A Mermaid's Ransom (40 page)

Damn it all.
The fact all of that was true made it all the more inexcusable. Would it have killed him to occasionally send her a thought, something simple? "Hi, how are you? Doing fine down here in Hell. Wish you were here." When she'd lost her pride and called out to him, more than once, he'd been radio silence. Even for this, he'd sent Marcellus with his message.

No, she wasn't that easy. No way, no how. She made him wait a day, had a gripe session with Clara that involved tears, chocolate and Clara playing the loyal friend by telling her he was a jerk and she deserved better. Then in the morning her friend kissed her and said, "Go get him, honey."

Jonah came to the town house to take her. Her mother was with him, and gave her a brief hug. They'd seen one another many times since that terrible night, so there was little to say. But as Jonah exchanged information with Marcellus, she had a few minutes to curl up on the couch, settle her nerves and watch her mother arrange fresh flowers in a vase.

Lex had picked them just this morning. Ever since he'd left almost a month before, she'd been collecting things she thought he'd like to see, like a widow who wouldn't believe her husband was dead. Okay, terrible analogy, but until his request had come, she'd been moving perilously close to those waters. He hadn't even come into her dreams. Though she'd dreamed of him, her imagination and desires had always been the conjurer, not him.

It had been hard to order her thoughts when he was in there picking things apart before she made her own decision on things. But now she didn't care if he did that. Maybe it only annoyed her because he anticipated her needs before she had them herself.

He hadn't asked, but she'd sent him her blood. She'd convinced Raphael to take it at regular intervals when she came for his treatments, and send it to Dante via David. She might have lost all pride, but she knew the intimacy of a vampire blood taking and she couldn't bear the idea of someone else doing that for him. She was his servant. Just her.

She wouldn't ask for his blood in return, not yet, but before long she knew Raphael would press the issue. She was hoping for a response from Dante before then. However, there'd been no thank you, no message, though David said he did take it for his nourishment. At first that had given her hope, but as the silence stretched out, she wondered if he was going to relegate her to an anonymous blood donor, rather than the fully bonded vampire-servant relationship she'd seen in Jacob and Lyssa. Something she was willing to embrace, if only he'd come out of his hole and let her.
Idiot male.

"I can hear your thoughts as if you're shouting." When Anna turned to her, Alexis was struck by the disarming blue eyes which, coupled with her gentleness, gave so many the mistaken idea of fragility. Maybe she'd proven a few people wrong on that score herself. It made her proud to be her mother's daughter, enough that she'd tried not to sob in her arms from loneliness more than once or twice. Tigger, on the other hand, was in danger of water rot.

Her mother stroked her hair back from her temple. Sighing, Alexis leaned her head into her hand. Anna and Jonah knew about her physical condition now. It would have been impossible for Raphael to see her every few days without Jonah's knowledge, anyway. Plus, despite her desire not to hurt them, Alexis knew they deserved to know.

Fortunately, Raphael's healings were going well. She was following his rest and diet instructions to the letter, so some of her energy had returned. That helped, but she'd still feared a delayed reaction from Jonah to the initial news. However, aside from visiting and checking on her more often, he'd said nothing, not even a tirade against the vampire he'd view as responsible for it.

"Myel?"

"
Hmm?
"

"What did you say to Pyel, before we left for the Fen world?"

Anna's brow furrowed. "I told him to be safe and take care of you, of course."

"But there was something else, wasn't there? You told me to trust him, and there was a particular intensity when you did it. It was the same when you were speaking to him, before we took off. And the way he looked at you, and then me . . ."

"Oh, that." Anna shrugged, her lips curving. "I told him the same thing. I told him to trust his daughter."

Lex swallowed, shifted her attention to Jonah. As if feeling her regard, he glanced over his shoulder and gave her a smile, his gaze caressing her face.

"Thanks," Alexis managed with a thick throat, glancing up at her mother. "And thanks for saying the same to me. I forgot how much I can depend on him. He's forgiven me, but I still feel so awful . . ."
About that. About Dante. About everything.
"I didn't trust him, because I knew how he felt about Dante. And what was weird were his feelings didn't change. He still didn't like Dante, but I trusted him anyway."

