A Friend at Midnight (17 page)

Amanda was giggling.

Lily was not. “Amanda, I don't want Michael forgiving Dad!”

“You lose,” said Amanda. “He already has.”

The church had its Saturday feel—the busy open-door feel of when the sanctuary was just a side room, and the real action was in the community rooms.

Volunteers were loading the soup kitchen donations and collating the bulletins for tomorrow's church service. Parents were getting ready for the middle school sleepover, the ROMEOs (Rowdy Old Men Eating Out) were just getting back from lunch, the Christmas Bazaar committee was finishing its first meeting of the season, and the volleyball team was drifting in for afternoon practice. In the background was the growl of the vacuum cleaning up the church, while the organist hacked away at a pedal part he didn't seem to be conquering. The Sunday school superintendent was arranging piles of new curricula; the weekend class of Bible 101 was arguing in the hallway while the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous smoked their cigarettes out in the parking lot.

Church had three parts. The Sunday-morning service/ Sunday school part. The Bible class/soup kitchen part. The maintenance part—vacuuming, practicing, repairing the steeple clock. Now Lily saw there was a fourth part. The part where the church interfered.

She imagined Dennis conning everyone, certainly including Dr. Bordon, who knew nothing. Dennis had even conned his victim, Michael, who had forgiven before Lily even got on the plane to rescue him. In fact, since Michael had never held anything against Dennis, there had been no need for forgiveness.

She knocked on the minister's office door.

All four women collating programs turned to see who was seeking help. It was rare for a teenager to consult the minister of her own free will. Possibly something really terrible was going on, in which case, who did they know, so they could phone and get details?

It came to Lily that the person she could never forgive was Michael.

He had thrown in her face all the effort and love she had given him. He had lied about the most important and dangerous thing she had ever undertaken and the biggest achievement she had ever accomplished. Denrose she still despised and denrose she would not smile at or be in a wedding picture with—but Michael was worse.

He hadn't just lied. He had
betrayed
; that biblical word you never encountered in real life. Michael had betrayed her.

“Hi, Lily, come on in,” called Dr. Bordon.

Lily went in. She would treat this the way orthodontist patients treated their visits: Go ahead: poke, pry, tighten, glue, whatever. I'm just holding my breath till it's over.

Dr. Bordon wanted to chat about school and her foreign languages and Youth Group but Lily didn't want to, and he was forced to give up. He launched into his sermonette. “When a woman plans her wedding, Lily, she's also planning her future family. She'll have a new family—her in-laws. And she'll add to her family—her future children. A wedding is worth every minute of planning and preparation because it's a holy day in which the family of the bride and the family of the groom rejoice together. So a wedding is about family. Your sister needs you to tolerate the presence of one man in your family for one day.”

Rebecca had not needed her family since the day she'd left for college. She had not needed Lily since that moment when she had purposely packed too much so that a half brother and a younger sister couldn't fit in the car.

“Divorce creates pain,” said the minister. “The rift can be impossible to bridge. Nobody is asking you to bridge it, Lily. But—”

Lily snapped. “They are
so
asking me to bridge it.”

“You have only one sister, you have only one father. I have no doubt it will be painful for you to do this. But it will be a great gift to your sister.”

Who never gave me anything, thought Lily. Not like I gave Michael.

“Lily, I'm one of the many people who drove by the day that Michael sat on the curb, waiting ten hours for his father to show up. I'm one of the ones who called to see what I could do. I'm one of the ones who wasn't surprised when Michael's hopes for his father didn't work out. I'm one of the ones who trembled for Michael, and when he was back home, I prayed that he'd come out of his frozen state and be as laughter-filled as when he left.”

Lily spoke fiercely. “I don't see why we bother with a God you have to pray to and pray to. Once should be enough. He should be listening the first time.”

“I often feel that way. But we're caught in the web of what other people decide to do. We can't escape the results of other people.”

“I was escaping just fine,” said Lily. “And Rebecca is wrecking things.”

“No matter how you've been hurt,” began Dr. Bordon—but Lily couldn't stand it anymore.

“You know nothing!” she yelled. “You're a beginner in the world of hurt. You're junior varsity. I'm a pro.”

Dr. Bordon looked at her for some time.

All of a sudden she knew that he was thinking the same thing Trey's father had thought about what Dennis had done to Michael. “You watch too much television,” she accused him, although he was at the church practically every night of the week teaching or participating or leading and she knew perfectly well he never had time for television. “I can tell you're thinking he did something sexual to Michael. Well, he didn't. He was just scum. He's always been scum, he's still scum, he'll always
be
scum, and I won't be in a wedding with him!”

