A Little Broken (13 page)

“Did I hurt you?” Dominick whispered.

“No – I told you, you won’t break me. Move, D. Make love to me, make me remember,” she begged him as she moved her hips, feeling him inside of her.

“Your wish, my command,” he said, kissing her softly before starting to move. He was so large inside of her, yet so perfect, as he picked up speed. He had a rhythm to his thrusts, shallow, deep, deep, rotate. Jessie was almost positive that if he kept up the way he was that she wasn’t going to last very long. Her legs were starting to tingle and she allowed them to drop to the bed as she moved with him, encouraging him. She knew that she was making small noises, but she couldn’t help it. She had never felt anything like this. She hadn’t been a virgin when she married Ryan, and he even he had never made her feel this way. Pleasure radiated throughout her whole body, causing her toes to curl.

Dropping onto his elbows, Dominick kept his pace and kissed her, overtook her. At that moment, she couldn’t tell where she left off and where he began. He ate at her mouth, her moans getting lost in his mouth. When he broke the kiss, Jessie gasped, feeling that she was close.

“Dominick. Oh my God. Dominick, I’m so close,” she whispered.

His mouth moved to her ear, and the pleasure continued to mount. He thrust deeply into her, the sound of their skin meeting loud in the room, mingling with the sound of their rapid breaths.

“Let go, baby. Trust me,” he murmured into her ear, thrusting harder, his hand moving between their bodies to caress the sensitive crest between her legs. The motion was enough to send her spiraling, her body exploding into brilliant fireworks. Dominick continued his ministrations, forcing her to ride the sensations, taking her higher than she ever thought possible. His body still pumped into her, his hand still caressing her nub, until she felt another climax rip through her body. Whereas the previous one had thrown her to the stars, this one ripped her apart, a scream bubbling out of her mouth.

“That’s it, Jessie! Oh, I’m going to…” his words trailed off as she distantly felt him jerk inside of her, his movements speeding before slowing then stopping. He dropped his forehead on hers as their breaths mingled, chests heaving, and their heartbeats pounding loudly in the now silent room.

Dominick kissed her before rolling them until she was resting above him, not breaking their body’s connection. She lay her head on his chest, relaxing in the sound of his heart beating against her ear. He ran his hand through her hair before idly stroking her back, his fingers tracing a circle on her skin.

“I’m sorry,” he said, so softly Jessie thought she was imaging it.

Confused, she raised her head. “For what?”

“I got lost in the moment, I should have pulled out – we didn’t stop for a condom,” he murmured, his face full of shame.

“I’m on the pill. I…I never stopped taking it after…well, after. I’m not worried,” she told him, relaxing onto his body.

He made a grunt-like noise before lifting his head to kiss her forehead. She sighed happily, at peace, even if just for the moment. Jessie felt safe in his arms, and she wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as she could before her reality came rushing back to her. Breathing in the smell of his bare chest underneath her head, she quickly drifted off to sleep, their bodies still joined.

Chapter Twenty

Jessie woke with a start. Peering around the still-dark room, her gaze found the illuminated clock, informing her it was very late, or very early, depending on how you view three o’clock in the morning. She was also no longer lying atop Dominick. Remembering how she’d fallen asleep, she turned to look at him. He lay on his back, his face slack toward the ceiling.

On instinct, she froze. Was he breathing? She couldn’t see his chest rising. Reaching out, she touched his skin, finding it cool and waxy. Trying not to panic, Jessie pressed her hand to his chest, hoping to feel a heartbeat…she couldn’t feel one.

“Dominick?” she asked, her voice small and scared. She couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t. How could this happen to her? Everything and everyone she loved died around her. What had she done to deserve this?

Jessie trembled as she began to violently shake him, tears falling freely from her face.

“No, no! No. Dominick, please! Don’t do this to me!” she screamed at his body, still shaking him. She must’ve closed her eyes at some point, because his voice caused them to shoot open, wide, still panicked. Was she dreaming? Was he okay?

“Jessie! What the fu–” his words ebbed as he got a good look at her face. “What’s wrong?!” he asked, swiftly sitting up, eyes searching the room for what had her so frightened.

Seeing that he was fine, Jessie completely broke down. Dropping her head in her hands, she sobbed, starting to hyperventilate. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. Oh God.

“Baby? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Concern was plain in Dominick’s voice as he spoke to her, a hand tentatively touching her shoulder.

