A Mother's Duty (49 page)

Mick had become so used to not having to answer to Kitty for his whereabouts that when she asked him where he was going he did not tell her. He felt certain she would come over all protective if he said he was going to visit Celia, so he was vague about his destination. ‘I’m just going into the country, Ma. I’ve been away from ol’ England for a while and just want to enjoy looking at trees and fields.’

She nodded, sensing that reserve in him, and she realised that he was growing away from her. She knew she had to accept it, but still could not resist saying, ‘If it rains come home.’

He said lightly, ‘I’ve been in a force-nine gale, Ma. A bit of rain’s not going to hurt me.’ He kissed her cheek and set off.

Mick enjoyed the ride but especially he liked being on his own for a while after months spent on a ship in close confinement with hundreds of men. He went out Widnes way and across on the Runcorn transporter and on to Delamere where he found cabins under trees, which seemed so green after so long at sea that he felt a positive joy. He was directed to Celia’s cabin and felt his stomach tightening as he approached. How would she be? He had been imagining her thin and drained of colour. It was a pleasant shock to see her looking so well.

It was nothing to the shock he gave her. ‘Mick! I can’t believe it!’ She rose from the chair and for a moment she swayed and he thought she would fall. He seized her arm and sat her down again, picking up the book she had dropped. ‘I thought you were at sea,’ she said.

‘I’m on leave. How are you?’ He reddened. ‘Daft question. You wouldn’t be here if you were OK.’

She smiled then. ‘I’m much better. They’re saying I’ll be able to leave soon. You can’t imagine how that makes me feel, Mick. I thought I might die at one time. And now I’m feeling better I feel completely out of things here.’

‘I can believe it,’ said Mick, propping his bicycle against the cabin wall.

‘I miss the sound of the trams and the kids playing in the street. I miss the lamplighters,’ she said fervently.

‘You’re forgetting the blackout.’

‘So I am!’ She groaned. ‘See what I mean. What I don’t miss is Ma coughing! It was terrible, Mick, at the end.’ For a moment she looked like a little girl lost.

He reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘You did your best. If she didn’t want to see a doctor you couldn’t make her.’

There was a silence. Mick was remembering the past and how thoughtless he had been towards her. She cleared her throat. ‘We were only just scraping by, Mick. You’ve no idea of the times I couldn’t afford to put the gas on and we had to sit in the dark. Sometimes we couldn’t even afford coal and had no fire after Ma’s fancy man left.’

‘You should have told Ma and Pops earlier. They’d have done something and you mightn’t have had to come here.’

‘They’ve been kind.’ She smiled at him. ‘And now you’re here. How is everybody? How’s Nelson?’

‘He’s still as spoilt as ever. Not much of the guard dog,’ he said ruefully.

‘I wish you could have brought him with you.’

‘Don’t be daft! He could hardly ride on the crossbar!’ He grinned at her, thinking she was not as beautiful as Jeannie but he felt relaxed in her company and knew he did not have to put on another side. He could be himself.

She asked him about his life at sea and he enjoyed talking about it and told her things he would not have told his mother. When it came time for him to make a move she looked so sad that he decided to stay a little longer. If it got dark he could always sleep in a hedge or a field, he decided. They talked some more and she suggested a walk.

‘It’s ages since we had a walk together,’ said Mick.

‘Ages,’ she said softly, thinking how glad she was that Jeannie had gone and that he did not seem to care. ‘Remember the old days when we first went out with each other?’

Mick took her hand. ‘Bela Lugosi carrying his coffin around and you being scared stiff. It’s not that long ago.’

She smiled. ‘It was a different world.’

‘I was hurt you preferring to look after Geraldine Galloway to being with me. Now I realise how noble you were and what a selfish little sod I was.’

‘I’d rather have been with you,’ she murmured. ‘But you just didn’t understand.’

‘I was only a kid.’

She nodded and they walked on in silence through the thinning trees.

They came out onto a field of wheat which had been newly cut and continued to walk along the edge of it, watching the sun sinking towards the horizon. It was quiet except for the sound of birdsong. Neither of them wanted to disturb the peace of the moment. It was not until they reached the end of the field that they heard the aeroplane.

