A Mother's Spirit (39 page)

A fortnight or so after this, Molly said to Tom, who had popped round one day as he was wont to, ‘Don’t think I’m mad or anything, but is there anything going on between Isobel and Joe?’

‘Funny you should mention that,’ Tom said. ‘There is nothing going on, as such. Well, not that I’ve seen, and Ben has said nothing either and I’m sure he would have done, but I’ve not seen Joe the way he is now in years. There is a light dancing in his eyes and a spring in his step, and he reminds me of when he was a young lad in Buncrana and going out to the socials.’

‘Well, Isobel too is like a young girl,’ Molly said. ‘And then last Sunday after dinner, with the boys upstairs and you putting Nuala to bed, I made a pot of tea and took it into the living room. Uncle Joe and Aunt Isobel were in there. They were doing nothing wrong, weren’t even sitting together. Joe was in one of the armchairs and Isobel on a corner of the settee, but I saw the look that passed between them before they realised that I was in the room. It was so … sort of bittersweet in a way. It brought a lump to my throat, to tell you the truth.’

‘Do you think they are aware of it?’ Tom asked.

‘They must be,’ Molly said. ‘They might not have admitted it even to themselves, but there is a certain something between them.’

‘Maybe it is time for Joe to take my place and accompany Isobel, like I used to, so they get to know each other a little better?’ Tom suggested.

Molly nodded. ‘It would do him good, anyway. He hardly goes across the door. I mean, if Joe doesn’t want to leave
Ben in the flat on his own, he can come here. He’s hardly away from the doorstep, anyway. Mind you, I don’t think that it’s me that’s the draw. It’s more likely Nuala.’

Tom smiled. ‘He really loves the child.’

‘I know,’ Molly said. ‘He is very sweet with her and when she does something like when she smiled at him for the first time, he was bowled over and he told me he wrote to his mother and asked if Rebecca did that yet. Gloria wrote back that she did and sent him some photos to prove it. Of course, all this worshipping at the cradle of Nuala is doing her no good at all. I said to Mark, the sooner this war is over and we can be a proper family again and give Nuala a brother or sister, the better I will like it.’

‘It can’t be long now,’ Tom said. ‘Anyone but Hitler would have admitted defeat by now.’

‘Hitler is a madman,’ Molly said. ‘Everyone knows it. I tell you, the ones who find him and hang him from the nearest tree, or lamppost will be doing the world a favour, in my opinion.’

‘And in mine,’ Tom said. ‘And it can’t come soon enough.’

‘Are you sure that you feel all right about me doing this?’ Joe asked Ben anxiously as he got ready in the bedroom. ‘You’re not in any way upset that I am going to the cinema with Isobel?’

‘You asked me this twice already,’ Ben pointed out. ‘And I said I didn’t then. Why should I, anyway?’

‘I don’t know. I just thought …’

‘Look, Dad, stop worrying about me all the time,’ Ben said. ‘You’re taking me round to Molly, and then me and Kevin are going to play football in the park, and after he is going to show me the crystal set that Uncle Paul got him. We’re going to see if we can set it up and I am stopping overnight with them so why would I care what you do?’

‘So you have the evening all planned out then?’

‘We sure do,’ said Ben in a broad American accent.

‘And I should stop being such a worry guts?’

‘Yeah, you should,’ Ben said. ‘I’m eleven, not a baby any more.’

‘All right, all right,’ Joe said with a mock sigh, ‘I know when I’m not wanted.’

‘Good,’ Ben said with a grin. ‘Glad we’ve got that established.’

Joe was delighted to see his son in such good form, but what he said was, ‘You cheeky young whippersnapper! You’re not too old for a good hiding, you know.’

Ben looked not a bit abashed. All he said was, ‘Are you ready yet? Shall I get my coat or what?’

Joe thought that he was the luckiest man in the world, sitting beside Isobel in the dark of the cinema, as if he had a perfect right to be there, and he hoped that she couldn’t hear the thump of his heart that suddenly seemed too big for his body. His mouth was so dry, it was uncomfortable to swallow, and though he longed to take one of Isobel’s hands in his, he resisted the temptation and tried to calm down and concentrate on the screen.

The main film was
Lassie Come Home
, and it was less than a quarter of the way through when Isobel said quietly to Joe, ‘Wouldn’t Ben just love this?’

He would, Joe knew, and so just as quietly he whispered back, ‘Let’s take him then on Saturday.’

‘Thank you, I’d like that,’ Isobel said. ‘But maybe Ben would like you to himself.’

‘No, he always likes your company,’ Joe said. He wanted to add, ‘So do I,’ but he didn’t think it was the correct thing to do. So the words hung unsaid in the air.

