A Dad of His Own (9 page)

In minutes, he pulled into her driveway, but then it struck him. Besides the apology, Lexie sounded decisive and commanding, as if she had a sense of purpose that needed to be addressed. This wasn’t necessarily good news. The awareness took the edge from his excitement. He grasped the door handle and paused, bowing his head and not only talking to God but to himself about acceptance. If Lexie wanted him
out of her life, he had to deal with it and know that it was God’s choice, too.

Straightening his back, he pushed open the car door and stepped outside. Spring flowers had poked their heads above the ground. Yellow daffodils, pink tulips and purple crocuses spread a colorful blanket below the evergreen shrubs that lined the front porch. If they were there the last time he visited, Ethan hadn’t noticed, and the vibrant tones brightened his steps, a paradox to the concern that burned inside him.

Before he pressed the bell, Lexie opened the door, her lovely face tainted by a look of tension. “I hope I didn’t mess up your plans.”

“Plans? Not one bit. I had nothing to do tonight.” He stepped past her and waited for her to indicate the direction. She looked amazing in jeans and a long purple sweater-type top that draped around her shoulders. “I’m glad you called.”

When she turned, her tense expression had eased. “So am I.” She motioned toward the kitchen.

The scent of food surrounded him. Bewildered, he followed her through the dining room to the kitchen island.

“I’m making dinner. I hope you’re hungry.”

With his thoughts heading in a multitude of directions, his stomach tightened into a knot. “Could we talk first?”

She stopped at the refrigerator and turned. “I’d planned that. Dinner’s not ready yet.”

He stopped himself from saying “Good.”

Lexie pulled out a soft drink, a cola that she knew he liked, and a diet drink for herself. “I have so much to say, and I don’t know where to begin.” She handed him the can and headed for the cabinet where she kept the glasses.

“This is fine.”

She stopped and motioned toward the living room.

Heading for the easy chair, Ethan noticed the quiet.
Usually Cooper was all over him by the time he took two steps into the house. He paused near the easy chair. “Where’s my buddy?”

“Kelsey invited him over to play with Lucy for a while.”

The news traveled down his back like ice. This couldn’t be good. He eyed the chair, and when she settled onto the sofa, he sank into the cushion, sensing that their talk would be serious. And probably far more serious than he’d hoped. He tried to ease the tension in his jaw before looking her in the eyes—pale blue crystals. Her soft brown waves of hair swirled over one shoulder and her lips were the color of pink tulips. His pulse pulsated up his arm.

“I want you to know how sorry I am for—”

Ethan inhaled from his trance. “You already apologized, Lexie. I’m sorry too for whatever happened. I know I did something that upset you.”

She leaned forward. “No, you haven’t. That’s the problem. You didn’t really do anything wrong. It’s me, Ethan. I’ve been the sole caregiver to Cooper all of his life. I—I guess I’ve found it difficult to accept someone else important to him.” She shook her head, her eyes closed.

His voice bolted through the tension. “Lexie, if I’ve over-stepped my bounds with Cooper, then I need to back off and—”

“You’ve been more than kind. You care about him. You came here to offer him a dream, and I stepped in the way. I guess I felt you were offering Cooper things I couldn’t give him.”

“The gifts not from me. It’s the foundation.”

“I know, but in my warped thinking that’s what I feel. I realized, finally, I’m envious of your relationship with Cooper.”

“Jealous of me?”

“I know, Ethan. I want you to ask Cooper what dream you
could make come true. He deserves to have fun in his life. I want to change. You’ve shown real concern, and you’ve allowed me to lean on you.” She captured his gaze. “You see, that’s another thing I never do. I depend on me. Just me.” A shudder rippled through her chest. “That scares me.”

“But why?” He rose and settled beside her on the sofa. “We talked about this before. No person is meant to bear the burden alone. Burdens are meant to be shared.”

“With Jesus.”

Her response startled him. “Yes, the Lord, too, but I’m talking about people sharing burdens. I grieve with friends who are dealing with problems. You met Ross. He lost a wife and now his daughter suffers from the same disease. I empathize with his plight. I care what happens to Peyton.”

She gave a faint nod. “I guess I do, too. When Lucy was so bad, it broke my heart. All the women at MOSK help carry each other’s trials, but I probably avoided saying too much. I don’t want people’s pity.”

“Do you pity Kelsey? Do you pity the other women in MOSK?”

“Pity?” She blinked as the color drained from her face. “No. I understand what they’re going through.”

