A Break Up Survival Guide (3 page)

I couldn’t wait to get home and it was the first and last blind date I ever went on. Personally, I don’t recommend them, but that is my experience. 

Tip D
:
  Even if you think you know someone or it is a person recommended by a friend, don’t go out until perhaps you have had several conversations with him.  With Facebook, emails, phone and texting these days, you have ample opportunity to get to know where people are at and a bit about them before you meet up with them.  Having some knowledge about the kind of person they are and what they are looking for and so on well in advance can save you some embarrassing moments.

So you are now in the midst of a major life change. All life changes, although frequently painful, can be unexpected instruments for growth and progress. You now face a unique time to evaluate many things in your life and how they relate to your personal happiness.

Maybe your husband or significant other has decided to move on or perhaps you jointly have decided that this is the best action to take for many reasons. There are major job changes on the horizon. Now what? How do you survive this major life change? Here are eight survival tips to help you through these kinds of situations.

Tip 1: 
First of all, don’t do anything in a hurry…not until you’ve talked about your feelings and reactions with a trusted friend, a coach or an objective listener. Don’t rush into dating if your relationship has ended or into the job market if you have been laid off. Avoid making mistakes at a time when good judgment may be clouded by feelings of anger, denial or depression. Such a critical transition first requires a period of reflection as well as a logical approach.

Tip 2
:
 
Acknowledge, honour, process, and deal with the emotions tied to finding yourself in this place and situation. Denying your emotions only delays your progress. Know that it is normal to experience a variety of feelings. While change can occur very quickly, our transition and adjustment to the change are very personal and take time.

Tip 3
:
  Find a trusted friend, counsellor, member of the clergy, family member or professional with whom you feel totally safe and ask if they are willing to let you vent and listen without judgment. Allow yourself to vent safely with them. This will enable you to move more quickly through the rebounding process.  Once your emotions are processed, you will find the energy to immerse yourself in the activities to move forward.

Tip 4
:
Accept the support of others. Let you family members and close friends know what you’re experiencing and most importantly, how they can assist you. Relying on others’ support can create a team effort and a positive working environment for you. You most likely would be happy to help your family and colleagues if they were in such a transition, so allow them to do the same for you now.

Tip 5
:
 
Take charge of the unexpected. It may be that you did not see this coming at all, even though in hindsight, there may have been warning signals along the way that were either discarded or not dealt with. Decide that you are in charge of your destiny and take the necessary actions to rebound.

Tip 6:
Take care of yourself physically (get enough sleep, drink plenty of water, eat well,…) so that you have the energy to do what you need to do.

Tip 7:
Take action. The way to rebound from this setback is to take action. Figure out what you need to do now to take care of yourself, your children and your finances and start doing those things. Know that you
can
take charge of your current situation and move forward toward what you truly want in your life.

Tip 8:
  Maintain perspective and a positive mental attitude toward yourself, your family, your friends and your situation in general. This is the single most important ingredient
to moving forward successfully. To ensure a successful transition, stay mentally alert, physically strong and socially connected. Realize that this is a process and pace yourself accordingly.

As is the case in many of the sudden, unexpected events you may have faced in your life, you are now at a decision point. Will you consider the situation a problem or an opportunity? Choose opportunity, seek the assistance you need and move forward with grace and ease.

Since so much change is happening in your personal life, this can have an impact on your performance at work.  Even though employers can be sympathetic, they still have a business to run and your productivity can be substantially diminished during this time. 

You need your job!  It’s the last thing you need to lose right now.  Stay focused on your job when you’re at work.  If you don’t want coworkers or colleagues to know what’s going on in your personal life, then at the very least have a private meeting with your employer. 

Let your employer know of your circumstances so that he or she can cut you some slack.  If you need time off to sort things through emotionally, then ask for it rather than turn up to work unhappy and distressed all the time.  Many workplaces offer counseling and it’s free!  If they have this option, then by all means take it! 

Tip A:
  Stay positive and open minded about the work situation. No one wants a whiner or complainer on their team or on their staff. Regardless of how you may feel about what is happening, look on the bright side and stay focused on being thankful for all you have, including your job. If it weren’t for the job challenges, you wouldn’t have a job, right?

Tip B:
Take on more responsibility. Be prepared to lend a hand and take initiative every day. Yes, every time you raise your hand or take on something new, think of it as showing your boss that you are an enthusiastic, valuable player on the team.

Tip C:
  Talk to your employer about your situation. Take time off if you can.  Employers are human, too.  They understand how unexpected and traumatic changes in our lives can affect our work performance.

Tip D
:
Take counselling if it is offered.  Your employer will see this as a genuine attempt on your part to help yourself through this. 

