A Boy Called Cin (11 page)

"That would be wonderful," she calls back as they both disappear.

Tom flicks on the coffee machine and glances over at Cin and Poppy as they settle down. They're both laughing within a few minutes, joy obvious on both their faces, and Tom smiles as he watches them. It feels a lot like having his whole family together.

Poppy turns out to be the complete antithesis of her brother. She's vibrant and loud and glamorous, obviously happy to be something of a celebrity, and Cin falls a little in love with her on the day she shows up. She gets excited about him being an art student and talks about exhibition openings she's been to and how important art is.

She also drags Cin out for coffee the next morning and sips her decadent, sugary order with barely-contained joy. She's so
happy
and Cin can't help but smile in her presence.

"So. Art." She grins. "Good for you. There are enough engineers and lawyers in the world."

"Maybe. I wouldn't make a very good engineer or lawyer, though. My brain doesn't work that way." Cin sips his own slightly-more-conservative coffee.

"At least it works. Better than you can say for a lot of people."

Cin chuckles. "I like you. Let's ditch Tom and ride off into the sunset together."

Poppy laughs and sets her drink down. "If I thought you liked me more than you liked Tom, I'd trail you around after me for a while. You're cute. I could have a lot of fun with you."

"If only I hadn't seen Tom first." Not that he'd really go back and change anything, but if Poppy had approached him, he could easily imagine kneeling at her feet. Poppy is the kind of woman Cin is inclined to worship. "You're so different. Much prettier."

"Flatterer." Poppy sits back in her armchair and adjusts her skirt. "You're surprisingly confident for your age. Most people are a little scared of us. Me and Tom."

"What's the worst you could possibly do to me?"

"That's one way of looking at it." Poppy licks cream away from her lips and sets her drink down. "I'd warn you that I have practically unlimited resources at my disposal if you ever hurt my brother, but I don't think you'd hurt him. Not on purpose, anyway."

"I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. There's enough of that in the world, too."

"You're right there." Poppy taps her perfectly-manicured nails on her coffee cup. "You're also very wise for your age."

"Because agreeing to spend the summer with a practical stranger at his house in the middle of nowhere is the pinnacle of wisdom."

"You're young. You're allowed to do potentially-stupid things from time to time."

Cin sits back and relaxes. Poppy is great company and he feels like he can relax around her as much as he can around Tom. It's ridiculously easy to imagine himself slotting into their family comfortably, sitting around the dinner table and chatting night after night. It's something Cin promised himself he wouldn't want from Tom, because he knows that's not why he's here, and he can't resent not having it if he never wanted it in the first place. He doesn't want to resent Tom, or his position, or the million reasons they absolutely can't keep each other.

"I guess. It's not as though I sold my soul to him or anything. I'm just here for the summer." Saying it out loud makes Cin uncomfortable, as though he's giving up on something he actually wanted, but that's not Poppy's problem. His face must have betrayed him, though, because Poppy's looking at him with her neatly-plucked eyebrows drawn together. Cin can't talk while she's looking at him like that. He doesn't imagine most people can.

"I don't want to make this sound like you're in any way obliged to stay with him, but Tom wouldn't have brought you out here if you were disposable to him. Not that anyone ever is, but you're good for him, too. Again, not that I'm trying to guilt you into staying with him. All I'm saying is I see your doubt, and I understand it, but you could absolutely be family. I've always wanted a cute little brother."

Cin smiles despite himself. He's not sure he believes all of that, but it's good to hear it and he'd be proud to call Poppy his sister, too. "You'd make a great older sister. I'll keep that in mind."

*~*~*

"I dated a football player for a while once," Cin pants. "The benefit was, obviously, the whole stamina thing. The downside was that he would not shut up about football or running or weights or whatever and I don't care. I don't care to an aggressive degree. Basically, I'm not usually really into lovers who talk a lot. You don't count because you talk about
interesting things
." He turns his head to look at Tom, who's panting a lot more heavily.

