A French Affair (15 page)

She tried again to eat, and this time managed a small mouthful. It was funny, she was thinking to herself, how no-one ever asked her what she thought her mother might be hiding. They all seemed perfectly ready to accept the official version of events, and showed no willingness even to entertain the possibility that there might have been more. The truth was, she was glad they didn't ask, for she had never put her suspicions into words, not even to herself. They were just there, dark and terrible, like shadows moving across a window, or the warning of a storm that might devastate everything in its path if it ever arrived. And it might not, she told herself firmly, because she wanted desperately to believe that it never would.

‘He says hi,' Lilian said, putting her mobile down.

Jessica picked up her wine again. ‘How is he?' she asked, letting go of her fears as she pictured Lilian's handsome husband.

‘Fine. Struggling to stop his father from overdoing things, and annoyed with an editor in Paris who's handing out an ultimatum – take the assignment or there'll be no more – but other than that, I think he's missing me.'

Seeing how her eyes were sparkling, Jessica raised her glass. ‘Thank God one of us is happy,' she said.

‘And you will be again,' Lilian assured her. ‘You're under a lot of pressure right now, but you and Charlie love one another far too much not to work this out. So you'll get past it. I promise.'

‘Of course,' Jessica responded, feeling certain it was true, yet still finding it hard to believe.

Lilian regarded her with gently laughing eyes, and
finally Jessica returned her smile. ‘That's better,' Lilian said. ‘Now let's see if we can at least get through this first course without any more interruptions, because I don't know about you, but I'm starving.'

Wishing she were too Jessica picked up her chopsticks again, but had hardly taken a mouthful when her mobile started to ring. ‘Nikki,' she announced, recognising the ringtone.

Lilian rolled her eyes. ‘How many times is that today?'

‘I've stopped counting. In fact, I'm starting to wish Freddy would hurry up and do the flaming deed, or I'll never get any peace. Hello darling,' she said sweetly into the phone.

‘Hey Mum,' Nikki replied. ‘How's everything with you?'

‘Great. Lilian and I are having dinner at the Thai place. What are you up to?'

‘Not much. Dad's on air, and Freddy's had to go down to interview someone in the lobby.'

‘Oh, I see. You're sounding very relaxed compared to the last time we spoke.'

‘I'm cool. It's all like totally fantastic.'

Jessica's eyes narrowed. ‘What is?'

‘Sex, Mum. Getting laid. Making love.'

Jessica's heart skipped a beat. ‘You've done it? It's already happened?'

Nikki gave a screech of excitement. ‘It was all like totally brilliant, Mum. He was so romantic and caring and he took care of everything . . . And he called me just now, while his interviewee was being miked up, to say he thought I was really special and that he can't wait for it to happen again. Oh Mum, I am so in love.'

Though Jessica couldn't feel entirely thrilled, she
was smiling as she looked at Lilian. ‘Have you told Dad?' she asked.

‘Don't be insane. I can't talk to him about that sort of thing. But it would be kind of OK if he knew, so I was hoping you'd tell him when he comes off air. It'll be at one o'clock.'

‘I'll be in bed . . .'

‘No, no. You've got to call him, or he might end up finding out through someone else, and that would be so . . .'

‘How many people have you told?' Jessica cut in.

‘Only you! But you know how things get around, and they will if Freddy spends the night in my room. You can tell Dad everything you and Lilian have been talking about today too, if you like, that'll probably slow down his adrenalin and bore him off to sleep.'

Jessica's eyebrows rose. ‘Charming,' she commented.

‘Whatever. Just promise me you'll call him.'

‘OK. If that's what you want.'

‘I do. So don't forget. One o'clock. Love you,' and the line went dead.

‘Well, there's someone else who's happy,' Jessica commented, putting the phone back next to her plate. ‘Apparently the deed is done.'

Lilian clapped her hands, then peering at Jessica she said, ‘So how do you feel about it?'

Jessica laughed self-consciously as tears began glistening in her eyes. ‘The truth? I want her to stay a baby so I can keep her close for ever, and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her. But now here she is, already blossoming into a woman.'

