A Little Help from Above (13 page)

Maybe she’d go back to the house and rehearse, she thought as she headed down the hall. But just as she passed Dr. Weiner’s room, she saw a confused orderly holding a bowl of red Jell-O.

“I believe they went for a walk.” Shelby cleared her throat.

“Oh man. A walk? The kid wouldn’t let go a me ’til I promised to get this, and now he ain’t here? I gotta get back to my job.”

“I’ll give it to him.” Shelby shuddered. Acts of kindness were such unfamiliar territory. But what the hell? She was only going to leave it on the table and go.

“Thanks, ma’am.” The young man smiled as he handed her the bowl. “Tell the boy sorry they was out of whipped cream, but at least it’s red like he asked.”

“No problem.” Shelby slowly eased into the room, careful not to let a drop of the slimy red blob touch her clean white shirt. Of greater concern was why the attendant had called her ma’am. Good God, was Mother Time knocking already? Did she need to be cozying up to a plastic surgeon for the return of her youthful appearance? But who would operate on a woman who needed Valium for facials? So absorbed was she, she didn’t hear the ruckus.

“She’s taking my Jell-O! The mean lady’s taking my Jell-O.” Justin raced down the hall and into the room, colliding with Shelby as she was setting the bowl down on the rolling tray table.

“Oh crap!” Shelby yelled, gaping in horror at the wet, red slime running down the middle of her shirt. Her new, hundred percent ribbed, Armani T-shirt that flattered her tight abs and probably cost more than the kid’s entire wardrobe. “Look what you did, you little brat!” Shelby screamed.

“Please don’t speak to my son that way!” Brad ran in. “I’m sure it was just an accident.”

“Why did you take it, lady? It was for me,” Justin cried at the sight of his treat on the floor.

“What are you doing in here anyway?” Brad tried consoling his young son.

“Oh my God. I wasn’t taking his freakin’ Jell-O. I was doing him a favor. The guy who brought it had to leave, and I was passing by, so I said I would make sure he got it.”

“Oh.” Brad started to wipe up the spill with a tissue. “Sorry.”

“And why are you calling me a mean lady?” she asked Justin. “What did I do to you?”

“My daddy says you’re mean ’cause you made my papa cry.”

“I made him cry? Ha! What about all the times he made me cry?” Shelby replied.

“C’mon, lady.” Brad stood up, soggy tissue in hand. “Are you really going to stand here and argue with a five-year-old?”

“No. No, I’m not,” Shelby took off, mumbling about the pointlessness of trying to be nice.

Now look at me, she thought when she reached the parking lot. I’m never going to get this awful mess out. Figures something like this has to happen the first time I don’t wear black! And of all times for Mr. Dri-Kleen not only to have retired, but to be in and out of consciousness.

It’ll be okay, she thought as she ransacked her pocketbook for her car keys. I can be home in five minutes and hopefully Maria remembers a few of Daddy’s stain-removing tricks. Now where the hell are my keys? She dumped the entire contents of her bag on the hood of the car and then it hit her. She must have left them on the table in the cafeteria when Lauren and Mrs. Weiner whisked her away to see Aunt Roz.

“Shit, shit, shit!” She jumped up and down. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go back in there looking like a child who refused to wear a napkin. But what choice did she have? She threw everything back in her bag, then stormed off in the direction of the cafeteria, brushing past people without uttering a single, “Excuse me.” If one more goddamn thing went wrong today, people were going to discover her testy side.

“Okay, break it up,” Shelby yelled at the teenagers making out at her table. “And get your tongue out of his ear. Don’t you know that’s unsanitary? Now did either of you two kids find a set of car keys when you sat down?”

They shook their heads no. No point in coming up for air to talk to this bitch.

“Oh great.” Shelby shot over to the cashier to ask if anyone had turned in a set of keys. The woman reached behind the cash register and retrieved a pair of men’s sunglasses. “Sorry.” She shrugged. “Try Lost and Found.”

“Where’s that?”

“Over by Admitting.”

“Well, now that’s real helpful as I’m personally familiar with the entire layout of this friggin’ hospital!” Shelby yelled as she took off in the direction the woman pointed.

“Shelby!”

She turned around at what sounded like Lauren’s voice. But that wasn’t possible. She was upstairs spoon-feeding Aunt Roz.

“Over here, Shel,” a beaming Lauren cried out. “Look who’s here!”

Shelby looked over her shoulder, then gripped the top of a chair. A broken and bandaged Aunt Roz was being wheeled through the cafeteria with Lauren at the helm.

