A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs) (28 page)

Wouldn’t they be shocked when the phone rang with Brian and me on the other end?

“Baby, wake up.”

Startled, I opened my eyes to find his hand extended to help me out of the car.

“Thinking with your eyes closed is a dangerous thing to do.” I yawned.

His smile hid his thoughts. “It’s been a busy week for both of us. Come on.”

I reached for his hand, holding tight as he drew me out of the car. He locked our fingers together and guided me to the front door. My heart raced as he dug in his pocket for his key.

Brian expected me to go inside. My feet froze in place. I could not think of a valid excuse to avoid going in.

“What’s wrong?” He stopped at the top step.

“Nothing…I’m just…waking up.” Damn, another lie.

“I can take care of that.” His grip tightened as we continued up the steps and he unlocked the door.

Everything is going to be okay.

Brian led us into the living room.

My legs were like one hundred pound weights glued to the floor.

“I know you’re tired, Ebony. This will only take a moment.”

My hesitation was misinterpreted.

Brian let go of my hand and walked to the CD shelf.

The loss of his hand in mine left me feeling alone. Everything seemed to go into a tunnel as the memory flashed before me, blocking Brian from my view. It felt as if I watched a movie.

Javan’s massive frame towering above me, pinning me to the very shelf Brian stood before. A whimper built in my throat. ‘Don’t do this, Javan…please…
’

A piercing scream echoed in my head, causing me to jump.
Javan’s laughter was vicious after he slammed me against the solid wooden case when I tried to run. CDs rained down to the floor, dislodged from their resting place. The chilling sound did nothing to mask my cries or his grunts as he took what he wanted, stripping me of my will.

I could feel an echo of pain radiate down my back and arms while my knees grew weak from fear. Tears stung my eyes as my lips quivered. I forced my hand to my mouth before any sound escaped.

“Ebony, did you hear me?”

Brian’s voice brought me back. I wiped my eyes before gripping my shoulders in an effort to keep my shaking limbs hidden. His attention was on the discs in front of him.

“What did you say?” I managed after clearing my throat.

“The
Sade
CD, the one we listened to the night we first made love. I can’t find it.” He continued to search. “Hmm,” he muttered. “I could have sworn it was here before I left town. Did you take any of the discs the night you got your ID? There’s a few missing.” 

My heart raced so fast I could hardly breathe. “Um, no. Brian, I’m going to the bathroom.”

He nodded, still focused on the task at hand.

My escape managed, I closed the door as quietly as possible and locked it behind me. At least Yasmine would have Javan away from the house for the night. She’d mentioned their plans to spend the night at the hotel instead of going back to either of their homes.

I need to get it together. What happened to me happened months ago to someone else. A rueful chuckle escaped. Who was I kidding? After three months of trying to convince myself what happened was all a dream, why would it suddenly become true?

Brian will protect me. He won’t hurt me. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

I leaning against the countertop and repeated the mantra. My head hung low and tears ran silently down my face. Deep breathing helped me focus on the present and push the ghost of the past behind.

My composure regained, I splashed water on my face and stepped into the hallway. I walked with closed eyes past Javan’s room, the scene of the worst night of my life.

I lay on Javan’s bed, stripped of my dignity and invaded, unable to put a stop to what happened. Unable to cry out for help.

Unable to have Brian come to my rescue.

When it was over, he tossed what was left of my tattered clothing at me. The words ‘whore’ and ‘cunt’ thrown at me as if I was nothing. Threats about my future with Brian and my friendship with Yasmine set in place as a warning to keep my mouth shut.

And when he was dressed, he walked away and told me to get out, as if everything was my fault.

I walked by quickly as I could. The short distance to Brian’s room felt like miles.

Brian stood next to the CD player. “I couldn’t find it, but I have a suitable replacement.”

“Okay.” I forced myself to ignore the memory of Javan standing in this very doorway, tracking my every move. Instead, I closed the door and watched Brian kick off his shoes and strip down to his briefs. He dug into a drawer for a pair of gym shorts and placed my favorite sleeping shirt on the bed.

