A Little Broken (21 page)

“Jessie?”

“I don’t know, Mary. I miss him like crazy. I think about him all the time: when I’m working, when I’m cooking, even when I’m sitting around listening to music or writing in the journal you gave me. Why is this so hard?” Jessie asked her internal question aloud, hoping to get some advice on how to handle it.

“It’s hard because you
love
him, Jessie. You’ve found someone who loves you passed your issues; unconditional love, that is, sugar. You’ll have to make a decision soon, because no man is going to wait forever to hear that the woman he loves doesn’t truly love him in return. What hurts you the most? That he demanded you get help, or the thought of never seeing him again?”

She thought about the question a moment, her heart twisting at never seeing him again. It was like a knife straight through her middle, stealing her breath, and making her want to double over. No, that wasn’t an option to her, it just couldn’t be. Jessie just couldn’t shake the hurt of his ultimatum.

“The idea of never seeing Dominick again is…no,” Jessie all but gasped, stopping to swallow before continuing on. “But why can’t I get over his asking me to come see you?”

“Truth is often harder to swallow than lies, sweetie. Hearing it from him hit you where it hurt, so to speak, and it took a lot to get over your pride and actually call me.” Mary’s voice was gentle as she said it, though she could hear the slight chiding from her counselor.

Of course, she knew the woman was right. It was hard to hear the truth coming from him and just as hard to see the concern that had been etched on his face.  The light bulb came to life in her head, and Jessie sat upright, almost panicked. She was going to let the best thing she’d ever had walk out of her life because of her wounded pride?
“What is it?” Mary asked, though a knowing smile had spread across her face.

“I just realized I could really lose him. How, how do I apologize to him, Mary? How do I say that I’m sorry? It’s been two weeks – I know that he’s still trying to see me, from what I’m told, but what if he changes his mind before I get the chance? What should I do?”

“Well, you’ll have to be honest, even if it hurts. He already knows the demons that haunt you, but you’ll have to apologize for your pride, and you’ll have to mean it. Don’t go to him if you can’t be honest with himself, and you – even from my professional standpoint I can tell that he deserves better than that. You both do.”

Jessie nodded. “I can do that.”

“I’d also suggest you keep therapy on your schedule. You can even bring Dominick with you in a few weeks, and we can discuss your progress together, if you like.”

“Alright. Sure,” she said, still nodding, her thoughts going a mile a minute.

Jessie could tell that Mary had started speaking again but she’d tuned her out, already thinking about what she was going to do to apologize. She had no idea what she’d do but she knew she had to do something.
Think, Jessie, think. Surely you can come up with something that he deserves,
she prompted herself.

“Jessie?”

Shaking her head to clear it, Jessie looked up and met Mary’s eyes. “I’m sorry, but I need to go,” she said hurriedly, standing and grabbing her bag and notebook from her therapist’s hands. Mary merely nodded to her, smiling at her fluster, and standing to hand her the appointment card she held out.

“Two weeks,” Mary said.

“Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, yep!” Jessie said, snatching it and rushing down the hallway. She heard the kindly woman’s chuckle behind her as she exited the building and walked into the rain.

***

“You suck, rain,” Jessie said aloud, grumpy. She’d been in such a rush to leave her appointment she hadn’t given much thought to the clouds opening up, until she’d gotten halfway down the block. She was drenched immediately with no umbrella. If she was smart she would have gotten in her car and driven…except that it was still in its place on the third floor of the parking garage. After living in the “Sunshine State” for as long as she had, she should’ve known by now that it always rains – especially when you don’t have an umbrella. It’s Murphy’s Law, anything bad that can happen, will.

The humidity was stifling as the rain fell, steam rising from the sidewalk. It started out warming her feet, the water soaking up from the ground and into her skin, now cold as the sun was dropping. She had the urge to suddenly break into song, “Singing in the Rain,” the jingle that popped into her head, making her groan. She was definitely
not
in the mood to start dancing on the sidewalks, swinging around lamp posts, while singing that overly cheerful diddy. It wasn’t even realistic, that song, and she chalked up another fallacy to the 1950s.