“The nurses said it was okay to bring her down.” Lauren waved. “They thought a little change of scenery would do her good.”

Ding, ding, ding. It was a left hook Shelby never saw coming, and now she was going down for the count. The fight was over. Lauren got her wish for a reunion and was declared champion. Goodbye composure. So long thirty-year moratorium on tears. It was Howdy Doody Nervous Breakdown Time for Shelby.

“Look, Mommy,” Lauren cried as she wheeled Aunt Roz over to where Shelby had collapsed. “Shelby’s so happy to see you she’s in tears.”

Shelby wailed even louder.

“Hello, Shelby.” Aunt Roz waved her arm cast, wearing her bravest face. What little of it showed through the bandages. “Thanks for coming.”

Shelby looked up, bewildered not so much by the yards of white tape running the width and length of her aunt’s body, but by the seated position from which she was taking it all in. It made her feel powerless to peer up from the floor at the Queen Mother on her makeshift throne. And what was with that trite, hackneyed expression, thanks for coming? First Dr. Weiner said it. Now Aunt Roz. It was eerily reminiscent of her mother’s funeral when her father, numb in the receiving line, mechanically shook hundreds of people’s hands. “Thanks for coming…thanks for coming…”

“Hello, Aunt Roz.” Shelby wiped her eyes and stood up, hoping it wasn’t necessary to kiss the woman, what with most of her face covered.

Fortunately, Aunt Roz did not appear slighted. For with her one good eye she was already focused on Shelby’s dirty shirt. “What happened to you?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Shelby teased.

Lauren and Aunt Roz laughed. Only Shelby would be funny at a time like this.

“You look good, honey,” Aunt Roz said. “A little too thin, and you could use a touch-up. But for your age, still a beauty.”

“Gee, thanks.” Damn straight I’m a beauty. Or hadn’t you noticed every man’s head turned when I walked by?

“So. How are you feeling?” Shelby knew it was a ridiculous question, but it was the best she could do in her shaken state.

“How do you think I’m feeling? Terrible! But at least, thank God, Daddy and I are still alive. I’ve always said as long as we can be together we’ll be fine.”

“And I’ve always said a good attitude is everything.” Shelby smiled.

“Since when?” Aunt Roz sniffed.

“Oh no.” Lauren held her breath. Was the war of words starting already? She counted to three, but miraculously, Shelby curbed her acid tongue. The cease-fire was holding.

“What are you doing down here?” Lauren whispered as she wheeled Aunt Roz toward a vacant table. “What happened to your nail appointment?”

“I couldn’t find the damn car keys. That’s what happened.”

“Oh, God,” Lauren could barely contain a smile. “With all the craziness in Dr. Weiner’s room, I forgot to tell you that you left them on the table when we were down here with Irma so I just grabbed them. You must have freaked when you couldn’t find them.”

“Oh, please. It takes a lot more than lost keys to get me worked up.” If you only knew how close I came to jumping in front of a car because I couldn’t get out of this place.

“This okay?” A gleeful Lauren stopped at an empty table, hoping Shelby wouldn’t be picky.

“Fine. Fine. Anywhere.” Aunt Roz tried shifting in the confining wheelchair. “I’m just so happy to be out in the open, you could put me anywhere.”

Don’t tempt me, Shelby thought. Still, she managed to act gracious while wondering how long she could maintain her composure now that Lauren had abandoned her to cootchy-coo every baby in sight. Which left Shelby fending for herself when making conversation with Aunt Roz.

But after a few minutes of working in the trenches alone, Shelby realized it was getting harder to avoid the dozens of land mines, otherwise known as personal questions. For someone like Aunt Roz, who was so masterful at keeping her own secrets, it amazed Shelby that the woman had no clue others might also want the details of their life to remain private. Yet she pumped Shelby as if she were the last gas station for miles. Was she seeing anyone? Did she like her
job? Was she seeing anyone? Did she have enough money? Was she seeing anyone?

It was one time Shelby would have welcomed listening to the woman drone on about her own problems. It would have been less exhausting than fending off every question with three-word answers. “I’m not sure.” “I don’t know.” “Is that right?”

Finally, when it became apparent to Aunt Roz that Private Shelby was not going to share, she moved on. “You know what came in the mail a few weeks ago?” she asked.

“I give up,” Shelby yawned. “What?”

“An invitation for your thirty-fifth nursery school reunion.”

“That’s absurd. I’ve never heard of such a thing. And who said you could open my mail?”

“It wasn’t addressed to you, smartie pants. It was addressed to the parents of…”

“Well I hope you threw it away. I wouldn’t be caught dead at something like that.”