"You're so close to emotions, Lex. It's your great gift and your curse. Actions are not always based on our feelings. Sometimes they are counter to them, when we love someone enough to act on
their
feelings, not our own." At Alexis's expression, Anna sat down on the couch and slid an arm around her. "Trust is always the most difficult between people who love one another. Particularly in dangerous situations. Because we love one another so much, we're afraid the decisions you make will take you from us."

"Like Dante, deciding to go back to Hell. He may decide to stay there always." Alexis got it out, though her voice quavered.

"He might," Anna responded, and cupped Lex's cheek. "But if you love him, you'll figure out how to deal with that. That's how love works. It can bring Heaven and Hell together if it needs to do so."

"You think so?"

"I have faith." Anna smiled then. "After all, your own birth was proof that miracles exist."

SO here she was. Lucifer had met them in the upper chambers, and they'd been winding their way through tunnels for a while, long enough for her nerves to be jangling. Any other time, she would have been soaking up everything around her, because she'd always had avid curiosity about Hell, and about the angel who ran it. But now her mind was completely on Dante, and what he would say to her. Or she to him.

Lucifer stopped at last, and Jonah with him. "Go to the end of this tunnel," the dark-winged angel told her, his deep voice a sensual, soothing slide along her nerves, though his dark, flickering eyes were unsettling. "It will open up to a narrow bridge. The bridge takes you out to the platform. That is where he prefers to stay, though he has handled tasks I've given him well."

"Sounds like a great new hire. Make sure he gets a good dental plan."

Lucifer raised a brow. Alexis bit her lip. "My apologies, my lord."

"Female temper is not unknown to me. Or its causes." Lucifer nodded to the tunnel. "Go to him. He missed you very much, Alexis. Remember that."

Lucifer was not given to sentiment, so she wanted desperately to believe him. Jonah gave her an encouraging nod, though his mouth was tense. She touched his arm, then started down the tunnel.

Once she disappeared from their view, she stopped, drew a steadying breath and closed her eyes. Her woman's heart had been hurt, her pride abused, but even swamped by loneliness, she couldn't deny one thing. She'd understood why he'd done it. That was what had made her angriest of all.

For the first time in her life, she'd discovered love, and her angel blood held the upper hand, telling her he was the one. The only one. For as many years as she had.

She had to trust, like Anna had said. But she couldn't bear losing him.

Gathering her courage in both hands, she stepped out of the tunnel, onto the narrow bridge Lucifer had indicated.

Dante stood at the other end, waiting for her on the platform. It was a little scary, the chasm flickering with the lights of hellfire from down below, but it was comfortably warm, and he was here. He was paler, making her think she hadn't sent blood often enough. Otherwise, he looked so fine, standing straight and tall, his face impassive, beautiful as ever. He wore a black half-tunic, like the angels' battle skirts, and the pouch strung on the belt, but that was all. His feet were bare, just as they had been in the Dark One world.

She could tell nothing from his eyes, but they were riveted on her face. If she could fight back the tangled coil of emotions rising in her chest, she might be able to feel what he was feeling. But if he stayed remote from her here, as he had in her mind, she might lose it. She'd kick his perfect ass off the edge of the precipice.

"I'd rather avoid that."

She closed her eyes. She'd longed for his touch so much that even his voice, that mesmerizing roughness mixed with velvet undertones, was a stroke on her skin. Embarrassingly, she couldn't move. She'd had the courage to come here, but now she couldn't find it in her to cross the bridge to him. But when she opened her eyes, he was on the narrow passage, right in front of her, within touching distance.

The dim flickering light of this chamber of Hell made his crimson eyes dark, a rich Burgundy wine. He reached out, his hand closing on her cold one at her side, tugging her forward. She resisted, but of course he was stronger, so she took two steps forward and he closed the distance, bringing her against him.

"I missed you," he murmured into her hair. "I'm sorry."

