A Boy Called Cin (15 page)

Cin sits back, any interest in sex gone. "He what?"

"She, actually. I was kind of impressed."

"I…" Cin opens and closes his mouth a few times and then gives up on trying to express all the things he was feeling to hug Tom tightly instead. "Jesus."

Tom makes a sad noise in the back of his throat and rests his hands on Cin's hips. "This is nothing new for me. I've been keeping you out of it for a
reason
."

"I just… Wow. It's like I know that the press does things like that? And yet, I'm shocked. I guess because it's someone I
know
."

"Yeah." Tom licks his lips. "Listen, I know this would be a really bad time for you to end up being the world's most eligible bachelor's new boyfriend, so if you wanted to take a break…"

Cin's not inclined to agree to that, but he looks at Tom carefully anyway. It's pretty clear that it's not what
he
wants, either, so there's no question. They've got plenty of options, and that's not one of them.

"No," he says firmly. "Not just because reliable orgasms are hard to come by, either. I will ask you to keep being as careful as you are now, but you're not escaping me that easily."

"As if I'd
want
to escape you." Tom tuts, rolling his eyes at Cin's suggestion. "I just want to make life as easy as possible for you."

"It's a lot easier with my hot boyfriend around. And I mean that completely seriously. I like you a lot."

"Not just because of the reliable orgasms?"

"Not just because of the reliable orgasms," Cin agrees. "You must be exhausted." He reaches out to run his fingers through Tom's hair. Tom closes his eyes and leans into the touch, humming softly.

"Kinda. I thought I'd take the long weekend off and hang out here, if that's okay with you."

"I have one assignment due on Monday, but if you want, I can get you off and you can go nap while I tear through it. It's mostly finished. Just an artist's statement to go."

Tom shifts, hovering on the edge of agreeing, but hesitates at the last second. "I don't wanna interfere with school. It's important to you."

"It's a five-hundred word statement. It'll take an hour, tops. I will tuck you in to bed, call for food, finish it up, and then wake you when it's time to eat."

"I'm supposed to take care of
you
," Tom complains, though not too whole-heartedly. He looks tired, now that Cin's really paying attention. He could probably use a little looking after.

Cin climbs off his lap, pulls up his pants and underwear, and then holds his hand out for Tom. "No. We take care of each other. It's my turn to make sure
you're
okay."

With a groan and a little more assistance from Cin than he might have liked, Tom gets up off the couch. A fond smile turns up the corners of his lips. "You're amazing."

"I so am. Come on. Nap time." Cin tugs on Tom's hand to lead him through to the bedroom. Tom sniffs as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Smells different in here. You smell different."

"I am supposed to." Cin gets down on hands and knees to untie Tom's shoes. "Good different?"

"Different different. It's still
you
. It's just not the same you," Tom rambles as Cin pulls his shoes off. "It's not bad."

After a moment's hesitation, Cin looks up at him from the floor. "So… you're still attracted to me?"

He doesn't want to be uncertain about it, and there's a part of his brain that's screaming about what a ridiculous question that is—Tom's here, isn't he? Isn't that enough proof?—but there's another part of him that's waiting for Tom to confess, kindly and apologetically, that he's not into Cin anymore, because Cin's changing.

"What? Obviously." Tom frowns at him, but then his face softens. "It'd take a lot more than a different smell to turn me off. Maybe if an alien took over your body, but otherwise? I am so attracted to you. Acne and all. I'm just really tired, so maybe it's not showing as much."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Tom reaches out to run his fingers through Cin's hair, mirroring Cin's earlier gesture. "I'll be honest with you if that changes, but I can't see why it would. Cliché as it might be, I like you for who you are. The fact that you're really hot is a nice bonus, and you're also not getting less hot."

Cin chuckles and rests his head against Tom's thigh. "Want me to eat you out before bed?"

Tom shakes his head. "I'm gonna shower after food, and then I'd love to take you up on that. But not right this second."

"Okay. I think I can live with the disappointment." Cin smiles. "I love you."

It's pretty rare that he says it first, but Cin's feeling weird and vulnerable and he just needs to hear it back right now.

