A Heart Once Broken (5 page)

Sandra stared out of the buggy door and thought of Ezra. He had stayed out of sight the past few days, which was proper during a time of grief. Ezra had compassion for her and would find some way to express his feelings soon enough. On her part, she would gather herself together in the next weeks and show Ezra that nothing had changed between them. Lydia wouldn't press on with a relationship with Ezra until Sandra was also ready to pursue him again. Lydia wanted Ezra's attentions badly, but she wasn't underhanded. They would grieve together, as cousins should. She had her
daett
's passing to mourn, and Lydia her uncle's death. Nothing needed to be said. They both would know when the time had come to renew their pursuit of Ezra.

Sandra focused on the family farmhouse as Mark slowed the buggy and they bounced into the barnyard. The field behind the house was filled with buggies, but an opening had been left for the immediate family to access the property and buildings. After Mark parked, Sandra climbed down to wait for
Mamm
. Mark would have to unhitch by himself. She needed to walk with
Mamm
up to the house, and Mark seemed to understand. His look was kind when they walked past him. Mark would be tender with
Mamm
in the weeks ahead. And Sandra would do her part—but a man's touch
was what
Mamm
needed most. Her older brothers might help out with occasional visits, but they had families of their own to care for.

Sandra paused when she heard rapid footsteps behind them. It was Bishop Henry's
frau
, Lena, hurrying to catch up with them. A look of gratefulness filled
Mamm
's face as they continued toward the house. The whole community had rallied their support, but that was how things were done.
Mamm
would have done the same if this had been anyone else's tragedy.

Sandra stepped ahead to hold open the front door, and Lena entered arm in arm with
Mamm
. Once inside, Lena led
Mamm
to the couch, and helped her sit. Then she said, “You stay right here. I'll get you a plate.”

“I don't think I can eat a bite,”
Mamm
said.

Lena disappeared toward the kitchen without a protest. Life must go on, which was a lesson everyone was taught. Even in sorrow the point wasn't forgotten. Sandra wasn't hungry either but knew she had better fix herself a plate and eat, hungry or not.

Sandra spooned small portions on her plate and returned to the living room, where
Mamm
was nibbling on a small sandwich.

Women passed Sandra as she sat down to eat. A few stopped to whisper short words of encouragement before they moved on.

“We'll be praying for you and your family.”

“Be strong now, Sandra—for your
mamm
's sake.”

“The Lord gives and He takes away. Remember that.”

Sandra nodded and tried to smile, but her smile felt worn-out after three days of greeting visitors and family. She finished her plate of food, and as the crowd began to thin out, she moved over next to
Mamm
to hear the good-byes. People had chores at home and had to leave. They came up one by one to give their final condolences as they left. A few of the uncles and aunts also came closer to stand with them.

Mamm
's sister Martha, who had driven up from the old community in Holmes County, held
Mamm
for a long time. Martha whispered after she let go, “I'm so sorry for your loss, Edna. I've said this a lot since we came, but our thoughts will be with you in the months ahead. I know these things don't heal quickly.”

“Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me,” Mamm said, giving Martha another hug.

“You make it
goot
, now.” Charles, Martha's husband, shook hands solemnly with
Mamm
. “We're leaving now, and will be on the road at four in the morning, I'm thinking.”

“The Lord go with you.”
Mamm
tried to smile through her tears.

Daett
's brother Richard and his
frau
, Mae, were next in line.
Mamm
shook hands with Jim and said, “Your brother was greatly loved, Jim. He was a
goot
husband to me.”

“Our hearts are with you,” Richard replied through tears of his own.

Mae gave
Mamm
a long hug and whispered, “We'll be thinking of you.”

“Thanks for coming,” Mamm told them again.

Sandra's gaze lingered on her relatives until they were outside on the front lawn. Her older siblings stood by the buggies to say their final good-byes to the families, but she would stay with
Mamm
who now stood and moved to the living room window to watch the buggies leave. When the last one pulled out of the driveway,
Mamm
found her way back to the couch.

“Tell the family to come in,”
Mamm
ordered, her voice weak. “It's time.”

Sandra opened the front door, but she didn't have to call. The children had already been sent off to play, and the adults were on their way in. Sandra stepped aside and held the door open. After they were all seated, she closed the front door and found a chair
by the stove. They were an even dozen in all, scattered around the room and in homes in three states. All of them were married except Mark and herself.

Mamm
's voice finally broke the silence. “I guess the time has come to speak with all of you about another tragedy in our family. I'm not saying this to place more sorrow on any of you, but because you are my family. The truth is that
Daett
was in serious financial trouble before he passed. In fact, the shock of his loss may have been what brought on his death for all I know.”
Mamm
paused to wipe her eyes. “It certainly couldn't have helped.”

No one said anything for a moment. Finally Jonas asked, “Would this have anything to do with what the community is talking about, this financial scandal in which several of the men around here were involved?”

“I suppose so.”
Mamm
's voice was even. “Emil never said if anyone else was involved.”

