged me to marry you, Gino Argento. You said you would do anything in the world to make me happy, and yet you allowed Cosima to make my life a misery.’

He flinched as if she had struck him a blow across the face. ‘She’s an old woman and she took us in. You were the one who insisted that we lie about Teddy’s birth to protect your mother’s memory. She was a slut, Phoebe. She was a drunkard and a cheat who pretended to speak to the dead in order to take money from grieving relations.’

‘How dare you say such awful things about my mother? She’s not here to defend herself, but I know she loved Ned and I think he might have had genuine feelings for her. I lied about Teddy’s birth to stop our
families
declaring a vendetta against the Paxmans, and you were only too eager to go along with it. You’d have done anything to marry me, so don’t pretend that I forced you into it.’ Her knees buckled suddenly as exhaustion and emotion combined to overcome her. She sank to the floor, bowing her head and rocking Teddy in her arms.

Gino took a faltering step towards her. ‘Phoebe, I didn’t mean it.’

She raised her head to glare at him through a veil of tears. ‘Yes, you did. You meant every word. Perhaps Cosima was right. You should have married a local girl who would bear your children and allow herself to be bullied, and never complain.’

Gino knelt beside her, placing his arms gently around her so that he did not crush Teddy, who was sobbing quietly into her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, cara. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.’

Her spine was rigid and she could not forgive him so easily. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. ‘You can’t unsay what’s been said, Gino.’ She made a huge effort to sound calm when inside she was still inwardly raging. ‘You shouldn’t have married me if you didn’t want Teddy. I never deceived you, and you know very well that there would have been open warfare between the Italian families and the Paxman gang if the truth came out. No one would be safe. I don’t make the rules and I don’t hold with vengeance, but I’ll do anything to protect Teddy.’

Gino sat back on his haunches, eyeing her speculatively. ‘Including marrying me?’

‘That’s not fair.’

‘But is it true?’ He took her cold hand in his. ‘Answer me, Phoebe. Do you love me?’

She snatched it away. ‘What sort of question is that?’

‘It’s simple enough and I deserve an honest answer.’

‘Of course I care about you, Gino. I pledged myself to you and I’ll honour that promise until the day I die.’

He shook his head. ‘I know you did, and I believe that you meant it, but you still haven’t answered my question. Do you love me?’

She scrambled to her feet, laying Teddy down on the blankets as his eyelids drooped and he sucked his thumb, a sure sign that he was falling asleep. She faced Gino, who had also risen and was looking at her with desperation written all over his pale countenance.

‘Answer me honestly. Do you love me as I love you?’

‘Why are you doing this to me? I’ve told you that I do.’

‘No, you haven’t. I want you to say those words and mean them. Sometimes, when we make love, I feel that your heart is somewhere else.’ He raised his hand as she opened her mouth to object. ‘I know I possess your body, but that’s not enough for me. I want to hear you tell me that you love me, and only me. Otherwise we’re living a double lie.’

IT WOULD BE
so easy to utter the words that he was desperate to hear, but Phoebe could not deceive him any longer. The guilt that she had felt on her wedding day threatened to engulf her and she had to tell him the truth. She took a deep breath. ‘I have strong feelings for you, Gino. I love you for who you are and what you’ve done for me, but I’m not in love with you.’

‘And you never were?’

The pain in his eyes made her wince as if it were her own. She shook her head, unable to frame the words that spoke of treachery and deceit.

His lips were white and his eyes bleak. ‘I was too blindly in love with you to see it,’ he said slowly. ‘It’s that villain you really love, isn’t it?’

She held her head high. ‘I’m sorry, Gino. But I’ll never see him again. I sent him away when he wanted me to leave you on our wedding day.’

‘He was here then?’

‘I sent him away.’ She repeated the words like a mantra. ‘I chose you, Gino.’

‘You chose me?’ For a moment she thought that he was going to strike her, but he clenched his fists at his side. ‘What went on between the two of you in Kent? Were you lovers? Are you a whore like your mother?’

