A Little Help from Above (30 page)

“Shel, I don’t know…”

“No, Lauren. The charade has gone on long enough…You ready, Eric?”

Eric stared at his plate.

Shelby took a deep breath. “Larry Lazarus is your father.”

There. She said it. But where was the gasp, the look of horror? This was a major headline.

“Well, duh.” He shrugged. “Of course he is.”

“You knew?” Lauren’s mouth opened. “Was I the only Lazarus out of the loop?”

“What do you mean did I know?” Eric looked at them as if they were crazy. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because we didn’t know you knew.” Shelby was a little confused herself. If her father and Roz swore they never told Eric he was born their brother, and not their first cousin, then who did?”

“Why wouldn’t I know?” He looked angry. “How stupid do you think I am? Larry Lazarus is our father, and Roz Lazarus is our mother. It’s not a difficult concept.”

Lauren and Shelby’s eyes opened wide. It was worse than they thought. As far as he knew, he’d been born to Roz and Larry, as were his older sisters.

“Eric, honey…” Shelby started.

“No wait,” Lauren butted in. “He’s right. We’re one big happy family. Let’s leave it at that.”

“Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Eric slammed his fist down.

“Okay, fine. But you have to listen good because this gets a little complicated.” Shelby took his hand. “Daddy was married once before, to a woman named Sandy. He and Sandy had two daughters,
who so happen to be Lauren and me. But when I was ten and Lauren was four, Sandy got cancer and her younger sister, Roz, moved into our house so she could take care of us. While Sandy was dying, Roz and Larry fell in love, and they conceived you. Sandy died in early December and you were born that May. At the time, we thought you were our cousin Eric because Roz was our aunt, and you were her baby. Then a year later, Larry and Roz got married and we were told to call you our stepbrother because our daddy was adopting you. But the truth of the matter was, you were really his son.”

Eric’s eyes told the whole story. He had absolutely no idea. “Holy shit.” He kept shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you sure about this? Why didn’t they ever tell me?”

“They didn’t tell us either,” Lauren cried. “Shelby figured it out by herself.”

“See, the problem was,” Shelby continued, “they never wanted us to know they were fooling around while Daddy was still married to our mother.”

“I remember hearing stories about an Aunt Sandy. But no one ever told me she was your mother,” Eric looked mystified. “I just assumed Mommy was.”

“You mean you never wondered why I didn’t call her Mommy?”

“Not really. You were such a bitch I figured you just liked pissing her off.”

“Come to think of it, what did you call her?” Lauren asked.

“Nothing.” Shelby sighed. “I really was a bitch, wasn’t I?”

“Was?” Eric and Lauren said at the same time, then laughed.

“I gotta tell you. This is bizarre,” Eric said. “To be living all these lies your whole life…”

“What do you mean, all these lies,” Shelby asked. “Do you know something we don’t?”

Eric laughed. Not just a chuckle, a knee-slapping belly laugh that brought tears to his eyes. Shelby and Lauren stared at him, then at each other. Was he still tripping?

“What’s so funny?” Lauren furrowed her brow.

“I’m sorry.” He wiped his eye with his napkin. “I was just struck by a funny thought.”

“Please share.” Shelby hoped she didn’t sound too much like a twelve-step leader.

Eric collected himself. “Before I came in I was so worried about
how I was going to tell you a secret that I’ve kept to myself for a long time. But then after hearing this, it’s like what the hell? Big secrets run in the family.”

“What’s yours?” Lauren winked. “That you’re gay?”

Eric flinched.

“You didn’t know we knew?”

He shook his head.

“Well, duh,” she mimicked him. “When Allen paid more attention to you than me at our wedding, I knew something was weird.”

Eric blushed.

“Plus”—Shelby cleared her throat—“from what I could tell when I came home, you never had a girlfriend, you never read Playboy, and you liked shoe shopping even more than I did.”

“Oh.”

“Actually, I think I knew before you did. So that’s old news. What else you got?”

Eric folded his arms. “This one you’ll never guess in a million years. I have a companion. His name is Jamal. We met in rehab, fell in love, now we live together and are totally clean.”

“That’s great, Eric.” Lauren touched her heart.

“I’m not finished.” He held up his hand. “And since we both wanted to have a family…we decided to hire this woman…to be our surrogate.”

“Oh my God. Are you serious?” Shelby grabbed hold of his hand.

“OH…MY…GOD!” Lauren squealed. “Are you pregnant?”

Eric nodded.

“This is unbelievable. When?”

“End of July, early August.”

