A Baby Changes Everything (12 page)

Especially these last nine days.

“Funny, I'm so good with horses and so bad with females. Well, female,” he amended, picking up the brush he'd brought into the stall and beginning to slowly draw it along the length of the horse's back. “One,” he told Diablo. “The only one I want.”

Diablo looked over his shoulder at him.

“Okay,” Cruz allowed, “I'll brush harder, talk less.”

He only kept half his word. He brushed harder, but he kept on talking. And as he talked, he began to feel better.

 

Savannah had no idea what to do with herself.

She was accustomed to working hard all day long, and now was very much at loose ends.

And at the mercy of the rampaging emotions inside her.

There was no house to take care of, no husband to look after, no books to balance. Her days weren't even filled with Luke anymore, because there was always someone to play with him or take him places. Vanessa and Devin certainly enjoyed spending time with the boy, and now that news of what she'd done had reached Cruz's family, his
sisters and parents all came by to make sure that Luke didn't feel neglected.

The boy was having the time of his life.

She wished she was.

“You're supposed to be using this time to recharge,” Vanessa would tell her whenever she asked for something to do.

“I'm overcharged,” Savannah had complained the last time. “A battery is supposed to be put to use, otherwise the charge just leaks slowly away.”

Tonight when she'd voiced her restlessness, after the housekeeper had cleared away the dinner dishes from a table where only the two of them sat, Vanessa reminded her, “You're a guest here.”

“I'm a vegetable here,” Savannah countered.

No matter where she went in the house, she couldn't find a place for herself. And hospitality had nothing to do with it. She wanted Cruz back in her life, but not on the old terms.

The trouble was, she was afraid he wouldn't subscribe to any new ones.

After dinner, Vanessa had led her into the entertainment room to watch a movie. The moment it was over, Savannah couldn't remember what it was about. She had no interest in watching movies. No interest in watching anything while life as she knew it drained away.

“I never thought that I'd say this,” she sighed, “but I don't think I can stand having any more free time.”

Vanessa aimed the remote at the DVD player, causing the disk to eject. “We could go out. I could take you shopping,” she suggested, getting up. “It's late, but there are still some stores open in the mall.” She tried to warm Savannah to the idea. “You could get some new clothes—my treat.”

She didn't even bother to say she could buy her own clothes. She knew Vanessa only meant it as a gesture of friendship. Instead, she pointed out the obvious. “I have no one to wear them for.”

Vanessa pretended to sniff. “I think I've just been insulted.”

“You know what I mean.”

Her friend walked over to the six-foot-tall maple carousel filled with DVDs on all four sides. Taking the ejected disk out, she replaced it in its jacket and then returned the movie to its place.

“Yes, I know what you mean.” Turning from the shelves, she looked at Savannah. As soft-spoken as her friend was, Vanessa knew how stubborn she could be. “Have you tried calling Cruz?”

A dozen times her hand had gone to the telephone receiver. A dozen times she'd pulled it back. This was the hardest stand she'd ever taken, even harder than the time she had kept her baby's parentage a secret to keep Cruz from feeling as if he was honor bound to do the right thing and ask her to marry him.

“He hasn't tried calling me,” she pointed out.

Stubborn. No other word for it, Vanessa thought with a shake of her head.

“This isn't a game of chicken, Savannah, where you wait until the last minute before you do the sensible thing.”

“No, it's not,” she agreed. “It's not a game at all.” If it had been a mere game, she would have called it off a long time ago. But this was different. Her future hung in the balance. “He doesn't even miss me enough to phone.”

Vanessa gave her a pointed look. “Cruz could say the same thing.”

She hadn't expected that sort of a reply from her friend. “Whose side are you on?”

Vanessa put her arm around Savannah's shoulders. “The side of truth, justice and the American way.” And then, turning Savannah to face her, she added more soberly, “What I'm in the middle of is two very stubborn people trying to see who holds out the longest. You know he loves you.”

That was no longer a given as far as Savannah was concerned. It hadn't been for a while now. “Do I?”

Even as she asked, Savannah's hand went over her belly. She could feel a small swelling there now. By this time, most women were larger. Even so, she'd detected the baby's movements.

She still wasn't feeling right. She often felt sick, not just in the morning, but all day long. It was as if her body was somehow completely out of sync.

Vanessa saw her expression and misread it. “C'mon, Savannah, you know he does.”

“Then why isn't he here?”

“Because he's Cruz. Because his male pride won't let him make the first move.”

If he loved her, he would, Savannah thought stubbornly. “There're some things more important than pride.”