Noah spoke up. “I'm sure he knew. These rip-offs depend on someone believing someone else who's already involved. I hear this was one of those schemes where investors receive excessive amounts of interest each month, but the funds in reality come from other people paying in down the line. Eventually the plan falls in on itself when new people stop investing, or too many people draw their original money out.”

“So
Daett
was involved in that,” Mark muttered. “I should have guessed.”

Mamm
didn't say anything because she didn't know much more about finances than Sandra did. But her brothers obviously understood.

“How badly was
Daett
in debt?” Jonas asked.

Mamm
looked away before she answered. “I think all of our savings and also all of the money he could borrow on the place.”

“
Mamm
!” This exclamation came from Mark. “Was it that bad? Then how am I supposed to take the place over?”

“I don't know,”
Mamm
said. “Maybe your brothers have suggestions. You know I don't know anything about money.”

This conversation would not turn out well, Sandra knew. She only had to look at her brothers' grim faces to know that.

Chapter Five

T
he following week Rosemary Beiler brought her buggy to a stop near the outer edge of the feed store parking lot in the small town of Heuvelton. She climbed down to tie the family's driving horse, Buster, to a light post. Two of the other spots where a horse could be tied were already taken. Fortunately both buggies appeared familiar. She could use help from an Amish man later with her purchase. She didn't normally shop here, but
Daett
wanted a bag of fertilizer and her brothers were busy with fieldwork.

“Rosemary can swing by the feed mill after she goes to the bulk food store,”
Mamm
had offered.

Daett
had grunted and written several numbers out on a piece of paper. “Give this to the front desk, and they'll get what I want. And put the bag in the back of the open buggy,”
Daett
had added. “The front is a little small and you could tear the bag.”

Rosemary hadn't said anything. The implications were clear.
Daett
figured she would carry the fertilizer out to the buggy by herself—a large bag, from the sound of it. She could ask for help at the front counter if help wasn't readily available from one of the Amish men. She'd prefer aid from someone familiar to her, though, unless
one of those men was Clyde Helmuth. She was still touchy about Clyde since the man had rejected her. It wasn't right to feel this way, but she couldn't help herself. Clyde's words had cut deep.
“You and your family have the ways of the world in your hearts, Rosemary. Some people just do, and you are one of them. So good night. I won't be seeing you again.”
She could still hear him saying the words at their front door.

What Clyde had meant wasn't difficult to figure out, even if the accusation was false.
Yah
, her
Daett
had once entertained plans to join a more liberal Amish church in the old community at Holmes County. They had attended the services a few times until
Daett
had reconsidered and repented. But that had happened years ago when she was a small girl. Everyone in the old community had forgotten, but not Clyde and his family. They remembered, and now Clyde had moved here with his
daett
. Few things were feared in the North Country like people who had liberal leanings. That was the reason the community in St. Lawrence County had been founded in the first place—to get away from such temptations. No one would appreciate community members who brought such liberal notions with them.

Would Clyde drop words to the others about her family's past? Some of the community people might already know, but if they did, no one had mentioned anything. Or they thought
Daett
had sufficiently repented. Lydia and her cousin Sandra had always been friendly toward Rosemary and went out of their way to make her feel welcome. She was accepted as part of the community and needed nothing to stir up old affairs. Help from an
Englisha
man with a fertilizer bag was innocent enough. Most of the community would understand that, but she wasn't about to take the chance. If there were no Amish men inside the feed store, she would carry the bag by herself all the way across the parking lot. Let the
Englisha
people think what they wished.

Rosemary gave Buster a pat on his neck and checked the tie rope again. “I'll be right back,” she told the horse.

Buster whinnied as if he understood. She wanted nothing of the
Englisha
world, regardless of what thoughts
Daett
might have had in the past. And, besides,
Daett
no longer had such thoughts, she was sure. Why would
Daett
have moved all the way to St. Lawrence County in upstate New York if he hadn't wanted a fresh start away from old temptations? Clyde had no right to trouble her here, and hopefully he wouldn't.

Rosemary looked more closely at the two buggies. One was Bishop Henry's buggy. He was older, and if the bishop was inside, she wouldn't ask him for help. Bishop Henry had grown feeble in his old age, which he more than made up for in spiritual strength. The other buggy belonged to Ezra Wagler. She was certain of it now that she looked closer, and surely Ezra would come to her aid. He was polite enough at the youth gatherings, even when he gave most of his attentions to one of the Troyer cousins.

She needed a husband, Rosemary reminded herself, as she lingered near Buster and gathered her courage for the walk to the feed mill's front door. But she hadn't dared to show any interest in a man since Clyde. Nor had any unmarried man paid her more than a passing glance—which was likely her own fault. She didn't give off friendly vibes when it came to men, but it was just the way she was. She couldn't make herself do something that seemed so unnatural to her. She would just have to leave it all to God. As would Lydia and Sandra in their competition for Ezra.