A Maine Christmas...or Two (15 page)

A
idan pulled away
from Chloe, his memories of that night too much to bear. And yet she refused to go, forcing him to face her and to face his demons. She pulled him onto the sofa and held him against her so there was no escape, his only option but to give in and hold her back.

“I need you to tell me what happened, because I refuse to believe any of what you’ve said. It may only be days since we first met, but I swear, I know you well enough, and I cannot imagine you causing anyone’s death on purpose.” Her body pressed against him, offering him a warm haven as her sweet scent filled his head and took the edge off his nightmare. “Let me help, Aidan. I care too much about you, and it’s killing me to see you suffering like this on your own. Please…let me in.”

The words stuck in his throat, and yet he found himself wanting to tell her, if only to convince her of the monster he truly was. Maybe then she’d keep her distance and stay away before he hurt her too. He took a deep breath and held it until his lungs burned before finally letting it out. “I don’t even know where to start…”

She nuzzled up against him and kissed his neck as he held her to him. “Just start from the beginning, love. I’m here for you.”

He let his memories wander, letting them play out like snapshots and clips of his life. He saw not only his brownstone in the Back Bay of Boston, his offices and their labs in Cambridge where he got his start, but the tiny Cambridge apartment.

And he saw Hannah.

“We’d met just as I was starting up my tech company. There was a pub not far from where I’d set up my lab and where she worked. Hannah…” He let out a ragged breath, thinking how different she was from Chloe with her honey blonde hair and bronzed skin. Both women beautiful, but so different from each other. “I was still dirt poor at the time, but she didn’t mind. Every moment that I wasn’t working, we seemed to spend together. And we were damn happy. But then things started to change—and we thought it was for the better.”

Chloe listened quietly and said little, letting him tell his story at his pace. And for that he was grateful. “My company started to do really well and I went from making very little to making more money than I could’ve ever imagined. But that meant we not only needed to stay ahead of the competition, we also needed to keep our clients happy. Hannah tried to be understanding about the long hours I worked, and she really was at the beginning. But things didn’t let up.”

It was the start of his demise. “I figured that if I couldn’t give her my time, the least I could do is let her enjoy herself. We bought a gorgeous townhouse, she quit her job, and I let her buy whatever would make her happy. Except…”

“Except that it wasn’t really a substitute for your absence.” She let out a sigh as he ran a hand down her back.

“No, I suppose it wasn’t. I did propose and she accepted, but my hours didn’t improve. The more I was gone, the more she started to change, though I wasn’t ever there to notice. Her buying habits started to get more extreme and when I was too busy working late, she was happy to go out and have a good time without me.” He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment, trying his best to push away the worst of his memories so he could continue.

“I didn’t realize that her drinking had become excessive or that she was starting to dabble in recreational drugs. But I had deadlines and a company to run, and I didn’t have the time to do more than call her to let her know I’d be late. We’d argue about it, with her demanding more of my time, and me insisting that it just wasn’t feasible with my workload. So instead she’d go out without me—new friends, new bars, anything to keep herself busy.” He continued now, the words refusing to be contained when the end was so near. “The holidays were approaching and she made me promise that I’d go to this Christmas Eve party one of her new friends was throwing. I swore to her that we’d go, even though I was swamped.”

His heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. He could barely breathe, and yet he somehow managed to continue. “There was a last-minute problem with a client and instead of leaving it until after the holidays, I told Hannah to go on without me and I’d meet her there. Except that it took me longer to wrap things up than I’d originally estimated. By the time I’d left to go to the party, she was already on her way home, and since I’d been stuck in the lab all day, I hadn’t even realized that the weather had taken a turn for the worse.”

He swallowed against the lump in his throat as it all played out in front of him, as if he were living through it once more. “It was snowing but with a freezing rain added to the mix. And she’d been drinking because she’d expected me to show up to drive her home—and because she’d been drinking far too much in general. Of course, I was too busy to bother showing up on time and I didn’t get to her until it was far too late. She was a block from our house when she hit a patch of black ice while taking a turn. Her car hit a telephone pole, and…she hadn’t been wearing her seat belt.”

“Oh, Aidan…” Chloe held him to her, but he wasn’t done.

“The ambulance and the police…the lights…I was on my way home to find her when I came across the accident. They tried to keep me from going to her. Said it was already too late. And it was. I should have been there to take her home. I should have paid more attention not just to her, but to what was happening. And that wasn’t even the end of it. A week later, the autopsy report came in. She’d been seven weeks pregnant. We were going to have a baby.”

He’d have wept for his loss, though his tears seemed to have run dry after so many years. Now all he had was pain and anger.

And yet Chloe had tears for him. So he held her as she shed tears for his loss, though he could offer her little comfort.

Aidan didn’t know how long they’d stayed that way, with her laying there in his arms. The fire had started to die down, and he half wondered if she’d eventually cried herself to sleep.

He’d kept his story locked up so tightly in his memory and trapped in his soul that he hadn’t even thought himself capable of telling her what happened. He was sure that letting Chloe into his nightmare would do nothing but rip open his wounds. Yet…he found that the pain strangling his heart had eased just a little.