They stilled and looked at each other. Celia went to speak but Mick shushed her.
Is it one of theirs or one of ours!
he thought, listening intently. Then he grabbed her hand as the heavy sound of its engine translated into the word
Dornier
and ran with her towards the woods, keeping in the shadow of the hedge bordering the field. When the bomb exploded they were caught on the edge of the blast and flung through the air to land face down in the shorn field.

Mick picked himself up and spat out bits of stalk and soil. He looked round for Celia and saw her a few yards away. For a moment he thought the shock of the blast had killed her. ‘Cessy!’ he croaked.

She moved and he felt an enormous relief and began to make his way towards her. By the time he reached her she was sitting up. Her hair was standing on end and her face was covered in soil and bits of plant. ‘Bloody hell, Mick!’ she gasped, holding out a hand to him. ‘They nearly got us.’

‘Bloody hell’s right,’ he panted, and abruptly his legs gave way and he fell onto the ground beside her. ‘Bloody, bloody hell!’ He rolled over to lie fiat on his back despite the prickly stalks. He closed his eyes and opened them again. ‘I can’t believe we’re still alive.’

‘Why pick on us?’ she cried, lying flat beside him.

‘Target practice and they bloody missed!’ He began to laugh.

‘Swines,’ said Celia with feeling.

‘Bloody swines!’ he spluttered.

She giggled. ‘It’s not funny.’

He shook his head and put his arm around her. ‘No, but you can’t help laughing, can you?’

She giggled and suddenly they were both laughing. They laughed and laughed until it hurt. ‘Stop it,’ wailed Celia, clutching at him. ‘I’ve got a pain! Stop it!’

‘I can’t! I need a shock! That’s what I need, a shock! Like you give people with hiccups.’ The tears were streaming down his cheeks. He gazed at her, attempting to get control of himself and suddenly found himself kissing her even as the laughter still bubbled in his throat. They were alive, alive!

Her hands were suddenly on his chest attempting to push him away. ‘What the matter? Don’t you want me to kiss you?’

‘Germs!’ she cried, looking worried. ‘Germs. Have you forgotten I’m here because I’ve had TB?’

He had. He’d clean forgotten but as he looked at her he could not believe she still had the disease. ‘What the hell?’ he said in a hard voice. ‘Bloody hell, Cessy! We’ve both just nearly been killed. There’s a war on, yer know! A war!’

‘Oh God!’ she whispered. ‘You’re a sailor. You could be killed tomorrow.’

‘Not tomorrow,’ he said unsteadily, still feeling slightly hysterical. ‘And not right now.’ He kissed her again and kissed and kissed and his passion rose until it was a raging urgency inside him. She muttered words in her throat, that he could not catch but felt sure she was telling him she loved him. He told her that he loved her and he did in that moment. She was warm and her body yielded against his in a way that said, ‘Take me!’ His fingers found the buttons on her dress and he undid them rapidly. He was not surprised to find that she had little underwear on beneath. His mouth found her breast as the lower part of her body bucked beneath him. He removed her knickers and pulled down his pants. Then he was easing himself inside her and they were both gasping and thrusting. He could scarcely believe in the glory of the moment because she was his first, but it was all over too quickly.

They drew apart to lie panting on their backs and only now did Mick become aware once more of the prickliness of the shorn wheat. Above him the sky was midnight blue and scattered with stars.

They walked back hand in hand to her cabin and both seemed stunned into silence by what had happened. Mick had not meant it to happen and his feelings towards Celia were a hotch-potch of gratitude and love and awkwardness, but lurking in there somewhere was a fear which he did not want to analyse.

They kissed before she went inside and she suggested he sleep beneath her cabin. She would see him in the morning. Mick nodded, intending to do exactly what she said. He slid underneath the cabin and lay on the grass but he could not sleep. Did he really love Cessy? He had loved her in the past but had got over it. Had that moment back in the field just happened because they had been so glad to be alive? He had mates who had married in a rush and some were glad and some were not. He did not know what to do. Would Celia expect him to marry her right away? How could he? She was in this place and he had to go back to sea. He would write to her, he decided. After all she mightn’t want to marry him. Yeah. He would write to her and if they both felt they wanted to get married when he got his next leave, then they could. Somehow that decision made him feel guilty, so he decided not to wait and see her in the morning but instead rose as soon as dawn touched the sky and rode home.