"The downside with
you
is, I'm half-afraid you're going to have a heart attack right now." Cin waves a hand at Tom to draw attention to his breathing. He's not
really
worried, but Tom's pretty clearly exhausted. Cin's kind of proud of his achievement. "Though I would find that flattering."

"I'm fine," Tom chokes out. "Just not used to hour-long cardio workouts."

"One workout a year?"

"One workout a year." Tom nods.

"Me too. Or no workouts a year, but sometimes I have to move into or out of my dorm room and that sort of counts. Please don't start working out more. Your tummy is such a turn-on." Cin rolls back to Tom's side and throws an arm over him. He'd never really thought of himself as a post-sex cuddler before, but he's also never been with one person this long before. Maybe it's just a natural part of relationship progression.

Tom blushes and looks away, but doesn't attempt to move. Cin snuggles a little closer and leans in to kiss his chest. "You're so getting your revenge on me in the morning. I'm gonna be sore."

"I don't actually
want
that. I don't wanna hurt you."

"I just came like fifteen times. Probably not fifteen. But I
did
lose count, so. I'm really willing to not be able to sit down in the morning. Besides, you'd let me sit on your lap if I asked."

"Course I would. Does it sound creepy if I say I'd be happy for you to pretty much never leave my side?"

"A little. But nothing I'm about to kick you out of bed over. I like having access to your mouth too much."

Cin levers himself up to kiss Tom's lips, unable to resist any longer. He teases Tom about his butt—which is really nice—but it's his mouth that he's falling in love with. The rest of him, too. He'd rather not think about it, but he wants Tom like he's never wanted anyone before. It's terrifying.

A soft whimper escapes Tom as the kiss ends, so Cin kisses him again quickly and then climbs on top of him.

"I could fuck you all day." Cin smiles slowly. That's a lot easier to think about.

"I… would probably need a nap. Several naps, even. But I like the idea." Tom rubs the back of his neck. "Can I say something without sounding judgmental?"

"You can probably say
something
, but whether what you're about to say is going to sound judgmental, I have no idea."

"Well, firstly, it really is a turn-on that you're such a smartass. Secondly, you talk about a lot of people you've dated."

"And you're wondering where I find the time?" Cin keeps his tone light, but he can see where this conversation is headed and he's not sure he's ready for it. Tom obviously
can't
, though, or he wouldn't need to bring it up.

"Kinda, yeah. You're only twenty, but you seem like you've done so much."

"I didn't date any of them especially long." Cin tries to seem nonchalant. It's harder than he might have imagined when all he wants to do is tell Tom that this is his longest relationship by a good few months and also the one he's enjoyed most.

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." Tom smiles shyly. "Does that mean you kinda like me?"

"I feel like we've established that I like you very much. More than once." Cin ducks his head to kiss Tom again. "I'm hoping this won't all fall apart after the summer. I would actually miss you, and that's not true of very many people."

"I'm honored." Tom chuckles. "I don't want this to fall apart, either. I'm enjoying your company way too much."

"Then we won't let it." Cin stretches himself out over Tom's body, lying down on top of him and yawning widely as he does. "And I might have to sit in your lap tomorrow."

"Any time," Tom murmurs.

*~*~*

"Hold still." Cin taps Tom's knee with his pencil. "Go back to sleep."

"What're you doing?" Tom obeys the command and stays still.

"Drawing you." Cin's wanted to draw Tom from a live model since he first handed him a cup of coffee. He's just never had a chance and a sketchbook at the same time.

"Is this a naked drawing?"

"Are you naked?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then it's probably a naked drawing," Cin responds, without looking up.

"I'm not sure I want naked drawings of me out there in the wild."

"You might want to avoid looking on the internet, in that case. I am not the first person to make a detailed study of your ass."

"Yours is the most accurate, though. I can say for sure that no one else has ever drawn my ass from a live model." Tom turns his head and grins, and Cin likes the look on him too much to scold him for moving.

"I called you interesting before. I meant beautiful," Cin tells him.

"You're not getting all emotional on me, are you?"

"I'm an artist, asshole. Emotional is what I do." Cin reaches out to trace Tom's crow's feet. "I'm calling this series of drawings
Fucked Out
, just so you know. I was thinking of a twenty-foot canvas. To really capture you."