I closed my eyes tight. It was the one I wanted the night I came here. It was the number one reason why I decided against buying a new ID. I reached for the fabric and held it to my chest.

Brian pulled the covers back on the bed and slid in between the sheets and waited for me.

I can do this. I can stay with Brian, in his arms…

Praying he wouldn’t register the fear in my eyes, I stripped down. His shirt felt like an extra layer of protection as it slid over my body.

Brian was here; Javan was not. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing bad would happen.

 I slid into Brian’s waiting arms, lay on his bare chest, and listened to his beating heart. The cadence of its rhythm reminded me I was exactly where I needed to be.

“Brad and Tierra had one hell of a story didn’t they?” His fingers slid over my shoulder while he stared up at the ceiling. The lamp by his side of the bed illuminated the room.

“They are brave to push her family’s feelings aside and consider their own happiness.” I paused. “I learned a lot from them.”

“That’s good to know. So did I.”

“Good, because”

Brian shifted in bed, pulling his arm from around me. He rested on an elbow and faced me. I lay back on the pillow and focused on him. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked so serious.

“Ebony, since we’ve been together, I’ve had no interest in meeting other women. You know I want to marry you.”

My heart nearly stopped at the somber expression on his face and his intense gaze.

“I’m not ignorant to the way black men regard you when we’re out. I’m not talking about the ones who have a problem with me being with you. I’m talking about the ones who want you. You told me when we first met I wasn’t what you wanted, physically…”

My eyebrows creased. “Brian…” I pushed up from the pillow. Where was this coming from? I made those remarks as an excuse not to be with him, hoping it would push him away.

Then I got to know him, before my heart broke the rules and fell in love with him. I didn’t give a damn about his physique. I loved his body; I loved his skin. I loved him.

“Let me finish,” he said, cutting me off. “Listening to Brad talk about his love for his wife and being willing to let go of her made me think.” He reached over and ran a finger over my cheek. “Because I love you, I’m willing to step back and let you find the man you’re looking for.”

“What?”

 Brian didn’t break at my outburst. “I know you love me, but I want you to be sure, without a doubt, it’s me you want. When you decide to talk to your parents…if they give you a hard time”

I steeled my voice. “Brian, baby, I know what I want, it’s you, and there is no doubt.” My heart ached. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Had he lost his damn mind? How many shots of tequila had he consumed at dinner?

“You say that now, but what if they threaten to disown you? I see how you feel about your family when you talk about them. If they threatened to push you away for being with me, are you sure you wouldn’t listen to them? Are you sure you won’t want to be with someone else? He paused briefly. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be with someone like Javan?” His voice was barely a murmur.

My mouth dropped open, and I felt the blood drain from my face. Breathing became too hard to do. My throat went dry and my voice was completely lost.

Where the hell did that come from? I was still trying to wrap my head around his statement when my cell phone rang. I ignored it. The ring tone eventually ended and silence permeated the room; neither of us moved.

It rang again. On the third ring, Brian got out of bed, retrieved it from my purse, and looked at the screen.

“It’s Yasmine.” He hit the answer button. “Yeah, she’s right here, hold on.” He handed me the phone.

The expression on his face read as if we were discussing the weather. But his eyes said differently. I could perceive the pain and resolve hidden deep within the blue.

“Hello?” my voice cracked. Yasmine yelled in my ear, laughing with extreme enthusiasm as she shared her news.

News that made my blood run cold. So cold my fingers went numb and the phone slipped from my grasp.

“Ebony, what’s wrong?” Brian’s voice seemed far away.

Just when I fooled myself into thinking things were getting better, my entire world collapsed around me. All the stress and strain I’d endured to protect the ones I loved was going to hell in a hand basket.

Brian picked up the phone. “Yasmine? Hello? Damn, she hung up.” From a distance, I could hear the frustration in his voice.

Oh, God, oh no…

“Baby, is everything okay? Did someone get hurt?” Brian sat back on the bed next to me, rubbing my hand.