Dr. Bordon nodded for a while. “Just give it some thought,” he said finally, “and some prayer.”

“What do you think I've been doing? Giving it potato chips?”

Dr. Bordon laughed. “One time in the Youth Group I decided to serve a snack Communion, so we had Coke and potato chips instead of grape juice and bread. But kids are always serious, even when they say they hate being serious. Nobody would take a potato chip. The toughest kid there, who showed up just to pick on everybody else, explained to me that Jesus was not about potato chips.” He was still laughing when he added, “Jesus,” before Lily spotted the prayer coming, “be with Lily.”

Mom, Kells, Rebecca, Freddie and Michael were sitting in the shade of the blue and green striped awning on the deck, talking companionably. Every one of them looked up at the intruder who was Lily.

Right away she knew she was going to pick a fight.

“Crumb?”
Michael was saying. “My sister's new last name will be
Crumb
?”

Michael was teasing Freddie. It had been exactly a year since the last time Michael had been able to tease.

“I think you should have planned ahead, Reb,” said Michael, “and fallen for a guy with a great last name.”

“Excuse me,” said Freddie. “The Crumbs have a long, impressive background.”

“Of what?” said Michael. “Sandwiches?”

“Michael, you're not going to be able to say anything about my last name I haven't already heard. I made sure Rebecca was hopelessly in love with me before I said my last name out loud. And if she wants to stay Rebecca Rosetti, I'll understand.”

“You could be Freddie Rosetti.”

“Nope. I'm stronger, tougher, and more interesting because I've had to survive being a Crumb.”

“But your kids have to be little Crumbs.”

“Yup. And I'll be proud when they lift their heads high and admit to being Crumbs,” said Freddie.

Out in the yard, Nathaniel was still playing croquet. There were no balls visible. He had probably hit them all into the bushes. He was now prying up croquet wickets and wearing them as a necklace. Lily decided he couldn't strangle himself, since they had large openings, so she didn't get involved.

Rebecca came bounding over. “Did you have a nice talk with Dr. Bordon?” she asked, brightly as a nursery school teacher.

“Couldn't talk it over with me yourself?” asked Lily. “Had to ask a minister to handle it for you?”

“It isn't possible to talk to you. You won't listen. I thought you might listen to Dr. Bordon,” said Rebecca stiffly.

Lily would have run away from home, but she hadn't rested up from running away the last time. She went into the kitchen, opened the freezer, got out an ice cream sandwich, took off the wrapper and licked a vanilla path around the chocolate wafers. Then she went out to the deck.

Freddie patted the picnic table to invite her over. Lily sat across from him. It wasn't a great position because she was also facing Rebecca. “So everything's fine?” said Freddie. “You're going to be the maid of honor?”

“We're still having trouble on the father front,” Rebecca said.

Freddie leaned forward. He looked very earnest. “I know it's tricky to deal with your dad,” said Freddie, as if he could possibly know. “You guys haven't seen him or talked to him in a year.”

Michael said, “But you have, Freddie.” Michael's eyes were wide and unblinking, but he wasn't looking at anybody. “How is he?”

“Seems like a great guy,” said Freddie. “But then, we didn't get into the hard stuff, like how he's never paid child support.”

Michael was stunned. His face took on a sick yellow color.

Lily watched Michael try, and fail, to sip some of his soda.

Nobody else seemed to be looking at Michael. They were all looking at her.
She
was the bad guy here.

“When we went camping together, I liked the guy, Lily,” said Freddie, as if it were any of his business; as if he had any right to pitch a tent with denrose, who couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge he had two other kids!

If I start screaming, thought Lily, I'll be the person who is behaving the worst, when in fact, I'm the person who's behaving the best.

“Dr. Bordon and Freddie and I had such a good good good talk this morning,” said Rebecca. “Dr. Bordon says one beautiful thing about a wedding is how it brings families together. A wedding is an occasion for rejoicing. To make the rejoicing complete, every member of the family must be present.”

Lily folded her hands in her lap. Then she knotted them into fists. She cut her palms with her own fingernails.

“What did Dr. Bordon suggest we should do about your difficulties, Lily?” asked Rebecca. “I mean, we're all ready to pitch in here.”

“I think it's Lily's affair what she and her minister discussed,” said Kells mildly.

