A Love Like This (17 page)

I nodded slowly. “I wish I’d get to see him
in action. I’d love to watch him work.”

“He’s so sure of himself, even though he’s a
first year resident. He was born for medicine.”

It felt weird, another woman saying those
words about my husband, and with such conviction and familiarity;
like she was telling me something I didn’t already know. I found
myself a little uneasy at the thought there were some things about
Ryan that Jane might know better than me.

“You’re going to give him a big head, Jane.
Trust me, when you’re on the other side of his stethoscope, he’s
less appealing. He can be bossy as hell.”

“Hey!
Now
you’re complaining?” he
scoffed and opened the basket, pulling out the paper plates and
placing a yellow muffin with crumb topping on one for Jane. He
elevated the head of her bed slightly and pushed the tray table
into position over the bed so she could reach it. “Eat. I’ll get
you some juice.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled as Jane’s eyes
met mine. “See what I mean?”

For the first time, her eyes brightened.

After I’d consumed four of Julia’s muffins
and Jane managed to get half of one down, my wife packed up the
basket. I was sitting on the foot of Jane’s bed, as I watched her
neatly stow the cloth napkins and forks back into the basket and
throw the plates and coffee cups in the trashcan that was below the
window. She was always so giving in subtle ways.

“Thanks for making the muffins, babe.”
Julia’s eyes shot up and she smiled. “They hit the spot.”

“Yes, they were delicious,” Jane murmured. I
saw her watching Julia intently and wondered what she was
thinking.

Julia hadn’t bothered with make-up and
looked younger. Dressed in my sweatshirt, she absent-mindedly
shoved the neckline back in place when it fell off her
shoulder.

Julia nodded and smiled at Jane. “It was my
pleasure.”

“Jane, is there anyone we should call for
you? Your parents or boyfriend?” I asked, hesitantly. It might be a
sticky subject since whoever the mystery man was hadn’t made an
appearance.

She nodded. “I think Caleb called Daniel and
my mother last night. He mentioned it this morning.”

Caleb had a thing for Jane and was
disappointed when he found out she was dating. He’d asked me what I
knew about the relationship, and the truth was, not much. Julia
moved to my side and we looped an arm around each other without
thinking. I could see the sadness on Jane’s face and words died in
my throat.

“Did Caleb say when you could expect them?”
Julia asked.

“Daniel is so busy at work, we don’t see
each other like we’d like to.” Her voice was hollow and
distant.

“Boy, do we know how that is,” Julia added
softly. “I’m sure he’ll be here, though. Ryan, why don’t I go to
the office for a bit and you can wait with Jane for Daniel? Maybe
give him another call?” Her eyebrows raised, communicating to me
her disapproval of Daniel’s absence. Her fingers scratched into the
hair at my nape and it sent little tingles through me. I longed to
spend every minute of the day with Julia, but circumstances
required a change of plans.

“Okay.” My hand curled around her hip and I
pulled her close as she placed a chaste kiss on my mouth. I found
my chin lifting to reclaim her lips but she was already moving
away. I flushed, guiltily glancing at Jane. “Good idea.”

“Don’t overdo it. Go home and rest and I’ll
stop by the store and pick something up for dinner.”

In her covert way, Julia was telling me that
this evening, she’d make up for the missed time today. My heart
leapt at the loving expression on her face. Her fingers lingered on
my cheek before she leaned down and kissed Jane’s cheek. “Be well,
Jane. I’ll visit again, if that’s all right with you?”

Jane nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Take good care of Ryan for me, but don’t
let him bully you.”

The other woman smiled, amusement filling
her eyes. “Sure.”

“Will you make those medallion thingies?” I
asked with a smirk. “With the apples and mashed potatoes?”

Julia smiled brightly. “Sure. Take care,
Jane. See you tonight, babe.” Julia gathered up her things, but
left the basket of muffins, leaving Jane and I alone.

“What’s the deal, Jane? I expected your man
to be here. He should be with you today. Fuck his job.” I realized
as the words left my mouth how insensitive I sounded and Jane’s
face fell. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just mean that
his place is with you.”

“Not every man is as perfect as you, Ryan.
You hold everyone to your standard and few can measure up.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s bullshit. There’s
no excuse for him not being here.”

She shrugged. “He’s not like you.”

I moved to sit in the recliner near the
window thinking he must be a narcissistic prick. “What’s he like
then?”

“I guess you’d call him a nerd. He’s really
into computers and books. He’s very focused and doesn’t get into
frivolous things. He doesn’t even like the Yankees.”

I huffed. He sounded like a first-class
asshole. “I’m a Cubs fan. I can’t help it. I grew up in
Chicago.”

“I love baseball. Is Julia into it?”

“She has fun when we go to games, but she’s
not a hardcore fan.” I smiled, remembering many of the baseball and
football games we’d attended over the years. She used to roll her
eyes at Jenna, Aaron and myself when we’d scream obscenities when
the opposing teams did better than our own. “My brother’s wife is
huge Red Sox fan. Julia is more into music and art.”

“She must be very talented.”

“She is,” I said without hesitation. “I’m
very proud of her. At the magazine, she takes on the jobs of her
colleagues and even her boss. Basically, when something goes in the
shitter, she’s the one called in to solve the problem. Believe me,
it’s been a thorn in my side, more than once, but she’s very
ambitious.”