"I'm gonna assume you're joking and not kick you out of bed right now." Tom rolls over, but Cin's got enough down that he doesn't really need him to be still anymore. Besides, Tom has to sleep every night and he's getting less and less shy about showing Cin his ass.

It's been an amazing summer so far, and while Cin had thought it'd be a fun way to spend a few months in the beginning, he was now loathe for it to be over. He wants to finish his last year of college, sure, but Tom has been here every single day over the break and Cin is going to miss him when they both go back to reality. He doesn't doubt for a second that Tom would miss him, too.

"Listen, there's some stuff I wanna talk to you about. School stuff." Tom reaches out to tug him closer. "And other stuff, too."

Cin's stomach twists. Tom always meant well, and he's a good man, but if he's about to ask him not to bother going back or something, Cin's going to have to say no. He isn't sure if Tom would take that well.

"I wanna set you up in an apartment off-campus. Rachel, too, if you want. I know she's important to you and I know you can get really isolated at college. I wouldn't take her away, I just… I don't want you to have to go back to the women's dorms. I don't think you wanna be there, either."

Cin swallows. The offer is everything he's wanted, except he doesn't want to take anything from Tom. He's got no idea what other people have or haven't wanted from him, but he gets the impression that Tom thinks he has to buy other people's love and friendship. Whether he's actually ever had to or not is irrelevant.

"I don't want to be there. But I'm still honestly not here for your money. I'm mostly here for your butt."

"You do keep telling me it's a great butt." Tom nods.

"It is genuinely a great butt. I am going to miss it." Cin strokes his fingers through Tom's hair. "The person attached to it, as well."

"Sex on tap?" Tom smiles fondly. Cin leans over and kisses him, gentle and soft. He's going to miss kisses, and touches, the way Tom's breath hitches when he's turned on. Lazy mornings in bed. Tom's adventurous cooking attempts.

"Cuddling. On the couch," Cin murmurs. "And other things. The sex has been great, though."

"I love you," Tom says, voice soft. It sounds like something he's been wanting to say for a while. The honesty of it, and the trust, makes Cin's heart hurt.

"I love you, too," he replies, without even having to think about it. Love is not remotely the biggest obstacle in their way. There's still Tom's public figure status, the fact that he's twice Cin's age and people are going to find out about that, the possibility that as supportive as Tom is now, he'll eventually decide that he only needs one trans person in his life, because that's more than enough complication. It's also not going to help that Cin's a broke art student and Tom's head of the biggest tech company in the country.

"I don't wanna…" Tom's still not good at trusting that Cin isn't going to interpret whatever he says the worst possible way. Cin still regrets the argument they had earlier in the summer, because Tom's still tiptoeing around him sometimes and that's the last thing he wanted. He knows it'll get better with time, but he's impatient. "I love you
exactly
as you are, right? But if you wanted to do the medical-legal transition thing…"

"Yes," Cin agrees without hesitation. This is something he
will
take from Tom, because he needs it. He would never have asked, not in a million years, but he's not so stupid he won't take the offer up when he's got the chance. It doesn't guarantee that Tom will want to deal with it forever. It
does
guarantee that Cin won't have to deal with it later, though. The kind of transition he knows he needs is so far outside his own budget that he never expected to get it.

"Wow, that was easy." Tom blinks at him.

"You remember the first time we had sex, and after you told me I'd changed your life? That's the feeling you're offering me. It's not a complete fix, but it'd make things so much better."

"Why didn't you just
ask
?" Tom stares, horror written all over his face. Cin kisses him again to ease the look away. One of his least favorite things is Tom in any kind of distress.

Once he's got Tom distracted, he climbs on top of him and straddles his waist. "I am not here for your money. I'm saying yes because this is so important to me." He leaves
even more important than you
unspoken. Either Tom will understand that and they won't ever need to talk about it, or he won't understand it and they won't last. In any case, benevolent billionaires who want to pay for necessary medical treatment and safer housing don't grow on trees.