“And that’s how they feel about your troubles. Why do you assume people pity you? I don’t pity you, Lexie. And I definitely don’t pity Cooper. He’s an amazing boy. I love him and I care.” From the look on her face, he’d said too much. He’d let the word love slip into the discussion, and it had taken its toll on their openness.

Her eyes narrowed. “Do you really love him?”

The question kicked him in the gut.
Lord, what should I do?
he silently prayed.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Ethan felt the Bible verse wrap around him. “I do. Laine and I never had kids. I wish we had. I know Cooper’s not my
child, but I found myself cheering him on and being proud of his courage. He’s bright and positive. It just happened. I do love your son.” He longed to know her reaction, and when it came, it was better than he’d expected.

“Thank you for caring so much.”

Tears brimmed her eyes, and he lifted his finger and brushed them away. The warmth of her cheek stirred his heartbeat, and he slipped his other hand behind her back and pressed her closer.

“I’m not accustomed to all of this, Ethan, so be patient with me. You’ve become a special person in my life, and I know I’ve been leery. I really couldn’t understand why anyone could care so much about us.”

“Get used to it, Lexie.”

She lifted her chin and smiled. His gaze drifted to her full lips, the slight curve like pink petals opening to the sun. His heart beat in his throat, and the longing rose until he couldn’t stop himself. He lowered his mouth to hers, tasting her sweetness. He felt her shudder, and he drew back, fearing he’d undone all the good that had happened. He was wrong. Her eyes were still closed, and as she inched them open, a hint of amazement glinted there.

He lifted his hand and brushed her cheek, allowing his fingers to glide across her lips, their eyes linked in anticipation. He leaned forward, his hand at the back of her head, her thick hair cushioning his fingers as he lowered his mouth to hers again.

Lexie’s palm pressed his cheek, drawing along his afternoon stubble, and as she drew back, she released a shaky breath. “I haven’t been kissed in many years.”

“Neither have I.” A grin tugged at his mouth, and he let it happen.

Her body relaxed, and she pressed her hand against his.
“Kelsey will be bringing Cooper home soon. I’d better check on dinner.”

He rose and took her hand as she stood, then felt uncomfortable. Where would they go from here? Questions barraged him as he wandered back into the kitchen and watched her lean over the oven. She’d prepared a beef roast, and the rich scent reminded him that he was hungry. He settled on a stool at the island and watched her turn on a burner before sliding a pan onto the heat. “Can I help?”

“I have some dinner rolls there.” She motioned to a package of prepared rolls. “I want to brown those.”

He stood and removed the plastic wrap as she slid a cookie sheet in front of him. While he worked, Ross and his question came to mind. He slid the roll-filled sheet in front of her and leaned his back against the counter. “Remember when I asked you about men joining MOSK?”

She glanced at him. “It was the day we met.”

He nodded. “Ross asked me the same question.” His chest tightened.

“Really? I’m surprised.” One of her eyebrows arched.

“You told me you didn’t know of any men’s groups.” He wondered if she would remember what else she said.

“I meant men aren’t part of ours. It’s Mothers of—”

“Special Kids.” He arched his brow. “But now, you have a man who’s interested. Any hope that—”

She shook her head and cut him off. “I can’t imagine it.”

“Could you ask whoever you need to ask?”

She looked away, and he could see her mind working for a response.

“I’m not comfortable with that idea, but I can ask Kelsey what she thinks.”

He shrugged, facing the situation. The problem seemed more than men not wanting to talk about feelings. Apparently women didn’t want to share their emotions with men.
That confused him. Women always seemed to talk about feelings.

The phone rang, and the conversation ended there. He would tell Ross he’d asked. That was the only control he had over the situation, which was basically no control at all.

Instead of answering the kitchen extension, Lexie slipped into the den. He could hear her voice but couldn’t make out the words. In a moment, she stepped out and slid the door closed, then approached him. “Good timing. Kelsey is bringing Cooper home.”

She headed to a cabinet and pulled out plates and salad bowls, then faced him. “I did mention Ross’s interest to Kelsey, but she didn’t seem to anxious to deal with it.”

He bit the inside of his lip, disappointed at both women’s attitudes, but then the organization wasn’t his, and what right did he have to criticize? “Thanks.”

“She’ll think about it. The women would need to all agree. That’s the biggest problem.”

Did he sense a glimmer of hope? He settled onto the stool thinking about Cooper’s return. The obvious absence of the boy had been planned. It was obvious. That’s why Lexie answered the phone in the den. Kelsey probably asked about their talk. Women loved to share. Too bad men didn’t always take that opportunity.