“Why not? You never know who’ll be there. You could meet someone nice.”

“First of all, I have no interest in finding out the kids who peed in their pants every day are now Internet billionaires. Secondly, I’ve gained at least a hundred pounds since then.”

Aunt Roz shook her head. “Such a meshugeneh with the weight…”

“You hungry, Mommy?” Lauren finally rejoined them.

“I’m okay. Maybe a little water or juice. All those antibiotics make my mouth so dry.”

“I’ll go!” Shelby jumped up, delighted it was already intermission. A few more minutes of chitchat and she could be on her way. “Lauren, explain to her why nursery school reunions are a stupid idea.”

“No, they’re not,” Lauren said. “That’s how my friend Elise met her husband. And who knows. Maybe you’ll run into Matty Lieberman.”

Shelby stopped rummaging through her pocketbook for her wallet. “Why would you think I’d be looking for him?”

“Stacy Alter told me. I ran into her at Blockbuster yesterday.”

Shelby winced. This was why she could never live here in Yentaville. On the other hand, Lauren might be right. Both Matty and
she had gone to Temple Judea’s Early Learning Center. Even if he hadn’t registered to attend the reunion, he might be on their mailing list.

“Did you save the invitation?” Shelby coughed.

“I don’t remember.” Aunt Roz chuckled. “Check the desk drawer in the kitchen.”

“Great. Okay then. Who wants orange juice?”

Shelby returned to the table to find Lauren and Aunt Roz in a huddle and suddenly felt queasy. There was something about the way those two connected that always led to trouble. It was more than a paranoid conspiracy theory, it was fact. Whenever they looked this cozy, a major storm was brewing. She could practically feel the Kansas dust kicking up.

“Here you go.” Shelby took a deep breath, handing Lauren the juice cup. “You give this to her. I’ve already spilled one thing today.”

“Sure.” Lauren smiled. “This is working out even better than I expected.”

“Oh, I know,” Shelby whispered back. “I’m having a ball.”

Then Lauren put the straw in Aunt Roz’s mouth and lit the match that could have started another Chicago fire. “I was just telling Mommy about my problems because of the DES.”

“Uh-huh,” Shelby said. “Aunt Roz, do you remember anything about the pills our mother took?”

“Sure, I remember. She took them for almost a year, and Granny Bea would laugh because they were so tiny. Not like her high blood pressure medication, which could choke a horse. She’d say, ‘What good are those? They look like candy.’ But your mother took them every day while she was pregnant, and that’s how we got our little Lauren. Such a beautiful punim.”

“Thank you.” Lauren smiled lovingly. “Anyway, I was explaining how the doctors have pretty much said it would be impossible for me to have a baby of my own and what a lot of women in my position do is use a surrogate.”

“Uh-huh.” Shelby shivered, signaling Lauren not to go down this road again.

“Personally, I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Aunt Roz nodded. “And so unselfish. Did you know even Abraham and Sarah used a surrogate? That’s how they had their first son, Ishmael.”

“Really?” Shelby searched her bag for gum. “And when did you become a Bible scholar?”

“After Daddy and I started taking classes with the rabbi. Such an interesting man.”

“Ever take an ethics course?”

Aunt Roz flinched. “What for? We don’t even cheat on our taxes. Now your uncle Marty. He should take a class like that.”

“Anyway.” Lauren waved. “As I was saying, a lot of women use friends or family as their surrogate, rather than paying a complete stranger.”

“Friends are good.” Shelby nodded. “You have a lot of those. What about Elise Finklestein? I remember her as the real mother earth type.”

“No. She had two tough pregnancies, and Mitch and her are sort of on the rocks.”

“What about Sari Wishnick? She’s a very pretty girl.”

“She’s diabetic.” Lauren drummed on the table. “Too high-risk.”

“Okay, then. What about that girl who you worked with at Macy’s? The one who was built like a Mack truck? She could probably carry triplets.”

“Who? Robyn Nagel? She’d never do it. She’s single and totally into her career.”

“Well so am I. Why doesn’t that disqualify me?”

“Because, Shel,” Lauren whispered, “if I can’t use my own eggs, I’d at least want my baby to have some of our genetic material.”

“If you ask me, you should at least think about it,” Aunt Roz stuck her nose in.

“We didn’t ask you,” Shelby said firmly.

“All I’m saying is, every once in a while it wouldn’t hurt you to do something nice for your sister. That’s all.”

“Excuse me.” Shelby bit her lip. “But, I believe the definition of being nice to a sister is lending her your Manolo Blahniks for the night, or treating her to a facial. It does not generally include screwing her husband.” She caught Aunt Roz’s good eye. “That, I believe, is called adultery.”