But that did pave the way for more outings, at least, and after that they took Ben out every weekend as March gave way to April, and still the war rumbled on. Isobel and Joe were unaware that the whole family was watching this love developing between them with great interest. Joe tried
to deny the feelings rising inside him every time he even thought about Isobel. He knew that if he had declared his love for her, nothing could happen because he was still a married man, his divorce not yet achieved.

Ben didn’t know this, but after Tom left to live with Aggie and Paul, Isobel became an even greater part of their lives.

One day Ben said to her, ‘Are you still Uncle Tom’s friend?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘You’re more Dad’s friend now, though, aren’t you?’

‘I am very fond of your father too,’ Isobel conceded.

‘But you wouldn’t marry Dad either, would you?’ Ben said. ‘Is that because he is just a friend like Tom is?’

‘No, it’s because I am not looking for a husband and I’m sure your father doesn’t think of me like that.’

‘Have you asked him?’ Ben persisted. ‘Because I think he does.’

Isobel felt her cheeks flame with embarrassment as Ben exclaimed, ‘You’ve gone ever such a funny colour!’

‘All right, that’s a halt to the personal questions,’ Isobel said. ‘And I must say, Ben, that for someone who doesn’t like answering that many questions, you certainly can dish them out.’

‘The teacher said we need to ask questions,’ Ben said with a large grin. ‘That’s how we learn, she said.’

‘Oh, did she?’ Isobel answered grimly. ‘Well, in my book you have learned enough. Let’s go and find your father.’

Hitler killed himself on 30 April in a bunker in Berlin together with his lover, Eva Braun, whom he had married the day before. This was reported in the papers after Berlin fell to the Red Army on 2 May. Hitler’s successor, Admiral Doenitz, then surrendered to the Soviet Army on 7 May and the war that had claimed so many lives was finally over.

Tuesday 8 May, was declared a national holiday, VE or Victory in Europe Day. Euphoria gripped the nation as the realisation sank in of what the end of the war really meant. Church bells, the ringing of which was reserved for warning of invasion, rang out for the first time in years.

Many shopkeepers opened their store of goods that they had kept back for just such a moment. Things not seen for years appeared on the counters, and pubs were open all day. People seemed to have a need to be with other people: some took to the streets and others gathered together with their families. Paul and Aggie opened their house to everyone, as it was the largest. Joe and Ben got off the tram at Molly’s and together they walked across the park, pushing Nuala in the pram. They saw people stacking up piles of rubbish, including many of the hated gas masks. For a second or two Kevin wondered what they were doing and then he exclaimed to Ben, ‘Oh boy! Look at that. They are building a bonfire.’

That had been another thing banned through the war. ‘Can we go?’ Kevin asked. ‘When it gets darker, I mean?’

‘I should think so,’ Joe said. ‘Though they might not wait for dark to light it because it stays light for ages now.’

‘I wonder if there will be fireworks,’ Molly said. ‘You know, if anyone has a few that they have kept all these years.’

‘The shopkeepers might,’ Tom said. ‘If they had stock in from before the war.’

‘Would they be any good after all this time, though?’ Joe asked.

‘Well, there is not much to spoil, is there?’ Tom said. ‘The most important thing is whether they were kept dry or not.’

‘Ooh, I hope you’re right, Uncle Tom,’ Molly said. ‘I love fireworks. I remember fireworks on Bonfire Night. Do you, Kevin?’

Kevin nodded. ‘Just about.’

‘We will come out and see afterwards,’ Molly promised the two excited boys. ‘And any that wants can come with us.’

Aggie, Paul and Isobel were waiting for them all with tables laid out for an impromptu party.

Isobel said to Joe, ‘Don’t ask where Paul got all the stuff. I tried that and I was told those that ask no questions will be told no lies.’

‘Then the only thing is to do justice to the food,’ Joe said.

Isobel laughed. ‘You’re right there. But there is no need to worry. There will be not a scrap left when we let Kevin and Ben loose on it. I think both those boys have hollow legs.’

Joe laughed. The boys certainly did have healthy appetites and he had often blessed the fact that Ben had a good meal at school and he and Tom ate in the works canteen Paul had set up, because it meant the rations went that bit further. But when he said this, Paul said, ‘Yes, and I think rationing will go on for many years. We must remember the war isn’t totally over yet, because there is no sign of Japan giving in.’

‘Yes, and I’d rather fight a German any day than a Nip,’ Joe said, and there was a murmur of agreement.

‘They mustn’t be right in the head,’ Tom declared. ‘I mean, when you are in the forces, you take on board the fact that you risk your life, but to actually want to die for your country as long as you take as many Americans with you as you can like those kamikaze pilots is almost unbelievable. How do you fight people with that sort of warped mentality?’