Lexie pulled out the roast and slipped the rolls into the oven. Watching a woman in the kitchen consoled him. It had been a long time. He thought of Laine cooking meals in their kitchen, but only seconds passed before memories of her illness shrouded the image. He recalled times during her battle when he should have taken the opportunity of a group to discuss his frustration and fears. Would he have joined an organization if one had been available? He hadn’t looked into it then. Would he now?

Ethan rose and wandered into the living room. He glanced
out the front window, watching for Cooper. His gaze drifted to the sofa where he’d kissed Lexie, and the warmth of their kiss flickered down his spine. He could have said so much more. He’d admitted loving Cooper. But what about Lexie? He needed to understand if his feelings were real and lasting. Could he handle their tension when her protectiveness pushed him away? Could he handle her resentment again when it happened? And it would.

L
exie heard Cooper’s voice screeching Ethan’s name as he charged into the house. She hurried to the front door to wave thank-you to Kelsey before facing Cooper. Cuddled in Ethan’s arms, Cooper rattled on about all the things he’d done with Lucy. Lexie had always been the one to listen and hold him. Envy sputtered through her before she took control. Why couldn’t she let go and be thrilled that someone else loved her son, too?

She wandered to the archway and looked into the living room. “So you had fun?”

“Mom, Lucy has some new puzzles, and she has a game that we played with sticks. We had to pick them up without touching another one.”

Pick Up sticks. Lexie grinned at Cooper’s exuberance. Such an old game and she’d never thought of it. “We’ll have to buy it.”

“And me and you and Ethan could play.”

Ethan tousled his hair. “Sounds like fun.”

“I’d better get dinner.” She reached the archway before stopping. “Wash your hands, Coop.”

“Ethan, too.” Cooper grabbed his hand and tugged him up from the chair.

They hurried past her to the bathroom off the kitchen, and she set the table and checked on the rolls, now golden and ready for serving. She pulled them out. Voices drifted to her with Cooper’s never-ending conversation when Ethan was near. Her heart squeezed as a new sensation warmed her chest. Cooper loved Ethan. He loved Cooper. She loved Coop. And she loved… Her heart constricted again as heat rose on her face. “We’re clean.”

Ethan’s voice caught her in the midst of her admission. She faced him, her cheeks warm from her thoughts.

“You’ve been hanging over that oven too long.”

She sent him a feeble smile. “Can you put some of those rolls in that basket?” She motioned to it at the end of the counter as she settled the roast onto a platter and placed the carrots and potatoes around the edge of the beef. “And you can grab the salad from the fridge.” Distraction. It had worked.

Ethan slipped past her and carried both items to the table. She followed with the roast, checked the salad dressings she’d set on the table earlier, and then waved Cooper to the table. They slid onto chairs, although she noticed Ethan had tried to reach her before she sank onto the seat. She pulled her napkin from beneath the knife and placed it on her lap. “Mom.”

Lexie eyed Cooper, his hands folded in front of him.

“How come Mrs. Rhodes and Lucy thank Jesus for their food and we don’t?”

Her voice left her, and the heat that had been on her cheeks turned to ice. She had no answer to his question that wouldn’t upset him.

“Some people feel close to Jesus so they say thank-you for all the blessings He gives them.”

Ethan’s response whipped out before she could find a word.

“Don’t we feel close to Jesus?” A frown had settled on Cooper’s face as he studied her.

This time Ethan refrained from responding, and she grasped for wisdom. “When I was a little girl my parents didn’t talk to Jesus.”

“Were they mad at Him?”

She pressed her lips together not sure if she should laugh or cry. “They didn’t know Him, Cooper.”

“But I know Him.” His eyes filled with sincerity.

“How do you know Jesus?”

“When Lucy and I read books, sometimes they’re about Jesus. His father created the world and all of the people and animals.” He pointed upward. “And the sun and stars and planets.”

Lexie didn’t know what to say. She glanced at Ethan, but his eyes were focused on Cooper.

“Then when He felt sorry for the people who were doing bad things, He sent his son to come to the world and die on a cross so that all the people could go to heaven and be saved from the devil.” He leaned closer to Lexie. “The devil’s bad, Mom, and Jesus did us a big favor.”

Her lips pulled into a smile. “I guess He did, Coop.”

“Then don’t you think we should say thank-you to Jesus?”

“You’re probably right.”

He gave an emphatic nod. “And God, too.”

“Would you like me to say the prayer?” Ethan’s voice saved her from having to speak.

“Yes, please.” She eyed Cooper. “Ethan will say our prayer.”