“Like, you, Ryan. Sounds like the two of you
are perfect.” Jane’s face seemed sad and I was again reminded that
it was me with her and not this faceless Daniel. I already disliked
the fucker. I wanted to make her feel better, but struggled for the
words. Julia was damn near perfect, and though we had our spats, I
wouldn’t trade a minute of our life together. I was well aware of
how insanely lucky we were, but it didn’t help to have a reminder
dropped in our laps now and again.

“Eh, we’ve had our struggles.”

“Yes, Julia told me. About the baby.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “She did?”

“Uh huh.”

“Wow. No one knows except our family and
best friends. It’s so… Well, it’s just something that we keep
between the two of us.”

“She probably told me because of…” her words
fell off as her voice thickened again.

I ran my hand through my hair and nodded,
wondering how much of it Julia shared. I didn’t want to make Jane
feel worse, nor did I want to expose too much of something so close
and intimate. Losing our baby was raw because we lost a part of us.
Just us. “Yes.”

“When did it happen?” Jane’s eyes searched
mine and I winced at the memory.

“Several months ago.” It wasn’t really that
long ago when I stopped to consider it. I hated the way it still
ate away at my gut.

“You’ll make an amazing father, Ryan.”

I didn’t know how to answer, because it
wasn’t something I talked about and the pain was a reminder of why
I didn’t like to wallow in the past. On top of that, Jane had her
own misery to deal with.

Still, she pressed me. “So, it happened
before you were married?”

“Yes. It wasn’t planned. Julia had been sick
and was on antibiotics. I was still at Harvard and made a trip to
New York over Valentine’s Day. I’d planned on proposing and took a
few extra days off to surprise her. We didn’t see each other
enough, and when we got together, we just didn’t think about the
effects of the meds on her birth control.” I stared out the window
of the hospital room and into the concrete jungle that was
Manhattan as I talked. I huffed. “Julia was getting promoted and I
was mad that we’d continue to be apart after graduation. We had a
huge fight.”

“Why would you be apart?”

“Vogue was sending her to Paris for several
months. We’d been separated for so long at that point, the prospect
of more… well, I sort of lost it.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see. Make-up sex.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, well, then she was
packing up to leave a few weeks later, she discovered she was
pregnant.”

“That must have made you happy, Ryan.”

“I didn’t have time to be happy. I didn’t
find out until after it was already over.” Even I could hear the
sadness and disappointment that flooded my words.

Jane let out a soft gasp. “What?”

“Julia decided not to go to Paris after all
and came to Boston to tell me about the baby, but there was a car
accident between the train station and my apartment. It was really
bad. She had a severe head injury and I really thought I was going
to lose her.” I stood and faced the window, away from Jane, as the
memory of it sliced through me like it was yesterday. I didn’t want
her to see the pain of remembering on my face. “Anyway, thankfully,
Julia recovered, but no baby.”

“I’m sorry, Ryan. But at least Julia is okay
and you’ll be able to have more children.” But, you won’t. The
unspoken words hung like a storm over us.

I nodded and turned back to my friend. “I
know.” I couldn’t tell Jane that Julia and I were on the verge of
trying to get pregnant again. My heart constricted for her. “But,
we’re both so busy, who knows when that might happen. You just
concentrate on getting better and don’t worry about us. Has Caleb
been in to see you?”

“Not yet.”

My body was aching and the slice on my
shoulder tight, reminding me of my own injury. “He will. So will
Daniel and your mother. So, uh, I’m going to head out. You’ll be
out of here in a few days. You’ll see.”

“I want to get back to the ER. I need to
concentrate on that, and forget about last night.”

“I know. Me, too.” I smiled, but inwardly I
felt bad that Jane didn’t have more in her life beyond her job. I
loved my job, but I loved my life with Julia more. This thing with
Jane made me realize I’d been unfair in my insistence that it was
time to get Julia pregnant again. I was ready. But, was she? I
decided then and there that I needed to talk to my wife. “I’m going
to check the orders and see when you’re allowed to have pain meds
again then leave you to get some rest.”

Jane reached out for my hand and she looked
up at me beseechingly. “Will you come back, Ryan?”

“I’ll call you later and I’ll see you
tomorrow, for sure. Okay?”

Jane’s face fell slightly.

“You’ll have your family here. I’ll just be
in the way. Don’t let them wear you out. Doctor’s orders.” My lips
twitched in the start of a smile.

“I’ve told my mother about you. Working with
you, I mean.” Jane stammered slightly, still holding my hand. “I’m
sure she’ll want to meet you.” I squeezed her fingers gently and
then placed her hand beside her on the bed.

“There’s plenty of time for that.” I walked
toward the door and turned. “Thank you, again, Jane. I’ll never
forget the sacrifice you made for me.”

“I’d do it again, Ryan. I’d… do it
again.”

I patted the door frame once and left the
room, trying to ignore the implication of a deeper meaning in her
words. I rubbed the back of my neck as I rushed out of the
hospital, anxious to find my wife.

It was a rare moment. My husband’s arms were
wound tightly around me, and his chest rose and fell steadily
beneath my chest. His even breathing a sure sign of his slumber and
his heartbeat, strong beneath my ear, was comforting. I listened to
it thud and closed my eyes in prayer. He was here and he was mine.
Forever. Nothing would ever mean more. I felt safe and I didn’t
care if I ever moved from this spot.