A Love of My Own (36 page)
Afterword
__________________
“How are you feeling, Raymond?” Dr. Few asked.
I thought about it for a minute, then looked at her and smiled. “I feel great. Life is good.”
“I guess your family and friends were worried for a little while,” Dr. Few said.
“Yep, it's not the way I would recommend spending Christmas and the New Year. But I came through with God's grace and I'm ready to move on. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life,” I said.
“Have you decided what you're going to do?”
“About what?”
“Your career. Life?”
“No, I haven't. I'm still taking things one day at a time. I realize now how important each day is,” I said.
This was my first visit to Dr. Few since the shooting. I had talked to her a few times by phone after I had completed my rehabilitation and speech therapy. I hadn't decided if I was going to continue seeing her, but I had so much going on in my head that I thought it would be good to talk it out with someone objective.
I was eager to tell Dr. Few how wonderful Basil had been, taking care of me and allowing me to stay at his apartment. He was still going back and forth between New York and Atlanta, but when he was in New York he gave me the majority of his attention.
I reported how Rosa had turned down Basil's marriage proposal but had forged a positive relationship so they could raise Talley in a loving environment.
When I asked Basil if he was disappointed, he said he was relieved. Basil told me that his proposal led to an honest conversation where he and Rosa admitted that the love they felt for each other wasn't romantic. I think it was noble of Basil to want to do the right thing by his daughter.
“How do you feel about Basil?”
“I love him,” I said calmly.
“Does he know that?”
“Oh yeah, he knows, and I must say this time he's handling it pretty well. I'm proud of him,” I said, smiling.
“Did you tell Basil you loved him?”
“Yes. I also admitted to him that I might have loved him for a long time but was too afraid of the heartbreak. Now I'm willing to take more chances. Good thing I did, because Basil said he loved me and suffered the same fears.”
“What about Trent? You told me he came to New York after you were shot.”
“If anything, I feel sorry for Trent. He's called a couple of times to check on me,” I said.
“Why do you feel sorry for him?”
I thought for a moment before answering. “Because even though he's almost forty he still feels the need to please the world. I know he loves his children and they will bring him a lot of joy as he gets older, but I don't hold out much hope for his marriage.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Once when Trent called, he told me how much he loved me and how he had made a big mistake.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him I appreciated his honesty and for not making me feel like I had done something to deserve his treatment. But I let him know that I was moving on with my life. Did I tell you that Basil met Trent at the hospital? Basil told him he could head back to Seattle because he was going to take care of me,” I said, smiling.
“How did that make you feel?”
“Loved.”
“So are you going to pursue a relationship with Basil?”
“I love it the way it is now. Sex sometimes complicates matters,” I said.
When Dr. Few asked me to explain, I told her how Basil for the last several months had made sure I never wanted for anything. He'd cooked for me, gave me massages and held me tightly every night he was in the city. I told her we hadn't made love yet and Dr. Few gave me a what-are-you-waiting-for look. Maybe she wanted to hear about some hot male-on- male sex.
“I want it to be perfect. I want Basil to understand what I expect from a relationship. He's making progress and I think we're pretty close,” I said.
“What happened to the woman who shot you?”
“Ava is one of the reasons I'm still in New York. Her trial is coming up next week and I have to testify against her. It'll be interesting being on the other side in the courtroom,” I said.
“How do you feel about her?”
I didn't have any real feelings for Ava Middlebrooks. I told Dr. Few I thought it was so sad that a mother and daughter held such contempt for each other. I wondered if black families were now becoming as dysfunctional as the white families I saw on television.
Davis had also called recently and wanted to talk to me.
“Are you going to see him?”
“I might. I want to know what on earth can make a person turn his back on his family. I hope it's not because he was embarrassed that they were sharecroppers,” I said.
“How is the young lady you worked with? The magazine editor.”
“Zola is doing fine. She invited me to an Oscar party and I felt well enough to go, but Basil suggested we stay in bed and watch them together. So we did. He ordered some food and I had my first taste of champagne in months. I fell asleep right after Sidney Portier's wonderful speech, but Basil woke me up with a kiss right before they announced best actress. I'm sure glad God let me stick around to witness that,” I said. I didn't share Basil's confession that night. He had realized how he might lose me for good, and on the morning after the Oscars, he told me he never noticed how the sunrise flooded his bedroom until that moment.
