A Brush of Wings (27 page)

“Of course.” The news about Lexy being pregnant was tough to take. “Poor girl.”

Mary Catherine wondered if things might’ve turned out differently if she’d stayed. Suddenly she remembered Aspyn, one of the volunteers, telling her she should consider making this her mission field. But Mary Catherine hadn’t listened. By going to Africa, she’d done what she wanted to do, what she had dreamed of doing. And she had loved every minute of her time with the children. But had she even listened to the wisdom of people she trusted? Godly people? Had she followed the Lord’s leading? Or just her own?

The regret was hard on her.

A nurse came in with more medicine. It was time for visitors to leave. Sami smiled, but she wiped away a few tears as she gave Mary Catherine another hug. “We’ll be praying for you. Everything will be fine. I believe that.”

Mary Catherine nodded. “Me, too. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

When they were gone, Marcus slid his chair closer and sat beside her again. “Are you afraid? About tomorrow?”

“No.” The peace Mary Catherine had felt before getting so sick was back again. “God brought me halfway around the world so I could have this surgery. He’ll see me through it.”

“He will.” Marcus lowered the bedrail that separated them. Once it was down he moved his chair even closer. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if . . .” He paused, searching her eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

She kept her eyes on his.
How could I have run from him?
A man who would rescue her from Africa to prove how much he cared? She touched his shoulder, his cheek. “I asked God to give me this.”

Marcus searched her eyes. “This?”

“You.” She felt at home with him. “The chance to be with you in person . . . and tell you I was wrong.”

He looked relieved. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His eyes grew a shade darker, more troubled than before. “Even after our time at the airport that day. Before you left.”

“I figured you’d hate me forever.” She slid a little closer to him. It was still hard to believe she was back home, alive. And he was here with her. “I’m so sorry.”

“I told you back then.” Marcus allowed the slightest smile. “I didn’t believe you.”

Mary Catherine didn’t have to think about what to say next. She was tired of sidestepping the truth. Again she put her hand alongside his face. “You were right.”

It took Marcus a moment to understand what she was saying. He sat up a little straighter and studied her, as if he couldn’t quite believe what she was saying. “Meaning . . .”

“Meaning you were right.” A quiet giggle came from her. “Of course I’m the marrying type.” Her smile faded. “I just didn’t think I’d live long enough.”

“Mary Catherine.” He kissed her hand, his eyes locked on hers. “People never know how long they have. Less time doesn’t mean less life.” He held her hand to his cheek. “You of all people should know that.”

She nodded. “I do now.”

Marcus leaned his forearms on her bed and brought his face as close as he could to hers. “This might be a strange time to ask.” He looked around. “I mean, if I had it my way we’d be on some windswept beach and there’d be dolphins playing in the surf.”

She laughed, her heart suddenly giddy. She had no idea where he was going with this, but she loved how it felt to be this close to him.

“Since we can’t have that . . . and since it looks like you’ll be in here awhile, let me tell you again what I told you at the airport.” He smoothed his hand over her hair and down her arm, his eyes still holding hers. “I’ve talked to your parents.” A depth of emotion seemed to come over him. He had to work to find his voice. “I have their blessing.”

“Marcus?” Her mind raced, disbelief and the most beautiful joy colliding around her.

“Mary Catherine, I want to marry you.” He searched her eyes. “As soon as you’re well enough, please . . . would you be my wife?”

This time there were no walls between them, nothing to stop her from really hearing him, from seeing past her obstacles to the heart of the man. The very real man that was Marcus Dillinger. She rolled onto her side and took his hands in hers. “Yes.” She looked deep into his eyes and she could see the future they might have together. Whether it was hours or years, she only wanted to be by his side, only wanted to be his wife. As long as God would give them. She laughed even as her tears came. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Marcus looked beyond relieved, as if he’d been holding his breath waiting for her answer. “You don’t know how long I’ve prayed for this.”

They stayed that way, searching each other’s eyes, and eventually neither of them was afraid any longer for what tomorrow held. “I can’t wait to get out of here.” Mary Catherine spoke in a whisper. “I want to be in your arms so badly.”

He leaned in and kissed her lips. “I thought I’d spend the rest of my life wondering about you, missing you.” He smiled at her. “I could never find someone like you, Mary Catherine. My heart was made for yours.”

Her heart. The reminder sent a ripple of doubt through the beautiful moment. “The surgery . . . it’ll go fine. It will.”

“Yes.” His strength was tangible, a physical presence. He kissed her again. “God brought you this far. You’ll get through it.”

Mary Catherine nodded. She needed to live in that place, believing that God had brought her home for a reason. That she would have a successful surgery and live long enough to marry Marcus. Maybe even have children one day.

A week ago she was sure she’d be in heaven by now. But now God had given her another chance at life, and she wanted it desperately. And though she believed in the best, Mary Catherine knew the statistics. Not everyone survived open-heart surgery. A person’s body could reject a mechanical heart the same as a donor heart. She could contract pneumonia or even succumb to infection in the valves.

Every day God gave them would be a gift.

Mary Catherine ran her hand alongside Marcus’s face. “When the doctor asked me . . . if I wanted to live . . .”

“The question killed me.” He spoke softly, straight to her soul.

“I want to live, Marcus.” She felt a rush of sadness. “If I would’ve died in Africa . . . I can’t think about it.”

He searched her eyes. “What changed your mind? About coming home?” He took hold of her hand again. “What made you want to fight for your life?”

Mary Catherine looked toward the window. She was back at the orphanage again, dust on her shoes, the hot air all around her. “It was Ember.” She blinked and looked back at Marcus. “She told me it wasn’t God’s will to give up on life. Not ever.”