“They discussed
my
wedding,” said Rebecca, “and that makes it
my
business, Kells. If you would like to butt out of this discussion, feel free.”

Kells withdrew, as he always did. He had stated his position, but he didn't argue. Lily didn't know if she envied him or despised him.

“I just hope you're ready to call Dad and be perfectly, utterly pleasant,” said Rebecca to her sister.

“With a nail gun in my hand,” said Lily.

She knew Freddie was appalled.

She knew Mom was embarrassed.

She knew Michael was frozen in place, wanting nothing to touch his vision of Dad coming.

She and her sister went at it as they had not done in years. Even in middle school, when Lily would torment Rebecca constantly, they had never done anything like this, because each sister could escape into her own room. They yelled long enough for Freddie to try to separate them; long enough for Mom to cry, “Girls!”

Lily did not know how long they had been yelling when Kells rejoined them. Rebecca was midsentence. Kells interrupted. Rebecca glared. If there was one thing she could not stand, it was a stepfather, and if there was one thing worse, it was a stepfather who dared to talk when she had the floor.

“Where's Nathaniel?” said Kells.

chapter
15

H
e was three.

Their yard was not fenced.

And they had no idea how long he had been gone.

They looked in the bushes and under the deck. They looked in the garage and in the cars, in the toolshed and in the cellar. They looked in the bedrooms and under the beds. They looked down the sidewalks and on the neighbors' porches.

I did this, thought Lily. I know how Nathaniel hates raised voices. I raised my voice meaner and harsher and angrier than I ever have. I did it because I felt like it, not because I had to. It was me he ran from.

Her knees were trembling.

Nathaniel, who was not afraid of cars, intersections or strangers. Nathaniel, who had never gone through a No stage. Who would say yes to anybody about anything.

I did this, thought Rebecca. I saw him put those stupid wire hoops around his neck and I thought, Good grief, the kid could strangle himself, and I didn't do anything because he's from a marriage I wish hadn't happened. I could have gone out in the yard and picked him up and put away the croquet set and he'd be here at the table right now.

I don't want Mom happy with her second husband. So I just sat here and thought—the kid's their problem. So there.

But every little kid is always your own problem.

I did this, thought Michael. I've been lying and Nathaniel always knew. He tried so hard to tell about his airplane ride but over and over I let Kells say, No, only Michael went on a plane—as if Nate's too dumb to know the difference. Lily rescued me and Nathaniel rescued me just as much, and I lied about them.

I knew Nate was walking farther and farther away from us because he didn't like the screaming. But I couldn't interrupt the screaming because Lily would notice me and then she'd yell at
me
and it would all come out.

I wanted what Dad did to me to be a secret, more than I wanted to bother with my little brother.

They fanned out.

They covered front yards, backyards, around the block one way, around the block the other.

“What friends of his live nearby?” asked Freddie, when they had all collected in the front yard again.

“He's three,” said Mom. “He doesn't go anywhere. We take him.”

Kells said, “Dial nine-one-one.”

“Wait,” said Lily. “He might go to Amanda's. He loves the walk. He likes a yard around the corner that has plastic gnomes and pink flamingoes.”

“He might go in Amanda's swimming pool,” agreed Michael.

“He might be alone at a swimming pool?” cried Kells.

Freddie wore his cell phone on a hook attached to his amazing khaki shorts. Lily ripped it out of his hands and called Amanda.

The dialing of a phone is such a short space of time. The slightest fraction of a minute. Two heartbeats. One deep breath. But in that time, so many prayers can be heard.

Please, God, don't let the pool gate be open.

Please, God, if Nathaniel opens the gate, don't let him go in the pool.

Please, God, if he goes in the pool, let him be okay
.

I'll do whatever you want if you just protect Nathaniel.

“Oh, hi,” said Amanda. “I was just about to call. Nathaniel's here, all upset from the screaming and yelling, and he wants to live with me and I said of course, forever, I love you, you're perfect and he said, Then can I have ice cream? The thing about three-year-olds is, Lily, they're honest. It all comes down to ice cream. Who dishes it out and who doesn't. I,” said Amanda with satisfaction, “am a disher-out.”

Kells sagged.

Mom wept on his shoulder.

Reb went limp against Freddie.

“How long has he been there?” Lily asked.

“Who knows? I found him asleep by the pool, wrapped up in my towels with my rubber duckies lined up beside him. He didn't go in the water without me, he's such a good kid.”

We're all good kids, thought Lily.