"I love you, too," Tom says, without missing a beat. "Go do homework. It's important."

*~*~*

"Are you proud of me?"

Cin chuckles. Tom's tone brings up an image of him sitting behind his desk, twirling an old-fashioned curly phone cord around his finger.

"Always. Why, what have you done?" Cin moves the phone to hold it between his shoulder and his ear so he can keep typing. He'd put it on speaker, but Rachel's home and Tom is prone to saying things she'd rather not hear on the phone. Also in person, but normally, he doesn't do it in front of her.

"Took a cooking lesson. And I'm taking another one in a few days, and then two more next week. So Thanksgiving is going to be awesome, because
nothing
is going to be pre-packaged,
and
it's going to be cooked properly. I'm a good boyfriend."

Cin's stomach twists. "Oh, crap. I didn't want to tell you this on the phone, but I don't have time to go down to Oregon for Thanksgiving. I barely have time for anything right now. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, no big deal. It's nothing I won't be able to repeat. School's important."

"You're disappointed." Cin pinches the bridge of his nose, thankful that Tom can't see him or the dark circles under his eyes right now. It's the last thing he wants to do, but there's just
so much
that's due all at the same time and it's his final semester. Having to back out of spending time at the animal shelter was bad enough, and now Tom's gone and learned to cook. It's physically painful to say no.

"I am, yeah, I won't lie about that. But I'm also kind of not? Definitely not in you. You should pick school over me. Especially when it's nearly over." Tom pauses for a moment. "Would I be in your way if I came over for a day or two? I need to see Poppy that day or she'll probably murder me, but I could fly down to you after lunch and make you and Rachel a late dinner? Since you're probably both swamped."

"We kinda are." Cin smiles at Tom's offer. "You would not be in the way. And I could really go for at least one night of falling asleep next to you. I miss that."

"Me too."

A silence forms between them, but it's not uncomfortable. Cin's heart still hurts from having to say no to Thanksgiving, but this is his last semester. When it's over, he'll be free for good and they can all get together for Christmas.

"Hey, could I convince you to take a week or two off for Christmas? Consider it my reward for finishing three and a half years of schooling."

"I can probably do a little better than that, but yeah, definitely." Tom's tone is much brighter now. "Long as I can just plaster the ceiling in mistletoe."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." Cin grins. "Thank you for understanding. You
are
a good boyfriend."

"I'd be a pretty horrible boyfriend if I demanded you drop everything and come spend time with me, wouldn't I? You've taught me a lot about what a good romantic partnership is supposed to look like. I want us to be great."

"You're sweet. Can I call you back after I finish this email to my professor?"

"Definitely," Tom enthuses. "I'm in all night. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

Cin looks down at his phone, then up at the email he'd started typing to ask whether the dimensions they'd been given for their next assessment were minimum, maximum, or absolute. It shouldn't have been a surprise that Tom took it well, but Cin was only now starting to realize that where Tom had expected terrible manners from previous partners in bed, he'd come to expect terrible manners in other aspects. Like not getting upset that you're not literally the only thing in another person's life.

Tom was nothing if not full of surprises.

*~*~*

Cin collapses into bed beside Tom with a groan, everything from head to feet aching with a combination of tiredness and sitting awkwardly all day. "I hate to be a walking cliché, but I have a headache," he complains. Part of him would still really like to have sex with Tom, but there are enough parts of him that refuse to move again for at least ten hours that it's not really an option.

Tom makes a soft, sleepy noise and wraps his arms around Cin. "Get everything done?"

"Yeah." He yawns and then rests his nose against Tom's shoulder, grateful for the soothing warmth of his body. "I'm never drawing another thumbnail again. And my essays made me feel like a pretentious asshole. When did art get not-fun?"

"It'll be fun again." Tom hugs him a little tighter. "You're just tired right now. You'll probably never be under this much pressure again."

Cin grunts and curls up as close to Tom as physically possible. He thinks about saying something else, anything to get Tom to just talk to him until he falls asleep, and then he realizes he could just ask for that.

"Talk me to sleep?"