The air raids intensified and the acrid smell of burning and the inconvenience of debris and craters in the streets became a part of Kitty’s life, along with the constant worry about food, guests and her family’s safety. Still she managed to get through the days, seeing to the linen, shopping, cooking, swopping stories with the guests and ushering them into the shelter and feeding them down there.

Teddy’s twenty-first birthday loomed and she hoped and hoped he would get home for it, but there was no word from him and she had to send his card and present. Christmas came with cards from Mick, Jack and Jeannie, which made John’s eyes brighten until he realised she had not written her address inside the card. Kitty could only make a guess as to how he felt. His daughter had not telephoned since that first call and it could be that she had omitted the address deliberately.

Kitty felt sorry for him but she dared not say so. The air raids just before Christmas had proved a drain on both their physical and emotional strength. Neither of them dared mention Jack to the other, worrying about him growing away from them despite all that Becky wrote to reassure them that he was well and fit for mischief. They would much rather their son was playing his tricks on them than on Daniel’s brother Shaun and the girls. If it had not been for Ben’s cheerful presence they could have got really down in the dumps. Although Kitty worried about Ben if he got caught away from home during a raid. She was also concerned about Teddy who had not written for a couple of months.

It was after a visit from the Luftwaffe in the New Year that Kitty opened the door to find a man in RAF uniform sitting on her doorstep. A curl of tobacco smoke rose in the air, tickling her nostrils, and she noticed there was a car parked at the kerb. Her heart seemed to stop beating. ‘Teddy?’ she whispered.

He stubbed his cigarette out on the step and rose to his feet with a certain stiffness. ‘Any room at the inn, Ma?’ he said.

Kitty came to life and seizing hold of his sleeve dragged him inside before cuffing him lightly across the head. ‘You deserve that,’ she said, then flung her arms round him and allowed the tears to flow.

‘Hey, hey!’ Teddy said uncomfortably, rocking her in his arms. ‘It’s me that should be crying. That clout brought tears to me eyes.’

‘Why haven’t you written?’ she sniffed. ‘Not a thank you did I get for that parcel I sent you – and no Christmas card.’

‘I sent you a card,’ he protested. ‘As for the parcel – I didn’t get it for ages. I’ve been at different airfields down south and in the Midlands and as busy as hell. I haven’t had time to turn round. I didn’t get the parcel until I went to Stranraer last week. Now I’m on my way to Salisbury Plain and I can only stop for an hour.’

‘That’s all!’

‘Sorry, Ma.’ He looked regretful. ‘But I’m late now.’

‘I’ll forgive you,’ she said, slipping her hand through his arm and hurrying him into the kitchen.

‘Where’s the big fella?’ he asked, glancing about him as if expecting John to pop out of a cupboard or down the chimney.

‘He hasn’t come home yet. He’s attached to a first-aid post and there was a raid last night, in case you didn’t know.’

‘Tell me about it,’ said Teddy sardonically. ‘It held me up. Some copper treated me like an idiot and wouldn’t let me through the streets for ages.’

She looked at him. ‘It hasn’t been much fun here. He was right to do it. We never know when the Jerries are going to pay us a second visit.’

He nodded and lit another cigarette. ‘How is everyone?’

She told him, adding before he might ask, ‘We had a phone call from Jeannie last June. She’s nursing in the south.’

His expression was instantly alert. ‘Did she ask after me?’

‘John took the call. He didn’t even get her phone number or address.’

He was silent and looked quite haggard and her heart went out to him. ‘Anything else?’ he asked after a few moments.

‘She sent a card at Christmas but there was no address again.’

Teddy frowned. ‘Does she know I wrote to her?’

‘John didn’t have time to tell her. The pips went.’

‘Is that true or did he just not want to tell her?’ muttered Teddy.

‘I don’t know, son.’ She placed the frying pan on the range. ‘You should have written sooner,’ she said.

‘I know. You said so in your letter.’ A heavy sigh escaped him.

‘There was an unholy row after you left.’

‘So you said.’

‘She was on your side. She blamed John for you leaving.’

Teddy grimaced. ‘I shouldn’t have left the way I did but I was blinkin’ desperate. I thought there was no hope. It was only later I decided to give it another go because I was that blinkin’ miserable.’