A Hope for Hannah (24 page)

Does he need help with the fine? I hope not. How on earth could we help with that? We are barely able to get along as it is.

“We would be glad to help,” Jake said. Mr. Brunson, though, waved aside the suggestion.

“No son. It’s not money I need. I need to confess my sins. I’m sorry to impose on you two this way.” His eyes went to Hannah’s face and then dropped to the cabin floor.

“Your sins?” Jake managed.

“Yes, my sins,” Mr. Brunson said simply. “They are about to find me out, I think, as the Good Book says. See, I have money. That’s not the problem. The fine will be big, but I can pay it. It’s what will happen when I draw the money to pay the fine.”

Jake looked puzzled.

“I’m not a criminal, at least not in the eyes of the law. In here I am—” Mr. Brunson placed a hand on his heart. “Let me start from the beginning…if that’s okay?”

“Sure,” Jake said, and Hannah nodded.

“I’m a businessman. Or I was,” Mr. Brunson said, “back East, as you know. Beyond that, you
don’t
know. See…” Mr. Brunson brushed away another tear. “I am also a family man. Or I was. I have a son. I had a daughter and a wife.”

There followed a long silence, in which no one seemed to move.

“One night I was driving home from a social function—a business Christmas party, a busy season for the company—with my wife and daughter, whom I had hardly seen for weeks. It was raining, and there was an accident. The car slid off the road. The officer said it could have happened to anyone, but I knew—knew with certainty—that it was my fault. It would not have happened if… My wife, Bernice… Well, we were arguing. It doesn’t matter about what. Some little thing. I wasn’t paying attention to my driving.”

“Your wife and daughter?” Jake asked.

“They were both killed,” Mr. Brunson said, his face a picture of agony. “Why did I survive? I was the guilty one.”

“Your son?” Jake asked.

“He doesn’t know where I am. He was very bitter after the accident. He and his sister were very close. He blamed me. And he was right. So I left. I just up and left with enough money to come here to do what I wanted to do—to just forget. I planned on just staying here forever. I planned on never going back.”

“Would he be looking for you?” Jake asked.

“I don’t know,” Mr. Brunson said. “That’s the problem. I didn’t want him to find a trail. That’s why I left none. I made it almost impossible for him to find me here. But now what will I do? Will he try to find me? If I draw the money out of the accounts, it will be much easier for him to locate me. I just don’t think I can ever face him again. The blame is too much. The way he looks at me, I just can’t go back to that. It’s destroyed me. Isn’t it enough that I live with the guilt every day?”

“Perhaps your son has forgiven you,” Jake offered. “Maybe this is God’s way…of mending the past.”

“Maybe in your world that seems possible. In mine, it doesn’t. I wasn’t the father I should have been.”

“What’s your son’s name?” Jake asked.

“Eldon,” Mr. Brunson said. “A fine boy.”

“I’m sure he is,” Jake said quickly. “I think if he contacts you, it would be because he wants to find you and make things right. Surely he wouldn’t find you just to continue to make your life miserable.”

“I guess we’ll find out,” Mr. Brunson said, seeming to collect himself.

“I’ll surely pray that it all works out for the best,” Jake said.

Jake’s words—and his gentle manner with Mr. Brunson—amazed Hannah. It was a side of Jake she had never noticed.

“Well, they say that confession is good for the soul,” Mr. Brunson said, his tone a bit lighter. “And I do believe just telling someone has helped a bit. You’re the only folks I’ve ever told about this. It just seemed the right thing to do. I thank you for listening…and for praying. That would be mighty good of you.”

Mr. Brunson stood to leave. “I really appreciate your time.” He nodded to both Hannah and Jake. “Hannah, that was a really fine supper. The meat was the best. Thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re very welcome,” Hannah said. “We’d love to have you come again sometime.”

Jake offered his hand to Mr. Brunson, and as they shook, he said, “God has ways of seeing things are made right. I think you should consider this God’s way of doing so.”

“Thanks, I’ll try to remember that,” Mr. Brunson said as he left quietly.

Jake shut the door and came back to his seat on the couch. He silently stared at the log cabin ceiling.

“So that’s what’s been bothering Mr. Brunson,” Hannah mused. “He often seemed sad.”

“I noticed too,” Jake said, offering nothing more.

“Is this why you want to stay here?” Hannah asked, the question crossing her mind suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked.

“Not move to Indiana?”

“I don’t understand.” Jake said.

“Is this what you mean by God wanting you here?”

“I don’t know. I just believe He does,” Jake said. “I can’t explain it.”

Hannah had no answer. She would have to trust Jake’s feelings, she supposed. She leaned against Jake’s shoulder, seeking shelter in this whirling world that now seemed to be her home. Outside the cabin the night settled in darker.

Twenty-seven

Although Hannah wasn’t looking forward to Thursday—and her doctor’s appointment—the day came soon enough. But she knew that if she was to continue having children as she hoped, doctors would have to be a part of her life.

Betty had said there was a midwife in Bonner’s Ferry who preferred to be contacted after a doctor was involved. She worked with doctors not against them, Betty had emphasized.

Jake needed Mosey to get to work, so Betty was to come over to drive her into Libby for the appointment.

Hannah tried to think of what questions the doctor might ask and prepare her answers. She had developed another bruising cold during the past few days, apparently a relapse of the one she just had. It took a puzzling form with no sniffles but pain in her neck. The thought of canceling the appointment had crossed her mind, but she thought better of it. She needed to keep this appointment. Having never been pregnant before, Hannah figured she likely had as many questions for the doctor as the doctor had for her.

