A Beautiful Forever (13 page)

Breathing deep as I close my eyes, I revel in the feel of
his skin against my cheek as I keep my head tucked and speak quietly against
his chest.

“My Mother worked - probably still works; for one of the big
multinational accounting firms in Sydney. When she was in her early 30s, she
got sent here, to London, for some sort of business trip. When she came back,
she found out she was pregnant with me.

“She used to tell me how sick she was on the plane home and
how she thought that she had food poisoning. I don’t know if that was true or
not, the timing doesn’t seem right to me, but it’s what she always said.

“As I grew, people would often comment on how my brother and
sister look so different from me. They would ask my mother who has straight,
light brown hair, where my own hair came from. It couldn’t be on my father’s
side; they were all blond hair, blue eyed…

“It wasn’t long before more questions were asked, ‘where did
she get those eyes?’, ‘where did she get that olive skin?’ I look nothing like
my family Elliot, and I got treated that way.

“My older brother and younger sister were always given
everything they wanted. I spent a lot of my life wondering if perhaps I was
really Cinderella, as my own possessions were very limited in comparison. If
something went wrong, I was the first to be blamed for it.

“As I got older, I noticed the way my parents looked at me.
I always felt like I was such a disappointment. I wasn’t good at school like my
siblings, nor was I good at sports. I was just me.

“By the time I was a teen I was becoming too much of a
handful for them, I would go out with my friends and refuse to come home on
time. I knew I wasn’t wanted so I did what I could to stay out of the way. Then
one day, I was walking up my driveway, and I noticed a bag with an envelope on
top. I opened it, and along with $200 was a note in my mother’s handwriting. It
said ‘This isn’t your home anymore.’ Stupidly, I tried the door – they’d
changed the locks - who the hell does that?

“I went to a friend’s house and stayed there for as long as
I could, then couch hopped for a while until I found a place to stay.

“I never understood why I was so different, and I hated them
for not loving me. But when I was sixteen, I ordered a copy of my birth
certificate to get my license. That’s when I found out why - my father isn’t my
father Elliot. My mother had an affair when she was in London. My real father
lives here.”

Elliot is quiet for a moment when I finish, and I close my
eyes tightly while I wait for his response.

“And you want to meet him?” Elliot asks finally, his voice
soft as he speaks into my hair, he’s been gently stroking my back while he
listened to me. 

“Yes – but I’m too nervous to go alone. Will you come with
me?”

“Of course,” he whispers, lifting my head so he can look
into my eyes. “Understand me when I say this Paige - I’d do anything for you.”

That admission from him, spoken so softly, had so much power
in it, that it caused a physical reaction within me. It started in my chest and
swirled outwards until it intensified to a point where I grabbed his face on
either side and brought our mouths together. I held him so tightly, as I kissed
him, my arms wrapping around his head and neck as we pulled each other closer,
not willing to let each other go for a frantic second.

Lying back down together on the single bed, we wrapped
ourselves around each other, absorbed in a passion that would keep us joined
for the rest of the night.  

Shane was good enough to let us use his car for the day, so
I can drive Paige out to Cambridge to meet her father. I’m still kind of in
shock that Paige’s parents would do something so horrible to her. I mean, she
was just a kid – she didn’t ask her mother to have an affair, why punish her
for the actions of the adults around her?

“Are you ok?” she asks, her hand resting on my leg as I
drive.

I glance at her momentarily, nodding to show her I’m fine,
before turning back to the road and my thoughts.

“So, does this guy – your father; know you’re coming?” I ask
eventually.

“Yeah he does. I actually contacted him yesterday, and I
spoke to him before I left Australia, so he knows who I am and he’s willing to
meet me. But I’ve been too scared to do anything about it until now. I mean,
what if he’s awful? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me beyond just
meeting me?” She shakes her head and slides her hands over her face and through
her hair, sighing heavily as she drops them in her lap.