After what she walked what seemed like forever, she found herself in front of Dominick’s place. She hesitated, afraid to knock. If she’d known this was where she was going to be tonight, she’d have brought the key he’d given her, especially since she’d taken if off the ring a week and a half ago. Steeling herself, and her pride, she knocked quietly. When there was no answer a few seconds later, she almost left.
You know that he couldn’t have heard that pansy knock. Stop being a coward
, she scolded herself. God, the voice in her head was a bossy little thing – a right, bossy little thing, but a bossy little thing nonetheless. Sticking her tongue out to her subconscious, she tried again, her knock seeming to echo in the quiet neighborhood. Again, there was no answer.

Jessie turned and left, her feet taking her in a straight line instead of on the sidewalk. She was halfway to the small courtyard garden before she thought she heard something. Peering around through the sheets of rain still pouring on her, she saw nothing through the darkness, and she continued on her path. She wanted to cry. How could she have thought he’d just be sitting around waiting for her? He didn’t even know she was coming…hell, neither had she.
It’s a Friday night…he’s probably on a date
, the voice in her head informed her. As much as she hated it, she couldn’t argue the notion. It was very possible that he was on a date, and it made her want to crumble. Keeping her legs moving by sheer will alone, she kept going.

“Jessie!” a voice called loudly through the sound of the falling water. Turning, she saw Dominick running toward her. Jessie dropped her bag and ran, not caring about the sheets of rain coming down or the puddles she ran through. She ran full speed toward him, not thinking about anything but that he was there. When she was right up to him, she jumped up into his arms, and he caught her, not missing a beat. “Jessie,” he whispered before he kissed her. The moment his lips touched hers, she was home. With him, regardless of their surroundings, she was home.

She clutched at him, trying to get closer to him even when there was nowhere else to go. Jessie kissed him, out in the open, in the cold rain falling around them. She no longer felt the water on her skin, only his chest against hers. Breathing hard, she broke the kiss for a moment to look at him, her hands holding his face in place.

“Dominick! I’m so, so sorry. You were right, you were completely,” Jessie started, words coming out frantic.

“No. No, baby. No apologies. I’m the one who’s–” Dominick cut her off, placing her feet on the ground in front of him.

“You have nothing to apologize for!” she interrupted, laughing at the look on his face before kissing him again. “Listen, just listen. I got a therapist, I’m getting help for my dreams… I’m sorry my pride got in between us. I just want to be perfect for you, but I’m not. I’m just me…as broken as I am.”

“Oh, baby girl. I’m glad you’re talking to someone – but you need to know that I’m so sorry for giving you the ultimatum to begin with. I love you, and at the first real test of my words, I failed you. Please tell me you can forgive me,” he said, his eyes radiating sincerity.

“There’s nothing for me to forgive – I was mad at myself, not at you. I’m so sorry I ran the day I did. Can
you
forgive
me?”
she asked him, her body now shaking from adrenaline and the cold rain.

“Jessie, there’s nothing to forgive. I love you. The last couple weeks without you were the hardest of my entire life. I had some thinking of my own to do, and I know I can’t live without you.”

Standing there, with Dominick’s arms around her, she felt the last barrier inside her fall. Hot tears coursed down her face to mingle with the cold rain, and a smile broke over her face. Unable to speak, she pulled his head down and kissed him.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Dominick carried her from the courtyard to the door of his home, barely giving her time to breathe in between the steps he took and the passionate kisses he kept stopping to steal. Jessie was in awe over him, that he could still love her, still clearly want her as much as he was showing. Her back was pressed against the wall, her legs wrapped around him, as he fumbled to retrieve the keys from his back pocket. After letting him struggle another minute or two, Jessie slid down his body, stopping to stand first in front of him, then off the to the side.

“I knocked,” she said breathless. “You weren’t home.”

“I just pulled in when I thought I saw you walking. I’m lucky I remembered to put the car in park, let alone shut it off. I thought I was envisaging you at first – especially when I called your name and you didn’t answer.”

“I thought I heard something, but I assumed it was wishful thinking…and the rain. It’s really coming down,” she murmured, peering up under the shelter of the awning.