“Oh! Is that the problem?” Lauren’s face lit up. “You think you have to…with Avi?”

“There is no problem, Lauren. All you need to do is go buy a dozen eggs at your nearest infertility clinic, mingle them in a nice,
Mikasa dish with Avi’s sperm, then stick the ones that take into a nineteen-year-old who needs the money!”

“What kind of way is that to talk to a sister?” Aunt Roz tried pointing her cast in Shelby’s face. “If my sister was alive, may she rest in peace, I would never turn my back on her.”

Shelby buried her face in her hands, then looked up. “Give me a fucking break, Aunt Roz. I don’t ever recall you being nominated for Sister of the Year.”

“How dare you? No one was more devoted to your mother than I was.”

“Some devotion,” Shelby mumbled. “You slept with her husband, for God’s sake.”

“Shelby!” Lauren covered Aunt Roz’s ears. “Don’t be mean. They were already married.”

“Like hell!”

“Oh, my God. Stop it!” Lauren cried. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Shelby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I know exactly what I’m saying. Ask her yourself. Go on. Ask her if while Mommy was dying, she was sleeping with Daddy, got pregnant with Eric, then passed him off as our first cousin.”

“Shelby, what is wrong with you?” Lauren gasped. “It’s like you’ve got that thing I saw on 20/20. Tourette’s Syndrome. You say the most outrageous things for no good reason.”

“I wish I was making this up,” Shelby’s hands shook. “But I’m not. Am I, Aunt Roz?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looked down. “Lauren’s right. You just say whatever the hell you want. Big deal if you hurt someone’s feelings.”

“Is that what you think? That I entertain myself by dreaming up these outrageous tales? Believe me. I know what I’m saying. Every word. Lauren, look at me. Ever wonder why Eric has Daddy’s build and Daddy’s nose?”

“Sheer coincidence!” Aunt Roz cried. “You know my cousin Abe? He’s a clone of his mother’s stepbrother. No relation. How dare you make such an accusation? You were a child.”

“Ten, actually, and excellent in math. So let’s review, class. My mother got sick in June of 1969. You moved in to help take care of us in July. By Thanksgiving your stomach was so big Lauren asked if
you ate the turkey and you said no, you were having a baby. I asked if you had a husband and you said, maybe one day. Mommy died in late December, Eric was born in May, and before Daddy had a chance to pick out the headstone, you were the new Mrs. Larry Lazarus.”

“That proves nothing.” Aunt Roz waved her arm cast. “It was no secret I was single when I got pregnant. The relationship just didn’t work out. That’s all.”

“Sure it did. The man you were in a relationship with was Daddy. While he was still married to your sister.”

Lauren looked from Aunt Roz to Shelby and back, her bottom lip trembling. “Are you saying…they had an affair? That Eric really is related to us?”

“That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.” Shelby folded her arms.

“Oh, God. That means he’s our first cousin, our stepbrother, and our half-brother!”

“Bingo! Woody Allen’s got nothing on us!”

Aunt Roz gazed out the window. “It wasn’t anything like you said.”

“Yes it was.” Shelby pounded the table. “I saw how you looked at him all googly-eyed. I saw how you trapped him so you could have the big house and the fancy car…”

“For your information, your mother thought she was settling when she married your father. I loved him the minute I met him.” Aunt Roz cried softly.

Lauren looked on in disbelief. She didn’t know whom to hate more. Shelby for the truth, or Aunt Roz for the deceit. “How come you never told me, Shel?”

“Because you love Aunt Roz. You never would have believed me.”

Lauren’s eyes welled up in response. “How long…have you known?”

“I don’t know. Forever. I mean to me it was so obvious. When Eric was born, all of a sudden the guest room became the nursery. And when I asked Daddy where Aunt Roz was going to sleep now, he said the living room. But once I left my library book on the couch to see if it got moved, and the next morning it was exactly where I’d left it.”

Lauren wept into a tissue.

“Then, once I was helping Aunt Roz change Eric’s diaper and I asked where Eric’s daddy was and she looked at me like how did I know there had to be a daddy to get a baby? Like I was an idiot. But when she wouldn’t answer me, that’s when I knew.”

“Wow. Even then you had these great instincts.”

“Thank you.” Shelby blushed. She’d never really thought about how or when she’d first realized she had the inbred ability to be a reporter, but Lauren was right. It was in her blood.

Lauren looked over at a dazed Aunt Roz. “How dumb do I feel? I had no idea.”