Betty arrived a few minutes early, which didn’t surprise Hannah. She met her out by the driveway before Betty had time to tie up.

“Good morning,” Betty said cheerfully. “How’s the baby girl?”

“How do you know what it will be?” Hannah asked as she hopped into the buggy with a quick pull of her hands.

“I meant
you,
silly,” Betty replied.

“Well, my cold came back,” Hannah said.

“Do you think you should keep the appointment?” Betty questioned. “You look a bit poorly.”

“Yes, I want to go,” Hannah assured her. “I’ve got questions I want to ask.”

“That’s understandable.” Betty shook the reins. “You won’t have so many questions with the next baby. Is Jake pretty excited?”

“I think so, but he’s also busy working and being a minister.”

“You two do have your hands full.”

“Too full! I still think we should move back to Indiana.”

“You’ll be okay,” Betty said firmly.

The horse suddenly jerked his head into the air and shied sideways. Betty pulled sharply on the reins.

“What was that?” Hannah asked, looking back while Betty brought the horse back under control.

“Can you see anything?” Betty asked, too busy to look back herself.

“Just fence posts,” Hannah said, puzzled.

“He’s usually pretty good.” Betty relaxed as the horse settled down to a steady pace again. “Something must have gotten into him. Good thing nothing was coming,” Betty said and then turned around to look back. “One of those posts does look a little scary.”

“Maybe that’s what it was,” Hannah agreed.

“How’s Jake coming along with his job?” Betty asked, her hands firmly on the reins.

“Good, from what he says. Things are still a little tight money wise.”

“I suppose so. Remember to tell us if things get too bad. We can help out.”

“I don’t think I’d like that,” Hannah said.

“You’re family.” Betty gave her an admonishing look.

“Well, anyway—” Hannah left the subject there as the edge of town appeared. Her thoughts went to the doctor’s office ahead of them.

Several minutes later Hannah was ushered into the examining room while Betty stayed in the waiting room. A nurse came in almost immediately and took her weight and blood pressure and then withdrew a sample of blood for the lab work. She left with a cordial “Doctor Lisa will be right in.”

Hannah was pleased she didn’t have to wait long. The door opened, and Dr. Lisa greeted her warmly. She was a middle-aged woman, her skin brown and weather-streaked, not at all like Hannah had expected a woman doctor to look.

“So what will it be,” Dr. Lisa asked as she began her examination, “a boy or a girl?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Hannah said, drawing her breath sharply as the cold stethoscope touched her skin. Dr. Lisa listened intently and didn’t comment for a moment.

“That’s a good attitude to have,” she said. “You’re Amish?”

Hannah nodded.

“I thought so.” Then the doctor made some small talk as she continued the exam. “I’m a doctor part-time. My husband and I have a ranch up in the mountains that keeps me busy the rest of the time.”

So that explained the outdoor appearance, Hannah thought.

“I assume you’re looking for a midwife?” the doctor asked.

Hannah stiffened. She hadn’t anticipated this. “My aunt suggested it. Yes.”

“Most of the Amish do.” Dr. Lisa didn’t seem offended. “I’m starting a little birthing clinic right here at the office. Why don’t you let me see if I’m competitive with your midwife’s fees?”

“Oh,” Hannah said and let the delight show on her face. “I would like that. We can’t afford much, though.”

“We’ll see what we can do, then.” Dr. Lisa placed her hands on Hannah’s neck. “What have we here? Swollen glands?”

“It’s from a cold, I’m sure.”

Dr. Lisa looked skeptical. “No sniffles?”

Hannah shook her head.

“Where do you live?”

“Outside of town a few miles.”

“I mean—the kind of house?”

“A log cabin,” Hannah said.

“Are there animals around? Any cats?” Dr. Lisa’s hands went back to Hannah’s neck.

“Just the driving horse.”

“That’s all?”

Hannah nodded, sure the grizzly didn’t count.

“Have you been eating deer meat lately?” Dr. Lisa asked.

“Yes,” Hannah told her, but that shouldn’t be strange. It was hunting season.

“Much?”

“I suppose so. Jake and my uncle got a deer. We can’t afford a lot of other meat.”

“You’ve been cooking it well?”

“I thought so. Frying usually.”

“Let me take a look at that blood test,” Dr. Lisa said. “I’ll be right back.”

Hannah waited, fidgeting and ready to get back home and out of this place, but there was nothing she could do now but wait.

“Well,” Dr. Lisa said matter-of-factly when she came back, “I don’t like the looks of this.”

“Is something wrong?” Hannah asked with a sudden pang of fear.

“There might be. I’ll need to send the blood test to the lab in Kalispell for a confirmation.”

“What do you think it is?”

“It looks suspiciously like a toxoplasmosis infection—parasites. It usually happens when the meat is not fully cooked. You have the common symptoms, and you’ve been eating wild meat. It doesn’t happen too often and is usually not that serious. The body fights it by producing an antibody. But your pregnancy complicates things a bit.”

Parasites.
Hannah shivered at the thought.

“I’ll know by tomorrow,” Dr. Lisa said. “Can you check back then?”

“My husband can.”

“I’ll give you a prescription. I want you to begin taking it right away.”

“Before we know for sure?”

“I’m sure enough,” Dr. Lisa said. “Thankfully you’re still in the early stages of your pregnancy.”

“Will this affect the baby?”

“Hopefully not. He—or she—is not likely to be infected. It seems early in the infection, plus as I said, you’re early yet. I’ll want an ultrasound too maybe in a few weeks.”