"Uh. Yeah, sure." Tom pauses a moment, apparently lost for words. "You look great. You smell great. Feel great. And you're so talented. I knew that, but I don't think I really
got
it until I got to watch you work this weekend. I'd like to do that more often."

"'Kay," Cin mumbles. Tom just talking is already doing wonders for all his aches and pains and sending him slowly off to sleep.

"I'm not good at art. I'm good at machines. Well, not machines. Code. I'm terrible with aesthetic things. If Poppy hadn't more or less picked out my whole wardrobe for me, I'd probably always look like a five-year-old dressing himself for the first time. You always look great, by the way. None of your clothes match, but they still manage to look good. Maybe that's just you, but I think that's cool."

Cin smiles and nuzzles Tom's neck to encourage him to keep going.

"So we've covered that you're gorgeous and talented." Tom chuckles. "You seem happier. Not that you ever really seemed unhappy, but there's a difference. You're more comfortable, I think. It's really great to see. And I'm so glad I got to see you this weekend. I missed you so much. I love you so much."

"Love you, too," Cin murmurs, and it's the last thing he knows before he falls blissfully, mercifully asleep.

*~*~*

Cin's been standing in front of the mirror for the last twenty minutes, turning and twisting to get a good look at himself. The changes he's gone through aren't new to him, but between the pressure of school and no small amount of worry about what he'd see, he's been putting off actually looking in a mirror for any length of time. He's outright avoided seeing himself naked in one.

It's much, much better than he imagined. Corded muscles have sprung up on his arms with no effort; his shoulders are squarer; a dark trail of hair that starts below his belly button leads pleasingly down between his legs to where his clitoris peeks out between the lips, just slightly. He's not sure yet if he should expect more growth there or not, but he'd be okay with it if he didn't get any. His breasts have started to atrophy; they're easier to bind flat now, and he hadn't missed that T-shirts looked better on him.

For a moment, Cin's tempted to take a photo and send it off to Tom, to let him see what he's getting in a couple of days. The last three weeks have flown by without as much contact as they'd normally have, and Cin's seriously starting to miss him. He gets as far as opening the camera app on his phone and then pauses. Tom's waited this long—he can wait another few days and see Cin in person instead. Cin's been keeping him updated, but a
lot
has changed since their few stolen moments over the Thanksgiving weekend. Kamille had said the effects would be cumulative, and Cin had gone in search of other people's experiences, but he'd had no idea it was going to snowball quite so fast.

Cin looks like a man now. Not, obviously, that men look any particular way. But this is what he'd expected to see in the mirror for years, what he'd gotten sick of
not
seeing. The shock of looking at himself was that for the first time, there was no shock. He looks like himself.

Tom was
definitely
not going to regret his investment in Cin's happiness.

"Oh my God." Tom's hand comes up to cover his mouth without him thinking about it. It's only been a few weeks since he last saw Cin, but in that time he's figured out shaving, his face has cleared up, and everything about him screams confidence. Tom never thought of Cin as
lacking
that, but it's turned up to eleven now. "You look amazing."

Cin grins at him and twirls as he steps onto the front porch to show off. Tears sting at Tom's eyes as he looks him over. It's so obvious how much more comfortable Cin is that there's not enough room in Tom's heart to hold all the joy it brings him.

"Is that mistletoe?" Cin points above Tom's head to the sprig he'd strung up there, knowing that Cin was the only one coming over. Poppy had taken herself off on a well-deserved holiday to Europe, and Tom was going to miss her, but there was the benefit of getting a couple of weeks alone with Cin.

"Sure is." Tom rocks on the balls of his feet. Before he gets to challenge Cin to take advantage of it, Cin leaps forward into his arms, almost hard and fast enough to knock him over. Cin kisses him like they haven't seen each other in years. It's a hell of a turn-on, but all Tom can do at the moment is hang on to the door frame and kiss back.

When Cin breaks off, he wraps his arms around Tom's neck and hugs him tightly enough to make it hard to breathe. He was always fit: Tom assumes from carrying around assorted artist's supplies, but there's noticeably more strength in his arms now. It hasn't quite been four months since he started hormones, but the changes are pretty stark. He wonders if Cin's noticed it as much as he does.