A Late Divorce (4 page)

He took the sheet off the baby who was really filthy he swabbed her with moist absorbent cotton I held the garbage pail up so he could throw the dirty pieces in it. The baby slept her head drooping down the telephone kept ringing on and on. He took off her shirt and fumbled with her undershirt he couldn't undo the knot it was making him nervous who tied this damn thing run bring some scissors he said the baby was still asleep. I ran to get them but couldn't find them the telephone kept ringing as though it were chasing me it must be mom or dad and awfully mad that no one was answering so I picked up the receiver and left it off the hook at least let them think it was busy. I went back to grandpa he'd taken his pajama tops off to keep them dry his chest was covered with white hair I can't find the scissors I said so he said run get me a knife quick Gaddi. I raced to the kitchen and brought him a sharp knife he put his glasses back off and tried cutting the knot he flipped over the baby who was still asleep but he couldn't see very well turn on the light he yelled quick Gaddi before there's an accident I turned it on he slashed open the whole undershirt and peeled it off just then Rakefet woke up and started to cry. He picked her up he bent down to the water and licked it to make sure it wasn't too hot he put her in but she was screaming she was fighting him something fierce. Here she had gotten used to being asleep and all of a sudden she was in the bathtub she really wriggled and squirmed maybe he was holding her too hard for fear of losing his grip for sheer panic sing to her Gaddi he said so I sang what mom sings blue are the waters of the sea sea sea while he hummed the melody he told me to hold her legs and pour soap into the water I tried grabbing them they kicked like crazy and got away Rakefet was battling the two of us like a lion she was shrieking suddenly there was blood in the water grandpa I said there's blood m the water he turned pale quick take the towel he said and I'll hand her to you I'm not allowed to lift her I said I'll put the towel on the chest and you lay her on it that's what we did he wrapped her up quick looking at his bloody hand it was his blood not Rakefet's he'd cut himself with the knife without knowing it. Rakefet stopped crying and rubbed her eyes grandpa sucked his cut finger and said thank God he shut his eyes he dried her carefully and started to dress her you have to put powder on first I said that's what mom always does. If I have to I have to he said I'll do what you tell me where would I be without you. I gave him the box of powder and he poured it on her tush and on her weewee and rubbed it over them and over her fat thighs. Do you think she'll always be fat I asked she's not fat he laughed all babies are like that. Yours too I wanted to ask but I didn't the baby looked grandpa in the eyes while he tried dressing her cocking her head to one side as though wondering why an old man like him was bathing her in the middle of the day. But grandpa was in a good mood from time to time he sang some song he stopped to suck more blood from his cut laughing at her talking baby talk even bending down to kiss her tummy.

“She looks like grandma.”

I didn't ask it I said it. I was sure he knew. He stopped kissing her and straightened up.

“What???”

“Once when Tsvi was here he told mom that she looks just like grandma. I mean like their mother...”

I said it quickly so he'd realize that that's what Tsvi said that meant it was so.

He smiled a funny smile and gave the baby a scared look.

“Tsvi said that?”

“Yes.”

“And what did your mother say?”

“Mom didn't say anything but dad said it was nonsense.”

He stood there sucking his cut like a boy smiling a dumb smile as though I'd said something bad. I handed him the undershirt he finally took it his hands shaking a bit he put it on her inside out then took it off and tried it differently he put her shirt over it just how old is she he asked about six months I said. He took a sweater and put it on her too he rummaged in the medicine cabinet until he found a big bandage I thought it was for himself but he wrapped it round her tummy even though she wasn't hurt there. I'd never seen mom do anything like it but he did it so quickly you'd think that he did it all the time.

What's the bandage for I asked. Mom doesn't do that. It's to strengthen her stomach he said.

“To keep her from getting fat?”

“No, that has nothing to do with it. Why do you think she's so fat? She isn't and neither are you.”

“It's because of my glands,” I whispered but he didn't hear.

