A Day Late and a Dollar Short (54 page)

"hove, "Mom

"(P. S. Janelle, I been meaning to tell you this for years. Get a new hairstyle cause the one you been wearing for the past five years done played out.)"

Now everybody is cracking up. Even Charlotte. This is good. This is real good.

"Thank you, Mania!" Janelle yell at the top of her lungs.

"Okay, I'm ready now," Charlotte say. "And Mama's right about the hair, Janelle."

"Shut up, I heard her. It seems only fair that I should read Lewis's letter to him now. What do you think, Daddy?"

"I ain't in it. I'm loving every minute of this. Hell, it seem like Viola right in here with us. Maybe we should just ask her."

"WHO SHOULD GO NEXT, MAMA?!" Janelle scream while pushing Charlotte against the couch, and she starts reading anyway.

"April 13, 1994

"Dear Lewis:

"I hope you outta jail if you reading this the way I asked y'all to read it, but I ain't heard from you all day and you know damn well it's my birthday. I know what this mean if I ain't heardfrom you. Was you in jail today, Lewis? I hope you ain't done finally killed somebody driving drunk. I pray that ain't the case. You been lucky so far. Well, maybe not lucky. But anyway, Lewis, even though you done had problems dealing with your problems these past ten or fifteen years, I still wish I woulda had two more of you cause you got a heart of gold, and you ain't got no qualms when it come to showing yourfeelings like a lotta men do. More women should love you, but that ain't what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell you that I know why you didn't wanna go to Squirrel and Boogar'sfuneral. That it's been bothering you all these years, but let me tell you something: they probably in hell for what they did. But it's okay. Folks do terrible things to other folks and then you the one who suffer while they off dead somewhere. That ain't meant to be no joke, even though I'm chuckling-"

"Excuse me for interrupting, Baby Girl, but what did your cousins do to you, Lewis?"

"We know," Paris says.

"We've known for years," Janelle says.

"How come y'all never let me know you knew?" Lewis say.

" 'Cause we didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or feel any shame or embarrassment about us having this knowledge. Plus, at the time Mama found out, she went straight to Aunt Priscilla and Uncle Julian, but of course they didn't believe her, so she told the police and they kept an eye on them both undl they finally got caught doing more wrong. Karma is Law. So-may I finish?"

"Wait," Paris says. "There's nothing for you to be ashamed of, Lewis, and we don't ever have to mention this again if you don't want us to."

"Thanks, sisters. And if you ain't figured it out by now, Daddy, I'll tell you later."

"That won't be necessary. But I'm here, if you wanna talk to me about it."

"Okay!" And Janelle start reading again:

"/ left here worrying about you cause I don't want you to spend the rest of your life in pain, trying to drink your way to happiness. You ain't gon 'find it that way, baby, and you know it. Have it worked so far? Hell no. That's why your ass always end up in jail. You got a disease and you act like you don't know it which is why you do dumb shit when everybody know you smart. Don't you remember what your IQ is, or was? They was genius numbers, boy. I raised you to know the difference between shit and shinola so grow up, be a man, and do whatever it take to get yourself together. Stop drinking altogether. Not even a beer every now and then cause beer is still booze. Go to AA on a regular basis. Going to church wouldn't hurt either. I didn't write this letter to preach. But. Do something with your son. I don't care if you ain't got a thousand dollars to send out there, just send something and do something before he grown and don't give a flying fuck if you live or die. That's how it happen, Lewis, believe me. You had a daddy but you don't even know Cecil, do you? Try to get to know him before he join me? It ain't too late, you know. And watch over your sisters. You they only brother. Be strong for them, like they been trying to be for you. And I want you to know that the only reason they b e p issed off at you all the time is cause they love you and know how smart you are too. They always wanted more for you. Not the life you got. They want to see you live better. They want to see you happy, and the shit you been doing disappoints them, but probably not nobody more than it do you. Don't kill yourself trying to do everything at once. Take your time. Take one step at a time. Do something with them inventions you been telling me about for years. Put your fucking money where your mouth is. And find yourself a good woman. Not them ones you meet in bars. Leave them whores right there on them bar stools. Or, learn how to be by your goddamn self till you got something good to offer a woman besides what's between your legs. Men always think that's enough, but believe me, baby, it ain't. I'ma be watching you and I want you to know that I'ma be your biggest cheerleader. Know that. So Sis- boom-ba!