She drew in a deep, shaky breath, letting out a little sob as his emotions flooded over her. He
had
missed her. Ached for her. Wanted her every second, as much as she'd wanted him. She wanted to scream. "Why didn't you talk to me?" she managed.

"Because of the Fen. Because of Eden."

"What?" She didn't lift her head to look at him. She was too overwhelmed. It was so good to be in the circle of his arms. She felt safe there, she realized. She could do and be anything as long as he surrounded her like that. She didn't dare move, not wanting to do anything that might make him move away. "I don't understand."

"Mina was right from the beginning. I need to deserve the world you're offering me."

"You're not evil."

"I've done evil things. No matter the reason," he interjected before she could protest. "I still took lives that were not mine to take. You are the greatest gift any male could wish, but I obtained you through evil means."

He was going to reject her. Push her out of his life. She could feel it coming, and the reaction in her breast was helpless anger, a despicable desire to plead. Before she could, he tilted her chin up to him.

Those eyes had the power to destroy her, she knew it. She looked upon his face and knew she couldn't survive without him. Her fingers crept up, clutched his waist as if she could hold him to her. He was inside of her in all ways, and if he left her again, it would be unbearable.

"I thought about that, Alexis," he said quietly, his mouth tightening. "I thought about putting distance between us so Fate might overlook the debt due, what the Fen chief said might happen. Then I realized our connection already exists. There is no way to hide it, to starve it. You are my greatest weakness, Alexis."

It startled her, but his gaze held hers without wavering. "You are also my greatest strength. You knew that, when you told me to come to you. By surrendering my heart to you, I was stronger in that moment than I'd ever been. And I know now I have to have enough ease in my soul to love you the way you deserve."

She let out a little sob, and his voice grew husky. "I've heard every thought you've had. Felt every tear you shed into your pillow. Seen Clara's attempts to cheer you, and the times you swam with your manatees, and then in the ocean alone, trying to come to grips with your fears and sorrows. I have been with you every second. I've known a lot of torments, but feeling your loneliness and pain and denying myself the right to reach out to you . . . I'd prefer to endure all the punishments here before feeling that again."

She sucked in a shaky breath, taking her hands to his face. "Then don't leave me."

He closed his eyes. "I have to be sure what I can offer to you first."

"You offer me everything, just by existing."

"No. That is your love talking." He closed his hands on her wrists. "It is beautiful, and true, and you mean it with all your heart, I can feel it. But just because you feel it is true doesn't make it true, Alexis. Everyone knows I'm not good enough for you. And they're right."

Her heart sank into her knees. It would break, as soon as he said the words she knew were coming.

"However, I have a dilemma. I can't become good enough without you."

She halted in midstruggle, biting off the battery of responses she'd intended to fling at him when he made his inevitable, ridiculous declaration that she was better off without him.

"No doubt you would be," he said gravely. He turned his head, brushed his lips over her palm so that heat tingled across it. "But you were right about that, too. I'm selfish. Giving you up is one thing I am not prepared to do. Not now, not ever."

"I'm really confused," she admitted.

In response, a smile spread across his face.

It stopped her breath. Her heart skipped a beat. It was spontaneous, yet learned, and seeing her reaction, he was just as amazed by it. Letting her go, he reached toward his mouth, but she beat him to it, taking her fingers to his lips. Never had she felt such a surge of hope from such a simple thing. A vampire Dark Spawn's ability to smile.

His gaze became jeweled, a sparkle of ruby fire. Tightening his hands on her again, he spoke against her touch. "I will need your help to become a person deserving of your love, or the Fen's forgiveness . . . or the Goddess's mercy. I expect all of that to take a very, very long time." A shadow moved over his expression. "If you die before then, I shall be very angry at you."

Alexis pressed her lips together. "You know."

"I knew when Raphael told you. It was part of why I stayed in your mind, making sure you were doing what he suggested for you. You are doing better. I'm glad. I will not love you if you insist on dying."

She wanted to smile now, but she couldn't. She stretched her fingertips up to brush his lips again. "You love me?"