“We'll be there in a minute, Amanda,” said Lily. “Mom, Kells, Rebecca, Freddie, Michael and me.”

“I get to meet Freddie? Is he as cute as his pictures?”

“Cuter,” said Lily, and not only did she love Freddie, she loved Reb again, could even remember that nicknames were for when you felt affection.

Kells ran for his car keys and brought the van around and they piled in, Michael and Freddie in the back, Reb and Lily in the middle, Mom and Kells in front. Kells backed out of the driveway so fast that if any three-year-old
had
been passing by, he'd have been mushed flat.

Michael talked fast and loud to get it over with. It was easier because everybody's back was to him and he didn't have to meet their eyes. “I lied. Nathaniel knew what happened, but he's so little you didn't believe him. He was telling the truth. Here's what happened. Last summer I never wanted to come home. I wanted to be with Dad. But I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't tell me what we were doing. I didn't have anything with me. We just got in the car and he dropped me off at the airport and said, ‘You're not the son I had in mind,' and then he drove away. He never even bought me a plane ticket. I didn't have York because Dad threw York in the trash to make me grow up. I didn't have any money either, or my watch, or even breakfast. I called Lily and she bought plane tickets with her Christmas money and she and Nathaniel flew to the Baltimore/Washington airport to get me and when we flew home, I made her promise never ever ever to tell you because—” Michael had to stop. Not because he was crying. Because everybody else was crying. Michael raised his voice. “Because it was not what I thought would happen. I thought Dad and I would play catch.”

“Oh, Michael!” cried Mom. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I love Dad,” said Michael simply. “Lily doesn't love Dad, but she loves me.” He said to Lily, “I'm sorry.”

“Michael,” whispered Rebecca, “I didn't know.”

Kells was taking the corners very hard. Lily thought it would be totally crummy if they all died in a car accident on the way to get Nathaniel, who was perfectly safe with Amanda. Crummy, she thought. She looked at Freddie.

He put out his hand and covered hers. “I'll be proud to be your brother, Lily.”

“I had to hide out in the airport for four hours,” Michael said, “because it took Lily that long to come and get me. I didn't want the security people to pick me up, but they almost did. And then I didn't even get to the baggage claim to meet Lily when I was supposed to because I was holding a teddy bear at a store and the police thought I was shoplifting and Nathaniel came and saved me and Lily bought the bear.”

Mom was weeping. But it was Reb who got angry. “Wait a minute,” said Reb, in her dangerous voice, the one she had inherited from Mom. “Let me get this straight, Michael. Dad put you in the car, without breakfast, without your stuff and without a dollar and without York, and he dropped you off at a major airport and drove away and he had not bought you a ticket or made plans for you to get home or called Mom that you were coming or anything?”

“Right. Good thing Lily was home.”

“Give me your phone, Freddie,” said Reb. She snatched it away from him before he could give it to her and began stabbing at the tiny number pad. Lily remembered a few phone calls she'd made like that. “How dare he!” said Reb. “How dare Dad behave like that? He's not a father! He has no right to
pretend
he's a father!
I will never use that word for him again!
”

Lily took the phone away from her sister.

Kells pulled into Amanda's driveway, shoved the car into park, vaulted out and ran through the swimming pool gate.

Lily gave the phone back to Freddie. “See, here's the thing,” said Lily to the family she loved. “You say terrible things to somebody, and they come true. If you tell him he isn't your father anymore, Reb, then he won't be. You and Michael can still love him, Reb. I don't think I can. I'm not willing to try, anyway.”

Her sister's eyes met hers. The look between them was not a truce. It was love.

“I was wrong, Lily,” said Reb.

“You were wrong about everything! I want a list. I want to spend at least an hour while you admit all the ways you were wrong.”

“I was wrong ten ways to Sunday. But I'm right about this,” said her sister, and they put their arms around each other, twisting over the seats and getting their tears mixed when their cheeks touched. “I want you to be my maid of honor, and it will be
my
honor.”

After such an exciting day, Nathaniel couldn't stay awake through dinner, but after such an exciting day, Kells couldn't bring himself to put Nathaniel down for bed, so instead, Kells held his sleeping son in his arms while the rest of them ate. They didn't do any yelling, in case it woke Nathaniel up, but they argued and wept and accused and made peace. Various suggestions for killing Dennis were passed around, which Lily found very satisfying, but everybody stopped when they saw how Michael was taking it. During dessert, when people were spooning really good ice cream into their mouths, Kells spoke up.