"Love, "Mom

"(PS. Please don't drive until you get your license back and go to the doctor and get some real medicine for your arthritis or you gon' be cripple by the time you forty. And a little exercise, like walking, wouldn't kill you. Of course I tried it, but just cause it didn't work for me don't mean it won't do you no good. Oh! Watch Oprah Winfrey sometime. She'll make you feel good even when you depressed. Four o'clock on Channel 4. Tape it if you ain't gon' be home. You do have a VCR, don't you?)"

Janelle fold up his letter and then get up and hand it to him, but Lewis got his head down. She put her hand on his shoulder and then kiss the top of his head. "It's okay, Lewis," she say.

And he just nod his head up and down and say, "I know. I know."

"It's on me now," Charlotte says, "so sit your butt back down and listen. Wait. Y'all is ... I mean, has everybody been paying attention to the dates on Mama's letters?"

"Yep," Lewis say. "Mine was pretty obvious."

"She wrote mine right after we left Vegas," Janelle say.

"Well, mine is dated the day she left," I say.

"The day she left to go where?" Janelle ask, and then, I guess before somebody get a chance to say a word, she say, "Strike that. I didn't mean it. know exactly what you meant, Daddy. Sorry. Go ahead, Charlotte. Wher was Paris's written?"

Charlotte looks down. "Hers got two dates on it. Just the months March and April 1994. Okay, can I start today?"

"Wait a minute. I wanna take this sweater off," Lewis say. "I'm burning up."

Everybody watch him, and I just wanna see if he got on a undershirt or not. He do. But if Vy was here I know she would snatch it off his back and go soak it in some light bleach water, 'cause that thang so dingy it look light gray. "Okay," he say.

"Wait a minute!" Now Janelle got two cents to throw in. "I forgot to tell you that when we finish we're going to draw names."

"Oh, yeah," Paris say.

"For Christmas. The four of us will draw a name and we have to make each other a handmade gift. The kids'll do the same thing, except they can buy theirs, but they can't spend more than ten dollars. Tops. And they absolutely positively have to reach the person on or before Christmas Eve- got that, Charlotte?"

"I heard you! And don't worry. Mine will be on time."

"One more thing," Lewis say like he deep in thought again. "This may sound stupid to y'all, but, speaking of Christmas, this will be the first one we can't send our mama a card, but I was thinking that maybe we still should."

"What?" Janelle ask.

"What I'm saying is, we can still send her cards for Christmas, her birthday, and Mother's Day, like we always did."

"And send 'em where?" Charlotte ask.

"To heaven, where else? Just don't put our return address on the envelope. This way we can keep her posted on what's going on in our life."

"I like that idea," Paris says.

"Me, too," Janelle says, now that it sunk in.

"I couldn't agree more," Charlotte says. "Right on, Lewis. Brilliant idea.

Now, sit your behinds down so I can read this. I wanna hurry up, 'cause it feels like it's almost time for round two for the grub. I'm reading right now, so everybody shut up.

"March 1994, April 1, 1994

"Dear Paris:

"I don't know who told you that you had to be perfect when you grew up. It wasn't nie was it? I hope to hell not, cause if I did, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Or maybe it's just cause you was the oldest you just felt like you had to set a good example for everybody else, was that it? My heart been breaking watching you trying to do everything right, trying to get everything just so. You do a damn good job of it, but it's a hard act to keep up, ain't it? I see the answer when I look at you. It's the reason why you sneak and take them pills that I know damn well ain't no Advil. I remember Liz Taylor got addicted to some pills, too, and I betcha that's what's happening to you. I betcha you don't believe it though, do you? I betcha you think you too damn smart to get strung out on some pills, don't you?"

"Hold it. Wait a minute here," Charlotte says. "What she mean, strung out? I know you ain't strung out on no pills, are you, Paris?"

"To put it bluntly, yes. Was. I got addicted to painkillers and just got off of them a couple of months ago."

"Is that what you've been popping all this time?" Janelle say. "I didn't know those things were addicting."

"It ain't no crime," Lewis butt in. "She human just like everybody else."

"Well, did that spa help you, baby?" I ask.