Resting her head back into the seat she sits and watches me
as I drive, her stress and worry radiating off her. I reach over and grab her
hand again and give it a reassuring squeeze, lending her as much of my own
strength as I can, although I have to admit that I feel nervous about this too.

“Thank you Paige,” I tell her, suddenly.

“Thank you for what?” she asks sounding surprised.

“For trusting me with your story. For wanting me to come
today.”

“Oh… ok,” she says, her voice small as she looks out the
window at the passing scenery. I leave our hands connected to comfort her as we
drive in silence, listening to the ‘Jebediah’ disc that is the only music
Shane’s car plays since the CD player got jammed a few weeks ago. 

“It’s kind of pretty, isn’t it?” she asks as we enter the
town her father lives in, she’s focused on the world outside as it flits past
us, so I don’t think she’s expecting an answer, instead I check the read out on
the GPS. It says that we’re only ten minutes away from his home address.

“So um, what’s his name?” I ask as we pull up outside his
house, it’s a two-storey, light brown brick home, with a chimney on top of a
charcoal tiled roof. It has a large brick driveway leading to a single garage.
A path flows from there to the house where there’s a bay window and a navy blue
front door with white edging.

“Daniel Ashdown,” she tells me, her voice vacant as she sits,
staring toward the house. I can feel her nerves in the pit of my own stomach
and reach over to take her hand. After a while, she hasn’t made any attempt to
move. I watch her quietly as she continues to look at the house, her eyes wide
and fearful. Suddenly, her breath catches and she speaks. “Drive away Elliot, I
don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Paige… Paige, look at me.” I wait until she drags her eyes
from the house and fixes them on my face. Reaching out, I hold her face in my
hands, moving my thumbs against her cheeks in an attempt to calm her. “You are
probably one of the strongest people I have ever met. I know you can do this.
Not many people could go through what you have and still come out the other
side of it as a functioning human being. Meeting your father is going to be
easy in comparison.”

“How do you know that I did?”

“Become a functioning human being?” I ask, watching her head
as she attempts to nod in response. “Because I know you in my heart Paige.”

Oh god, my heart has swelled to bursting point upon hearing
that, and I have to force myself not to turn into a blubbering mess in his
hands. I don’t think I've ever had a man be this kind to me. It aches inside
and I can’t decide if the feeling is good or bad – it just aches.

As I look into his eyes, I feel absorbed by him and wish
with all my heart that he knew every single part of me and still wanted me in
the end. He only knows the beginning of my story. He has no idea what came
after.

The ache inside me intensifies, and I feel like I need to
confess everything. I open my mouth, wanting to tell him, but movement outside
the car draws my attention away from his beautiful face.

A man, with short dark hair, sprinkled with greys, and eyes
a duller version of my own is peering into the car. Elliot turns to where I'm
looking and clicks the button to lower his window.

“Are you Paige?” he says in a voice I recognise from our
brief phone calls. I’m speechless at the sight of him, my nerves boiling up and
rolling around in turmoil through my stomach, and can do little more than nod
my head. “Well then, come in. We’ve been expecting you.”

I look briefly at Elliot, whose face is etched with concern
for me, and get out of the car. In this moment, I feel like I’m apart from
myself, drifting along behind the man who is my biological father. Elliot’s arm
comes around me, and I suddenly feel grounded and so grateful that he
accompanied me. I feel a strength around him that no matter how hard I try; I
just don’t have on my own.

Daniel – my father – leads us inside his home, taking our
coats and hanging them up on a stand in his entry way.

“I’m Daniel, by the way,” he says, holding his hand out to
Elliot, who quickly takes it in greeting.

“Sorry mate, I’m Elliot – I’m here for Paige,” he states
simply.

“Of course you are. I trust you had pleasant drive?” Daniel
enquires politely.

“We did, thank you,” Elliot answers for us both. I’m still
yet to find my voice.

Silence descends on us for a moment as we all stand in the
entryway looking at each other, feeling unsure what to say.