“This is unreal. Shelby’s due in mid-July! Mommy and Daddy will flip out. They’re going from zero to three grandchildren…”

“No.” Eric laughed. “Make that four.”

“Twins?” Lauren gasped.

“Yep,” Eric winked. “And we are soooo excited.”

Shelby was shaking. “How in God’s name are you going to tell them?”

“I was thinking…maybe you could tell them.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because. You’re the one in the family who breaks big news stories every day.”

“Not this big!”

“You have to tell them,” Lauren said. “They’ll be so happy for you.”

“Ya think?”

“I don’t know,” Shelby said. “Jamal’s last name. It wouldn’t by any chance be Goldberg?”

“Not even close.”

“Is he white?”

“Nope.”

Shelby looked at Lauren. “All in favor of keeping this a secret, say aye.”

“Aye!!!”

I’ll be honest. This wasn’t the scene I envisioned when I said I wanted the three children to be together again. Naturally I’m thrilled they’re all finally speaking to each other. But who could ever have imagined such craziness? Eric turned out to be a little fageleh who’s using a surrogate like Lauren did with Shelby. Shelby’s carrying twin babies for Lauren, but in the meantime is getting involved with a married man who doesn’t know what the hell he wants. And Lauren is getting a divorce, but first she’s dating a man who DOES know what he wants. No more children.

God help me. I’m way in over my head.

Shelby was still in shock. A few weeks ago she had no idea that Matty Lieberman was alive. Now she was flying to Portland, Oregon, as his date. Even better, his wife, Madame WASP, had asked for a divorce. So when the legalities and the fireworks were all over, Shelby’s one true love would be open for business.

She was so glad she’d discussed her second thoughts about making the trip with him. He had actually laughed when she confessed that she felt bad about inviting herself. “What else is new? You always used to talk my mother into letting you stay for dinner, letting you sleep over, letting you go with us to the Jersey Shore. I can’t remember. Did we ever invite you first?”

But then Matty got serious and said he had a confession as well. At first he wasn’t crazy about the idea of Shelby tagging along. He really wanted time alone to do a marital postmortem, or at least meet up with some old friends to get plastered if the mood struck. “If you came with me, I’d have to be on my best behavior, and to be honest, I’ve just spent the past ten years on my best behavior.”

He assured Shelby that he loved the idea of going away with her so that they could fill in the blanks on all the missing years. What he didn’t relish was a reunion that took place under his mother’s watchful eye. “I know her. She’ll be listening through the wall with a paper cup.”

But then after more pondering, he changed his mind again. If your life was falling apart, who better to talk to than your oldest and dearest friend? Besides, if Shelby didn’t join him now, he’d have to spend the entire week explaining to his mother why.

Shelby was elated by his change of heart and couldn’t wait to share the news with Lauren, along with a very exciting surprise. She’d felt the babies kick for the first time, and it was an extraordinary moment. A mixture of terror and jubilation, and the undeniable reality that she, selfish, cynical, tough-talking Shelby Lazarus, was hatching human life.

“Doesn’t it feel weird?” She placed Lauren’s hand on her belly. “It’s like they’re swimming laps or something.”

“This is so unfair,” Lauren cried. “Just when it gets exciting, you’re leaving.”

Or trying to leave anyway. The wall of traffic on the Grand Central Parkway was putting a damper in Shelby’s efforts to make her flight.

“What happened to all those great shortcuts Avi taught you?” Shelby asked.

“That was to JFK,” she cried. “He never showed me the ones to La Guardia.”

“Just great. My ship finally comes in, and I’m stuck in the car.”

“We’ll make it, Shel. It’s only another few more miles, and things usually open up after Shea Stadium.”

“Did I mention I have to pee really bad?”

“Several times. Why didn’t you go before we left?”

“I did. Three times.”

“Should I stop somewhere?”

“No, just hurry. I really don’t want to pull over to look for tissues and a tree.”

Lauren turned off the radio. “Let’s talk to keep your mind off things.”

“Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

“Would it be possible for you not to have wild sex this week?”

“Excuse me? I plan to have nothing but wild sex this week. What’s it to you?”

“I know you’re going to say this is stupid…”

“Yes?”

“But if you’re rolling around all the time, couldn’t my babies get, I don’t know, seasick?”

They’re not your babies yet, Shelby thought. “Fine. I promise to draw the line at hanging from hotel chandeliers.”

“I’m serious, Shel.”

“Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. With this big belly, my George of the Jungle days are over.”