"It was rehab, Daddy. I only told you guys about the spa because it was right next door. I spent four days at both places."

"How'd this happen?" Charlotte's asking. "And how come you didn't tell us?"

"There's a whole lot of reasons."

"We listening," Charlotte say.

"I don't want to get into it now. . . ."

"Get into it," Charlotte says.

"Yes, do," Janelle says. "Your letter's right here and it'll wait a minute or two." "Okay, well, this is just how I feel, I'm not saying it's true, but, being tht oldest, I've always felt like everybody was always looking up to me, and I don't think I ever really felt entitled to make mistakes. And when I did, I kept them to myself, because it was embarrassing. And I didn't want you guys to think of me as a failure or not being able to hack it. Everybody expected me to be in control, even Mama, so I just got good at faking it. A few trips to the dentist later, I got something that made it easier to cope. I got tired of always being asked to do everything. Tired of coming up with all the answers. And I got tired trying to help solve everybody else's problems but didn't know where to turn when I needed help solving mine."

"What you think we here for?" Charlotte says.

"You haven't 'been' here for a long time, Charlotte, and that's the reason I'm glad we're here now. We used to all be tight. Close. Like sisters. And brother. But somewhere along the line we all went our separate ways and became estranged-not strangers, but distant. I feel like I've been out on an island with no boat. I mean, my son got a girl pregnant and I was scared to tell you guys because Dingus is supposed to be such a good kid, and he is, but he's not perfect, and neither am I."

"Who's pregnant?" Janelle asks.

"Nobody now. It was Jade."

"That preacher's daughter?" Charlotte ask.

"Yes."

"Them's the one who give it up the most after being in church all day and locked up in the house all night," Charlotte say. "But, anyway, you can call me for now on, you got that?"

"I got it."

"I got a phone," Lewis say. "And it won't be getdng cut off any rime soon."

"Okay," Janelle says. "But I want to know if you still crave those things."

"I have my moments."

"Don't give into it," Lewis says. "It's just a trick, believe me."

"I won't," Paris say, and she look so relieved. That same softness seem to done spread across her face, too. When she lean back against the couch, her shoulders look like they just drop.

"Okay, I'm reading again!" Charlotte yell.

"I betcha you think you too smart for a whole lotta shit, don't you, Paris? But let me tell you something you should know by now: ain't no pill in the world can make you feel better from the inside. Ain't no pill gon' make you hurry up and live. Ain't no pill gon' stop you from feeling lonely or take the place of a good fucking orgasm neither. Yeah, I said it. And meant it. So stop fooling yourself. If you can't throw them things in the trash and go on about your business, then go somewhere and let somebody help you get off 'em. And don't be too proud. You ain't done nothing wrong except be human. You are human, Paris, in case you don't know it. I pray to God that you stop trying to be Supertvoman. You can't be everything to everybody. Can't always be a perfect mother and perfect wife and perfect cook and perfect caterer and a perfect woman. This is something I been wanting to tell you for years: you ain't gotta be perfect at every-damn-thing. Do something half-ass. Let the shit stick to the pan and burn. Being mediocre ain't no crime. I been mediocre all my damn life and I think I did all right. Stop thinking you gotta save the whole goddamn world. Save your-damn-self. Lord knows I apologize for begging you to do that TV show. To hell with cooking meals on television can't nobody but you make, no way. I just wanted to see you on TV, that's all. Anyway, I'm sorry for expecting so much from you. You done did so much for me and right this minute I'm clicking my teeth together cause they fit perfect. Thank you for these dentures. Thank you for my condo and my car and my cruise. Did I get to go on my cruise? Even if I didn't, I'm cruising now, baby, believe me. Oh! Do this for me. Sleep with somebody just cause the spirit move you. You ain't gotta wait till you in love. Otherwise, you might dry up. Them days of waiting for the phone to ring is long gone. Act like a man. You see somebody you like, talk to him. Ask him out on a date, and even if he reject you, fuck him. Ask somebody else. And keep on asking. As for my grandson? Tell him my choice is USC or Stanford. But he can go wherever he wants to go, just as long as it's a university. And when he throw that first touchdown pass on nationwide TV, tell him to look directly at that camera and blow his granny a big sloppy kiss and I'll get it. Yes indeedy. I love you back to back. Know that.