“Paige,” Daniel says turning towards me and taking my hands
in his. I panic slightly when he touches me and flick my eyes to Elliot, who is
watching calmly. He gives me a look that tells me it’s ok, and I take comfort
from that, letting out my breath and focusing once again on Daniel. “This is a
wonderful day for me, finally meeting you. I had hoped you would eventually
track me down. Come, we have much to talk about and there is someone else
waiting to see you.”

“Really? Who?” I ask, imagining that I may have another
relative in the UK, perhaps I have half siblings, an uncle, an aunt?

Daniel beckons for us to follow leading us further inside,
the light touch of Elliot’s hand on the small of my back keeping me strong as I
move along the hall to pass through the set of double doors where Daniel is
waiting.

Just inside the doorway I freeze as my eyes land on a woman,
so much older and smaller than I remember. Shock and disbelief take over as my
eyes widen, watching as she rises from the couch to greet us.

Paige’s body stiffens by my side. I don’t know what’s just
happened but there’s a woman here that she doesn’t look comfortable seeing.

“Paige,” the woman says, sorrow is written all over her face
and comes out in the sound of her voice.

“Take me home, Elliot, please take me home.” Paige’s face
turns towards me, looking grief stricken as she grabs at my arm and tries to
pull me to the door.

“What’s going on?” I ask worried; I want to give her what
she’s asking for, but I know what it took her to come here. I don’t want her to
leave without getting any answers.

“Please Paige, stay,” the woman implores her, “I just want
to talk, nothing more.”

Paige stands unmoving, still turned towards me, gripping at
my arm. Her eyes are closed and her voice waivers, her body quivering against
me as she speaks, “Why are you here?”

“Because I live here Paige. I divorced your father, not long
after I… after you left, and I came back here,” the woman, who I’m now guessing
is Paige’s mother says.

Paige starts shaking her head frantically. Her eyes closed
tightly as if she is trying to force her feelings out of her head. I circle my
arms firmly around her, trying to give her as much strength as I can.

“I felt so guilty Paige, for what I did. I tried Paige, I
tried to find you. But no one knew where you were, you just disappeared.” Her
mother’s tone is low as she approaches us.

Paige’s body suddenly snaps to life as she turns to face her
mother. “I had nowhere to go, mother! Nowhere! You have no
idea
what I
went through, what you forced me to become! I will never forgive you for what
you did!
Never
!” she’s yelling, her body shaking and her face bright red
with anger. I touch my hand to her shoulder and she spins back into me,
throwing her body against mine.

I can feel her trembling as she buries her face in my chest
and tries to breathe. Her mother looks at me beseechingly, but I shake my head,
“You could have told her you were here. You didn’t have to ambush her like
that,” I tell her as calmly as I can.

“Paige –” her mother implores, reaching out for her
daughter.

“Don’t,” I say warning her, knowing Paige wouldn’t welcome
her mother’s touch. I watch as hurt flits across her mother’s features as she
closes her hand in on itself, reluctantly lowering her arm to her side.

“Paige, will you please talk to us,” Daniel pleads. “There’s
so much you need to understand.”

Turning in my arms, Paige faces them, levelling her gaze on
both of them as what only can be described as hatred, seethes out of her. “Oh,
I understand plenty. You two had an affair, destroyed one child’s life and
abandoned the lives to two others, and now you’re living your happily ever
after together – am I close?” she continues glaring at them as their eyes flit
to each other and then drop to the floor. “You know what? Fuck you, fuck both
of you.”

I take this as our cue to leave and guide a very shaky Paige
out of the house and back to the car. We drive for a few minutes in silence as
Paige’s eyes pour out buckets of tears. I pull over to the side of the road and
pull out my phone, Googling the location of the nearest motel.

“What are you doing?” she asks, looking over at me.

“Taking you somewhere so you can calm down,” I say as I set
my phone to navigate and pull the car back onto the road. As we drive along, my
chest aches with my need to comfort her. I feel like I’ve handled this all
wrong, and I don’t want to take her back to a flat full of people while she’s
this upset, this is the best I can think to do.