Fortunately, traffic did let up, and a jubilant Shelby got dropped off at the curb, checked her bag with a skycap, hugged her sister good-bye, and marched triumphantly through the airport doors. She and Matty had agreed it would be easiest to meet at the gate, but Shelby knew she’d never make it as far as the metal detectors unless she first stopped at the ladies’ room.

Once her mission was accomplished, she checked her makeup, checked to make sure she had all her belongings, checked everything but the flight board, which would have clued her in to the extensive delays occurring along the Eastern seaboard.

On the way to the gate, Shelby passed a bar in the terminal and was surprised to see such a large crowd. Who drank at eleven o’clock in the morning? Apparently a lot of people, including one guy who looked just like Matty. How funny was this? She hadn’t laid eyes on him in thirty years. Now suddenly, everywhere she went, she was spotting men who were his mirror image.

But one thing wasn’t funny. Shelby reached Gate 18 and the genuine article himself was nowhere to be found. Certainly if she could spot him on a busy parkway going 70 mph, she could pick him out of a crowd of passengers who were sitting quietly. Maybe he was in the men’s room, or getting a magazine. Maybe he was buying coffee, or maybe that was him at the bar.

No, not his style, she thought. But just to be sure, she dialed his cell phone. No answer. She checked with the gate agent to see if there were any messages for her. There were none. She walked over to the newsstand, hoping to find him standing in line with a few car magazines and an Almond Joy. No such luck. Finally, her reporter’s instincts kicked in.

Shelby covered his eyes and whispered, “Guess who?”

Matty jumped, but played along. “Sharon Stone in a short black skirt?”

“No,” Shelby smacked his shoulder. “Someone even hotter…and younger.”

“I like them hot and young.”

“Yes, but do you like them thirty-eight and pregnant?”

“I’m totally turned on.”

“Mind if I join you?” She sat on the barstool next to his.

“Come on in. The water’s nice.” He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual, boyish grin.

“I didn’t expect to find you here.” Shelby went for eye contact. “Should I be worried?”

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? Because I think all the okay people are sitting at the gate.”

“I’m fine.” He stirred his drink.

She looked at her watch. “Is it just my imagination, or did we come here to catch a flight?”

“Everything’s delayed due to fog. Nothing’s coming in, nothing’s going out.”

“Oh gee. I wish I’d known that an hour ago when we were sitting in traffic. I drove Lauren nuts. ‘Hurry! If I don’t get there in time, Matty will leave without me.’”

His face turned scarlet. Oh Good Lord, Shelby thought. I meant that as a joke. What is wrong with him? “You seem…uptight.” She stroked his arm.

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Do you feel like talking about it?”

“No.”

“Is it Emily? Are you worried about not seeing her?”

“I’m always worried about Emily.”

“Is it work? The stock market? World hunger…”

“Would you stop?” he snapped. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m really not up for a big, long discussion at the moment.”

“I’m sorry.” She backed off. “It’s the reporter in me. If I smell a story, I have to get to the bottom of it.”

“Tell you what, then. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll be sure to give you the exclusive.”

“Jeez. You sound like me on a PMS day.”

When Matty didn’t answer, she closed her eyes. She wasn’t big on prayer, but this seemed like a good time to start. But what to pray for? That whatever was on his mind didn’t involve her? No. That whatever was on his mind didn’t affect her.

“I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand. “Forgive me. You’re right. I’m feeling sick about something…We have to talk.”

Noooooooo. Not the talk. Shelby’s heart pounded. What could possibly have happened between last night when they spoke and now? He sounded so happy then. Didn’t matter. She knew he was about to break her heart. God help her if he said that he and Gwen had decided to give it one last try.

“Fine. Let’s talk,” she said bravely. “But not in here. The smoke is getting to me.”

“I know. I was thinking the same thing. Let’s go find someplace quiet.”

No easy feat in an airport overflowing with passengers milling about with time on their hands and big bags on their shoulders. If the two weren’t bumping into giant carry-on gear, they were tripping over runaway toddlers and their in-pursuit parents.

But the longer it took to find a little piece of privacy, the more anxious Shelby became. Did she really want to stick around for the “You’re a great girl, but…” speech? She’d heard it all before, just never from someone who mattered this much.

“I have an idea,” Matty said. He grabbed her hand and led her through a crowded maze.

“Where are we going?”

“To the last place you’d ever expect to find a crowd.”

“The chapel?”

“Great minds think alike.”

Not that God isn’t a big draw, but Matty was right. Save for one elderly gentleman who was lighting candles, they had their pick of pews. How sad and ironic, Shelby thought. God had brought them together, and now he was about to be a witness to the break up.

“Shelby, I don’t know where to start.”