Vanessa laughed. Savannah was preaching to the choir. “Words right out of my mouth.”

Savannah stopped. Did Vanessa think
she
was holding out because of pride?

“I'm not doing this out of some misbegotten sense of pride, Vanessa. I'm doing this to see if I mean anything to him anymore. I've stood in last or next to last place for a long time now, listening to him tell me that this is all for
me, and for Luke. Lip service,” she insisted. “That's what it is. Just lip service. Cruz Perez wants to be the big, respectable horse rancher, not me.” She felt like crying again and it was all she could do to hold herself together. “All I want is Cruz.”

Vanessa ached for her, but there was nothing she could do to change what was. “Well, this is part of him,” she said, referring to the man's need to make a name for himself.

Savannah prowled around the room, her footsteps echoing on the highly polished maple floor. “It never used to be.”

Vanessa moved in front of her. “Oh yes, it was. Ever since I could remember. This was always part of who and what he was. He wanted to make something of himself, to be someone. And loving you made him go after his dream.”

“So now it's my fault he's spending most of his waking hours away from home?” She sighed. “A gesture, Vanessa, all I want is a gesture. Something to make me feel that I'm not just part of the furniture to him.”

Vanessa looked at her friend's stomach, a smile curling her lips. “You're pregnant. I doubt if he would have made love to the furniture.”

Savannah laughed, shaking her head. “You are not helping.”

“But I made you smile. My work here is done.” She stepped out of the room, walking to the den.

The doorbell chimed in the background. Vanessa glanced at her watch. It was almost nine. She wasn't expecting anyone. Devin was out of town on an assignment the FBI had sent him on until late tomorrow afternoon, and Luke was spending the night with his grandparents.

“Can you get that for me, Savannah?” she called. “See, don't ever say I won't let you do anything around here.”

Though she'd just sat down on the sofa, Savannah pulled herself to her feet. Her body, as trim as ever, felt oddly heavy.

Walking over to the door, she glanced at the security camera. Her heart stopped, but she told herself it was just wishful thinking. Her imagination was running away with her, nothing more. The glass sometimes distorted the image.

She yanked open the door and saw that the image hadn't been distorted.

Cruz was standing on the doorstep, his hat in his hand.

H
e couldn't remember when he'd felt this awkward. Feeling like that had never been part of who and what he was. Yet standing here like a supplicant before the woman who'd been his wife for over five years, the one person in the world he'd have thought he'd never feel uncomfortable around, he felt awkward.

Cruz ran the rim of his hat nervously through his fingers, hating the feeling that was vibrating inside of him.

Wishing he were somewhere else.

Knowing he couldn't have been anywhere else than here. Because, even if his father hadn't unexpectedly shown up on his doorstep earlier this evening to “talk some sense into your fool head,” Cruz knew he would have found himself here tonight. A man could go only so long without the air he breathed, and whether he admitted it to
himself or not, Savannah had turned out to be like the very air to him. Vital for his survival.

She looked tired, he thought. And wan. Did she miss him? Had she spent the last ten nights thinking about him the way he had about her?

He didn't know if he wanted to know the answer to that.

Cruz nodded toward the inside of the house. “Can I come in?”

Savannah had never seen him like this. Subdued. As if someone had siphoned the very spirit out of him. The Cruz she knew could have been the poster child for pride, and at times, for arrogance, because he believed in himself and felt that others didn't.

But this was something different, something new. Had she done this to him? Or was there another reason he looked like this now? Was there something wrong at the ranch? Something he felt she had a right to know?

She stepped back and opened the door farther, admitting him by her action as well as her words. “Of course. Please, come in.”

“Who is it, Savannah?” Vanessa called out from within the depths of the house.

“It's Cruz.”

Savannah only realized that she'd all but whispered his name when Vanessa called out again, repeating her question. “Who?”

Clearing her throat, trying not to lose herself in the small, seductive smile that came to her husband's lips, Savannah raised her voice. “It's Cruz.”

“Cruz?” Delight followed on the heels of surprise as Vanessa popped out into the hallway and peered toward them.

“So it is. Cruz,” she repeated, openly marveling at the
miracle of his appearance. She nodded at him. “Well, time for me to get scarce. I'll see you in the morning, Savannah.” Vanessa looked significantly at Cruz. “Unless of course…”

Her voice trailed off, leaving Savannah to put her own ending to the sentence.

“Right,” Savannah murmured, still staring at her husband, taking nothing for granted until she had it spelled out for her.