‘And it isn’t only Americans,’ Paul said. ‘Look at all those captured in Singapore, among other places.’

It was a sobering thought to be celebrating with fighting still going on and atrocities being committed, but then Aggie said, ‘I know that it’s disappointing and worrying that Japan is still holding off surrender, but if we fret about it from now till the end of time we cannot change that. Let’s have this one day of celebration when we realise what everyone in this country has gone through for six long years. For us now it is time to look forward and we ought to mark that, surely. It is not a sin to be happy.’

‘Aggie is right,’ Paul declared. ‘I have a couple of bottles of bubbly put by for just such an occasion and we will drink a toast to the future.’

‘Even us?’ Kevin asked hopefully.

‘Even you, on this very special day, will have a small glass,’ Paul said with a smile.

A few hours later a sizeable hole had been made in the food and drink.
Rhapsody in Blue
was playing on the gramophone, Nuala was fast asleep in her pram, and Ben and Kevin were anxious to go back to the park and see what was happening with the bonfire.

‘I’ll go over with them, if one of you will mind the baby,’ Molly said.

‘My dear, you don’t have to ask,’ Aggie said. ‘Between us all, we will be fighting over her.’

‘You don’t have to come with us, Moll,’ Kevin said. ‘No one does. We ain’t babies and I’ll look after Ben.’

‘I want to see it as much as you do,’ Molly retorted, with
a smile. ‘I’m reliving my childhood. And much too excited to stay in, so let’s go if we’re going, while Nuala is still sleeping.’

When they had gone, the adults started reminiscing about the war years and Joe told them of his years in London in the blitz, and though he said not a word of the horrors he had seen as a volunteer firemen, he did mention the good friends he and Gloria had that never made it. Isobel, sitting close to Tom, gave a small gasp and he saw the sadness sweep over her face and knew that she was remembering too.

No one else appeared to have noticed and when Tom saw her slip out of the back door he sidled up to Joe and said quietly, ‘Isobel has gone outside. Go out to her. She’ll be upset, I’m thinking.’

‘Then maybe she is best left alone,’ Joe said. ‘She’d hardly want to see me.’

‘Of course she’ll want to see you, man,’ Tom said impatiently. ‘You can comfort her as no one else can.’

‘What are you saying, Tom?’

‘I am saying that she is eating her heart out for you and I am surprised that you have not seen it yourself when it is so apparent to everyone else.’

‘Is it?’

‘Yes!’

‘But, Tom, I have nothing to offer her.’

‘You have yourself and you have your heart,’ Tom said. ‘I know Isobel too, remember, and I am pretty certain that that will more than satisfy her.’

‘I can’t even offer her marriage yet.’

‘I know that and so does she,’ Tom said. ‘And I think after this war the world will be changed for good. But I cannot speak for Isobel, so go out and talk to her, for God’s sake, and give her some comfort for it is what she needs.’

Isobel was no longer crying, but she had been. Her eyes were still brimful and the sight of her distress tore at Joe’s heart. He gathered her into his arms for the very first time, wondering, even as he did so, if she might object to such
familiarity. However, far from objecting, Isobel sighed and snuggled into Joe as if it was her rightful place to be, and Joe held her tenderly. When he felt the beat of her heart against his chest he felt as if he was exploding with love.

The power of it took him by surprise and when her saddened eyes met his, he bent his head and touched her lips gently. And then Isobel was kissing him back with all she had in her. There was such beauty and tenderness in that first kiss, and when they broke away reluctantly in the end, Joe wanted more.

However, he recognised that they needed to talk about the shadows in their lives.

‘Let’s walk a little,’ he said, as he put his arm around her shoulders. ‘I suppose it was my reminiscences that caused you so much pain, and I am sorry for that.’

Isobel shook his head. ‘It wasn’t just you. It was the day and everything. I knew I would find it difficult. I mean I had come to the realisation that I will always miss Gregory and Gerald, and that they will always occupy a corner of my heart.’

‘That’s perfectly understandable,’ Joe said.

‘I was coping with that,’ Isobel said. ‘And then suddenly, as you were speaking, the events of that terrible day when I received the telegram came flooding back. I was holding the telegram in my hands and trying to cope with the anguish and desolation that I would never see my son again. Gerald had followed me into the hall, and even if I had been able – for I was beyond speech then – there was no way I could have prepared him for the stark words telling us that our beloved son was dead and gone. I watched the blood drain from Gerald’s face and then he sort of folded up at my feet.’

‘Heart attack?’

Isobel nodded.

Joe said, ‘My father died of a heart attack after a telegram.’

‘Tom said something about that,’ Isobel said. ‘But Gerald didn’t die, not then, though he was no good after it. He
somehow just faded away. The doctor said he had lost the will to live.’