He bowed his head as Ethan extended his hands across the table, and Cooper grabbed his and hers. She watched,
then slipped her palm into Ethan’s. The warmth of his hands spread up her arm, and the vision of his lips on hers skittered into her mind, taking her breath away. She bowed her head as Ethan and Cooper had done, and listened to Ethan’s clear voice while he thanked the Lord for all things, especially the wonderful dinner she’d prepared. She joined their amens as she grappled with what had happened. Her mind spun from the kiss to Cooper’s revelation to Ethan’s thoughtful response.

When she lifted her head, they were looking at her. “Ethan, could you help Cooper with the salad while I carve the meat?” She managed to keep her hand calm as she sliced into the tender beef, then invited them to take the vegetables while she passed around the dressing. They dug into the food, and she slipped a fork of salad into her mouth, listening to Ethan and Cooper banter back and forth. Sometime during the meal, Ethan turned the conversation in a new direction.

“Now that you’re feeling good and your hair is growing back—” Ethan gave Cooper a playful poke “—and school is letting out soon, what would you like to do or see? Where would you like to go if you could pick anything or any place you wanted?”

She chuckled at how he’d covered all bases. The hair, school and health were covered. She studied Cooper’s face as he thought. “I’d like some of those sticks to play that game.”

Ethan rolled his eyes at her. “Something bigger. Much bigger.”

His eyes widened. “Like go to a place far away?”

“Yes, I think that’s what Ethan means.” She gave him an I’m-trying-to-help-you look. He grinned.

“Okay.” He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes as
if making a wish. Then a grin filled his face, and he bound from the table and darted into the den.

Ethan’s eyes widened. “That’s energy.”

“When he’s excited, it is. When it’s about homework, not so much.”

He chuckled and opened his mouth as if to say something more but closed it again as Cooper hurried back to the table with a book under his arm. When he shifted it in front of Ethan, Lexie recognized the cover. The national parks photographs.

“Some place in here.” He poked the book with his index finger. “It’s where I’d like to go.” He opened the pages and flipped through.

Ethan stared at the book, his curiosity obvious.

Cooper paused, then turned a few more pages before he opened a two-page spread and paused. “Here. I want to see this.”

Lexie saw the great expanse of red, orange and coral rocks deepened by a sunset. “The Grand Canyon.”

Cooper’s head rocked forward and back. “It’s the biggest hole I’ve ever seen in a picture, and I’d like to go and see it for myself.” His gaze latched on to Ethan’s. “I could take my camera and make my own picture book.”

“You could, Coop, and from what I’ve seen of your photographs, you have a real talent.”

He redirected his gaze to her. “Can I go there, Mom?” He glanced back at Ethan. “For my summer vacation?” His expression deepened to longing. “When the teacher asks us to write about what we did in the summer, I could write about it and show my pictures.”

Ethan reached across the table and patted his arm. “I know a group that helps kids pick out something they’ve always dreamed about and then they try to arrange their trip. Would you like me to ask them?”

Cooper leaped off the chair with such speed, it catapulted to the floor. He dove toward Ethan and wrapped thin arms around the man’s neck. “Please. Please. Would you ask them? That would be the best vacation I ever had.”

Lexie’s chest tightened. It would be the only vacation he ever had. His illness and her pinching dollars didn’t allow much more than a trip to the beach or once a visit to his grandparents. That vacation proved to be a poor choice. Now they’d changed for the better. She was grateful for that.

“And you come, too, Ethan.” He glanced toward Lexie but not long enough for her to respond. “Would they let you come, too?”

Ethan’s face blanched, his gaze seeking hers. “I’m not sure about that, buddy.”

“Please. It wouldn’t be as fun without you.” He captured her gaze. “Right, Mom? It wouldn’t be as fun without Ethan.”

Her heart seemed to rise to her throat, and she swallowed. “I suppose it wouldn’t, Coop.” She drew in a lengthy breath.

“Then we can pray to Jesus, right?” He looked at Ethan first, then turned to Lexie.

Kisses, trips with Ethan and prayers to Jesus. Lexie’s head spun with Cooper’s chatter.

“Mrs. Rhodes always tells Lucy that Jesus hears our prayers. Is that right, Ethan?”

“He hears prayers and knows everything.”

Her lungs emptied. She hoped Jesus knew she was drowning.

Ethan stood beside his car, enjoying the breeze. The air-conditioning hadn’t seemed to work efficiently inside the building during the Dreams Come True meeting, although he wondered if it had been his apprehension causing him to
feel so warm. He’d never introduced a trip to the group that seemed to have so much at stake. The members had received his presentation well. Empathy tugged at their faces, especially the women, when they heard about the single mom dealing with her brave son. He didn’t have any answers today, but Cooper’s trip had been introduced. Now the cost and arrangements would be discussed and voted on. He was certain it would be approved.

