A Mother's Trust (40 page)

The night air was like warm baby’s breath, freshened by a breeze scented with wine and the bowls of roses that had been placed on the tables. The lights flickered like fireflies and the sound of laughter filled her ears. She danced with her husband until her feet were sore
and
eventually she excused herself, saying that she must rest a while. Reluctantly Gino left her and went to make sure that his mother was comfortable and well cared for. Phoebe breathed a sigh of relief as she moved away from the swirling dancers, intending to sit at a table beneath a tree strung with paper lanterns.

‘Phoebe.’

Out of the darkness a man came striding towards her. She would have known him anywhere by the way he walked, the timbre of his voice, and as he drew closer the familiar scent of him filled her nostrils.

‘ROGUE.’ HIS NAME
was like music on her lips. Her knees buckled and he slipped his arm around her waist, supporting her, holding her. His breath was warm on her neck and his lips caressed her skin, causing her pulses to race.

‘Phoebe, my Phoebe. I got here as soon as I could. I pray to God that I’m in time.’

She raised her hand to show him her wedding band. The gold gleamed palely in the moonlight. ‘Oh, Rogue. I thought I’d never see you again.’

‘This is your wedding party?’

The words ripped into her soul. She broke away from him. ‘Yes. I married Gino. It was the only way.’

He seized her in his arms. ‘I would have been here sooner but the fools arrested me for smuggling. We were thrown into the local jail and it took my lawyer a long time to convince them that Ned and I had nothing to do with the gang. By the time I reached London I found that you’d all left for Italy. I set off immediately.’

‘But too late,’ she whispered as he took her mouth in a kiss that made the stars explode and caused the lump of ice in her breast to shatter into shards.

‘I love you, Phoebe,’ he murmured into her hair,
which
had come loose from its combs and hung freely around her shoulders. ‘I won’t let him have you.’

‘It’s too late,’ she repeated sadly. ‘It can never be.’

He kissed her again, crushing her to him so that their hearts beat to the same rhythm. For a few blissful moments she felt that they were one and the same person.

‘It can be annulled,’ he said in a low voice. ‘You haven’t consummated the union yet. Tell me that you haven’t lain with him, Phoebe?’

‘I haven’t, but that doesn’t change anything.’ She pushed him gently away. ‘Let me go, Rogue. I can’t think straight when you touch me.’

He stood facing her, his arms hanging limply at his sides. ‘You will come away with me, Phoebe. I’m not leaving you here. I love you. D’you hear what I’m saying?’

She held up her hand. ‘Don’t say these things. There’s no hope for us. Perhaps there never was.’

He reached out and grasped both her hands in his. ‘Look around you, Phoebe. Are you really a part of all this? Do you want to spend the rest of your life tied to a man you don’t love? And what about the boy?’

She wanted to tear herself away from him but her small fingers closed around his like those of a drowning woman clutching a spar. ‘I’m doing this for Teddy. He’ll be brought up to be a decent, law-abiding man, which is something that wouldn’t happen if I let you take him away from me.’

‘I don’t want to take him away from you, my darling.’ Rogue dropped his voice to a caressing murmur. ‘But
he
hasn’t a drop of Italian blood in his tiny veins. He’s an Englishman and he belongs with his family. That’s you, me and Ned. We should be together forever, my dearest girl. Don’t destroy all our lives by your misplaced loyalty. Come away with me now. I’ll get my lawyer to fix everything.’

She closed her eyes, swaying on her feet. Every breath was painful. She wanted nothing more than to give in and allow herself to be swept away by a will stronger than her own. She knew that what he said made sense, and that her mother would have wanted the man she had loved to raise her child, but that did not alter the fact that both the brothers were involved in a life of crime. Would Ma really have wanted her baby boy to be raised amongst criminals and in all likelihood travel that path himself? Phoebe knew the answer to that, even as she knew that she could not dishonour her family. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look through the trees to the party being held in honour of her wedding. She twisted the gold ring on her finger. ‘I can’t,’ she said simply.

He tightened his grip so that it was impossible for her to break free. ‘Can’t, or won’t?’

‘I promised in church,’ she said slowly, each word more painful than the last. ‘In front of my family and their friends, I promised to love and honour Gino. He’s a good man and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.’