“How long have you been here? How long have you been outside? You’re shivering,” Dominick observed, running his hands up and down her arms to warm her. She knew it was an idle gesture, one meant to bring heat back into her skin, but she felt a soft ache in her heart, remembering a time she’d done the same only to no avail.

“Um…a while? What time is it?” she asked as he got the door opened and ushered her into the tiled entryway.

“It’s nine-thirty,” he said absently, taking her bag from her and placing it on the hook he’d installed behind the door after she’d complained about losing her keys too many times.

“Then I’ve been outside a good four hours or so…since I left my, er, appointment,” she stumbled over the words, unable to remember if she’d told him she’d actually done what he’d asked of her. She probably had, but her thoughts were scrambled between the rain and his embrace.

“Jesus, baby. You need to go take a warm shower before you catch a cold,” he instructed, dropping to his knees in the puddle wet floor, tugging on her shoes.

“Dominick, stop. You don’t have to help me…besides, I’m dripping and you’re getting wet from it.” The moment the words left her mouth, Jessie knew she wasn’t thinking clearly yet. They’d been kissing in the pouring rain for who knew how long, he was already wet. Sighing, she gave in to the look he shot her, and allowed him to peel her sparkly slip-ons off her feet.

“I know I don’t have to…but I want to. I haven’t touched you in what seems like forever. If I don’t get to, there’s no telling what might happen right now.” His voice was soft when he said it, and the look in his eyes melted her into the puddle of cold water on the floor.

Not speaking, she grabbed him by the waistband of his jeans and tugged him forward as she walked backward to the bathroom. Both of them were leaving behind wet footprints, hers barefooted while his shoes squeaked with each step, but neither cared. When they reached the bathroom, she turned quickly to start the water before turning back to him and running her hands under his sodden shirt. His skin rippled under her hands, the coldness of them creating goosebumps in their wake, and she smiled up at him, her intentions clear.

Without hesitation he pulled the wet fabric over his head, letting it drop, the noise of it hitting the floor echoing in the small space. Smiling, he reached for her tank top, lifting it slowly, teasing her. Huffing, Jessie flung it over her head, not caring where it landed as long as it was off her. She hadn’t bothered to put a bra on before she’d left – the tank having the built-in shelf kind…at least, that’s what Toni had called it when she’d picked it out for her. Eyebrows raised, Dominick lowered his head to kiss her bare chest. His lips were warm, his breath hot, along the skin he explored, and she couldn’t help the shudder that ran through her.

Abruptly he stood, making quick work of the remainder of their clothes before ushering her into the shower. The water was hot, but it soothed her cold muscles and bones, warming her. She sighed happily when Dominick stepped in behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and burying his face in her neck.

“This is going to sound so creeper…but don’t leave me again. I don’t think my heart can handle your absence,” he whispered against her before pressing a kiss to her shoulder. She nodded, resting her had back on his chest, her hands holding hers against her stomach.

Reaching past her, he grabbed the body wash and loofa she’d left and carefully began washing her. Starting at her neck and trailing down her body, leaving no spot unclean. She couldn’t help but giggle when he reached her inner thighs as well as the bottoms of her feet, she was ticklish there and he knew it. Smiling, he smoothed a path back up her skin, helping the soap to rinse off of her. Jessie assumed he was finished when he moved to stand in front of her, but he held a hand up, telling her to wait. Confused, she stared up into his eyes. His eyes were calm, kind, as he squeezed some shampoo into his hand and moved to wash her hair. He followed her previous instructions on how to clean her mane: starting at the tips, working it in, and moving to her roots. Suds started to run down her face and he quickly washed the soap off his hands before taking her face and wiping it clean with his thumbs. Dominick leaned forward and kissed her on the nose before turning her to rinse her hair.

Jessie couldn’t remember being taken care of so lovingly. Sure, they’d showered together before, but it had never been anything like this. More often than not, one of them would initiate some kissing and they’d end up tumbling out of the water in a heap on the floor, unable to keep their hands off the other. She could see his arousal when she faced him, yet he made no move to act on it, which surprised her. She’d been convinced of what would happen upon entering the bathroom, and anticipated it, but this was even better. Dominick made her feel loved, cherished, like a prized possession, and she was reveling in every moment of it.