What he hadn’t mentioned was his involvement, although Ross knew and so did Bill Reuben. Neither said anything, and he was grateful. Right now he’d been dealing with Cooper’s request that he go along. Was it appropriate, and again, what new problem might it cause? And then Cooper had invited him, not Lexie.

Part of him longed to go. He wanted to see Cooper view the Grand Canyon for the first time. The thought of the pictures the boy would take thrilled him. Distant shots of the burnished colors of the canyon walls. Closeups of cacti, flowers and rocks. The excitement flared along his veins, yet could he ever walk away from them if he went? Could he walk away from them now?

He lowered his head and closed his eyes, sending up a prayer for God to provide him with wisdom. “Good presentation.”

Jerking at the voice, Ethan spun around to face Ross. “Thanks. The boy deserves a wonderful trip.”

“It sounds like it.” He extended his hand. “And thanks again for asking Lexie about adding men to the MOSK group.”

Ethan squirmed. “The women vote on it, so there’s no guarantee.”

He shrugged his shoulder. “I know, but you tried.” He drew himself to full height. “Once it’s approved, will you go on the trip with Cooper and his mom?”

A kick in the gut wouldn’t have knocked the wind out of Ethan any quicker. “Cooper asked me to go along.”

“Sounds like a nice time.”

Ethan studied his face. “But I don’t think that’s protocol.”

“It’s not typical, but if Peyton was granted a trip, I would go. Naturally I’d pay my own way.”

“So would I, and I’d have my own room, naturally.”

“If I were in your shoes, I’d go, I think.” He gazed into his eyes. “I really think I would if they asked me to go.”

“Thanks for the advice.” He shook Ross’s shoulder as he said goodbye and stepped away. He watched Ross for a moment, then slipped into the car and peered at his watch. School would be out soon. Ethan dug for his cell phone and punched in Lexie’s number. When she answered, he told her about his presentation and offered to pick up Cooper from school.

“I’m glad it looks hopeful. How can I thank you?”

Their kisses came to mind. Kisses and Cooper’s bright smile were enough for now. “You just did.”

When he hung up, he headed for school and was welcomed with Cooper’s enthusiastic greeting. This time he bypassed the Dairy O and drove directly to Lexie’s. Cooper didn’t ask and he was glad. He’d decided that for Cooper’s own good, sometimes he had to say no. God’s answer was sometimes no to people’s prayers, and he’d wanted to tell that to Cooper the day he talked about Jesus at dinner. One day the boy needed to learn that, like a parent, permission or wants weren’t always granted. God gave His gifts in His time. That difficult lesson impacted Ethan’s life more than he liked to recall.

Cooper darted up the porch steps and into the house, while Ethan stood amazed at the change in the boy. When they’d first met, his illness had kept him from doing so many things.
Ethan strode inside as Cooper dropped his backpack by the staircase.

“Only four more days of school, Mom.”

“I know.” She noticed Ethan and grinned.

“We have exams on Thursday and only a half day on Friday.”

Ethan chuckled. “Am I hearing this from a young man who couldn’t wait to go to school?”

He beamed a smile. “But I need a break.”

Even Lexie burst into laughter. “We all need a break sometimes, Coop.” She gave him a pat on the back. “Go up and change your clothes.”

He curled his nose and turned to face Ethan.

“I’ll be here, buddy.”

The smile returned. He grabbed his backpack and charged up the stairs.

Ethan watched him until he turned the corner and then strode toward Lexie. He longed to slip his arm around her waist, but he never knew when Cooper would appear, and he didn’t want to confuse the boy. He gave her more details on his presentation, and when he stopped he noticed something in her expression. “What’s on your mind?”

She lowered her eyes. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what? The trip?”

“Yes, but…about you.”

“My coming with you?”

She hesitated, then gave a faint nod. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“I’m not sure, either.”

Her eyes widened. “I thought you’d—”

“I’d love to be there when Cooper sees the Grand Canyon. I could help him take photographs, but I’ve asked myself if it’s appropriate.”

“Right. It looks like…” Her jaw tightened as tension etched her face. “It looks like we’re…a family.”

He nodded. “You know I would have my own room if I went along.”

She nodded.

So what if they looked like a family? Or a couple? They were what they were. Friends. More than friends, he hoped. Yet what was best riddled him, too.