The baby liked having the bandage on her tummy she was babbling for joy at the top of her voice. Grandpa was feeling good too.

“Do you do that to your baby in America too?”

He dropped what he was holding.

“Is there anything you don't know? They've told you everything!”

“Not everything.”

“Who told you that? Your father? Your dad? He can't keep his mouth shut.”

He was mad at me for saying he had a baby maybe he was ashamed of it.

“No.” I whispered. “It was mom who told me.” I wanted to drop the subject. He finished diapering Rakefet and even put a little jacket on her and wrapped her in a blanket and put her in her crib which still was a mess so he told me to sit with her in my arms while he cleaned it out and arranged it. She began to cry again the afternoon had spoiled her completely what a brat she'd become she thought she could just cry and cry so I made my funny face with the crazy hands and grandpa turned around to watch me.

“I used to be able to calm her like this when she was little,” I explained.

He laughed. “If it was me it would just make me more nervous.”

Suddenly she fell asleep all at once she just closed her eyes in the middle of one of my faces grandpa put her in her crib and covered her thank God I said and we tiptoed out and shut the door behind us. He went to his room and sat on the bed there to rest while I walked around the house I went back to the bathroom the kitchen wherever we had been until I came to the line of cars in the living room I took the worms from them and put them back in their box I noticed one was missing it was the one that escaped I looked for it everywhere in all the toys but I couldn't find it instead I found a little old boat I had forgotten all about so I took it to the baby's bathtub which still was full of water to see if it would float and it did. Grandpa was still in his room it was so quiet there that I went to see what he was up to he was lying down in bed again still thinking and sucking on his finger.

“Is anything the matter, Gaddi?”

“No.”

“The baby's asleep?”

“Yes.”

“Be careful you don't wake her.”

“I won't.”

“I'll get up soon. I just need to rest a bit. I seem to have blown some sort of fuse inside.”

“That's okay.”

I could feel he was angry with me for having mentioned his baby. So I went to the kitchen and finished off the cake I switched on the TV with the volume turned low to watch some program then I went back to look at grandpa he'd fallen asleep again he was curled up in bed it was getting dark I went back to the bathroom to see if the boat was still afloat it had sunk I wanted to fish it out but there was blood grandpa's blood in the water. So I left the bathroom and went to have a drink in the kitchen and walked quietly around the house until I saw that the telephone was still off the hook that's why it was so quiet it rang the minute I replaced it as though that ring were waiting all along. It was dad. What happened? He began to shout. Have you gone crazy? Who's been on the phone for so long? Grandpa? I've been trying to get you for the last hour.

No one's been on the phone I said so he said what are you talking about then you didn't hang up right go get mom quick.

“Mom's not back yet.”

“She isn't? Where's your grandpa?”

“He's sleeping.”

“He's still asleep?”

I didn't want to tell him about the bath and all that because it would just make him mad. Let him hear it all from mom.

“Tell me, has he gone off his rocker completely?”

I didn't answer.

“What are you doing now?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why did you take the phone off the hook?”

“I just took it off for a minute. The baby was crying and I didn't want it to wake her.”

“Why on earth should it wake her? Don't ever let me catch you doing that again. You're driving me batty, do you hear?”

“Yes.”

“You better watch it, have you got that?”

He hung up. As soon as I did too it rang again as though another ring were patiently waiting its turn it was mom she sounded like she was underground so far away shouting in a faint voice saying that she couldn't hear me that she was on her way home then she hung up also.

It was really dark in the house but I didn't turn on the lights sometimes it's nice to walk around in the dark I went to look at the baby she was in a deep sleep so peaceful a bomb wouldn't wake her now. I passed grandpa's door he was lying in bed on his back his hands behind his head still thinking smoking a cigarette.

“Gaddi?” he called to me. “Who was that who called?”

“First dad, then mom.”

“What did your mother want?”

“To say that she's on her way home.”