‘Did you love him very much?’

‘If I am truthful, when I married him, I didn’t love him at all,’ Isobel said. ‘Our parents had been friends for years and we had known each other from childhood, and it was sort of expected that we would marry. In those days young people, especially young women, usually did what was expected of them, and anyway, I liked Gerald well enough. I leaned to love him, though, because he was a kind and considerate man, and when Gregory was born he was the most marvellous father and I loved him even more because of that. When I see the relationship you have with Ben and the love you have for one another, it brings it all back. It’s beautiful to see. Did you love your wife?’

‘I did,’ Joe said. ‘I loved her very much. She was only fourteen when I met her first and she grew up before my eyes and propositioned me. I would never have had the nerve to do it, because I was so much older, and employed by her father, of course. But the love between us died a long time before she left me.’

‘Why?’

‘Oh, there was a variety of reasons,’ Joe said. ‘We became two different people wanting different things from life and I know that really she was homesick for America. She left it because she had to, you see, not because she wanted to, and though she did her best she had this hankering for the land she was born and reared in.’

‘I can understand that,’ Isobel said. ‘If you have made the decision to go, it has got to make a difference to your attitude.’

‘I suppose … And then it got even worse in Ireland because she was so lonely and so isolated, and I did not support her enough. Then there was the pledge I made to Tom. I suppose you heard about that.’

‘Yes. Tom said that he asked you to give him a year to decide whether he wanted to go back to farming or sell up altogether and move here.’

‘And I agreed to that without even talking it over with Gloria,’ Joe said. ‘I was a much better brother than I was a husband at that time, I see it now. And when she took the job at the American camp I used to moan at her a lot of the time. I didn’t want her working there, or anywhere else either, but money was tight and it made me feel a failure that I couldn’t provide properly for my family. Instead of talking these things over with Gloria, I would moan as if it was her fault. Gloria ran out on me and it did knock me for six at the time, but there were faults on both sides and I have to take some of the blame for the way she behaved.’

‘And me, Joe?’ Isobel said. ‘What do you think of me?’

‘I think,’ began Joe and then he said, ‘No, I don’t think at all. I
know
now that I love you truly.’

‘And I love you too, Joe,’ Isobel said. ‘I told you that in time I came to love Gerald, but not the way I love you. I have never felt this way before.’

‘Oh, darling,’ Joe said, pulling her to a stop. ‘I love you so much.’

Their second kiss was as magical as the first had been, and after it Joe had to bite back a groan of desire.

‘What are we to do?’ Isobel asked.

‘What can we do?’ Joe said. ‘I have little to offer you. Gloria and I have to be apart at least three years before the divorce is even considered, Gloria told me in the last letter she sent.’

‘Well, we more or less knew that anyway,’ Isobel said. ‘Let us take one day at a time and see what comes of it.’

‘Yes,’ Joe said. ‘That is the best solution and now I suppose we must tell them all inside. Tom said they have been aware of how we feel about one another for some time.’

‘Really?’ Isobel pulled away from Joe and looked into
his face. ‘How? We had not even admitted it to one another until now.’

Joe shrugged. ‘Maybe they are more astute than we give them credit for. That’s what Tom said, anyway. They are all for it anyway, I think.’

‘Well, I’m glad,’ Isobel said. ‘Really, though, it’s Ben’s reaction I am bothered about most.’

‘Ben? Why worry about him?’ Joe said. ‘He loves you almost as I do.’

‘Yes, while he thought I was just a friend.’

‘Believe me, my darling girl, Ben will be the least of our worries.’

‘I am no girl, Joe,’ Isobel chided.

‘You are to me,’ Joe insisted. ‘My own darling girl who I love dearly, and I must kiss you one more time before I share you with the others.’

The family were all pleased with Joe and Isobel’s news, and Ben took it all in his stride, even the fact that they wouldn’t be able to be married straight away until the divorce came through. Even then, he knew that they couldn’t be married in a Catholic church, because divorce wasn’t recognised, but then neither could his mother so he supposed that that was sort of fair in a way.

For Ben, life changed for the better. Isobel was around more, they went out together more, and sometimes he and his father went to Isobel’s bungalow on Walmley Road on a Sunday, when she always cooked them a lovely dinner. Ben loved that bungalow. It was set back from the road behind tall privet hedges and so the gardens all around it were really private and you felt that you could be miles from anywhere.

When they went to Isobel’s Ben often met Kevin and some of his mates to play football in Pype Hayes Park in the afternoon. They were always glad to see Ben because he had a genuine leather football, which his mother had
sent to him from America for his eleventh birthday. He had had a bit of a funny feeling when he opened up the parcel and saw the ball.