Smiling, Lilian said, ‘A natural reaction. Are you going to tell Charlie?'

Jessica nodded. ‘It's what she seems to want, though it might not be what he wants at one o'clock in the morning, or at any other time come to that. However, I guess she's right, it would be better coming from me than from the crew grapevine.'

Charlie was waiting in front of the lifts with Melissa, still wearing his studio make-up and carrying the earpiece which he'd forgotten to hand back to the sound guy as they'd come off air. With them was a handful of delegates from the conference who'd stayed up late either drinking or continuing private debate, before everything started up again in the morning. The crew was nowhere in evidence, since they'd barely had time to wrap yet, while the producers were still signing off with their counterparts in London, who'd now taken over transmission.

When the lift came Charlie stood aside for Melissa and the delegates to step in ahead of him. He intended to let the doors close and make his escape without having to come up with an excuse that she'd probably see through immediately. However, it wasn't to be. A grey-bearded man with kindly eyes pressed the hold button to make sure no-one was left behind.

As the lift started to rise Charlie exchanged small talk with the delegates, managing to sound pleasant and friendly, even though he was tired and querulous and angry with himself for being in this position without even knowing how he'd managed to get here. He thought of Jessica and Lilian who were probably asleep by now, and Harry staying over with his friend, and Nikki . . . Perhaps he wouldn't think about Nikki, considering what she might be up to . . .

‘By the way, have you rescheduled the presenters'
meeting?' he asked Melissa, who was only partly visible behind the suited men.

‘Yes, haven't you been told?' she replied. ‘It's at seven thirty in the morning, before I fly back to London.'

Surprised, he said, ‘You're flying back early?'

‘I've achieved what I came here for, and since I've been asked to speak at a forum on the future of news media tomorrow night, I have to get back.'

‘That's very last minute,' he commented.

‘Apparently the ITN chap's had to cry off.'

The lift stopped and there was a general murmur of goodnight as the delegates got out.

When the doors slid closed again Melissa remained in the far corner, gazing up at the numbered lights. Since both their suites were on the same floor, he was already feeling anxious about what was going to happen when they got out.

‘I wonder if there are any hidden cameras,' she said as the lift started to go up again. ‘I can't see any, can you?'

Charlie looked around, saying nothing, though his heart was sinking for he had a horrible suspicion of where this was leading.

‘Could it be worth the risk?' she said, tilting her head curiously to one side.

His eyes flitted across the glittering black halter top that was cleaving gamely to as much of her breasts as it could.

‘Probably not,' she decided. Then with a saucy look at him, ‘Do you remember what they look like, Charlie? Would you like to touch them now? Would you dare?'

‘Melissa . . .'

To his relief the lift came to a stop and as he stepped out behind her he was preparing to tell her he needed to go and check on Nikki when she said, ‘It's very kind of you to see me to my room. If you'd like to come in for a nightcap . . .'

‘No really, that's fine,' he said. ‘I'm dead beat. Ready to hit the sack.'

Her eyes were laughing as she looked up at him. ‘Charlie,' she said softly, ‘why are you being so hard on yourself?'

He could feel the colour suffusing his neck as he said, ‘Melissa, you've got this all wrong . . .'

Putting a finger over his lips she said, ‘Darling, we both know you want this, so don't let's keep fooling ourselves. Now relax. Let go of everything you've got going on up here,' she tapped the side of his head, ‘then everything down here will take care of itself.'

He took a step back as she made to touch him, and felt more tense than ever as she laughed. ‘I'm sorry,' he said in a strangled voice, ‘it's not that I don't find you attractive – you know I do, but Nikki's here in the hotel, and it just doesn't seem right.'

Her eyebrows arched, but before she could speak his mobile started to ring.

‘And now I suppose,' she drawled, ‘you're going to answer that.'

Seeing it was Jessica and thinking immediately of Harry, he said, ‘I have to.'

Her smile turned slightly glacial as she took the key from her purse and inserted it into her door.

‘I'm sorry,' he said, but she didn't respond, and he was already clicking on to answer.