“I…I thought…I thought you… you,” Jessie hiccupped, trying to get the words out, but couldn’t.

He remained silent, unmoving for long moments before moving to enfold her in his arms. He petted her hair and whispered consoling words to her in the dark, soothing her. After what seemed like forever, her sobbing turned into sniffles, and she wiped her nose on the back of her hand, feeling stupid.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she said, her voice the softest whisper.

“For what?” he asked her, hesitant.

“For waking you…for freaking out…for being the mess I am. I didn’t want you to see me quite like this…naked too,” she sighed. “I thought you’d…left me.”

“Jessie, I was right there…”

“You know what I mean!” she said forcefully. He knew how she’d lost her baby, and his statement hurt her heart a little.

“Oh! You thought I’d…oh. I get it. Baby, I’m not going to leave you.”

“You may not mean to…but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Just like…” her words trailed off as she waved her hand.

“Will you tell me…about him? About what happened?”

“I…Dominick…” Jessie paused, trying to choose her words carefully, though none even came to mind. She had no idea how to talk about it, let alone
if
she wanted to talk about it, yet. She knew she would have to tell him eventually, but the how of it she had no idea.

“Shhh, it’s alright. I get it. I lost someone too, I know how it is,” he answered her, pulling her back down on the bed, on top of him again. He played with her hair, still soothing her.

“Who?” she asked him, curious. He seemed so put together, so confident, she couldn’t ever imagine him ruined like she was.

“If I talk about this, it’s going to be tit for tat, baby,” he told her.

She sniffed loudly, her face still wet from her tears. She was silent for a moment, concentrating on her breathing, trying to keep herself calm. Could she do this? Sighing, she made her decision, hoping that she would be able to hold to it.

“Alright,” she answered, praying that when it was her turn, he wouldn’t see just how ruined she really was. She knew that he’d leave her, somehow. Everyone left her, and those that didn’t, turned their back on her when they knew the truth. She’d come to expect it.
Please, please, don’t let him let me go,
she begged, though who she was begging, she wasn’t quite sure.

Dominick took a deep breath, the rise of his chest lifting Jessie’s head. Her hand moved to caress his chest in encouragement. It was obvious that he was about to tell her something he didn’t often discuss; she knew the signs – after all, she lived them. She was starting to feel guilty that he was going to talk about something painful because she was too cowardly to open up to him. She couldn’t help it though, and they’d already made the agreement.

“I’ve lived in this area since I was ten. My parents even still have the same house I grew up in. My brother and I were only a year apart in school, and shared many of the same friends – most of whom we are still friends with, all these years later. All of us, we’re like brothers. A weekend never passed that one of them, or more, was at my house or vice versa. It was my brother and I, Jimmy, Mike, Manny, Mat. We were a ‘crew’ I guess you could say. We got in trouble, like all boys did, but at the end of the day, we had each others’ backs.”

Jessie couldn’t figure out where his story was going, but she nodded against him, encouraging him to continue.

“One night, when we were just out of high school, we drove to a concert, Van Halen. The concert was ridiculous. Mat had won tickets with backstage passes, and we were on cloud nine, nothing could have touched us that night…or so we thought.” Dominick took a deep breath, and Jessie held hers.

“It was late, and Mat’s car broke down about a mile outside of town. None of us really minded, we would just walk, no big deal, right? Of course, this was before cell phones were easily accessible, let alone smart phones. We started walking, and headlights came upon us quick. We were on the opposite side of the road, maybe that’s why our reactions were slow – none of us had been drinking – but the car swerved into the lane. We all dove to get out of the way; man, that car had to be going eighty in a forty-mile-an-hour zone, he was so fast. The car crashed into a tree, smoking and smelling of gasoline. We moved to check on the driver and saw the he was obviously hurt, though none of us knew what to do about it. Glancing around, I noticed that Mat wasn’t with us, and I started trying to find him. I found him, about ten feet away – he’d been hit by the car and the force had thrown him. He was barely breathing when I got to him,” Dominick’s voice caught and he swallowed loudly. “He had blood all over him. I knelt next to him, grasping his hand and begging him to hold on while telling the others to run for help. My brother was able to flag down a car and got help, but by the time they’d gotten there…Mat was already gone. He’d been my best friend. I was with him when he took his last breath.”