The Law of Attraction
succinctly put is ‘
like attracts like’
.  We attract what we ‘
think
’.  For example; the people in our lives, the money in our bank accounts, the house we live in, the furniture in our house, the stuff we have, the job we have, our work colleagues, the man we have or don’t have in our life and our friends are attracted into our lives through our thoughts and feelings.  

So if you are in a state of lack, you continue to attract that lack. If you are anxious, distressed and depressed, you will continue to attract these conditions that cause you to remain in such an emotional state. When you focus or give your attention to what you ‘don’t have’ or what is missing in your life, you continue to get more of the same stuff showing up in your life.

Tip A:
  Create a list.   Start to think about what you DO have.  You can do this constructively by writing it down on paper or a note book where you can continue to add to it every day.

Begin by writing down the things that you have in front of you immediately.  For example: the dwelling you live in( be it humble), the clothes you have, the shoes on your feet, the blankets you have in winter, the food on the table, the electricity, the cold and hot running water, your children, your job, your car, your friends, your relatives, your bed, your health and your life.  You see what I mean?

 As you begin to make this list, you will notice that each day you will continue to add to it and instead of thinking about what you DON’T have, you start to shift your thinking towards what you DO have. You will notice that you will begin writing down some of the simplest things you’ve taken for granted!

Eliminate negative thoughts
.
 
Are you thinking negatively?  Do you continually go over what has gone wrong in your life?  Do you think about what you should have done instead?

These are the thoughts that by continually re-living them day in and day out, whether you think them or talk about them continue to appear in your life.

Tip B:
  Start becoming an observer of your thoughts.  When you start to think of a negative experience deliberately choose a better and more positive thought.

Avoid engaging in negative conversations and choose to talk about what new experiences you want realized in your life.

Use positive affirmations as a way of replacing the negative self- talk.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude.
 
Have nothing to be grateful for?  Check your pulse!  In learning to attract more of what you DO want in your life and less of what you don’t; develop an attitude of being grateful for absolutely everything that comes your way. Be grateful for a rainy day as much as you would be grateful for the sunshine.  Be an appreciator of everything that is already in your life and everything that begins to show up. 

Try to see the glass as half full as opposed to viewing it half empty.  In doing this, you will begin to attract more of what you DO have!

Tip C:
  When you wake up each morning as you begin to get out of bed, begin to nominate all the things you have to be grateful for.

For example,  I am grateful for a wonderful night’s sleep.  I am grateful for my warm cosy bed, my warm cosy dressing robe, my slippers that I can slip my feet into, my hot shower, my coffee, my breakfast, my clean and freshly ironed clothes, my two legs I walk on, my eyesight, my hearing, my sense of taste.

The list will be endless.  As you start to do this, it may seem odd because you  are so used to taking things like vision, hearing, our sense of taste, smell and touch for granted.  It is a gift!  Be grateful!

Break the habit of attracting negative situations in your life.
 
Instead of focusing on your low-paying job, poor health, unhealthy relationship or lack of a relationship, focus on breaking the habit of attracting these negatives in your life like any other old bad habit. This will take some effort especially because negative language and thoughts have been so much a part of your life for years.   Replace it with positives!  Don’t dwell on the negative experiences; they were yesterday.  Think about what positive situations you want to draw into your life. 

Tip A:
  Get a scrapbook.  Fill the pages with pictures from magazines that depict what you want to see realised in your life, where you want to be and the kind of happy fulfilled person you want to become.  Make this a work of art and do this thoughtfully, not willy-nilly.  Create as many pages as you want.  After all, it’s YOUR book!    Call it your wish book, manifestation book, dream book or vision book.  Make a conscious effort to be specific and if pictures won’t do, then write down what you would like to see realised in your life.  BE SPECIFIC!!!!  The Universe loves specifics – the more the better!  Dare to dream! 

Use the Law Of Attraction to reduce stress.
 
Positive affirmations are a great way to reprogram your negative thinking to positive thinking. Think about what you want to create in your life or where you would like to see yourself go.  Figure out what you want first.   Take an idea about what you want to see realised in your life and repeat it out aloud so that it becomes a part of your thinking.  Replacing the negative ‘self talk’ with positive ‘self- talk’ will aid in reducing stress.

Tip B:
 Write up some very simple statements first.  Remember you can make as many positive statements as you like!  As well,  write what you WANT, not what you don’t want.  The LOA works like this:  It attracts what you give your attention to.  Thus, if you say to yourself, “I don’t want more of this disaster”, you will end up with more served up to you!    If you want more peace and calm in your life, then say “I am more and more at peace every day”.