‘Hi darling,' Jessica said sleepily. ‘Is everything OK?'

‘I think I'm the one who should be asking you that,'
he replied, walking on down the corridor. ‘Why are you calling so late?'

She yawned. ‘Good question. Why am I? Oh yes, Nikki wants you to know that she and Freddy have sealed their relationship.'

‘Sealed?'

Jessica's tone was sardonic as she said, ‘That's the most tactful way I can put it.'

‘Oh, I see,' he said stiffly. Then, letting himself into his own suite, ‘So am I expected to go and congratulate them?'

She laughed. ‘No, I don't think so.'

Belatedly realising how absurd his question had been, he laughed too. ‘Are you OK?' he asked.

‘Yes, I'm fine. Loving having Lilian here. I only wish she could stay longer, but don't tell her I said that or she'll get a fit of the guilts. She thinks we need a holiday, just us two.'

He hesitated, not quite sure how to respond to that. It wasn't that he didn't want it, he was just afraid of what a disaster it could be.

‘Not grabbing you?' she said.

Though her tone had remained light, he knew she was hurt, so he quickly said, ‘I was just thinking of somewhere we could go. The Maldives? Sri Lanka? What about Sicily? We had a wonderful time there on one of our anniversaries, do you remember?'

‘It was our fifteenth – and of course I remember. Anyway, we can discuss it when you're back. Do you and Nikki need picking up from the airport? I guess I should offer a lift to Melissa too, as she's coming this way.'

‘She's flying back to London first thing, and I think cars have been booked for the rest of us.'

‘OK. Then I'll see you around eight tomorrow evening, but I'll probably speak to you in the morning. Sleep well.'

‘You too.'

After ringing off he dropped the phone on the bed, then sat down next to it and covered his face with his hands. He was tired, hungry and so torn apart inside he barely even knew what he was thinking any more. If only he could heed the advice Melissa had given him a few minutes ago, and let go of the turmoil inside his head, then everything else might very well take care of itself. However, it seemed he had no control over the guilt that was consuming him, or the blame, or the sense of helplessness and shame, because as far as he was concerned his daughter was dead because of him, and no matter how hard he tried to tell himself there was nothing he could have done to prevent it, he knew that nothing was ever going to make him believe it.

‘I'M OFF,' JESSICA
called up the stairs.

‘Good luck,' Charlie shouted back. ‘Call me when it's over, let me know how you got on.'

Experiencing a few gentle flutters of excitement, Jessica picked up the Prada briefcase Charlie had given her at Christmas, checked she had change for the tube, then closing the front door behind her, she started off down the street towards the underground station. It was a little breezy, though still wonderfully warm, and feeling the sun on her skin was as pleasing as the scent of jasmine that wafted to her as she passed the Kingsleys' house on the corner.

Nikki had chosen her outfit for today, and since they'd all acquired a bit of a tan at the weekend, it hadn't taken much to persuade Jessica to show off her legs a little in a dusky pink over-the-knee pleated skirt with matching short jacket and plain white boob tube, though she'd drawn the line at the stiletto sandals that went with it. They were OK for evening, but not for lunch in the middle of the day. So in the comfort of a pair of silver ballet pumps, she was soon descending
the steps into Notting Hill station.

Though she'd intended to spend the entire weekend preparing her biography project for this lunch with Karina, it hadn't quite turned out that way, thanks to the celebrity cricket match which she'd forgotten Charlie was playing in on Sunday. There had been no getting out of it, even if she'd wanted to, for Harry was dead set on going, and since Freddy was on the team too, Nikki had made it very plain that she would never be forgiven if she tried to back out.

In fact, she'd really enjoyed it, relaxing in the sun, catching up with old friends who'd offered their condolences at the time so no need to go there again, and watching Nikki's eyes shine every time she looked at Freddy. In a way he reminded Jessica of a young Charlie, with his shock of shiny blond hair, light, humorous eyes and long gangly limbs. She suspected Charlie had noticed the likeness too, or maybe he just felt genuinely paternal towards the extremely likeable cub reporter.