I couldn’t face him. Bile from my stomach neared my throat.

“Worse. Yasmine’s going to marry Javan.”

Chapter 33

In my opinion, engagement sex was much better than dating sex.

Javan lay panting beside me, his eyes closed. The man knew how to please. And to think, I would be waking up next to him for the rest of my life.

When we started sleeping together, commitment of any kind was not the plan. We’d have dinner, maybe some pillow talk. But mostly it was all about sexual satisfaction.

Until the day Javan decided to take things to a different level. Or had it been me who instigated the change?

It really didn’t matter, because in the end, we both followed the other’s lead. Somehow, he’d managed to put up with my ridiculous desire to put on a show about being together. I planned mini anniversary dates where he’d show up dressed to impress. His long, flowing dreads would be shiny and well maintained. He’d wear a tailored suit that fit his football frame to a T. A bottle of wine and roses would always be present.

And his sexy, wide mouthed smile. The same smile he wore when I took my time pleasing him. The smile he wore now as he drifted off to sleep.

 A small squeak escaped my smiling lips. He’d put in his share of work, but I’d rocked his world thoroughly.

My heart could explode from the unfounded joy.

I’m getting married!

So much to do, so little time. Or was it? It all happened so fast we hadn’t set a wedding date yet.

Javan surprised me by arriving before I got off work with a box of chocolates and a dozen yellow roses. Our plans were to have dinner, of course. It didn’t surprise me when Ebony and Brian opted not to hang with us. Ordinarily I would have been mad, but not tonight. At least one of them broke away from whatever kinky sex they were having and answered when I called to share my happy news. Even though the call ended abruptly, I knew deep down, she would be excited for me.

Ebony and I didn’t see eye-to-eye when it came to relationships. I was happy she’d finally found the man right for her. Brian definitely knew how to take care of my girl. I wished them happiness. A smile spread across my face as Javan snored in his sleep. I definitely had found mine.

Now that my life and relationship seemed to mirror hers, I hoped my dedication to the career I wanted would be the same. Like Ebony, I would do whatever it took to see my dream come true. Over the past few weeks, she’d inspired me to make plans to transition to my dream job as a fashion consultant. I’ve always had a passion for fashion, hell after growing up near Hollywood and Rodeo Drive, who wouldn’t?

For the past two months, I’d been toying with the idea to make my business official. My parents didn’t know I had offered my services to hotel guests as a test study. Since they worked primarily at the original hotel’s location, I had free range over what happened here. The only thing my father expected was paperwork and reports turned in on time, along with increased profits. As long as I produced, he didn’t keep an eye on the day-to-day activities.

So far I averaged at least two clients a week. I could only imagine what would happen once I advertised my services outside of the hotel. I’d just started on my business plan. When it was complete, I would present it to my father, and if all went well, they’d not only give me their blessing, but financial backing as well. If they agreed to let me rent out an unused room in the hotel, I would have an affordable storefront, and draw business to the hotel as well. It would be a win-win for all.

 If everything went according to plan,
Dreams
would be up and running in three months. But first, I had a wedding to plan.

For once, everything in my life had found a balance. My only wish was that both of my friends would know happiness the way I did now.

I studied Javan’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful lying there. We’d failed to pull the sheets over us, so I took advantage and studied his delectable brown skin from head-to-toe. Well, mostly the wonderful part between his powerful thighs.

Wicked thoughts came to mind. How long would it take him to wake up if…

Only one way to find out.

Chapter 34

“Ebony, what’s wrong?”

The stress in Brian’s voice was audible. How many times had he asked me this week?

His fingers were warm when he brushed them over my skin and pulled my hair from my face while I threw up.

Yasmine is going to marry Javan.

What happened? They weren’t supposed to be together this long. This was my fault. I should have told her; now it was too late. Protecting her emotions had been one of the reasons for keeping what happened private. Now, things were ten times worse. She’d done the one thing I never dreamed she’d do.