Rogue let her go with a loud epithet that made her glance round anxiously to see if anyone had heard, but the music and singing had apparently drowned
out
all other sounds. She met his angry gaze, holding herself together with an effort. She must not give in, even if it tore her heart from her breast. ‘Nothing has changed. It would start a war between your people and mine. We couldn’t build a life together in those circumstances. We couldn’t bring our children into a world of vendetta and violence.’

He regarded her steadily. ‘And that’s your last word, is it? I’ll not force you to come with me, Phoebe. I want you for my wife, but obviously you don’t love me enough to risk causing upset to others.’

‘That’s not true and it’s not fair.’

‘None of this is fair. D’you think I wanted to fall in love with a woman who insists on putting the needs of everyone else before her own? I’m concerned with you and me, and the boy, of course, although he’s Ned’s problem, not mine.’

‘Teddy isn’t a problem. He’s a little boy who needs love and a proper family to care for him. He’ll get that here, but what would happen to him in London? Any moment you might fall foul of the law, even if you do have the police force in your pocket now. What would we do if you and Ned ended up dangling on the end of a noose? I don’t want that sort of life and it’s not for Teddy either.’

Rogue’s expression was unreadable. ‘So you don’t love me.’

‘I do.’ The words tumbled from her lips and she immediately wished them unsaid as she saw a glimmer of hope flicker in his eyes. ‘But I hate the way you live, and I won’t break Gino’s heart or bring disgrace on
my
family. Go away, please. Leave me alone.’ Without waiting for his response, she picked up her skirts and fled blindly in the direction of the revellers, but she came to a sudden halt as she barged into someone who was standing on the edge of the circle of dancers.

‘Phoebe. What’s the matter?’

‘Julio. Thank God it’s you.’ She leaned against her uncle, gasping for breath.

‘What happened? Who’s upset you like this?’

She looked up into his solid, dependable face and she knew that she had done the right thing. Julio was the quiet one in the family, but there was no one upon whom she would rather depend for quiet commonsense and good judgement. ‘I’m all right,’ she said softly.

He glanced over his shoulder and his dark brows drew together in a frown. ‘Is that who I think it is?’

‘Yes, but he’s leaving. I’ve sent him away.’ Her voice broke on a sob. ‘I made him go.’

‘Why did he follow you here?’

She could scarcely answer him. Her teeth were chattering, and even though the night was warm she was shivering violently. ‘Please don’t make a fuss, Julio. It was nothing.’

He slipped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. ‘I don’t call it nothing. Nenzo told me that Paxman had kept you prisoner in Kent. If he’s dishonoured you in any way you must tell me now and we’ll settle this once and for all. We’ll go after him and make sure that he doesn’t bother you again.’

‘It wasn’t like that. He saved me from Caspar.’

‘Phoebe, I’m not stupid. A man doesn’t do all these
things
for a woman unless he wants her for himself. Is there something you’re not telling me? I can keep a secret as well as any man, and I hate to see you upset like this.’

‘It’s all over between us,’ Phoebe said, choking back a sob. ‘I’m married to Gino.’

‘And you have a child to bring up,’ Julio said softly. ‘Teddy is a fine boy and soon he will have brothers and sisters to keep him company.’

Phoebe had never been so close to blurting out the truth, but she managed to suppress the impulse to tell him everything. ‘I’ll make Gino a good wife,’ she murmured. ‘I swear it on my mother’s grave, Julio.’

She was rewarded with a hug.

‘You did the right thing, cara. He’s gone now, and you’ll never see him again.’

‘I’ll never see him again,’ Phoebe repeated dully.

‘Dry your eyes,’ Julio said urgently. ‘Gino’s coming. Don’t let him see that you’ve been crying. This is best kept between you and me, cara.’

Phoebe turned her head to watch her new husband as he threaded his way through the swirling couples. His face was pale in the moonlight but his look of consternation dissolved into a rapturous smile when he spotted her. He held out his arms. ‘I thought I’d lost you, cara mia. Where have you been hiding?’

Suddenly panic seized her and she could not keep up the charade. She glanced over her shoulder in the hope of catching a glimpse of the man she truly loved. She broke away from Julio. This was her last chance. If she ran like the wind she could catch up with Rogue.
But
Gino was too quick for her and he enveloped her in a fond embrace. ‘I’m so happy, Phoebe. I can’t believe that you’re mine at last.’