Jessie could hear the tears in his eyes, and was torn. She wanted to look at him, to hold him, yet at the same time, she wanted to rage at him. He lost his friend, she lost her
child
. It wasn’t the same, he could never understand. Yes, what happened to Mat was horrific, and she was sure it scarred Dominick for a long time, but it just wasn’t the same.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Dominick said, his voice soft. “You’re thinking you lost your baby, while I lost a friend, and how I could possibly think they were related.” He paused as if to gather himself. “It’s my fault that Mat died. He pushed me out of the way. Do you understand that? If he hadn’t pushed me, it would have been me. He sacrificed himself to save me. I know what guilt is, Jessie. I live with it. Every year we go to Mr. and Mrs. T’s house to remember him…and every year I feel their eyes on me…blaming me, still. After ten years, I still feel the same blame, same guilt.” His voice had risen with each word, until he was almost shouting. Jessie wrapped her arms around him, and held him tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured softly, knowing it was the wrong thing to say. How she hated those words, and here she was, using them to try to console him. Jessie was so ashamed of herself. She knew guilt, she knew loss and sorrow, and she used the ‘sorry’ cop out. How pathetic was she. Not knowing how to take it back, she took a deep breath, and before she could talk herself out of it, she started talking.

“I’m not quite sure where to start, but…I’ll try. I got married last April, not the one just passed, but the one before. I’d known Ryan since high school…and to be honest, I’m not even sure how we came about the decision to do it, but, we did. We were engaged all of three weeks and before you ask, no, I wasn’t knocked up when we decided to marry. I think we were just young, and ‘in love’ and it sounded like a good idea at the time. I got pregnant in July. We weren’t really trying, then again, I guess we weren’t being very careful either – we thought we were invincible, you know? Anyway,” she said, trying to keep her thoughts focused while keeping her emotions in check. “After adjusting to the idea, I was sure I had everything I’d ever wanted: a husband, soon to be a baby, what could go wrong?”

Jessie paused in her story telling. The first part wasn’t so hard; it was the next part that had her worried. She felt Dominick’s hand caressing her and drew strength from his touch. It was the past, memories…memories can’t hurt you, right?

“My son was born and he was perfect, absolutely perfect, D, you can’t even imagine. He was gorgeous and I loved him with my whole heart. I was no longer Jessie Braden, I was his mommy. I didn’t get to keep him very long, though. He left me after not even three months.
Three months
. I know I hadn’t been perfect, but losing him was the ultimate punishment…I couldn’t think of what I’d done to deserve the loss. I found him, and, and…” Jessie’s words choked in her throat, unable to continue on.

“Shhhh, it’s okay, baby,” Dominick soothed into her hair, kissing her softly.

Swallowing hard, she continued. “After we buried him, the police called us down to the station to discuss the autopsy report. They separated us, which at the time didn’t strike me as odd, and started questioning me - horrible, awful questions that I simply couldn’t process. They told me…they told me that my son had bones that had been healing, old ones,” she whispered, holding her breath to keep from screaming. Throughout the horror, this was the one that she couldn’t cope with, the one that destroyed the last bit of her, causing her heart to be left in ruins. “Ryan confessed to having done it, and I didn’t know.” Her voice was small as she stopped talking again. She waited, waited for Dominick to yell at her, call her names, berate her.

“What do you mean ‘you didn’t know?’” He questioned, his voice void of any emotion. Jessie looked up to see his face completely schooled, no emotion to find there.

“I was hurt pretty bad after having him, I tore…badly. I’d been sleeping and Ryan woke me, telling me that the baby wouldn’t stop crying. Not knowing what else to do, I called a taxi and ran him to the hospital where the doctor told me he had Colic and sent us home with a prescription. Apparently that’s the night that it happened. Ryan swaddled him too tightly, and heard a pop…or so I was told.” Jessie buried her face into Dominick’s chest, hiding from the scorn she was sure he was now feeling. “My son never cried after that, except for when he was hungry or dirty. He was the
best
baby. How could I not have known?! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! My son was in pain and I knew nothing of it. What the hell kind of mother was I?! I can’t even hurt about him leaving this Earth without feeling guilty…when he was probably scared that I couldn’t keep him safe. How could I blame him?! I couldn’t keep him safe, and I couldn’t keep him here with me. It’s my fault he’s gone…If I’d known, I would have done something, anything. God forgive me, I would have given everything to keep him safe. But I didn’t, and I couldn’t, and so here I am. Ruined.”