‘No,’ she said in a low voice, not wanting to wake Teddy. ‘How dare you even suggest such a thing?’

‘But you love him nonetheless?’

‘Stop it, Gino. Stop tormenting yourself. Nothing happened between Rogue Paxman and me. I swear it on Teddy’s life.’

‘Why should I believe you?’

His voice was harsh and his livid expression chilled her to the bone. This was not the man she had known all her life. This was a stranger, seemingly hell bent on wrecking their marriage, if she had not already done so by the admission he had forced from her. She drew herself up to her full height. ‘Don’t believe me then. Go away and leave me alone. I don’t think I can bear the sight of you when you’re like this.’ She turned her back on him and went to sit beside Teddy.

There was a sudden silence, broken only by the sound of the wind howling round outside and the slap of the rain as it beat on the roof. Phoebe was forced to look up and found that Gino was watching her with an inscrutable expression. He might have been carved from marble like the effigies in church. She was filled with a sudden rush of pity for him. She had never intended to hurt him. She held out her hand. ‘Gino, come and sit by me. We can talk this out. We can start again.’

‘No. I’m going back to the island. It’s where I belong. You can do what you like, Phoebe.’

She rose swiftly to her feet. ‘Gino, don’t go like this. At least stay here for tonight. Perhaps things will look different in the morning. I’m sorry.’

His lips curved in a humourless smile. ‘And that’s supposed to make things all right between us, is it? You’re sorry. What are you sorry for, Phoebe? That you’ve taken my heart and wrung it out until it’s dry? Or are you sorry that you admitted to being in love with another man when you made your promise to me in church?’

‘I’m sorry that I hurt you. I do love you. You’re a good, kind, man and …’

He took a step towards the ladder. ‘Stop there. Don’t say another word. I know that you believe what you say, but that’s not good enough. I’m going and I won’t return.’ He descended the ladder, barely touching the rungs with his feet as he slid to the ground below. He snatched up his jacket and putting his hand in the pocket he pulled out a leather purse which he threw so that it landed at her feet. ‘There’s the money from my last catch. It will keep you for a while. I’ll send more when I can.’

‘I don’t want your money,’ Phoebe called after him, but he had opened the door and a gust of wind sent dry earth and straw up in a wild vortex, almost choking her. When it cleared she realised that he had gone. ‘He’ll be back,’ she murmured. ‘Everything will look better in the morning.’

There was nothing she could do. She could hardly go chasing out into the stormy night and leave Teddy on his own. Even if she caught up with Gino she knew that in his present mood she would be wasting her time. She sank down onto the straw and sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, trying to think.
Tomorrow
she would go to the island. She would apologise to Cosima and she would make things right with Gino. He was hurt and angry now, but she knew that he still loved her. Maybe he could never completely forgive her, but there was something she had not told him. There was another life to consider now. Ivy and Nonna had been right. She had not wanted to tell anyone until she was absolutely certain. It was something that she had been dreading, but now it was becoming a reality she was feeling quite different. She laid her hand on her belly. Tomorrow she would tell Gino that he was going to be a father.

She lay down beside Teddy and tried to sleep, but the straw was prickly even through the thick blanket and the storm was growing in intensity. The wind howled around the building like a soul in distress, and the rain lashed at the windowpanes. When Phoebe closed her eyes she had yet another vision of the dark waters whipped into great waves as if the lake had become a wild sea. She snapped upright, gasping with fear. All her visions and dreams had led to this fateful night. It was not her baby brother who was in danger but Gino.

Stricken with panic, she wrapped Teddy in a blanket and descended the ladder with great care. She ran out into the night, heading for the cottage. She rapped on the door until Julio opened it. He was tousle-haired and bleary-eyed with sleep. ‘Phoebe, what’s the matter? Has the goat kept you awake?’

She thrust Teddy into his arms. ‘The lake,’ she screamed. ‘The lake. Gino is going to take the boat to the island. I must stop him.’

Shaking his head and blinking, Julio caught her by the sleeve. ‘Are you mad? You shouldn’t be out alone on a night like this.’