“Where has she gone to?”

“She didn't say.”

I stood in the doorway maybe he had more questions.

“Come here a minute.”

I stepped into the room I went to his bed I thought maybe now he wants to give me my present. He grabbed hold of my hand and looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

“Why are you so sad all the time?”

“I'm not sad.”

“Are you always somber like this?”

I knew what he meant but I didn't know what to say. Mom once called me that too but couldn't explain it exactly.

“Is something bothering or worrying you?”

I didn't know what to say maybe about the boy who called me Boxer who I hit he might try getting even with me tomorrow though right after report cards was vacation I didn't want to tell him he might think there were lots of kids like that it's not my being fat that makes me somber because it isn't my fault there's a reason for it maybe someday they'll fix my glands. So I said:

“It's because of mom, she left me with the baby. She said Rakefet would sleep after lunch but she didn't. It isn't fair because I'm not allowed to lift her and I can't quiet her if she's lying down. No one can.

He listened he didn't look old he was still wearing his pajamas all at once he sat up and bent over his suitcase he looked there for something at last I thought he's giving me what he brought because it can't be that he didn't dad said for sure he did but all he took out was a pack of cigarettes he tore off the wrapper and pulled out a cigarette and lit it he lay down again in bed with his hands behind his head and the cigarette in his mouth. He was looking at me but thinking of something else.

And then he started asking me about mom and dad what they did and how they lived and what they were like and whether they fought with each other. I told him that sometimes they did that it was always dad who started but mom was to blame because she forgot to do things he told her I told him everything I told him too much he made me tell him things I didn't know that I knew everything interested him he sat up in bed and listened bent over toward me he didn't always understand what I said so I had to explain and repeat things he kept holding my hand and asking me to talk more slowly more clearly I guess it must have been important to him. Like that mom was getting fat and that made dad sore even though he was fat himself but mom didn't care. And he asked me all these exact little questions as though he wanted to live over with me all the time he'd been away. I even told him things that happened more than a year ago like the car accident and the night that mom cried and things that maybe I shouldn't have like the time mom lost her purse with over two thousand pounds in it and dad didn't talk to her for a week until he did again when the baby was born. Grandpa was wound up he listened to every detail he kept asking me questions it was really dark outside in the house too except for the glow of his cigarette he flicked the ashes into his palm as though it were an ashtray doesn't it hurt you I asked no he said old people don't feel heat anymore because they're cold inside. But you're not an old man I said because you have a baby. So he laughed and said I'll be an old man with a baby but bring me an ashtray anyway I brought him one and he stubbed out the cigarette in it he turned on the light and got up and looked in his suitcase again I thought maybe now but he only took out some underpants and took off his pajamas first the tops and then the bottoms he stood naked in front of me before I could look away I saw what I didn't want to his long skinny body with the scary white hair and a wrinkled cock below I hardly saw it though I couldn't understand how he wasn't ashamed to let me see as though I was a baby I left the room feeling sick. I turned on all the lights I filled the house with light I even turned on the TV what had I been expecting I thought what was in it for me I wouldn't even have cared if he'd brought me something cheap I watched the TV to forget that white hair down below after a while he came to the living room washed and dressed and shaved with a checked shirt and green pants he even smelled of perfume he sat in the armchair watching Mickey Mouse with me in silence. I got down on my knees to collect my cars aren't you watching TV he asked no I said it's for babies. That made him laugh so it's true what they say he said that there's a new generation that isn't addicted to television anymore you're a member of that generation. I'm glad to see that. Suddenly I knew that he hadn't brought me anything that he just yakety-yakked all the time. That he thought my generation didn't need presents. He sat watching TV like a little boy there were sounds of people getting hit and of things being broken I wanted to get up now and watch too but I couldn't after saying it was baby stuff. Finally it ended some Arabic program came on so I asked if he knew Arabic and turned off the set. Then I sat watching him maybe he wanted to ask me something else.