“What are you smiling about, Raymond?” Dr. Few asked.
I realized I was smiling too much so I told her that Zola was starting her new magazine and had asked me if I wanted to come and work for her. I turned her down because I wanted to make sure my next job would be something I could do for a while. Magazine start-ups were too risky.
“So are you going to stay in New York?”
“For now. I'm thinking seriously about moving to Atlanta, but that will depend on what happens with Basil and me.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“A sign. I'll know when it's time to take the next step.”
While Dr. Few was jotting down a few notes on her pad, I looked at her mantel and noticed a beautiful picture of the ocean with two lovers, a man and a woman racing toward the water. I remembered the dream I had while I was in the hospital about Trent, Kelvin and Basil. When I told Basil about the dream, he shared a recent dream about the time we had made love in the pool when we first met. Basil told me how that night was one of the best nights in his life, both physically and emotionally. I asked him why he'd felt that way and he surprised me because he said, “I felt like I was forever swimming in your love.” I couldn't even respond. I just placed my head in his arms.
Reflecting on how much Basil had changed in the last three months caused an easy flow of tears. Dr. Few asked me why I was crying.
I let the tears continue to fall and then looked at her and said, “Sometimes love just fills you up. I'll never complain about not having love in my life. I have a great family, wonderful friends and Basil. I have my life and I realize how precious it is.”
“So what are you going to do, Raymond?”
“Live like it's my last day and love like I'm going to live forever.”
Bling Bling
Confidential is back in businessâJuly 30, 2002
Retired diva Ava Parker Middlebrooks was found guilty of attempted murder and sentenced to fifteen years in prison. Former
Bling Bling
editor Zola Norwood announced December 1, 2002, as the release date for the first issue of
Urban Soul
and her engagement to William Jabar Lewis. John Basil Henderson was named
Bling Bling Sexiest Brotherman Alive
and picked up his prize with his daughter, Talley, and partner, former Bling Bling CEO, Raymond Winston Tyler Jr. Davis Vincent McClinton will hold a press conference on August 5, 2002, to comment on an
Ebony
cover story concerning his background.
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*
1
bling bling: jewelry; material show off; the glitter of diamonds.
(From
The Hip Hoptionary,
by Alonzo Westbrook)
About the Author
__________________
E. Lynn Harris is a former IBM computer sales executive and
a graduate of the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. He is
the author of seven previous novels: Any Way the Wind
Blows, Not a Day Goes By, Abide with Me, If This World Were
Mine, This Too Shall Pass, Just As I Am, and Invisible Life.
His newest book, a memoir, will be published by Doubleday
in July 2003. In 1996 and 2002, Just As I Am and Any
Way the Wind Blows were named Novel of the Year by the
Blackboard African American Bestsellers, Inc. If This World
Were Mine won the James Baldwin Award for Literary Excellence.
In 2000, 2001, and 2002 Harris was named one of the
“Most Intriguing African Americans” by Ebony. In 2001 he
was inducted into the Arkansas Black Hall of Fame. In 2002,
Harris was included in Savoy magazine's “100 Leaders and
Heroes in Black America.” Harris divides his time between
New York City and Atlanta, Georgia.
Books by E. Lynn Harris
INVISIBLE LIFE
JUST AS I AM
AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS
IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE
ABIDE WITH ME
NOT A DAY GOES BY
ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS
A LOVE OF MY OWN
FIRST ANCHOR BOOKS EDITION, JUNE 2003
Copyright © 2002 by E. Lynn Harris
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright
Conventions. Published in the United States by Anchor Books, a
division of Random House, Inc., New York.
A Love of
My Own
was originally published in hardcover in the United States
by Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.,
New York, in 2002.
Anchor Books and colophon are registered trademarks of
Random House, Inc.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and
incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or
dead, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.
The Library of Congress has established a record for this title.
eISBN: 978-1-4000-7553-9
v3.0