What he found most surprising, however, was that by letting go of some of his pain, his heart was able to let something else take root. He couldn’t quite say if it was love or just hope, but something inside him had changed and Chloe had given him a gift he hadn’t expected. A chance to heal and maybe someday find happiness once more.

As if sensing him stir, she touched her lips to his neck in a whisper of a kiss, and then another, before nestling against him. “Aidan…” When she spoke, he could still hear the worry and pain in her voice, even though her words were merely a whisper. “I know you feel responsible for what happened, but you must know that what happened…it’s not your fault.”

He ran a hand over her hair and kissed the top of her head, needing to feel her close. “It was my fault that I didn’t see what was happening right under my nose. She was my fiancée, and instead of tending to her needs, I handed her a credit card and tried to buy her happiness. And I should have been there to drive her home.”

“I know, love. But…she was also responsible for her own actions. She didn’t have to drink and party to pass the time, and she didn’t have to drive herself home that night.” He started to tense as his anger simmered, but she held onto him and forced him to listen to her. “You can get angry with me if you want, but I’m telling you now that this was not your fault, even if it doesn’t lessen the tragedy of it.”

“I should have been there.”

“And I know that will haunt you until your dying days, but it’s still not your fault, love.” She cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. “It’s not. And it’s killing me to see you blaming yourself.”

“Chloe, please…I can’t deal with this just now.” After so many years of beating himself up, he was too weary to argue with her or discuss it any further. And he didn’t want to be reminded that this was Christmas Eve. All he wanted was to find comfort and oblivion in her arms. “Will you come to bed with me?”

She kissed him in response, a kiss that was both sweet and passionate, and so full of emotion. He could happily lose himself in her and forget all his problems—if only his demons would let him.

He led her to his room as they quickly rid themselves of their clothing, one kiss moving into the next, as if they couldn’t bear to be apart for more than a moment’s breath. Unlike the heated and frenzied couplings they’d had thus far, they came together this time like lovers who knew each other, the intimacy between them easing his pain further. Though it’d been three years since Hannah’s death, he now realized that perhaps he’d lost her well before that. And that only strengthened his connection to Chloe.

As the snow continued to rage outside, he held her close and trailed kisses down the length of her neck. Nestling himself between her legs, he took her in one go, desperate to be joined with her, as if she could keep him anchored in the present. Wrapping her legs around him, she pulled him close as he slowly thrust into her, his body gliding up against hers as he filled her, took her, claimed her—just as she claimed his heart.

He gathered up both her wrists in one of his large hands and held them firmly above her head as he let his other hand slip over her skin to cup her breast and pinch her nipple. She tightened around his cock in response, all sweet tension and soft curves. A body he’d never tire of exploring.

Needy whimpers escaped her sweet lips as her hips eagerly tilted up to meet him, her pace quickening as she neared her release and he pushed her over the edge. He stifled a groan as his pleasure and need unfurled deep within him, his orgasm curling around hers, his breathing heavy as he held her body to his, stealing just one more kiss.

With her still in his arms, he nestled her in at his side, feeling more content than he had in years. And yet…he knew that this was temporary. The storm would eventually blow out to sea, and she’d pack up her desk and go.

Precarious as his newfound happiness was, he knew he’d slip back into the darkness once she was gone. But there was more to it than that. Truth was, he liked her—and he liked having her around. Liked how he felt about himself when she was close. Liked that he now had a sense of hope.

He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and to find the courage he’d need to get the words out. “I want you to stay, Chloe.”

“I am staying, love. It’ll still be days before the storm blows over.” She gently trailed kisses down his neck and across his chest. “Unless that’s a problem. I know you weren’t exactly happy about me getting stuck here.”

“No, sweetheart. That’s not what I meant.” He’d been such an ass to her. He’d never get her to agree. “I want you to move to Mermaid Isle. Or you could move in here with me, if you’d prefer.”

She propped herself up enough to look at him, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Aidan…you barely know me. You can’t really mean that. And I have a job. In Boston.”

It was easy enough to know those would be her exact words since any logical and sane person would have had those exact same thoughts. And yet he didn’t care. “I do know you, Chloe. And I know this sounds insane. But I mean every word of what I just said.”

“I can’t just quit my job, Aidan. My family depends on the money I send. I mean…I do pretty well for myself, and so I’m able to send a decent amount. But I’ve also busted my butt to get my promotions.” She shook her head and looked at him with such pained sadness, as she cupped his cheek and stole a kiss. “I just can’t.”

“Your work…is it what you love to do? Is it what you’re most passionate about? Or is there something else you’d rather be doing?” She must know money wasn’t an issue for him.

“Yeah, of course there’s other stuff I’d rather be doing. I’d love to be a potter, but that’s not realistic—and I can’t just let you pay my way. I’m not going to be some paid mistress or girlfriend, just because you have money to burn.” She sat up out of his arms. “I have no interest in your billions and I can take care of myself.”