God, he looked better than she remembered. But weary around the edges. Was that her fault? She was afraid to credit herself with having too much of an influence in his life. That way, if he wasn't here because he missed her, but for some other reason, she wouldn't hurt too much.

Or at least not any more than she was already hurting.

Unaware of her surroundings, her attention completely riveted on Cruz, Savannah wasn't even sure if Vanessa immediately disappeared or took her leave slowly.

“How's Luke?” he finally asked in an attempt to keep himself from telling her how much he'd missed her. How empty everything seemed without her presence. At home, even if he didn't see her, just knowing she was somewhere around had made all the difference in the world to him. He was only just now realizing that and wondering what had happened to the man he'd been.

Savannah finally closed the door behind him. “Luke's fine. He's with your parents tonight.”

“I know.” He turned around to look at her. “I mean, my father told me.”

Was that why he was here? Because Ruben had told him to make amends? Her father-in-law had always been nothing but sweet to her, as if he understood the stubbornness she had to put up with.

“He called you?” she asked.

Cruz laughed softly. His father had walked in on him as he was nursing a beer for dinner. He'd taken the can right out of his hand and retired it to the table. Hard. Then he'd gone on to state what an idiot Cruz was and how he would have never believed it of him, even during the worst of times.

“He came over. To lecture.” A rueful smile played on Cruz's lips. “My father hasn't tried to lecture me since I was fourteen years old.” Looking at her, he debated the next admission, then decided to be honest. “He seems to think I'm screwing up.”

She tried to picture that and failed. Savannah shook her head. “Somehow I can't see that word coming out of your father's mouth.”

“Words to that effect,” he allowed. Crossing to the living room, he changed the subject. “So Luke doesn't ask after me?”

“All the time.” Because she needed something to do, she straightened the magazines on the coffee table, putting all three into a neat pile. “But he thinks he and I are taking a vacation here and you couldn't come because you're too busy.”

Cruz tossed his hat onto the sofa, an indication to her that he was going to stay. At least a little while. “How did he come up with that?”

“I told him. I thought it was easier than telling Luke that Mama and Daddy are taking a vacation from each other.”

He took a step toward her, unable to tolerate any sort of distance between them. “Is that what this is? A vacation?”

She shrugged, hating the way they were tiptoeing around each other, and wanting to throw herself into his arms and have him tell her he loved her at least half as much as she loved him.

“Words to that effect,” she said, echoing his previous statement.

He blew out a breath and shook his head. “Well, if that's what this is, it's the worst damn vacation I've ever been on.”

Hope scrambled up inside of her. “Oh?”

The machismo that had kept him from coming here the very first night she'd left floundered and then vanished. Somehow, saving his pride didn't matter anymore. Having her back in his life, in his bed, did.

Reaching out, he touched a strand of her hair. The feel of it almost undid him. “The house is empty without you.” His eyes met Savannah's. “Everything's empty without you.”

Another woman, maybe even Vanessa, Savannah thought, would have stood back, would have waited until more was said. Another woman might have savored her triumph or silently demanded more.

But another woman didn't ache the way she did, didn't feel as if half of her was missing the way she had these last ten days she'd spent without him.

Unable to restrain herself any longer, she did what she'd wanted to do from the moment she'd opened the door to see Cruz standing on the doorstep. She flung herself into his arms.

The surprise that drenched him melted away instantly, to be replaced with an entire whirlwind of emotions he'd had no idea were dancing through him until this very moment.

Cruz closed his arms around her and pulled Savannah to him. He sealed his mouth to hers as he cupped the back of her head and tilted it toward him.

The moment he kissed her, the dam broke. All the emotions came pouring out.

Like a starving man being unexpectedly offered a slice of bread, he couldn't hold himself back.

Cruz kissed her over and over again. Her mouth, her eyes, her nose, and then her mouth again. The hunger didn't abate; it grew in depth and volume.

“Damn it, Savannah, but I've missed you.”

The words echoed in her head like the sound of church bells on Christmas morning. Had he given her a diamond necklace, she wouldn't have been as thrilled as she was at this very second.

Her body heated instantly to his touch, to his presence. Her arms were around his neck and she cleaved to him, pressing her body against his. Desires that she'd been unable to bury all this time rose to the surface, demanding recognition.

Demanding release.

They both knew they couldn't pull apart. Both knew that the degree of chemistry traveling between them wouldn't be satisfied with merely heated embraces and a few feverish kisses.

He didn't want to stop kissing her, stop holding her. But he couldn't give in to what his wife had awakened within him right here.