Somehow she faced her new husband with a smile. He must never know how sorely she had been tempted to leave him on their wedding day and escape back to England with Rogue Paxman. Gazing up into the canopy of leaves above her, illuminated by paper lanterns swaying in the gentle breeze, she made a silent pledge to honour her wedding vows and put the past behind her. She had married a man who was superior to Rogue in every way, and she was determined to make him a good and loving wife. She owed him so much and she knew that he would cherish her for the rest of his life. Nothing in the world would make her do anything that would hurt him.

She laid her hand in his and allowed him to lead her once more into the dance. The party went on late into the night and they toasted each other with wine, but no matter how good her intentions Phoebe was there in body only. Her heart and soul had flown away to join Rogue on his perilous journey through life. What remained of her was just a husk, a pleasant, well-mannered and affectionate woman who in the early hours of the morning lay on the marriage bed wide-eyed and unable to sleep after her husband had made love to her for the first time. She had responded as best she could to his passionate lovemaking but it had left her as untouched as a virgin. She might be a wife in name and in fact, but fond as she was of Gino she knew that he would never reach the innermost
place
in her heart. It was a sad truth, but one she must keep to herself.

In the darkness, listening to the soft sound of Gino’s rhythmic breathing, she gazed out of the small window at the stars. Despite her promise to herself that she would put him out of her mind, she allowed herself a few moments to think of Rogue. She had meant it to be a last goodbye, but she could not forget the way his kisses had set her body aflame with desire. The longing to hear his voice, and to see the tender curve of his lips when he smiled just for her, cut into her heart like a physical pain. She lay beside her husband, rigid with despair but determined to survive, and with the dawn she put all her memories away in a secret compartment of her mind. They might be taken out when she was alone and remembered like the words and melody of a much-loved song, but then they would be tucked away again until they faded into an old woman’s dream.

Gino awakened early, opening his eyes and turning to her with a loving smile. She wrapped her arms around him and he took her more slowly than he had previously. This time there was no pain other than the ache in her heart. She kissed him tenderly but it was more from pity than from passion. He deserved better, she thought, as he rolled away sighing with satisfaction. He would never know that she had cheated him of the love that he thought he had earned. She would stand by him through thick and thin and she would bear his children. Teddy would be raised as their own son, but one day, when he was old enough to understand, she might tell him the truth about his parentage,
although
that was a long way off. She had to live with the here and now. She must raise herself from the marriage bed and face the world like a happy young bride. Gino was already out of bed, pulling on his trousers, and he leaned over to kiss her on the lips. ‘My wife,’ he murmured, smiling into her eyes. ‘My beautiful wife. I can hardly believe that you’re mine forever, my darling.’

She pulled the sheet up to cover her nakedness and she knew she was blushing, but she was saved from answering by Teddy stirring in the wooden cot that Uncle Marco had brought over from the mainland. ‘I must see to the baby,’ she said quickly as Gino’s eyes darkened with desire.

He straightened up, turning away to fasten his breeches. ‘Of course.’ He glanced over his shoulder, his lips twisting into a wry smile. ‘Maybe we will have one of our own by next summer.’

The thought appalled her and she was shocked by her reaction to his perfectly natural wish for a child. She slid out of bed, wrapping the cotton sheet around her. ‘Not too soon, Gino.’ She tempered her words by kissing him on the cheek. ‘We need time together, and we should have a house of our own before we start a family.’ She glanced round at the tiny room beneath the rafters, which was only just large enough to house the bed, a single chest of drawers and Teddy’s cot.

Gino took her in his arms, ignoring Teddy’s cries. He held her close, running his hand down her back and tracing the curve of her buttocks with obvious pleasure. ‘You’re right, as ever, my love. But I’ll have
to
start earning good money before we can afford to rent even the smallest cottage.’ He released her as Teddy’s cries evolved into a full-blown howl. ‘He has the Paxman blood in him, that’s for certain. Me, I am much more easy-going. Our babies will be little angels.’ He sat down on the bed to pull on his boots, and Phoebe went to lift Teddy from his cot. He stopped crying immediately and nestled against her shoulder, sucking his thumb.