“If I remember correctly, the first line is, ‘Believe me. This isn’t about you.’”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Then you say something like, ‘You’re an incredible catch, Shelby. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life, blah, blah, blah, blah…’”

“You’re amazing.” Matty smiled.

“Oh I know. But you still don’t want me to go with you, do you?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“So then what’s the problem?”

“I’m trying not to think of this as a problem. I’m trying to think of it as an opportunity.”

“And I’m trying to follow you, but you’re about three drinks ahead of me.”

“How should I put this?” Matty brushed the bangs from her eyes and took a deep breath. “I woke up this morning and I had…I guess you could call it a revelation.”

Oooh. A revelation. Not good. Revelations started world wars.

“I feel like I’ve spent my entire life being surrounded by people who tried to own a piece of my soul. My father abused me, my stepfather belittled me, my mother controlled me, my wife ignored me, my daughter…sometimes confuses me with the man who sells ice cream.

“I’m almost forty years old and I have no idea what it’s like not worrying about how my words, or my actions, or my feelings are going to affect somebody else. I’ve never had the chance to wake up and say, Okay, what do I want to do today?

“I’m just tired of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. Tired of trying to be the perfect son, the perfect father, the perfect husband, the perfect lover. Because no matter what I do, someone is always right there to tell me that I’m not. But what I realized this morning was that the only person I’ve ever really failed was myself.

“So I guess what it comes down to is I want to finally enjoy some freedom. I want to see the Knicks play whenever they’re in town. I want to buy a ridiculously expensive sports car for no other reason than I love the sound of the engine. I want to eat pizza in my underwear. I want to go to the great jazz clubs in New Orleans and be the last one to turn out the lights. I want to be Bar Mitzvahed and be counted as a Jew so I can fulfill my one promise to my grandfather.

“And I want to do all of this starting right now, because for the first time in my life, Shelby, there’s no reason that I can’t.”

Shelby nodded, wiping her tears on her sleeve.

“Look, I know you think it would be so easy for us to pick up where we left off,” Matthew continued, “but we were little kids then and so much has happened since. I had a lousy childhood and a difficult marriage. My daughter probably won’t live to see her next birthday, and once my father-in-law finds out about Gwen and me, forget it. She’ll tell him I’m leaving her, and he’s such a vindictive son of a bitch, he’ll exert all his power in Albany to ruin my reputation
with the Department of Education, then my business will tank…I just need some time to sort all this out. Figure out where I go from here. Can you understand?”

“Yes.” Shelby exhaled.

“Thank you.” Matty kissed her hand. “Because you are the last person I would ever want to hurt. And I’m not saying that one day we won’t be together.”

“Just not right now.”

He nodded.

“So we’ll wait.” Shelby tried to smile through tears. “What’s another twenty, thirty years? Maybe we’ll buy a retirement home together and…”

Matty pulled Shelby toward him and kissed her with all abandon. So what if she was feeling crushed, she could not resist his tender touch. It was the same warm, loving feeling she remembered as a ten-year-old girl. The same affection that kept her hopes alive for all these years.

“Why do you always do that?” Shelby touched her lips after they separated.

“What?”

“Kiss me right after you tell me you can’t get involved with me. You did the same thing at the museum. You’re so goddamn fickle it drives me nuts. I understand how conflicted you are, Matty. But Jesus Christ. It’s so unfair to deliver an important message about how you want to test your wings, then interrupt the broadcast with a kiss that gets me so hot I want to rip off your clothes and fuck you until…”

“Shhh…” He laughed. “Don’t say fuck in a chapel. It’s bad luck.”

“What the hell. My luck couldn’t possibly get any worse.”

“Shelby Lynn, do I have to wash that mouth out with…”

“You.” She kissed him back as hard as he’d kissed her. “I know you love me.”

“Yes.”

“But I still can’t come with you.”

“No.”

“Fine, but I’m warning you.” Shelby looked deep into his eyes. “When you get back, if you feed me the line about just wanting to be friends again, trust me, it’ll be a deal breaker. I can’t be friends with
a man I’ve seen naked. I can’t be friends with a man who kisses me the way you do. I can’t be friends with a man who touches me so deeply…”

“You honestly love me that much?”

“Yes.” She could barely breathe. “And I always have.”

Shelby sat in the waiting area and watched the gate agent shut the door. A minute later a panicked latecomer pleaded with her to reopen the jetway. He hadn’t heard the boarding announcement that the flight was finally taking off, and if he missed this flight, he’d miss seeing his daughter’s dance recital. Unfortunately, he was turned away. Flight 400 to Portland was officially closed for boarding.