When he picked her up in his arms, she gave no sign of resistance. Savannah curled her body into his, silently telling him she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

His voice thick with desire, with unspent emotion, he asked, “Where are you staying?”

“The bedroom off the den,” she breathed. When he lifted an eyebrow in mild confusion, she laughed. He looked so like Luke just then, this man she loved. “I'll guide you,” she promised.

The bedroom wasn't far. But in the time it took to reach it, the anticipation within her had more than doubled.

By the time Cruz crossed the threshold and closed the door behind them, she was ready to tear the clothes from his body with her bare hands.

Who would ever have thought that she could feel like this? That lovemaking would matter so much to her? Growing up, she had never seen her parents so much as touch each other with affection in passing, or bother saying a kind word. She'd believed that all marriages disintegrated, and she never wanted to be in that position, sharing a space with someone she would rather not.

It had taken falling in love with Cruz to show her the well of emotions she'd left utterly untapped, the emotions she hadn't known existed.

Her life had begun in Cruz's arms.

And now it was resuming.

Releasing her after setting her on her feet again, Cruz cupped her face between his hands and kissed her lips lightly, as if it was a step he'd forgotten and was now trying to rectify.

But though he meant to be gentle, to go slowly, having been without her all this time had caused something to happen. It had made him feel almost insatiable.

The gentle kiss grew like a flower that had been fed some sort of magic ingredient, causing it to triple in size in a very short amount of time.

Quickly, he hurried Savannah out of her clothes, while she did the same with him.

She knew that she should have held out at least a little longer. Since Cruz wanted her so much, it would have been a good time to negotiate terms, to have him agree to
working less and going away with not just her, but with Luke, for a longer vacation.

But she was incapable of negotiating, incapable of hooking up one thought with another. All she could think of was that he was here, that he had stepped off the high pedestal of his principles and come to her.

And that she missed him more than she'd thought was humanly possible.

Their clothes in a heap on the floor, they delighted in tangling themselves up in each other's bodies.

Blood thundered through Cruz's veins as he kissed her, stroked her, reacquainted himself with every inch of her. It felt as if a lifetime had gone by instead of ten days. He knew it had been longer than that since they'd made love.

Feeling the sharp sting of deprivation, he strove to make up for lost time. And in doing so, he felt as if he had returned home after a long, soul-punishing absence.

Until the moment he touched her, the moment he kissed her, he hadn't fully appreciated how much he longed for her.

Cruz lost himself in the taste, the feel, the scent of her, convinced that he would never get enough. That he would die from the heated desire that throbbed through his loins, his entire body.

The need for final release was incredibly strong, but that was purely physical. He discovered that his soul longed for something more, for the substance that only being with Savannah could give him.

Raining kisses on her body—her mouth, her throat, her belly—Cruz wove a web of magic that left them both gasping for breath.

Savannah moaned his name, almost delirious with plea
sure. Everything within her was vibrating faster than she thought possible. It was as if every moment of their lives had come together to create this moment.

She felt as if she were on fire. Cupping his buttocks, she pulled him to her, kneading his flesh. Her own body felt more aroused than she ever had experienced before.

She was twisting beneath him, making him harden to the point of no return, driving him completely crazy. He had to have her.

Now.

Pulling her to him, Cruz drew his body up the length of hers. Then, as he watched her face, that beautiful face that was forever imprinted on his soul and carried within his heart, he drove himself into her as hard and as deeply as was humanly possible.

Urged on by the thrust of her hips against his, he began to move.

As the rhythm took them to a fever pitch, catapulting them ever higher, Cruz never took his eyes off hers.

And when finally he felt the release, felt her moan his name against his lips, he knew that nothing else truly mattered in this world or any other but this woman he had been allowed to love.

Her heart was hammering wildly against his. The rhythm of his own was just as pronounced, just as wild.

It was exactly like the first time they were together, echoing the moment when they'd both secretly fallen in love. Except better.

He knew it couldn't last, wouldn't last, but while it did, he savored the long moments of bliss as he held her close.

The descent inevitably came, clawing at his euphoria and pulling it away.

Out of his grasp.

He felt like mourning.

Cruz slid off her. He felt her heart still hammering hard against his chest a second before he moved away. It gave him a little hope to cling to.

She nestled against him, as if they were back home, in their own bed. As if she hadn't walked away from him, taking his son.

Taking his pride.

Shutting the thought away, he tried to live only in the moment.

He couldn't bring himself to draw away from her. Not yet. And something inside of him hoped that perhaps this was a sign of things to come. A sign that the worst was over.