Relief softened Marcus’s eyes. “Thank God for that woman.”

“God sent her at just the right time.” Mary Catherine closed her eyes. She was tired again, but she still had more to say. She forced her eyes open again. “Marcus?”

“Yes, love.”

She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to put words to the possibility. But if this was her last time to see Marcus, she had something to say. “If I don’t . . . if something goes wrong tomorrow.” She put her hand against his chest, the place over his heart. “Keep me here. Please, Marcus.”

His eyes filled and his chin trembled. “You can’t think like that.”

“I have to.” She blinked and a few tears slid down her cheeks. “I always have to. There’s no guarantee.” Her hand remained. “Please, Marcus.”

All her life seemed to hinge on these minutes with him. He wiped her tears with his fingertip. “As long as I live . . .” He put his hand over hers, the one still on his heart. “You’ll be here. With me.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. Being with him felt so good. “Whatever happens tomorrow . . . I will always be with you. Until we see each other again. However long that takes.”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. The love in his eyes said it all.

“Okay.” She sniffed and the seriousness of the moment lightened. “And I promise the rest of our days I won’t be as difficult.”

He tilted his head back and laughed. Then he shook his head and kissed her again. “That’s good.”

For the rest of the evening and into the night, Marcus stayed by her side. They didn’t tell anyone about his proposal or their plans to marry. He would tell them tomorrow. For now it was just the two of them, dreaming about a future that until today had not seemed possible.

After tomorrow her heart would no longer beat inside her chest. Instead a machine would keep her alive. There would be no swimming, no escaping the cord that would come from her chest to her battery pack. But she would be alive.

Finally around nine o’clock, he stood. “I want you to sleep.”

She couldn’t find the words. It hurt just thinking about telling him goodbye.

He reached for her hand. “Let’s pray.”

“Okay.”

And with that Marcus prayed the most beautiful prayer Mary Catherine had ever heard. He asked that God would get her through the surgery and that the mechanical heart would take perfectly, and that the Lord would give them a life together.

And something that gave Mary Catherine a peace that passed understanding.

Marcus asked that God would keep His angels around her until they saw each other again.

21

L
EXY LOOKED OUT THE
apartment window just as the car pulled up. In all her life she had never felt more scared and sick and unsure of what she would even say. This was all still a shock. First the news that Mary Catherine almost died.

Then this.

Just yesterday Sami had gotten news that Lexy’s mother was being let out of prison today. Today. With no warning. Her mama’s sentence had been cut short a year and now she was free. She was going home to live with Lexy’s grandmother. But first she wanted to come here and talk to Lexy.

Sami had picked her up from the bus stop fifteen minutes ago.

Lexy watched her mom step out of the passenger side. Her clothes hung on her and she held just one small plastic bag of things. She looked nothing like the mama who had gone to prison when Lexy was just a little girl. Her eyes were tired and her face and arms were skinny.

Like she was more dead than alive.

Lexy closed her eyes for a moment and held her breath. She wasn’t ready for this. Sami would tell her to pray, so she tried.
God, it’s me. Lexy. I feel sick, so maybe You could help me get through this. Thanks.

She stepped back from the window and opened the door. As soon as their eyes connected, her mom looked down for a long while. She seemed embarrassed. Like it might be easier to go back to prison than face Lexy now.

Finally she lifted her head. Her eyes looked a million years old. “Hi, baby girl . . . I’m back.”

Lexy didn’t speak or move. What was she supposed to say?

Sami followed Lexy’s mother into the apartment. She pointed to the couch and chair a few feet away. “Maybe we could all sit down for a bit.”

“Yes.” Lexy’s mom nodded. “Thank you.”

Lexy couldn’t imagine sitting next to her mom. Like nothing had happened. Lexy took the chair and waited while her mother sat on the sofa. They were facing each other but it felt like there was an ocean between them. Her mom folded her hands neatly on her lap and cleared her throat. “Sami tells me you’re . . . pregnant.”

Lexy nodded. It took her a minute to look at her mother after that. “Yeah. I am.” Lexy had asked Sami to tell her mom about the baby before they got here. It was too awkward for Lexy to do it herself. She stared at her fingers and nodded. “I’m two months along.” She looked at her mother. “Not how you hoped I’d turn out, right?”

“Nothing is how I hoped.” Her mom shook her head and then slowly, like water from a breaking pipe, she began to cry. She covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry, baby girl.” Her words were hard to understand through her tears. “I’m so sorry.” She held her hand out. “Please . . . can you come sit by me?”

The distance between them felt good. Her mama didn’t deserve to sit near her. She was the one who did drugs and got sent to prison for most of Lexy’s childhood. She leaned her head back, defiance in her heart. “I wouldn’t be like this if you’d been here!” Tears filled her voice before they leaked into her eyes. “You didn’t love me enough to be a good mama!”

“I did love you.” Her mother’s crying was softer now, more painful. “I never wanted the drugs. I’m an addict, baby girl. I couldn’t help it.”

She could help it. If she loved me enough, she would’ve stayed clean
. The response shouted at her on the inside. But on the outside, Lexy didn’t say anything. She put her hand over her flat stomach, over the place where her own little baby was growing.

And for a moment she imagined keeping this child, and how nothing could ever get in the way of her love for her baby. She lifted her eyes to her mother and gradually Lexy saw things differently. At some point her mom must’ve loved her like this, the way Lexy loved the baby inside her.

Lexy felt her defenses falling like broken glass, dropping in sharp invisible pieces at her feet. Her mother hadn’t moved, hadn’t taken her hands from her face. But Lexy was seeing a different picture from the one in front of her. Her mama standing next to her before her first day of kindergarten. All of life ahead of them.